


This Beautiful Life

by CallMeHux



Series: Life Beautiful [1]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst but not too much, Background Character Death, Eventual Smut, F/M, Mutual Pining, Original Character(s), Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Other Characters and Relationships Added as They Appear, Seriously this is a SLOOOOOOW Burn, Slow Burn, mentions of cutting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-25
Updated: 2016-08-23
Packaged: 2018-06-10 13:34:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 137,763
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6958720
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CallMeHux/pseuds/CallMeHux
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Clarke has to go back to work following her parents' death, she hires a nanny to help her raise her siblings.  An unreasonably hot, annoyingly capable nanny.  Whom she cannot afford to have a crush on.  Not a bit.</p><p>Vaguely inspired by Party of Five and the notion that the Griffins didn't seem like the type to just have one kid if they could have more.  Please note the rating change, as there will be eventual smut in this fic.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Back to Work

**Author's Note:**

> All mistakes are my own. Clarke, Bellamy and crew have all been aged up.

  


At fourteen, Charlie was all limbs and, frankly, acne.  To Clarke, he looked like nothing more than an overgrown eight year-old with a hormone imbalance, which biologically speaking might be a pretty good explanation for puberty.  

"I'm sorry that you guys are back to riding the bus," Clarke told him for the third time, shifting Cameron on her hip so she could grab her phone from the counter and pull up the agenda for the day.  "I'm going to be interviewing uh, folks, so I'll definitely be-"

"I get it, Clarke.  I'm fine, we're fine," Charlie said, giving her a tight smile, and for a moment, he looked so like their father, her heart clenched in pain.  While she never grew even to the height of their mother, he was definitely going to be as tall, if not taller, than their father.

"I know," she replied softly, mirroring his expression.  "Cassi, Cole, come on, time to go to the bus stop," she called out, blinking away the tears that threatened.  There was a flurry of activity, but before she knew it, she was standing at the front door, watching her siblings hurry down the front walk while the baby pulled on her hair.  Her sister turned back towards the door, tugging on the strap of her lavender backpack and waved before chiding Cole to hurry up.

She was reminded of that old song.   _This is not my beautiful house._ It was her parents' home, an enormous monstrosity in a great school district they bought after she went off to college as they continued to expand the family.  They had always thought they were going to have one child, but when Clarke was twelve, an unexpected pregnancy had gotten them thinking about having more.  So three years after Charles, they'd had Cassidy and four years after that, Cole.  Cameron had been another accident - her mother thought she had started menopause, not gotten pregnant again - but a very welcome one.

And then they had died.  One romantic weekend away, a jack-knifed tractor trailer and a thirteen car pile up later, and suddenly at twenty-seven, Clarke had four children, a house and her residency to juggle on her own.  And in an effort to not disrupt their lives more than necessary, that meant keeping the mansion.

Still, it was really too much to handle by herself, which was why she was interviewing nannies today.  Wells of course had offered to move in and help out, but Clarke wanted someone with professional distance.  She had leaned too much already on her best friend in the first few horrible months after her parents had died.  He didn't deserve to have to give up his life for her.  Nor did she want to blur the lines that they had worked so hard to re-establish after his drunken confession three years ago.  He'd convinced her to let him watch the kids once a week, but that was all she was going to allow him to sacrifice for her.

"Alright, enough with the hair," she told Cam, trying to untangle his chubby hands from her curls with a wince.  "Let's get you occupied with something else," she suggested as she walked back into the kitchen, only to frown at the disaster that awaited her.  Once she got him settled into his high chair along with the measuring cups he loved to play with and a handful of Cheerios, she set about tidying the place so she could make a better impression on the interviewees.

Unfortunately, the interviewees were not making a good impression on her, she admitted to herself glumly as the doorbell rang for her 1pm appointment.  The first lady had been so stiff with Cam, the normally good-natured baby couldn't stop fussing.  The second was cheerful and lively, and just as Clarke had been warming up to her, she mentioned something about the "hazards of vaccines" and Clarke knew she wouldn't be a good fit.  The third had begun her interview with a rundown of her rules for _Clarke_ , as well as her "schedule of discipline" for the children, and Clarke had shown her to the door before she shoved her schedule up the woman's ass.

Cam was babbling about "nanas," which he had during lunch, when she opened the door to find a proverbial tall, dark and handsome man on her doorstep.  He had artfully unruly black hair, tanned skin, freckles, warm brown eyes, really filled out the grey t-shirt with rucked-up sleeves that displayed really impressive arms and...

God, she needed to get laid.

Clarke sighed and then pasted a smile on her face.  "Can I help you?" 

"I'm Bellamy Blake," the man introduced himself with a deep voice.  "I'm here to interview about the position."

She blinked, blurting out, "Oh, I'm sorry.  I thought that with the name Bellamy, it would be a woman."

He shrugged the shoulder laden with his dun colored messenger bag.  "Are you Clarke Griffin?"

"Yeah, that's me."

"Well, I was expecting a man, so I guess that makes us even," he offered with a half-smile.  "Who's this little guy?"

"This is Cameron," Clarke introduced the toddler balancing on her hip.  "Can you say hi, Cam?"  The blonde boy wiggled some fingers in the man's direction while simultaneously trying to pull at the collar of her shirt.  "He's obviously the youngest of the four kids you'd be watching over," she explained as she hastily grabbed the toddler's hand before he revealed a little too much to a total stranger.

"Oh.  The agency only told me about three kids," he admitted with some surprise, digging his phone out of his pocket.  If he noticed the extreme cleavage slip, he did a fantastic job of ignoring it.  He frowned down at the screen in his hand, shaking his head.  "Yeah, the email they sent me said three, ages fourteen, eleven and seven."

Clarke huffed in annoyance, trying to resettle Cameron as he began to wiggle.  "Well, they definitely screwed up, because it's four.  Is that a problem for you?"

"Uh…" he stammered, rubbing the back of his neck with his free hand.  "Not really, except I haven't taken care of a toddler in years.  I'm pretty sure the listing said you wanted someone more experienced."  

His chagrined expression made Clarke chuckle despite the situation, then stepped back to open the door wider.  "Well, you're honest, which I like.  Why don't you come inside and we can talk more comfortably?"

He agreed and Clarke settled herself on the couch in the living room after putting Cam on the floor with his blocks and the measuring cups.  To her surprise, Bellamy sat next to the baby after dropping his bag by the armchair.  "I hope you don't mind, but I'd like to get to know the little man here, see if he likes me."

 "By all means," Clarke replied, charmed.  "He's really a happy kid, takes well to strangers."

 "I can see that," Bellamy answered, accepting the plastic crimson block Cam handed him with a smile.   

"So, before I ask the usual questions, I have to know, I see you have your Masters in Classics?  How come you're a nanny?"

"When I was in grad school, this professor in my department had their nanny quit on them about a week into the semester.  Her husband was on sabbatical, doing research in Antarctica, and they needed someone right away.  So I volunteered, because I needed the extra money, for my sister, who was an undergrad at the time, and it worked out great since she understood my school schedule. I like being a caretaker.  I mean, I loved being in school, but you can't really make that a profession unless you want to be a full-blown academic and it's just too political for me.  Being a nanny is something I like to do and meanwhile I can work on my writing without having to worry about the bills, rent or groceries.  I'm trying to write a novel.  I guess you could say it's my hobby."

The whole time Bellamy was speaking, he was playing with Cam, handing him different blocks and helping him stack them on top of each other.  When Cam knocked over the small tower, he gave the boy an encouraging grin and offered his hand for a high-five, which the toddler patted with an audible smack.  

"Can I ask what the novel is about?" she asked curiously.

Bellamy chuckled wryly.  "Modern day Greek gods, but staying true to the dysfunction.  You know, Zeus is a serial rapist, his wife blames the victims, kids from multiple women and how they all relate to each other."

Clarke blinked, trying to remember her mythology.  "So who's the hero?"

"Dionysus is the protagonist.  The only major god whose mom was human.  But the myths have him as being a pretty good guy, except his followers could take their worship too far sometimes.  It's an interesting story to me."

"Okay," Clarke nodded agreeably, glancing at his resume again.  "I see you've been a nanny twice before."

"Yeah. The last job ended because the parents are getting a divorce and a nanny isn't the budget anymore," he explained.  "Right now I'm staying at my sister's place until I find my next job."   He glanced around the tastefully decorated living room, gaze focusing on the last family portrait they'd had taken on Christmas - her mother's light brown hair stood out among all the blondes with blue eyes.  "Uh, I take it that your parents-"

"Died," Clarke answered crisply.  "I need to go back to work since my leave is almost up and since I've got Cameron as well as the others, a nanny seemed like the most sensible solution.  I have the pay the bills somehow."

Really, if she could go back in time and change one thing that wasn't saving her parents, she would tell them to get more life insurance.  Even with the double indemnity payout, the house had eaten up most of the money.  The bank wouldn't allow her to assume the mortgage, since she didn't make nearly enough for it, so she'd had to buy out the mortgage as the executor of her parents' estate.  That left just enough to pay off their credit cards and the cars, and pay for living expenses until she returned to work and a nanny for a couple of years, if she had budgeted correctly.  There was the ongoing lawsuit, of course, but Thelonious was very clear that in order to get maximum payment for the wrongful deaths of her parents, they were going to have be in for the long haul.  The end result was that she was paying the yearly taxes on the house, utilities, home insurance, health insurance, food, clothing and entertainment for four children and herself, housekeeping services, and her medical school loans on the monthly social security check and her not-that-impressive paycheck.

He looked so taken aback - was it her tone? - that she hastily added, "We have some family friends who offered to take them, actually, but I just couldn't do that.  My siblings, my responsibility, you know?"

Bellamy seemed to sit up straighter in response to her words.  "Yeah, I do," he confirmed, almost solemn.  "What else can I tell you about myself?" he asked.

And so the interview went.  Clarke explained the job to him in detail - live-in nanny, one full day off per week and one evening, though rarely the weekends, use of the second car, the salary, her expectations.  He asked intelligent questions about the kids, in return, asking about their personalities and if they had any special issues he should know about upfront.  In all, it went so well that she barely said goodbye to him before her next appointment arrived.

At the end of the day, she could honestly say that his was the best interview.  So she sent an email to the agency selecting him and waited to hear if he would accept the offer.  It didn't matter that he was unreasonably attractive.  He was simply the best candidate.  

Two days later, it was official.  The Griffins had a nanny.

 

* * *

 

A week later, it felt like a mistake.  

On the Saturday after his interview, Bellamy had moved into the small apartment above the garage that had served as her father's office for his engineering business.  At first, he had shadowed her through the weekly routine, a skeptical expression seemingly permanently affixed to his face.

Finally, on the third day, Clarke snapped, "Look, this is how we do things here."

"You've got four kids to take care of and you spend too much time doing each chore," Bellamy retorted easily.  "The one thing you skimp on is meals.  The kids are tired of chicken tenders and bland spaghetti dinners.  You can have more than the same seven dinners each week. Just let me handle the food."  He motioned in the vague direction of the laundry room.  "But you're wasting a lot of time sorting all the clothes by color.  It's enough to pull out the whites, the towels and sheets.  You wash everything in cold unless you need to have heat, and then you're doing a special load anyway."

They'd spent forty minutes arguing about the best way to do laundry.  It was infuriating and she'd be thinking about replacing him, but, well, the kids loved him.  He quickly asserted control over them without them seeming to realize he was bossing them around.  He could have a conversation about Ninja Turtles as easily as he could help with homework.  Even Charlie was impressed with him, once he found out Bellamy had served overseas in the Army.   Honestly, half the time, Clarke was pretty sure they liked him better than they did her.   _More_ than half the time.

The night before Clarke was scheduled to return to work, she was complaining about her new nanny to Wells at their favorite pub-style restaurant, the Silver Hen.  Nursing her iced tea while they waited for their entrees, she itemized everything Bellamy had done wrong since he'd started but trailed off when she saw that Wells was giving her an amused look.

"What?" she demanded.

"I don't exactly see that he's doing anything _wrong_ , exactly.  Different than what you'd do, but he's going to be around the kids all day and all night, mostly.  He's done this before and you said he had great recommendations," Wells began slowly, like he was afraid of upsetting her.

"What are you saying?" Clarke wondered, hurt that her best friend hadn't immediately agreed with her.

"That maybe what you're really upset about is not being in control? I know you wanted to just clone yourself, so you could work and look after the kids at the same time.  But maybe all you need to ask yourself is if you trust him enough to look out for them."

"I…"  Clarke took in a breath and glanced away guiltily.  "They really like him.  And the food is pretty good," she admitted.  "He's cooking things from scratch and the grocery bill didn't even go up that much."

She honestly hadn't eaten this well since before her parents died.  Pot roast with all the trimmings, buffalo chicken quesadillas, orange teriyaki salmon filets with rice and vegetables, roast chicken sandwiches with lettuce and tomato, omelets and french toast… the list went on.  He asked the kids to at least try what he made and if they honestly didn't like it, he would make them something else.  Which is why Cole was now eating fish when he wouldn't touch so much as a fish stick before.

The kids had taken to him immediately and it wasn't hard to see why.  Bellamy pretty much ignored the color-coded schedules Clarke had painstakingly arranged and made his own deals with them.  He put Cam down for a nap "when he seems like he needs it."  He let Cassi watch Candyman when Clarke had been out running errands, which led the girl to sleep in Clarke's bed for two days but otherwise convinced her to stop watching horror movies for awhile.   And he allowed Cole to build a pillow fort and sleep in it on a school night.  When Clarke had objected, he told her, "Who's it going to hurt?"  Clarke hadn't wanted to be the bad guy so of course she relented, but she hated that Bellamy had put her in that position.  

And she certainly couldn't bear to admit out loud that one of the reasons she felt like Bellamy wasn't working out is that he was just too hot.  Or that Clarke was too hard up to be able to live with someone who looked like he did and who was completely, totally off-limits.  Either way, she'd caught herself at least twice a day admiring him physically, which was wrong in everyway.  Beyond the fact that the family absolutely could not afford a sexual harassment lawsuit, she was just disgusted with herself for so blatantly objectifying this man who wanted nothing more than to help her take care of her siblings.

"He told Charlie that he wouldn't have a bedtime when I wasn't around!" she instead, thinking of the latest outrage.

"Charlie's fourteen.  He's probably a bit old for a bedtime.  I told you that last month. 

"But-" 

"The kids are all fed, washed, in clean clothes, getting to school on time?" Wells asked.

"Yes, that part..yes," Clarke admitted, falling silent when their food was delivered.

"Do you realize this is the first time since your parents passed that you've had a few hours to yourself?  No kids?"

Clarke winced.  She didn't want to feel burdened by her siblings, and she really didn't.  They didn't deserve to be orphans and Charlie and Cassidy didn't deserve for her take what remained of their childhoods to help her.  

"Give it a month.  If he drives you really nuts, or something goes wrong with the kids, get another nanny," Wells suggested as he poured some ketchup on his fries.  "You didn't like any else who showed up to interview either."

Clarke blew out a breath.  "Why do you have to be so reasonable on this?  Why can't you just agree with me that he's awful?" she whined.  He was, of course, right.

"Alright.  He's awful.  Give him a month," Wells answered agreeably.  "Are you ready to go back to work?" he not so subtly changed the subject away from the incredibly attractive but highly annoying nanny.  She took the cue, letting her mind be drawn to subjects that weren't the kids and eventually relaxed enough to enjoy her evening.

When she returned to the house that evening, she found Charlie, Cassi, and Bellamy on the couch in the family room, watching a nature documentary, with Cole sitting on the floor in front of them.  Bellamy barely even glanced up as he said, "I put Cam down about an hour ago."

"Come watch," Cole invited.  "They're talking about how owls have superpowers!"

"Superpowers?" Clarke wondered as she wandered into the living room and settled on the arm of the couch next to her sister.  

"Better vision, hearing and special feathers so they can fly without making a sound.  At least the one kind of owl," Charlie said, not looking up from his phone where he was scrolling through a blog on Tumblr.  He had an ability to multi-task that Clarke always envied.

"What is this?" Clarke asked, letting Cassi pull her in for a hug.  The girl had become very physically affectionate since their parents had passed.

"Nature, on PBS," Bellamy answered, leaning forward to look around Charlie.  "After this, the younger ones will get into bed.  That was the deal."  He sounded like he was reminding them more than he was telling her.

Clarke nodded shallowly, then whispered to Cassi, "What'd you have for dinner?"

"Homemade mac and cheese.  He put some other stuff in it too, but it was good."

"There's some leftover.  I packed it away so you could take it to work tomorrow," Bellamy noted, his attention back on the TV screen.

"Thanks."  Clarke gave him an appraising look, her last, she promised herself. He was a good nanny and she'd be an idiot to fire someone because they didn't do everything the way she would.  Or because he was good-looking.  She didn't want to be that person and, so help her, she wasn't going to be.

 

* * *

 

Clarke was putting her lunch into the staff fridge when Harper found her the next morning.

"Welcome back!" the pediatric resident cooed as she hurried over to give Clarke a hug.  "How are you doing?  How are the kids?"

"They're fine, I'm fine," Clarke assured her, giving her a quick squeeze and stepping back.  "How are things here, anything change drastically while I was away?"

"Oh no.  Lexa's still the hotshot surgical resident, but I'm sure you'll take the title away from her now that you're back," she said snarkily.  "Show me pics, I need to see pics of the kids!"

Clarke chuckled and dutifully handed over her phone.  Harper mewled appreciatively over the photos, adding, "Oh my god, Cam is getting so big.  What a cutie though…"  She scrolled through a few more before pausing on one.  "Who's this?  New boyfriend?"  

Clarke knew exactly which photo Harper was looking at, since it was the only one of Bellamy she had.  He'd been helping Cole with his math homework at the kitchen when Clarke just had to capture the expression on her brother's face, tongue sticking out at an angle as he frowned in concentration.  If Bellamy also looked good in the pose, well, he always looked good.  That wasn't her fault.

"No, ah, that's the nanny I hired," Clarke explained.  "The kids like him."

" _I_ like him.  Clarke Griffin, I never expected you to be the type to get a hot nanny!" Harper teased, offering the phone back.  

"Please.  I didn't hire him because he was hot.  He's got a Masters Degree and a bunch of experience," Clarke protested uneasily, only to be met by Harper's wolfish grin.  "Don't give me that look.  I am not going to hit on the nanny."  She had sworn not to, but she didn't add that tidbit.

"Can I hit on your nanny then?"

"Harper…," Clarke groaned but gave her a good-natured grin, determined to change the subject.  "Come on, there's got to be more gossip than that.  I've been gone three months.  That's a hospital lifetime."

"Okay," Harper relented as she led the way out of the break room.  "First of all, Fox, the medical student?  Total meltdown not long after you left and she had to take a leave of absence."

"No!"

"Yes, I'll tell you all about it.  And Jasper in Pharmacy is pining over a physical therapist.  It's kind of hilarious to see him try to talk to her and fail miserably."

"You are cruel.  You grew up with him, for chrissake," Clarke protested as they walked down the hall.  But she relaxed, hoping that Harper's warm welcome would be a preview of the rest of her return.

She wasn't surprised to run into Marcus Kane, the hospital's president, within the hour.  "Clarke," he greeted her with a warm smile as he stepped out of the elevator to find her looking over a surgical patient's chart at the desk.  "How's your first day back at Arkadia General?"

"Uh, it's going well.  Hardly started though.  Maybe check back in a few hours?" Clarke answered honestly.  

There was a moment of awkward silence before he answered, "How are your siblings?"

"They're doing as well as they can, I think," Clarke confirmed with a nod.  Talking with Kane had always been a little weird.  He and her father hadn't really gotten along, and her mother had butted heads with him all the time about hospital policies.  But his wife was her mother's best friend, so he'd been a part of their lives.  Callie was still a presence in their lives, helping out, usually with outrageous presents, when her job as a security consultant allowed her.

"That's good to hear.  I don't want to keep you, but I wanted you to know if you need something, I hope you know my door is always open.  Your mother - and your father - they were wonderful people and the hospital is profoundly saddened for their loss."  He cleared his throat.  Clarke got the distinct impression that he'd come to say something but gotten caught up in his usual politic-speak.

"On a more personal note, while I know that the hospital doesn't have some programs that would make your life easier, like on-site daycare, I want you to know that I'm going to do everything I can to make sure this works for you.  It is quite literally the least I can do.  But you're also free to call me even if my wife isn't around, if you need a hand.  I don't know that I've made myself clear about that, in the past."

"Thank you.  It's really appreciated," Clarke answered, surprised.  Kane had never been the warmest guy around and once, she'd even overheard Callie tell her mother that she and her husband had decided they didn't want kids at all.  Given how easily Callie interacted with all of them, Clarke always figured it was Kane who was anti-kid.

"Anytime, Clarke."   For the first time that she could recall, he sounded genuine.

 

* * *

 

After two days on-shift, Clarke was profoundly grateful for her day off.  Since it was a school day, however, there was enough noise that her plan to sleep past seven died quickly.  She pulled herself out of bed with a groan, decided the pair of pajama pants and a worn t-shirt from the local soccer team were sufficient and shuffled downstairs.  

"Mama!" Cam cried when he saw her, banging on the tray table and spilling some of the cereal onto the floor.  Charlie immediately stiffened and Cassi just gave her a weak smile.  Neither of them was used to the way Cam had seemingly already forgotten about their actual mother.  

Bellamy looked up from where he was scrambling eggs on the stove.  "Good morning.  There's some coffee brewing," he noted with a nod of his head to the machine.   

"Thanks," she answered as she pulled Cam from his high chair and gave him a hug.  "Where's Cole?"

"Changing, 'cause the shirt he came down in had a hole in it," Cassi reported before biting into a piece of toast with topped with a smear of jam.  

"I can fix it," Bellamy declared as he dished out eggs to the plates set out on the table.  "You want some of these?" he asked her.

"Uh, no, not right now.  I want coffee and a shower more than anything else."  Clarke grinned as Cole made his appearance, wearing an orange and green soccer shirt and royal blue pants.  "I like the look, buddy," she told him, offering him a one armed hug as well.

Once she got herself a cup, she settled at the table to watch the kids eat, Cam snug in her lap and happily occupied with one of his measuring cups while Bellamy put the kids' lunches together.  "So how are you guys?  School okay?" she wondered.

"Fine," Charlie mumbled, tapping away on his phone.

"We have one more project to do this year," Cassidy announced, brushing some of her curly blonde hair out of her eyes.

"I hate fractions," Cole declared from his seat, where he was shoveling eggs into his mouth.

"What's the project?"  Clarke wondered as she took a sip, then grinned at Cole.  Of all her siblings, he'd adjusted to the loss of their parents the best after an initial period of near silence immediately after the accident.

Their father said once, "When Cole was three, he acted like he was thirty."  And he still acted like it, most of the time.  He'd told Clarke four weeks after the funerals, "Being sad won't bring them back." He gave her a hug and added, "You're a good sister," before going off to play with his Avenger action figures.  Clarke had cried for half-hour after that.  He wrote them letters, which he handed to Clarke every Sunday.  Once a month, she'd leave them on their grave site.  

Clarke's attention snapped back to the here and now when Cassidy replied.  "Book report.  I have to answer a bunch of questions about a book, but we have to make a presentation, like a bunch of pictures, or stuff we draw, or other things, about the book."

Clarke glanced at Bellamy, who motioned to a paper stuck to the fridge.  "The instructions are there.  Some sort of 'multi-media' thing."

"Okay.  What book did you pick?"

"The Secret Garden."

Clarke coughed, grabbing for a napkin.  "Uh, did your teacher recommend that?"

"Yeah.  She had a whole list, and we could pick something from it, but two people can't have the same book."  Cassidy got to her feet, pulling her backpack off the chair and heading over to collect her lunch.  "I'm going to get it from the library today."

"Uh, you don't have to.  We have a copy here.  It's kind of a famous book," Clarke told her, exchanging a glance with Bellamy.  "So, Cole, fractions, huh?"

"Bus-stop time," Bellamy called, starting to marshal them all out.  Clarke managed to kiss them all goodbye, except Charlie, and then checked her messages.  Even with just the usual in her inbox, she lost herself in the phone until Cam accidentally smacked her cheek while flailing.  "Okay, buddy, back to your own chair."

When Bellamy returned, Clarke was already nibbling on some toast while going through the mail.  As he walked in, she asked, "Is everything going alright?  Anything I should know about?"

"It's fine," he assured her, beginning to clear the table of dishes.

"Oh, I can do that.  You can take the day off, actually, if you want, since I'm here," she told him, hastily putting down her toast and trying to take the dishes from his hands.  

"I'll just stick to the Friday I already have off, and this evening," he reminded her, not letting go of the plates.   "You said you wanted to shower.  Go shower.  I got this."  When she didn't budge, only opened her mouth to reply, he added, "This is my job.  I promise, after you're showered, I won't fight you if you still want to send me away.  I'll just prep dinner for the kids before I go."

Clarke snorted, but released the dishes.  "I can manage dinner on my own."

"You can, in fact, provide them something to eat.  But I do it better," he plowed on, giving her that infuriating smirk.  

"Fine.  I'd rather shower than argue with you right now," Clarke replied with a roll of her eyes, deciding to firmly ignore how that sounded as soon as she'd said it.  She plowed on.  "Out of curiosity, what are you making?"  She finished off the last of her coffee while waiting for his answer.

"Pulled beef sandwiches, or real sloppy joes," he responded, pulling some chuck beef roast from the fridge.  "Basically, going to put this in the crock pot after a sear, then when it's ready, all you have to do is shred it with some forks and dish it onto the buns.  I'll make a coleslaw to go with it too."

Clarke bit her lip before chuckling.  "Okay, that sounds great.  I can assemble sandwiches."  She set her mug in the sink, then gave Cam a kiss.  "Be right back, sweetie," she told the baby.  "Then you and I are going to spend the day together."

As she straightened up, she noticed Bellamy regarding her thoughtfully.  "What?"

"Ah...you really do look like his mother."  He gave her a helpless sort of shrug.  "I'm sorry."

"I really am his mother, now.  His second mother."  Clarke had resigned herself to this the first day he'd called her mama.

She thought it over while she was in the shower.  Mothers' Day was coming up and she knew it'd be another hard one for the kids.  She preemptively wanted to talk to them about it, see if they had an idea they wanted to do.  If they wanted to go to the cemetery, she could do that.  But she suspected that they'd be happier doing something that completely took their minds off their mother.  

Padding out of the bathroom and into the master bedroom, she tried not to think of how hard it was to clear her parents' things out and put her things in.  It was a ridiculously large room, with far, far too much space for one person.  She swore most nights she could feel the place echo.  Eventually, she knew she'd come to see it as her room, but until she tried not to stay in there too long.  So, with her hair still damp, she hastily dressed in a comfortable pair of jeans and a long-sleeved henley which was perfect for the uncertain weather of a late spring day in May.  She pull her hair into a quick braid, wondering idly when she'd find the time to get a haircut.  Internally, she realized she could've done it today, if she hadn't already insisted Bellamy take the rest of the day off.  Oh well.

"Something smells great," she complimented as she padded back into the kitchen.  Bellamy was still at work at the stove, pulling the roast from the pot and putting it into the crockpot.  

"I made you some eggs with cheese on toast," he replied, nodding towards the counter.  

"Thanks."  She scarfed down her breakfast, then began to wash the dishes.   They worked quietly together, until she watched him pull cabbage and carrots from the fridge.  "You know, I can make a coleslaw."

"I'm making it with a different sort of aioli, not just mayo," he disagreed, prompting her giggle at the absurdity of her life.  This was definitely not where she saw herself a year ago.

"Really?  Okay then, you know, you do whatever.  I'm going to hang out with Cam."  With a grin on her face, she pulled the toddler from his highchair and settled him on her hip with practiced ease.  "How'd your diaper, kiddo?" she asked rhetorically, checking it for him as she walked out of the kitchen.

When Bellamy ducked his head into the living room twenty minutes later, he found her sitting with Cam, sorting his toys by color.  

"Bok!" Cam declared, putting a block by a plastic ring.

"That's right!" Clarke agreed with a grin.  "That's a bur-gun-dy block, that's a ma-roon ring.  They're both red!"  She pointed to each one in turn.

Bellamy's chuckle caught her attention.  "You know, most people just settle for teaching red, blue, green, and so on."

"Shades and hues are important.  Red is a just the name of a color family, really," she remarked, holding out her hands to get Cam to stumble towards her.

"Ed!" he repeated, making her grin.

"Well, I'm going to the apartment," Bellamy informed her.  "Unless you've changed your mind."  

"Nope, we're all good here," she replied, catching Cam in her arms and giving him a squeeze.  Another hour or so playing with Cam and then she decided to bundle him up and hit a couple of stores.  Although Bellamy had happily taken on the task of buying the groceries and most household items, she felt weird about putting her menstrual needs on the shopping list.  She also wanted to stop in the art supply store, to pick up a new sketchbook as her last one was getting close to being filled.

By the time she was done, it was lunch time.  "It's amazing how much long everything takes when you've got a baby with you," she informed Cam as she pulled him from his car seat.  Between her bags, his bag, and the boy himself, she struggled to get into the house proper.  She was so focused on not dropping anything, she missed the fact that Bellamy was in the living room until she heard him say, "Wait here."

She looked over and stopped dead in her tracks, not expecting to see a child, her hair in two blond braids, seated on the couch.  The girl, who looked about Cassidy's age, appeared thoroughly miserable, with red-rimmed eyes and a splotchy face, twisting the tissue in her hands anxiously.  Clarke did her best to keep her expression frozen, rather than demand an explanation of her nanny for why there was a strange girl in her living room in the middle of the day.

He hurried over to her.  "Let me help you with that," he began, only to have her hug Cam a little tighter to her.  A muscle rippled in his jaw in response, but he gave her a curt nod.

"Fine," he rumbled.  He jerked his head towards the girl.  "Her name is Charlotte.  She was the kid at the last family I was a nanny for.  Apparently, she ditched school today.  She called me about an hour ago, crying."  

Clarke recalled he'd mentioned the family he worked for previously was divorcing and her mouth pulled in sympathy.  

"I picked her up, called her mother.  Her father left yesterday on a business trip.  Mrs. Gregorio works in the city though, so she'll be at least another hour before she gets here."   He dropped his voice some.  "I'd have stayed with her at the park where she was, but.."  He looked torn, unsure of himself for once.  "I think she might be.."  He made a slashing gesture.  "I didn't get a good look, but."  He stopped there, looking flustered.

Clarke bit her lip, wondering what it said that her mind immediately had gone to a dark place for a man that she had lived with for a couple of weeks and trusted to watch her kids.  Maybe it was time to stop watching the Murder Channel, as Raven called it.

"Okay," she finally answered, while Cam squirmed in her arms.  "Why don't you introduce us?  Has she eaten lunch?  Let's do this in the kitchen," she suggested, all in a rush.  She sheepishly allowed him to take her bags to set them aside on an end table.  

"Charlotte," Bellamy began.  "This is Clarke, and her little brother, Cam."

"We were just going to have lunch.  Would you like to join us?" Clarke interjected, giving her the smile she used with her pediatric patients.

The girl nodded tentatively and followed them into the kitchen.  Clarke fussed briefly with Cam, noting, "Oh, you need a new diaper.  Why didn't you tell me?"

"I'll do it," Bellamy volunteered, easing the toddler out of her hands and disappearing into the hallway that led to the first floor bathroom.  

"Uh, what would you like to drink?" Clarke asked their guest then, trying to find something to fill the silence.  She opened the fridge, listing out the options.  "We've got water, looks like we have lemonade, some blue Gatorade, orange juice, cranberry juice, apple juice, milk…"

"I'll have some lemonade, please," Charlotte replied meekly, not looking up from her hands.

While Clarke busied herself pouring the drink, she mentioned, "You know,  Bellamy's pretty happy that you called him, that you'd let him know if you were in trouble."  She knew it was true, despite him not saying a word.  

Charlotte just nodded silently as she took the glass.

Clarke tried again, pouring a second glass for herself.  "I guess you miss him a lot."

"Yeah," she agreed in a quiet voice.

With gentle questions, Clarke eventually got out of her that Bellamy had been her nanny for two years, that her father had moved out because her mother had an affair, that they were yelling at each other still, over the phone, at least once a week, and that custody was one of the main issues.  

Now she came home to an empty house, ate takeout more than anything else, and got a lot of, "Honey, some other time, okay?"  But her mother's boyfriend had made a few appearances already too, and when Charlotte was rude to him, her mother had grounded her.  Her father, who traveled for work often, told her to ignore her mother.

Bellamy had come back with Cam mid-story and gotten work on fixing them sandwiches.  He and Clarke had exchanged a look, both seeing clearly that her parents were using her as a pawn in their war against each other.  But she also saw an opening when Charlotte pushed up her sleeve a bit.

"Oh, did you hurt yourself at the park?" she wondered as she put Cam in his high chair.

Charlotte flushed, sounding annoyed.  "No, Tommy did this when we were touring the woodworkers' shop on our field trip last week."  She pushed up sleeve, showing off the thin, red, but healing line.  "He's so stupid.  He found a piece of metal and was waving it around and he hit me, and David, and Kyle."

Clarke glanced at Bellamy and half-smiled to see his shoulders sag in relief.  "That's awful," she replied.  "I hope he got in trouble."

"Oh yeah," Charlotte confirmed with a nod.  "He got suspended three days."

Eventually, Bellamy joined them for lunch, Clarke taking a bite of her own sandwich every few minutes, so she could concentrate on helping Cam get some food into himself and not just on him.  As the conversation continued, her worries for the girl eased; it was beyond clear that she just wanted someone to talk to, to pay attention to her for her own sake.  

And watching Bellamy pick up on old jokes with Charlotte, ask after her friends and what Mrs. Marshall said at school made her more confident in her choice of nanny.  It was, ultimately, the reason that he was her nanny.  He honestly seemed to care about the children, not just the job. He wasn't even responsible for Charlotte anymore but he still cared enough to help her when she needed it.

When Charlotte disappeared to use the bathroom, Clarke looked over at Bellamy to find him staring back.  She broke the silence, "I think she could just use a friend.  Maybe a therapist to help her understand her parents' divorce isn't the end of her family or them caring about her for herself."  

He nodded understandingly.  "I'll let her mom know when she gets here."  He sucked in a breath.  "Listen, I was wondering…"

Clarke made a 'go on' motion with her hand while trying to wipe Cam's face with the other.

"If you wouldn't mind if Charlotte hung out here some days after school.  She's never been on her own before after school, and I think that's part of what's getting to her."

She considered it briefly, then sighed.  "No," she said.  "I mean, not, _no_ , just.  I don't want Cassidy or the other kids thinking that this isn't their place, that I tell them when and where they're going to have company.  I mean, when I was a kid, there were other kids I hung out with because my parents made me, and except for one, they weren't really my friends.  I don't want the kids to feel 'on' in the house."

Bellamy nodded, expression flattening.  "Yeah, I get it."

"But I think she and Cassidy might be friends, if they were introduced," Clarke continued.  "I mean, they're only a grade apart, and they're both going through major changes in their lives at the same time.  I just don't want to shove Cassidy and Charlotte together in the house and hope they are friends."  She turned in her seat to face him.  "What do you think about, since you know her mom and everything, if you offered to take the girls to that movie, uh...with the girl who I think saves her people in the apocalypse, or stops the apocalypse, but also has a cute boy with her...I can't remember which one it is.  But if you offered, you could pick up Charlotte, and take Cassidy, and if they hit it off, get ice cream or something afterwards?"

"That could work."  Bellamy gave her a wide grin.  "That could really work."

Clarke chuckled.  "What, no, that's awfully manipulative of you?"  She'd been accused of orchestrating a meet-cute once or twice in her life.

"What do you think parenting of kids who can talk back is about?"

She laughed outright.  "Okay, point.  So talk to her mom about it and we'll see if Charlie will babysit on Sunday when you go."  She aimed a thumb at Cam.  "He's not so great at the movies, but Cole is."

"I could do it on my day off."

"No, your day off should be about you," Clarke said firmly as she stood, gathering plates.

He opened his mouth to protest, but Charlotte reappeared in that instant only a few minutes before her mother arrived at the house.  She offered Bellamy and  the Gregorios use of the living room while she went upstairs to lay Cam down for his nap.   He was fussy and she took some time to soothe him, rubbing his tummy gently and telling him a nonsensical story about a unicorn she made up on the fly.  

She was on her way downstairs when she heard the front door open and close.  As she went to pick up her forgotten shopping bags, she peeked out the window to see Bellamy still speaking with Mrs. Gregorio.  By the time she had settled onto the couch to sketch, he re-entered the house with a sigh.

"Thanks for that, Clarke," he told her, standing awkwardly in the foyer.  

She was about to say something flippant when she spied his expression.  "Of course," is all she said instead.  Their gazes locked for longer than seemed necessary or appropriate, until finally she tore her eyes away and tried to focus on the page.  "I hope the rest of your day off goes better," she managed, hoping she sounded normal.

"Thanks," he repeated, but she kept her head down until she heard him walk away.  She resolutely ignored the hammering of her heart and heat of her skin.  

She absolutely could not afford to fall for the nanny.


	2. There's a First Time for Everything

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bellamy deals with his first Griffin family crisis.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who read this, left kudos and comments, or even subscribed to this fic! I didn't think even 100 people would read this, much less like it. Knowing there were people waiting for the story to continue gave me a lot of motivation to finish this chapter quickly.
> 
> Also, a huge thank you to @bfl1201 who beta'd for me! Thank you so much for finding my mistakes and giving me great feedback!

Bellamy got to the Still first, since both Miller and Murphy had more typical jobs which didn't allow them random days off during the week. He caught a table in the back corner, where they could watch the boats on the river and also people in the bar. He'd just flopped into a chair and dropped his phone and keys on the tabletop when Gina, his favorite bartender approached.

"Boys' night out again?" she asked, giving him a wide grin. "Want the usual?"

He scrabbled a hand through his hair, flushing slightly. "Yeah, I guess we're predictable."

"Nah, you know what you like. Rather that than the folks who prevaricate all day over what beer to drink."

He chuckled. The fact that she used words like "prevaricate" was one of the reasons she was his favorite. "Glad we're not too much trouble for you then."

"'Course not. You know, I've been meaning to tell you guys, I know it's a pub, but it's kid friendly. You don't always have to find babysitters when you come here. We've got high-chairs and everything," she waved to a stack of booster seats in the corner behind the bar. He looked askance at her until she explained, "I hear you talk about your kids all the time."

"Oh. Only Murphy has kids. Well, a kid. Miller's usually talking about his dog, Empress, who completely rules that house, and I'm a nanny, so I take care of kids all day."

"You're a nanny?" Confronted by the usual disbelief he merely smiled, until it took an unexpected turn. "Be still my ovaries," she teased, putting a hand over her abdomen and sighing dramatically. "I'll go get your drinks and put the order in," she added with a wink.

He was still blushing furiously when Miller arrived. "What'd I miss?" he asked as Gina delivered the pitcher and three pint glasses.

"I learned that when you talk about Emmy, you're talking about your dog, and that your cute friend here is a nanny," she reported as she set down the beer. "Then I made a crack about my ovaries and he turned red."

"Smooth," Miller declared. "He ask for your number yet?"

"Nope, not yet."

Miller plucked Bellamy's phone from the table over his protest, quickly unlocked it, and handed it to the bartender. "Put your number in. I'll harass him on your behalf to give you a call."

She laughed, but quickly typed in her contact information. "How long should I wait for you to work your magic?"

Miller cocked his head, surveying his friend. "Give me a month."

"Got it," she said, handing Bellamy back his phone with a grin. "I'll be back with your food when it's ready," she promised before walking away as Miller sat and poured himself a glass.

"What's your ridiculous reason for not asking her out?" Miller took a long pull on his beer while waiting for the answer.

Bellamy recovered his composure enough to respond, curling his hand around his own glass and reaching for the pitcher. "Why are you so invested in my love life?" he complained.

"'Cause you're the most hard up attractive dude we've ever seen," Murphy replied, seemingly coming out of nowhere to flop into a seat. He was still dressed for work, apparently not having changed from his sensible slacks and button-down. He glanced between the other two as he claimed a glass and motioned for Bellamy to pass the pitcher. "Did I miss the memo about blue t-shirts? Good."

Bellamy and Miller exchanged looks, both noticing for the first time they were dressed nearly identically, with plain blue t-shirts and well-worn jeans. Miller shrugged away the insult, going back to the topic at hand.

"You haven't really dated since Echo."

"The Ice Twat," Murphy chimed in.

Before Bellamy or Miller could say anything, Murphy held up a hand. "I know we served with her, but she dicked you around once we got home, telling you one thing, then another, always playing on your sympathies, and the whole time she's going behind your back with someone else. She literally cost you time, money, and in the end, ghosted you. If anyone deserves the name, it's her."

"How do you ever get laid?" Miller wondered.

"Easy," Murphy said, swallowing a gulp of beer. "Go to the park, Ethan in tow, boom, numbers. Supermarket, same thing. Pretty much anywhere I go with him."

"If I didn't know how much you actually loved your son, I'd say you're just using him to pick up women," Bellamy noted. "How's he doing, anyway?"

"Great," Murphy acknowledged with a grin, always happy to talk about his little boy. "He'll be done with first grade soon and then I got him into a day camp program for gifted kids. Which means leaving his crappy after-school program, thankfully."

Bellamy and Miller both grimaced in sympathy, having heard all about the program that cost nearly as much as full-time daycare to watch Ethan for four hours a day. But it was necessary, since he couldn't get out of work before 5:30 on most days.

"How's your new job?" Miller wondered, after the conversation had meandered and they'd finished their food.

"It's...good," Bellamy finally answered as he poured himself another beer.

"Well, you said you were a little nervous about it," Miller prompted.

"Which one is this? The guy with the trophy wife and three kids, or the housewife with two kids but wanted a nanny for each?" Murphy asked. "I forgot which one you took."

"The first one, but neither. Turns out Clarke Griffin isn't a guy with a trophy wife and three kids but is actually a woman with four kids," Bellamy tried to explain, then shook his head. He hadn't wanted to type it all out in a overly-long text since, frankly, he didn't like texting that much, so he still need to correct the false impression he'd given the guys before he'd gone to the interview.

"You said you'd tell us the deal." Miller rolled his wrist. "So tell us."

He just shrugged a shoulder. "She's not a wife at all. Turns out that their parents died. She's a doctor, a surgeon, but she's in her residency. Second year, she said. So she moved into the family house and is raising her siblings by herself, three boys and a girl. It's a huge house, though. It has a library, actually, in the basement. There's a guest suite. Not including my own full apartment, over the garage, but still totally in the house. They're good kids, don't seem too spoiled and she.." He thought about how she'd helped him just that afternoon with Charlotte. "She's a good person," he finished.

"Do you have pictures of the house?" Miller and Bryan were looking to build their own place and he had become obsessed with housing details.

"Do you have pictures of her?" Murphy asked, smirking.

"No, but she's probably online, works at Arkadia General. She's only a year or so older than O," he told Murphy with a roll of his eyes. He tossed his phone at Miller, adding, "I took pictures of the house for you, knew you'd be interested."

Miller took a look, then exclaimed, "Holy shit! These porches go all the way around on both floors?"

Murphy leaned over to take a look. "Man..that's crazy."

"Yep, basically around the whole house. And there's a screened in part in the back, both upstairs and down. There's a library in the basement, like I said, a storage area almost the size of the four car garage. Charlie, he's the fourteen year old, he's got a bedroom suite in the basement. Cassi's got a bedroom suite upstairs. Cole's got a bedroom suite, and he's seven. Only the baby doesn't have a bedroom suite, though the guest room does." Bellamy shook his head. "I've never lived in a place like this. It's ridiculous. And it's not even the biggest house on the street."

"What, no pool?" Murphy asked sarcastically.

"Oh yeah, I asked about that. Apparently her mom had a thing about them, saw too many kids seriously injured because they figured out the gate, or the door, or slipped, or whatever, and she was adamant. No pool. I guess since you can only use it for a few months a year, it's not that big a deal. All their neighbors have them though."

Miller was practically drooling at the pictures, but he only asked, "Who does their landscaping work?"

Bellamy grinned. "I have no idea. Haven't seen anyone in the two weeks I've been there, but I can ask if you want. Maybe slip in a recommendation for Bryan."

"You don't clean this place, do you?" Murphy sounded unimpressed.

"Definitely not. Housekeeping, twice a month. Nice women." Maybe a little too surprised at a male nanny, but nice enough.

"Wait, this is the person you work for?" Murphy showed him a picture on his own phone, a shot of Clarke on Arkadia General's website. When he nodded, Murphy whistled. "Shit. This is your best job ever."

Bellamy rolled his eyes again, even if he privately agreed with the assessment. He'd been all ready to dismiss the job when he'd pulled up to the place, but one look at the normally-dressed, non-stick woman who'd answered the door with a chubby toddler on her hip changed his mind instantly about blowing off the interview. Especially when Cam had given him a glimpse at her cleavage. His friend's kidding aside, he wasn't above spending an hour talking to a woman who looked like that.

But he hadn't expected to actually want the job until she'd said, "My siblings, my responsibility." With a gut-punch, those words connected them in a way he didn't think most people could understand, even those with brothers and sisters. His mother might have technically been around until Octavia was fifteen, but he'd raised her, for good and for ill, from the time he was twelve. Raising your own siblings was tough, whether you're a twelve year-old with one kid, or a twenty-seven year-old with four.

While Clarke had ridiculous notions that you could schedule childhood, and wasted too much time folding everything just perfectly, she was so overwhelmingly concerned about her siblings, he couldn't help but get attached to the position right away. And they needed him badly; he saw how exhausted Clarke was after a shift at the hospital, to say nothing of the nights she was on call. She'd come home and crash, usually in front of the TV in her room playing Investigative Discovery, the door always a little open so she could hear if one of the kids called for her. So he ignored the stuff he didn't like about her, which was dwindling day by day, and jumped into a pretty good job.

The way she'd handled Charlotte today was just icing on the cake of what was, he acknowledged, a pretty inconvenient growing attraction. Even if she had basically gotten him to promise to watch some YA nonsense movie about a supposed teen heroine played by a woman in her twenties. At least he'd feel less skeevy about watching it.

"She's fucking hot," Murphy added unnecessarily.

Miller punched his arm, giving Bellamy a nod of solidarity.

Bellamy snorted in response, his mind as usual, trying and completely failing to ignore that statement. As he mentally reviewed how Clarke looked that afternoon, he plowed on, "The kids are great. Cole's like Ethan, actually, a year ahead of where he should be in school. Charlie's..a teenager, but decent. Cassi is bossy, but in a kind way. Cam's a pretty easy toddler."

"Why do they all have 'C' names?" Miller wondered.

"I haven't asked. I'm hardly one to talk about names."

"That's for damned sure." Murphy poured the last of the pitcher into his glass, then asked, "Should we get another?"

Bellamy shook his head. "Not for me. I have to get up dawn."

"I have to go beg for funding, as usual, bright and early," Miller also declined.

"I'm kind of proof those diversionary programs work, if you ever want a real-world example," Murphy offered. "I was the King of Delinquents, and now I'm an Army veteran with a career and a kid, a perfect upstanding member of society."

Both Bellamy and Miller guffawed at this, as they were meant to, but Miller added, "That's actually a good idea. Let me see if I can work something out about that."

Bellamy could see why most people didn't like the rude, abrasive and occasionally mean Murphy. He had served with the guy, and for at least part of their first deployment, he'd hated him. But Murphy had a way of surprising you, until you realized that he was actually a decent person who'd had to look after himself since his father's death when he was ten and had perfected a hard outer shell. Once you understood that, it was easy to see that he was actually forthright, hard to fool, refused to accept bullshit, and ultimately would go to bat for what he saw as the right thing. Complaining the whole way, but, he'd go to the mattresses with you.

"Well, assuming the new boss lets me see the light of day. She's-" Murphy made a face. "Hot, extremely hot, dresses practically like a porn-version of an attorney, but she's completely ruthless. She's killing the opposition in court. But it's all I can do to get away when I need to go to get Ethan. I have the distinct impression she views children as obstacles to her success that need to be eliminated."

"Wait, what happened to the partner you were working for?"

"Retired. At fifty-three, lucky dog." Murphy waved down a passing waiter, to ask for the tab.

"Maybe you should've been a lawyer," Miller suggested.

"Nah. They all hate their jobs. Being a paralegal gets me and Ethan what we need."

Bellamy grinned, lifting his glass. "Cheers to that."

 

* * *

 

The next morning was a bit of a rush, as Charlie wouldn't get out of bed on time and Cassidy couldn't decide what to wear. By the time he was sure they were up and moving in the right direction, he had very little time to cook breakfast and pack their lunches. When Cassidy finally made her appearance in the kitchen, she glanced at the sandwiches he was making and sniffed.

"I think I'm going to be a vegetarian. Jackie says meat is murder and I kind of agree with her," she announced, sliding into a seat at the table and pulling the plate of toast towards her.

"It's delicious murder." Charlie shuffled into the kitchen, going right to the table to help himself to some eggs. "Since when do you care about this?"

"Since now," she retorted.

"Meat is why we are not monkeys," Bellamy told her. "If you're going to go vegetarian, you have to talk to Clarke first."

"I don't need her permission!" Cassidy denied, insulted.

"I meant as a doctor." Bellamy bagged up baby carrots for three lunches. "You need protein and I'd want her opinion on what to feed you to make sure you get enough."

"Oh." Cassidy was only temporarily mollified. "What do you mean about the monkeys?"

"Eat that, don't play with it, Cole," Bellamy told the third-grader, who was leaning two halves of a piece of toast against each other in an attempt to make a tent. "Uh, last I checked the reason, or at least one of the main reasons, we evolved from monkeys is that we had access to concentrated protein, meat, which allowed our brains to develop the capacity for higher reasoning. Your brain runs on protein."

"Really?" Cassidy sounded more thoughtful than doubtful.

"Yeah, basically." Bellamy glanced at the clock on the oven. "Three minutes until you have to leave for the bus stop."

They ended up leaving only a couple minutes late and Bellamy walked out of the house with them, Cam on his hip to make sure they caught the bus. He spent a moment at the end of the driveway, watching the buses drive away from the corner and honestly, zoning out, until the toddler grabbed his attention with a sharp, "Bell!"

"Hey," he grinned at the blonde. "You figured out my name, huh?"

"Bok."

"Sounds like a plan, little man. Let's get you occupied with some blocks while I put the kitchen back together. It's amazing what a mess your siblings make."

The day proceeded normally until about twenty minutes after twelve. His phone rang and he wiped his hands from where he was trying to get Cam to eat more than half of his lunch to answer it after glancing at the screen. It was Cole's school.

"Hello?"

"Is this Mister Blake?"

"Yes.."

"This is the school nurse for Lowell Hill Elementary. Cole fell off the swings and I think he might need to go to urgent care. Nothing appears broken, and he did not hit his head, but I think it's better to be safe than sorry since he is complaining his arm hurts."

"Right, of course," Bellamy answered. "I should be there in about twenty, twenty-five minutes," he continued, already standing. "How's he doing?"

"He's been a real trooper," the nurse reported. "He's okay."

"Can I talk to him?" He hastily grabbed a couple of granola bars, a pudding pack and some Cheerios to put into a small container for Cam.

A moment later he heard Cole's voice. "Hello?"

"Hey, buddy, it's Bellamy. I'm going to be there soon to take you to the doctor's. Do you want me to bring you something?"

He could hear Cole breathing in and out. "Can I have Falcon?"

"Your action figure?"

"Yeah."

Bellamy chuckled as he held his phone with shoulder. "I'll see if I can find it. Sit tight, I'll be there soon."

He was in the car within fifteen minutes, to the school within twenty-five, and at the urgent care center within forty-five minutes. He left a voicemail for Clarke, then followed up with a text message when they checked into the facility and another voicemail after the doctor examined Cole almost a half hour later.

Eyeing the time, he sent a text to Charlie as well.

_Cole had to go to urgent care. He's fine but I don't think I will make it home before Cassidy. I know you have robotics but can you please just go home after school so she's not alone?_

**Charles Griffin:** _sure_

He texted back his thanks, messaged Cassidy to make sure she knew she'd be home with Charlie this afternoon, and settled in to wait for the results, offering Cole something to eat and double-checking Cam's diaper. For as seemingly fast as they had been initially seen, the wait for the x-ray was dragging.

Another half-hour passed, including a diaper change for Cam, before Cole was taken for the x-ray. He was back in fifteen minutes, and in relatively good spirits as he played in the small examination room they had to themselves. Excited about the prospect of seeing "a picture of my bone," he had his Falcon figure flying around the room while Bellamy tried to keep Cam occupied with the plush Spiderman he'd found at home.

"Pretty sure Spiderman's going to need to take a bath in the near future," Bellamy reported as the toddler tucked one of the hands into his mouth.

"Can Falcon take a bath with me?" Cole immediately seized on the idea.

"Let me take a look at him, make sure he's waterproof."

As Cole was handing him over, his phone buzzed. And kept buzzing, as Clarke sent him text after text. "Just a second, buddy. Can you play with your brother for a minute?"

He quickly made a call, like an adult, getting to his feet. "Hey, Clarke," he began when she picked up.

"Bellamy, oh my god, is he okay? What's the doctor saying? I'm on my way!"

"He's fine. Right now, they're saying children's motrin might be the only thing he gets because it looks like a bruise. They took an X-ray, and we're waiting for it to come back. But he's fine, playing with toys. He ate a pudding cup, and a granola bar, or half of one, and he's very eager to see his bone in the x-ray."

"Let me know the second the doctor comes back, if I don't get there before they do. I'm like, five minutes out, it's just across the parking lot from the hospital."

"Yeah, okay, but you don't have to, I've got it." Literally, this is what he was here for.

"Oh god, what about Cassidy? She'll be home from school soon."

"Texted Charlie, he said he'd skip robotics and come home. They know where the keys are." Unlike some families, who had a fake looking rock, or put a key under a mat, Jake Griffin had a small compartment of his own design actually built into the side of the house. Each of the kids knew the code to the keypad just in case.

"Okay, I'm almost there."

He glanced down at his phone as the line when silent, only to realize she'd ended the call. He looked over at Cole, telling the boy, "Your sister worries a lot, huh?"

Cole, currently defending himself with Falcon as Cam jabbed at him with his Spiderman, nodded. "Like mommy did."

"Right." He recalled Clarke recounting the story about the pool, the way she nodded her head. He could imagine how paranoid Abigail Griffin, who'd seen a lot of tragic children's injuries, was with her firstborn.

He crouched down, watching Cole play for a moment with his little brother. "Did your dad worry too?"

"Not like mommy." Cole let Cam take a hold on Falcon and gave Bellamy a shrug. "Dad made things, like the playhouse in the backyard."

Bellamy knew the kids weren't yet comfortable speaking about their parents much, so he just nodded towards the boy's hand. "How's your arm feel now?"

"I'm okay," Cole acknowledged.

Bellamy rubbed his shoulder. "Alright. They'll give you something soon and then we can go home."

Clarke practically burst into the room within the next minute, rushing over to Cole. "Hey buddy, how are you feeling?" she immediately asked him.

Grabbing at the toddler that suddenly lurched towards her, Bellamy hoisted the boy onto his hip while Cole answered his sister with a meek, "It hurts a little." The transformation was amazing; a moment ago, he'd been fine, but with Clarke there to baby and worry over him, he became the classic sick child.

Fortunately, before Clarke could pepper him with questions, the doctor returned with the results of the X-ray. With two doctors there to converse, Bellamy caught only the important bits. Cole had something more than a hairline fracture of his radius, one of his forearm bones, but not too much more. He'd get a cast and he'd have to follow up with an orthopedist, but otherwise it'd be as simple as letting his body do his job, giving him children's motrin when it hurt. Clarke was asking questions about his growth plate, whatever that was, but was assured that it wasn't effected. Cole, meanwhile, was delighted at the picture of his bone and wanted to know if he could keep it.

Bellamy wasn't surprised when Clarke insisted on accompanying Cole as he got his cast, so he took Cam into the waiting area so that they could free up another examination room. As he passed the sign-in desk, the cheerful brunette there gave him a smile while waving at Cam.

"Where's the other one?"

"In the back still, getting a cast. They said to wait here," he explained, finding a free set of chairs and setting Cam and the bag down again.

"They don't usually do that for a child his age, have the parent wait out here."

"Clarke's back there with him. Ah, she's the doctor who just came in…," he tried to explain, only to stop when she lit up.

"Dr. Griffin is your wife? Why didn't you say so…" She leaned in some, adding in a lower tone so her voice wouldn't carry to those waiting. "Employees get to jump the line."

"Ah, she's my employer. I'm the nanny," he replied, dutifully picking up Cam again when he raised his hands in the air.

"Oh!" The woman bit her lip, then gave him a once over that felt almost predatory. "Still, you could've said and we'd have taken him back faster."

He gave her a quick smile. "I'll remember that for next time," he promised, grabbing a children's book from the side table. He sat down, putting Cam in his lap and tried to read it to him as best he could between the boy's "helping" him turn the pages before he was done reading them and his waving of the Spiderman doll.

Just as he noticed that Clarke and Cole had emerged from the back, the latter sporting an orange cast, his phone buzzed. He set aside the book to glance at the screen.

 **Cassidy Griffin:** _home charlie not here_  

He immediately shifted Cam in his lap and gave her a call. "Cassidy?" he began when she picked up. "What do you mean Charlie's not there?"

"He's not here. I just got off the bus and walked home and I'm home." She sounded quite proud of herself.

Clarke asked, "What's going on?" as she arrived with Cole in tow and a sheaf of discharge papers in her hands.

"Cassidy says Charlie's not home with her," he quickly explained. "Did he text or call you?" he asked the pre-teen, though he was looking at Clarke.

She checked her phone quickly, tapping out a text and then making a call while Cassidy answered, "Nope," popping the p.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah."

"Did you lock the door after you came inside?"

"Um…" He heard her walking and the sound of the door lock clicking. "Yes."

"Okay, just hold on a minute." He looked at Clarke.

She shook her head frantically. "He's not answering," she told him. "I'm going to check where his phone is." At his look, she added, "I have an app."

"Did you get yourself a snack or anything?" he asked Cassidy, watching as Clarke used her phone.

"Yeah.." He heard the TV playing in the background.

"Any homework to do?"

"I have that book I'm reading."

"And you're reading it with the TV on?"

He'd already become quite familiar with the sound of pre-teen exasperation that Cassidy had perfected. "I can do that. Charlie does it too."

"He's at the school. Or at least his phone is." Clarke gave Bellamy a worried look. "What if he..got hurt, or beat up or something?"

"One minute Cassidy, " Bellamy told the girl, pulling the phone away from his face. "He could have lost his phone and is looking for it too," he offered a less alarming alternative. "Or he decided he didn't need to come home."

Clarke blanched. "But he said that he would come home, right?"

"Yeah, but he's fourteen." Bellamy gave her a thin smile. "He wouldn't be the first one to ditch a responsibility."

"No, not Charlie," Clarke insisted, holding tighter to Cole's hand. "He wouldn't do that. Something's wrong," she said with conviction.

Bellamy took a breath. "I can swing by the school on the way home."

"I don't want Cassidy home alone. I'm going to call out for the rest of shift and take Cole and Cam home. Check the high school. If he's not there…" She swallowed. "We'll call the police."

He reached out to put a comforting hand on her shoulder, while speaking into the phone. "Cassidy? Clarke's going to be there soon, okay? Don't answer the door for anyone. If anything happens at all, call me or Clarke immediately. If you think someone is trying to get in, call 911," he instructed.

"O-kay," Cassidy said, no doubt rolling her eyes at him.

"And don't tell anyone you're home alone. Not on Facebook, or Snapcam, or anywhere."

"It's called Snapchat but fine," Cassidy sighed.

"Call if you need something," he repeated.

"I will, I will," she promised.

"Okay, see you soon." He hung up the phone, only to overhear the tail-end of Clarke's conversation on her own phone.

"...I'm so sorry Marcus to pull you into this, but my attending is in surgery. I just need to find Charlie right away...Yes, I'll let you know as soon as possible...Thank you for stepping in...I will absolutely make up the time...Thank you...Good-bye." When she hung up the phone, her expression was resolute.

"Let me drive you guys to your car," Bellamy immediately offered. When she opened her mouth to protest, he shook his head. "It'll take less time for me to get you there then for you to haul them over wherever you're parked."

She gave him a terse nod. "Okay, let's go."

Clarke continued to wear that pinched look on her face, dodging Cole's questions of whether Charlie was in trouble and whether everything was alright. Bellamy followed her directions to her car and helped her transfer the kids, trying to distract Cole by suggesting ways he could decorate his cast. After he closed the door on Cam's side, he told Clarke firmly, "He's going to be okay, I'll find him."

"Let me know as soon as you find anything. If you don't.." She took a breath.

"I'll call the police right away."

"Okay." They parted without another word.

He knew exactly how Clarke felt, he mused as he drove as fast as he dared over to the high school. Octavia had disappeared a couple of times while she was in high school. The first time to she'd told him she was going to her friend Christine’s and Christine had told her mother that she was at Octavia's, and they'd snuck off to the city for a concert. When he'd figured out that she wasn't where she was supposed to be, he'd gone nuts, until he'd tracked her down.

The second time had been worse. She hasn't shown up to school and he'd gotten a call from the truant officer. Their mother had recently died and they'd  
gotten into a horrific fight about her boyfriend Atom, during which he'd forbade her to see him. So naturally, she'd run off with the guy. They were picked up at a bus station in the city, but it had been just the beginning of her spiral.

Still, there was nothing like the fear of not knowing where your kid was; he'd never been as scared in his life as when he didn't know where she was. Nothing could compare, because in not knowing, you were free to imagine all kinds of horrific scenarios. And it was probably worse for Clarke, who knew exactly what kind of injuries someone could get, from accidents to assault. Add to that her parents' death and threats were probably around every corner for her.

When he got to the high school, he parked close to the main entrance and rushed inside. Luckily, a girl was just inside the lobby on her way out and directed him towards where she thought the robotics club might be meeting. He jogged through the halls to room B3, spying Charlie immediately though the open door as he approached. The teen was laughing over something with three others, one of several groups in the room.

All of the tension in his body left him as soon as he saw that Charlie was fine, only to be replaced by anger. Bellamy pulled out his phone from his pocket, calling Charlie's. He watched Charlie glance at his phone when it went off, then turn back to his conversation.

Suspicions confirmed, Bellamy strode into the classroom, surprising more than a few of the people inside. "Charlie," he called. "Get your stuff. Family emergency." He used his Army voice, crisp and commanding.

Charlie opened and closed his mouth several times, his face coloring. "Uh, yeah, sure," he finally mumbled, stuffing his things into his bags. Bellamy took a moment to tap out a quick message to Clarke that Charlie was at robotics, was fine and they were heading home. Her reply was instantaneous.

 **Clarke Griffin:** _Thank god! What happened?_

_Pretty sure he decided just to go to robotics even though he said he'd go home._

The three dots appeared on his phone for a moment before they disappeared. When they reappeared, the message that followed was brief.

 **Clarke Griffin:** _I see._

"I hope everything's okay," one girl called out as they walked out of the classroom.

Bellamy didn't say anything as they walked out to the car, as he pulled out of the parking lot, or as they drove home.

Finally, when they were only five minutes out, Charlie broke the silence.

"Look, I thought when you texted that meant you were home so I could stay. I didn't like, check it."

Bellamy snorted. "Want to try again?"

If possible, Charlie looked even more guilty as he stared out the window. "My phone was on silent, from class, forgot to switch it back and I forgot about going home," he all but mumbled.

"Second strike," Bellamy replied as he turned into their development.

Charlie slumped in his seat, staying quiet for the rest of the ride.

Bellamy pulled into the garage and turned off the car. "Word of advice. Don't lie to your sister the way you lied to me. It won't go well for you." He turned to the teen. "You have to know how upset she's going to be. She was so certain that something had happened, that you wouldn't have just flaked, that she was about to call the police."

Charlie nodded shallowly then slid from the car and wandered into the house, Bellamy trailing him. Probably drawn by the sound of the garage door, Clarke was already waiting for them in the entryway. He could see Cassidy down the hallway, turned on her stool to watch from the counter in kitchen with Cole just beside her. From the pizza box in front of them, he figured Clarke had opted for takeout.

"Oh hey," Charlie began the confrontation with his sister, bookbag hanging by one shoulder.

"Where were you?" Clarke's tone was stern, her arms crossed in front of her chest.

"Robotics, it's Thursday."

"You said you'd come home right away so Cassidy wouldn't be alone. Then you failed to answer when we called and texted you." Clarke spoke with cold fury.

Charlie stood a little straighter. "She's eleven, almost twelve. She can be alone for an hour. It's not a big deal."

At least he had taken Bellamy's advice.

Something flashed over Clarke's face. "You said that you would be here with her," she reminded him. "And then you...because you didn't answer us, we didn't know where you were. Which is why I am here right now, Charlie, and not in surgery. Because one of my kids was missing."

"I'm not-"

"You are. Whether you like it or not, you're my kid legally right now." And just like that, her expression changed, to one of disappointment. "And you lied and you ducked us. About something important. You said you'd be here for your sister, and you weren't."

The change of tactic seemed to take some of the fight out of the teenager. "She's almost twelve. Other kids that age are home alone all the time," he explained. "I just thought, she'd be fine. She's not stupid or anything, she doesn't need a babysitter."

Bellamy didn't miss Cassidy agreeing with this with a nod.

"But that's not your call to make, Charlie; it's mine, it's Bellamy's. We're in charge. If you had just said, 'no, I really can't', we would have either decided to let her be on her own, or if I would leave work early so one of us could be here for her. You don't get to make that decision for her or for us."

"I am fourteen-"

"Exactly. You're _fourteen_. You don't get to make these decisions if you don't have to make the all the other ones, like which bill to pay first? Or which orthopedist we're going to take Cole to since he broke his arm? You don't have to make any of those decisions, so you can't make this one."

"Fine. I'm sorry, okay?" Charlie acknowledged with a shrug.

"No, it's not okay. You're grounded. No phone, no laptop unless you're doing homework, home directly after school. For a week."

"What, for going to an extracurricular activity?!"

"For breaking a promise and then ignoring us."

Charlie looked at Bellamy pleadingly, who just shook his head slowly. He wasn't going to find an ally here.

"I..I have the robotics competition this weekend, with the club. We have to assemble it as a team! You can't make me miss it, I mean, you'd be punishing everyone else on the team," Charlie tried to argue his sentence.

"You're the one who chose to disappoint them." Clarke looked at him coolly. "But I'll give you an option. You can take one week of grounding and miss the meet. Or you can take two weeks, but go to the meet, and only the meet, this Saturday."

When he opened his mouth to protest, she cut him off. "It's your choice, but you have the option of not disappointing them, Charlie. You're so good at choosing what's best for others, well, here's a choice for you."

Bellamy watched the stand-off of two people with identical, stubborn expressions, impressed with Clarke's tactics. He'd never have come up with something like this. But then, he'd always been awful when dealing out punishments. Worse at enforcing them. He wasn't looking forward to having to enforce this.

Charlie blinked first. "I'll take the two weeks," he declared harshly.

Clarke nodded sharply, then held out her hand. "Phone, now."

He roughly shoved it into her hand. "Are you going to make me apologize now?"

"No, I don't need a fake apology. And, just so you know, even though I'm about to go get your laptop, I'm not going to be your jailor. I'm not going to ask Bellamy to be your prison guard either. You sneak out, or try to get online when you're not supposed to, it just means we can't trust you at all. Blow this, and then things will really change," she warned.

Clarke didn't wait for his reply, walking off to head downstairs, leaving Bellamy alone with Charlie. The two looked at each other for a long minute before Bellamy broke the silence, jerking his head towards the kitchen. "Go eat something," he commanded.

 

* * *

 

By the time Cassidy and Cole were in bed and Charlie had stomped off to his room, Bellamy felt the toll of the day seep into his bones. Charlie was going to be in a foul mood for the next few weeks. Cassidy had been deeply insulted at "being treated like a baby." Cole's arm had begun hurting him again, requiring some more motrin and a great deal of attention. Bellamy told him the story of Hercules, or at least the child-friendly parts of it, until finally his eyes closed.

From Clarke's slouched form on the armchair, she felt the same. He took one look at her and then went digging around in the cabinet above the fridge, which he had discovered held the liquor. He poured them each two fingers of whiskey and wandered into the family proper to offer her one of the glasses.

She took it with a murmur of thanks, taking a ginger sip as he settled himself on the couch.

"I can't believe he did that," Clarke finally broke the silence.

"Yeah, it's hard to believe a fourteen year-old made a selfish, poorly thought-out decision," Bellamy responded dryly.

She gave him a sharp look. "You're the one who said he didn't need a bedtime," she reminded.

"You can't figure out if he's worthy of your trust if you don't give it to him first," he offered. "He's watched the kids before, no problems, right?"

Clarke nodded. "Yeah, I mean, never for too long. A few hours, usually just Cassidy or Cole. Once, when I ran to the store with Cassidy and Cole for new shoes, he watched Cam without a problem. It's why I suggested he'd watch Cam this weekend." She sighed heavily. "The one thing I thought I could count on was that, no matter what he said or did, he'd protect his brothers and his sister. But now…" She looked down at her drink.

Bellamy leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees, glass dangling from his hand. "You're already giving him another chance, with this whole, 'we're not going to be his jailors' thing. I say, ask him about Sunday. If he says no, well, maybe you were wrong about him. But if he says yes…" He shrugged.

She bit her lip. "I've never had to punish any of them before, I mean, other than separating them from each other. I guess you think it was okay?"

"I think it was great, actually," he answered honestly. "Made him own up to what he did, really feel it."

She gave a humorless laugh. "Yeah, I guess."

"No, I'm serious." He offered her a smile. "I can't wait 'til the next time one of them fucks up. Can't wait to see what you'll think of next time."

"Hey, who's to say I won't screw up the punishment next time?" she replied, though a smile danced on her lips.

He tried not to think about how beautiful she looked in that moment. Tired though she was, there was a warmth to her that drew him in. She hadn't changed out of her work clothes and more than a few wisps of hair had escaped her braid, but the color of her scrubs brought out her eyes and the half-smile combined with her pink cheeks made him wonder what he'd have done if he met her at a bar.

Honestly, he didn't really have to wonder.

"I say." He drained the last of his whiskey. "Of course, I'm the one telling you to trust the kid who just lied to you, so what do I know?"

Her breath caught but her expression turned earnest. "I think you know a lot. A lot more than me about raising kids." She sat up straighter, leaned forward slightly. "I trust you, Bellamy. I wouldn't have hired you if I didn't." She gave a little nod at the end, sure of herself.

He didn't know, or want to acknowledge, how good that made him feel.

"Thanks. It's a pretty good job, most days," he replied, trying to keep his voice even. He got to his feet, adding more casually, "I'm going to get a shower, hit the sack."

She blinked at him slowly, as if trying to understand him. "You shower at night?"

"Uh, yeah. Get the dirt of the day off me, go to bed clean." He smoothed the front of his t-shirt, adding, "Plus, it's easier for me to get going in the morning, since I try to be up before Cam."

She nodded. "Yeah, I see that." There was something off about her tone, but he couldn't quite pinpoint it.

"Yeah." Suddenly very aware that he shouldn't have been discussing showering, with her of all women, he deposited his glass in the kitchen and headed for the stairs. "Good night, Clarke."

He was already halfway upstairs when she replied, "Good night, Bellamy."

 

* * *

 

In his little apartment, clean and in an old Army undershirt and a pair of pajama pants, he settled on the couch and turned the TV to the History Channel. For once, they were actually showing something historical, a documentary about the civil war, rather than one of their reality shows. He scrolled through his emails while listening to the narrator when the Skype noise sounded.

He grinned as he answered the call, holding up a hand in greeting. "Hey, O."

"Big brother!" she called, an answering smile on her face. He could see that she was wearing one of her old concert t-shirts, her hair piled on top of her head like she'd just gotten into comfortable clothes herself. They had pretty similar evening rituals. "Just checking to make sure our plans for this weekend are still on."

"Yeah, no changes."

"Great! I'll be back in town tomorrow and I've got to tell you all about this conference. I talked to that professor I'd been hoping to meet, and it turns out she's actually interested in my work," she described excitedly. "I think we might actually work together!"

"That's awesome, O, congrats," he told her sincerely. She'd been going on about Dr. Indra's work for a few years now.

"Well, nothing's confirmed yet, but she wants me to send her my outreach program proposal. If she likes it, she'll try to help me get it off the ground. It'll be hard to coordinated though, since she's at Polis U and I'm at Arkadia, but I think we could actually do it."

Back when Octavia had been a hellraiser, he never would have expected that she'd turn out to be a dedicated psychology grad student. She was determined to find ways to help teens who, like her, had been dealt a bad hand. It was so easy for them to become criminals, or homeless, or addicted, and even though she'd had survived relatively unscathed, she knew so many wouldn't without help.

"Awesome," he repeated with a grin. "Can't wait to hear about it."

She preened a bit, then plowed on. "How are you? How's the new job?"

"I'm good," he answered, ruffling the hair on the back of his head absently. "I really like the kids and their older sister. I think you'd like them too."

She cocked her head. "Oh yeah?"

"Yeah. Clarke's a doctor, so she's all about helping people too, and just like us, very family-oriented." It had a lot to do with why he was so attracted to her.

He froze at the implication of _that_. He really was attracted to Clarke. Extremely attracted to Clarke. He felt his face heat up and he looked away, trying to shake the thought from his head. Belatedly, he realized O had said something. "I'm sorry, what did you say?"

"I said, I didn't think I'd hear you say that someone who can afford a nanny was a lot like us," Octavia repeated, giving him a funny look.

"Uh, well, afford's a stretch, I think," he admitted. "When I got the email about this job from the agency, it said three kids, seven through fourteen, and gave the salary, which is pretty much in line with watching three kids. But the job's actually for four kids, one who is one year old, so a lot more work. So salary's a bit low for what I'm doing, even if I do get my own furnished apartment.

"And I mean, I looked up what a resident makes, salary-wise, and it's not that great. So if she has student loans, then that'd eat up most of it. This house is big and all that, but the cars aren't like, crazy expensive cars. I almost never see her spend money on herself, just for stuff like toiletries and a sketchpad. Everything's about the kids. And she's really keeping track of what I spend out of the household account, not to keep tabs on me so much as to to figure out if she needs to budget more for food and things."

He'd been briefly insulted at first when she asked for receipts from the grocery store, but she hadn't checked them so much as compare them to what she'd spent the previous month. She'd told him she was going to put another hundred a month in the account, but that if he ever needed more money, to let her know immediately so she could add whatever was needed.  
"You looked up her salary?" Octavia asked, an unreadable expression on her face.

"Well, yeah, after the receipt thing. I know, kind of a weird thing to do, I guess."

"You seem really invested in Clarke." She shook her head slightly. "Big brother, I think, maybe, you have a crush on your boss," she teased.

He flushed. "O…"

"I mean, you don't mention the kids as much as you did at your last job." She watched him intently through the camera. "Or, you could just be hard up. Any potential romantic partners I should know about, I mean, you know, proper ones, not just your boss," she needled with a wide grin.

The mention of Charlotte gave him the perfect escape from the current line of questioning. "Actually, Miller's trying to get me to ask out the bartender at the Still. But, that reminds me! So Charlotte called me the other day," he began.

Fortunately, the issue of a kid being used in a contentious divorce was right up his sister's professional alley. And anything that kept his mind off his burgeoning, completely inappropriate infatuation with his employer was a good thing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The home plan I used as the Griffin residence can be found at http://www.familyhomeplans.com/plan_details.cfm?PlanNumber=61376, though I have changed the racquetball court to an enormous library, the home theater to a storage room, and the office on the top floor to a one-bedroom apartment.


	3. On Summer's Doorstep

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With the school year winding down, Clarke has to decide what the summer could hold.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you once again to my beta @bfl1201 for bringing errors to my attention and for all the encouragement!

Clarke gazed up at the tall windows in the library and gave voice to the thought that always rattled around in her head when she was there. "I don't spend enough time in here."

"Why?" Cassi asked in confusion, looking up from her diorama of the Secret Garden from the book, which she had constructed in miniature with her older brother's help. They were working on the finishing touches of her project at one of the two long tables in the room, though Clarke honestly preferred the armchairs for sketching.

"Because this room is great. The light, the smell of all these books…" She waved to the built-in shelves filled with everything from leather-bound volumes to old paperbacks.

"No, why don't you spend time in here?" Cassi corrected, eyes wide with annoyance as she turned back to coloring in some of the vines Clarke had drawn for her presentation.

"Hey kiddo, I don't know if you've noticed, but I'm pretty busy," Clarke responded, smiling despite herself. Her little sister reminded her so much of herself at that age, she couldn't help but wonder if that was what their mother had been like at nearly twelve herself.

"I noticed! You're like, never here, which is why you got Bellamy."

Clarke blinked, trying not to think of the comment as a complaint. "But you like Bellamy, right?" she asked as she sketched out some bluebell flowers.

"Yeah, he's okay," Cassi replied absently, carefully outlining some petals in indigo and then beginning to fill them in. "His friend Bryan is gonna come by with the flowers soon," she added.

"Yep, I know."

"And then, when I'm done with this, can I invite Charlotte to sleep over?"

Clarke smiled slightly. "When this is finished? You know this is a school night, right?"

"We go to the same school," Cassi answered nonchalantly. "So it's not like a big deal."

"I'm pretty sure it is," Clarke denied with amusement.

"But no one makes her breakfast anymore! You're saying that breakfast is super important and now she's just got like, cereal and Pop Tarts," she wheedled. "It's not good for her!"

Clarke raised an eyebrow as Cassi described the breakfast she usually made for them, at least until Bellamy arrived. "I think she's going to manage just fine. But if you want her to sleep over, she can one night this coming weekend. It's a long weekend, so it can be next Sunday too."

Cassi sat back with a huff. "She's at her dad's next weekend, she probably can't," she whined.

"Then I'm sure we'll find a day in June when she can."

"She's going to going to camp after school is over," Cassi pouted. "I'm not going to see her _all summer._ Jackie too! I'm just going to be stuck here!"

Clarke gave her a look for her tone, even as she scrambled mentally, belatedly realizing that the last day of school was fast approaching. "Well, here's pretty nice, you know. There's lots to do around here." She cast about her, trying to think of the options. "There's the science museum, and the big art museum and the smaller one that's at the historical house, Talbot Manor. We could go to soccer games, or baseball games. Or the zoo."

Cassi rolled her eyes, which sparked Clarke to snap. "Okay then. How about you make a list of all the things around here you actually want to do and we'll do at least one of them twice a month?"

"What about all the rest of the time?"

"I'll think of something," Clarke promised before tapping her pencil on her sister's project. "Come on, you have to finish this. It's due tomorrow."

"I just don't think it's fair. You won't let me be a vegetarian and you won't let me have a friend sleep over," Cassidy insisted, refusing the drop the subject.

"First of all," Clarke began, pointing her pencil at her little sister. "I told you, you have to decide why you're a vegetarian so you can figure out how you're a vegetarian. Because if you don't want animals to die for your food, that's no meat and no fish, but you can have milk and cheese. But if you don't want to eat anything animal related, that's being vegan, and that means no milk or cheese, or fish, or anything. I'm not going to put this family, and Bellamy especially, through changing the shopping and the cooking when you don't know what you want yet.

"Secondly," she continued, raising her voice slightly when Cassidy opened her mouth to retort. "I didn't say you couldn't have a sleep over, just not tonight. Don't do that. Don't make me into a villain just because I'm not saying 'yes' immediately."

Cassi frowned and bit out, "Some vegetarians eat fish."

"Right, because they think fish don't suffer pain the same way, usually. That's why I want you to think about this and tell us what you want to do, because why you want to do this really lets us figure out what you can eat." Clarke gave her a conciliatory smile. "So we only have to work out once how we're going to get enough protein in you without whatever it is you choose not to eat."

Cassi finally nodded and somewhat grudgingly turned back to her coloring. They worked in silence for about ten minutes before Clarke's phone went off. She grabbed it immediately when she saw it was the hospital calling. At the end of the call, she found Cassidy giving her an unimpressed look.

"You have to go in," the girl told her.

Clarke nodded. "Yeah, I do, sweetie, I'm sorry. I can't really say no."

"I know. Like with mom." Cassidy sighed and slumped back in her chair. "I can finish this myself."

"It's almost done, and I have three other sketches for you to color in and cut out. You're doing a great job," Clarke assured her, pulling out the paper from her sketchbook and handing them over. She paused by her sister's chair on her way out, to give her a hug and a kiss on the top of her head. "When I get home tonight, I'll take a look at it, okay?"

Cassi just nodded, giving her a tight squeeze and adding a subdued, "Okay."

Clarke thought about the conversation later that day at the hospital, as she entered the elevator following a surgical consult in the ER. She knew that Cassi had flashed back to all the times their mother was called in on her day off. It wasn't the type of continuity she wanted to give her siblings, but it was something familiar.

But the problem of what to do with the kids all summer worried her. She'd just assumed they'd hang out at the house all day, everyday because Bellamy was there to look after them. Now, she realized that was a terrible plan, both for the kids and for Bellamy. Being stuck in the house, having to run the house, with all the kids underfoot day after day, would drive her to murder. Bellamy was better with children, but she didn't want to test his resolve. Or drive him away.

The doors to the elevator opened and she almost stepped out before she realized she wasn't yet at the surgical floor. Marcus stepped inside instead, giving her a smile.

"Clarke, I didn't know you were on shift today."

"I wasn't, but someone called out and I more than owe the time," Clarke acknowledged ruefully as the doors closed. "Thanks again for arranging things the other day."

"I'm just glad Charlie and Cole are okay," Marcus assured her. "How are they, and the other children?"

"Good. Gearing up for the end of the school year, though I'm not sure what to do with them for the summer. Camp is out of the question but Cassi basically preemptively complained she's going to be bored," she admitted ruefully. "And she's not wrong. I gotta figure something out."

"You know, Clarke, we have a pool at my house," Marcus mentioned. "You'd be welcome to stop by with the kids nearly any time you'd like to use it."

Clarke couldn't have been more surprised if he'd reached out and slapped her. The thought of Marcus Kane inviting four children into his house to use his pool at will left her nearly speechless.

He plowed on, perhaps heedless of her shock. "Callie uses the pool in the mornings for her laps, but other than that, we rarely use it. Your mother would bring the kids by usually once every week or two, catch up with Callie while they swam. We'd be thrilled if they got some real use out of it this summer too."

"I, uh, that'd be great, Marcus," she answered. "I mean, if Bellamy could take the kids there a couple of times a week to break up the monotony, it would help a lot."

Marcus paused, then mentioned, "If Bellamy is going to be the one bringing them to the house, I'd like to meet him. I know you trust him, and I am sure he is trustworthy, but-"

"You don't know him, right," Clarke interrupted without thought. "You can come over anytime to meet him," she quickly invited.

"Actually," he began slowly, giving her an amused smile. "Callie is due back in town this week, and I was thinking of inviting you and your family over for a Memorial Day barbeque, so I could meet your nanny then. I can make sure you get Monday off." He leaned in as if to tell her a secret. "I have an in with your department head," he joked.

She laughed. "That'd be wonderful. I'll let Bellamy know," she told him as the elevator came to a stop at the surgical floor. She hesitated when the doors opened, putting a hand on one to keep them from shutting. "Let me know if there's anything we can bring?"

"Probably just baby food for Cameron. I don't know what he's eating these days," he suggested.

"It's not exactly baby food. Bellamy makes him blander versions of what we're eating and mashes them up for him. Saves us a lot of money, actually," she admitted, stepping out into the hallway.

"Sounds like you have one hell of a nanny. I look forward to meeting him."

The elevator dinged a warning but Clarke didn't let go just yet. "Marcus, really...thank you. I can't tell you what it means to me, to us."

His gaze softened and he gave her an understanding nod. "Of course, Clarke. Anytime."

* * *

 

On Memorial Day, Clarke stood indecisively in front of her bureau, trying to decide which bathing suit to wear. Normally, she'd relish the chance to pull out one of her bikinis but she'd decided that when going to the house of the hospital president, she'd stick to one-piece suits. The problem was she only had two of those and the black one, the more conservative of the two, had elastic around the legs that was beginning to wear. The other, which she adored, had a sweetheart neckline that did _amazing_ things for her boobs and ruching around the stomach area to hide whatever sins she'd committed lately at the dinner table.

The safe bet was absolutely to bring the black one. But, as she heard Bellamy's voice in the hallway as he got Cole and Cam ready, she impulsively grabbed for the Persian blue suit instead. She was with her family, about to enjoy a day off by a pool. She had every reason to wear exactly what she wanted to wear. She threw on the suit, added a white, gauzy cover-up and some tan shorts, slipped on some flip-flops and she was ready to go.

Except for packing a change of clothing, then helping Cassi pack her things and double-checking the items for Cole and Cam while Bellamy packed up the pasta salad he'd made and the food for the baby. Cassidy was checking to make sure the DVR recorded some Disney show marathon she wanted to watch while Cole was trying to pack Legos and his Falcon doll and some other toys in his bag while she wasn't looking. Cam was banging away with the measuring cups on the table in the family room. Clarke peered at Charlie, who was reading a book on the couch, since he was still grounded.

"Do you know what he's reading?" Clarke asked Bellamy as he put a few containers in a cooler. Charlie hadn't really spoken to her since she'd punished him and she'd given up trying to force a conversation with him.

"Dune, I think."

She made a face. "Oh, ugh."

"You don't like Dune?" He glanced up at her.

"I don't like the idea of Dune. It's depressing to think that ten thousand years in the future we turn back to feudalism after an apocalypse," she responded with a wrinkled nose.

He chuckled, getting out a new container and filling it with some cereal. "I think people naturally gravitate to strong leaders, in good times and bad. Lots of people are happy to give up their ability to make decisions if they think someone will give them security."

"I guess that's something you've thought about, since you're a budding author," she commented thoughtfully.

"More like all the history I read," Bellamy replied, packing the last few items. "The apocalypse has happened before, to other societies. When Rome fell, when the Incas fell, even the ancient Thera eruption."

"I don't think I ever thought about it like that," she admitted. She glanced over the bags. "I think we're set here."

"Same," he agreed. What followed was a somewhat organized mess, as they herded the gaggle of kids into the car. Charlie claimed the third row for himself and only a stern look from Bellamy made him allow his little brother to sit with him. Clarke rolled her eyes at his display as she buckled Cam into his car seat.

By the time they actually made it to the Kane house, Clarke was already exhausted. The kids piled out of the car, running into the open garage and the house, leaving Bellamy and Clarke to handle all the bags and Cam by themselves. Bellamy was staring appreciatively up at the house, a white, modern home with an immaculately kept yard.

"Wow."

"Wait until you see the inside. Our house is nice, but mostly just big. Their house is actually a luxury home."

Bellamy snorted as he pulled some of the bags over his shoulders. "I hate to break it to you, but you'd still qualify as a princess in my neighborhood."

Clarke laughed as she pulled Cam onto her hip and shut the car door behind her. "Princess? If you only knew how my mother railed against that kind of stuff."

He pulled out one last bag from the car and closed his door with a grunt. "Oh yeah?"

"Yeah. I mean, old style princesses waited for their prince to come. The new ones, they save themselves, and that's okay, but yeah, my mother really disliked the whole 'only a man can save me' nonsense." Clarke paused at the mouth of the garage, waiting for him to catch up.

"Well, you are definitely a new-style princess then," he told her with a grin. She ignored the flutter of her heart at his words, turning back towards the door and leading them into the house itself.

As they emerged from the short hallway, they saw Marcus and Callie Cartwig-Kane, his wife, greeting the older children in the great room. Clarke took a quick look at Bellamy, whose mouth gaped open at the sight of the wide space, with a huge open kitchen and separate dining area. Thanks to the enormous windows, you could even see the outdoor kitchen, seating and dining areas, as well as the pool just beyond them. Everything at the Kane house was tasteful opulence, in Clarke's opinion - Italian tiles, marble countertop, wealth displayed through quality.

"Clarke! I hoped these three haven't just hitch-hiked over," Callie called with a wide grin. As always, Clarke envied how put together she always looked, wearing a black and celadon skirt that paired perfectly with a white and moss green bathing suit.

Marcus, meanwhile, hurried over to help with the bags. Unlike his wife, who actually seemed to intend to use the pool, he was dressed in a pale blue golf shirt and tan cargo shorts. "I can take whatever needs to go to the outside kitchen while you drop off the other bags in the room just off the bathroom there," he explained to Bellamy. "Oh, and I'm Marcus, by the way."

"Bellamy," her nanny introduced himself. "I'd offer you a hand, but…"

Marcus took the cooler Bellamy offered and then shook the now-free hand. "Nice to meet you."

"Likewise," Bellamy answered with a smile.

"Can we go in the pool now?" Cassi asked, practically bouncing in front of their hostess.

Clarke eased Cam onto one of the stools by the kitchen counter. "Sunscreen first," she insisted, earning a wave of groans from her siblings. "And Cole, remember, we have to wrap up your cast. It has to stay dry." There were immediate complaints, especially from the youngest.

"Duty calls." Bellamy stepped away from Marcus with a polite smile, setting down the bags then clapped his hands once to get the kids attention. "Listen up, we're going to go outside, you're going to put on the spray sunscreen and then you can go in the pool. Less than five minutes, but only if you quit whining about it." He focused on Cole. "And you heard Clarke, we have to wrap up that cast. You don't want to ruin all the designs on it, do you?"

In less than a minute, they were all outside, putting on sunscreen while Clarke shook her head. Somehow, Bellamy also managed to get them to take their own bags too.

"I think it helps that he's not related to them," Marcus offered with a chuckle at her expression.

"For what it's worth, I don't usually have any trouble with Cole. But when Cassi or Charlie's in a mood, it rubs off him, and then I have at least two and usually three annoyed siblings at time," Clarke explained.

"Mama cup!" demanded Cam, waving his right hand.

Both Marcus and Callie stilled and Clarke closed her eyes briefly before pasting a sunny smile on her face. She'd forgotten they had yet to hear that from the baby. "I don't think he remembers her anymore, but I'm going to make sure he knows all about her."

The Kanes exchanged an unreadable look before Marcus declared, "Well, I'm going to get the grill started. We have burgers, hotdogs, chicken and shrimp."

"Sounds wonderful, thank you for inviting us," Clarke answered, relieved at the change in subject.

"Mama cup!"

"Does he want something to drink?" Callie wondered.

"No, he wants his measuring cups to play with. When he wants something to drink, he says, 'cuppie', because the kids call his sippie cups 'cuppies'." Clarke kept one hand on Cam to keep him steady while looking in his bag for his measuring cups. After a long moment of searching, she recalled him playing with them in the family room as they were leaving. Which meant they never made it to his bag.

"Mama cup!" Cam insisted.

"Crap, I think I left them at home. Do you mind if he plays with your measuring cups? Oh, if they're plastic, that is," she hastily revised.

Callie chuckled as she walked into the kitchen and rifled through a drawer to produce a set of teal measuring cups. Setting these on the counter where Cam could reach them, she asked, "How'd he get into measuring cups?"

"He has those stack cups for babies, you know? Each is a different size and color? Anyway, I think I was using the measuring cups one day when he saw them, and he reached for them. I think he likes them better than his toys because they have handles." As she spoke, Cam grabbed two different cups by their handles and began banging them on the counter. "And this is mostly what he does with them."

"You think you're raising a drummer, maybe?" Callie asked laughingly.

"Huh, maybe." Clarke hadn't considered Cam to be interested in more than making noise. "What do you say, Cam? Would you like to be a drummer?" she asked him, only to be given a five-tooth grin. "Well, drummer boy, it's sunscreen time for you too."

By the time they joined the group outside, Marcus had the grill warmed up while Bellamy was standing some feet away, to keep a better eye on the kids in the pool. They were chatting amiably, which Clarke took as a good sign. Callie walked a bowl of marinated chicken over to her husband, leaving her to eye the water and then turn to the toddler in her arms.

"Ready to go into a pool?" she asked him.

Bellamy loped over, arms outstretched to take the toddler from her. "I can get him ready while you, uh, take care of yourself," he offered.

"He's ready to go," Clarke assured him, though she handed the baby over. "I practically dipped him in sunscreen, like Achilles in the River Styx. Except then I took care of his heel," she joked before shucking off her top and hopping out of her shorts.

She told herself his appreciative look was for the mythological reference.

"Did you have to look that up?" he teased in reply while Cam wiggled in his grasp.

"Hey, I know what an Achilles' heel is, and why it's called that," she protested, taking the baby back. She settled him easily on her hip and called to her siblings in the pool. "Is the water cold?"

"No!" came a chorus of denials.

Clarke padded over to the stairs, testing the water with a careful toe and shivering at the temperature. It certainly wasn't _warm._ "Okay Cam, we're going in but not for too long," she warned him, easing her way down the stairs and hissing as the water climbed higher.

"Brave princess," Bellamy called mockingly and she turned to shoot him a dirty look.

"I don't see you in the water," she responded tartly, returning her attention to Cam.

"Yet." She didn't glance his way, but could hear the cheekiness of his tone.

As Cam's toes touched the water, his eyes went wide and he squealed, pulling up his legs. He clutched at her tightly, babbling in consternation.

"It's alright, I got you," she assured him. "I know, it's not warm like bath time, but this is fun, I promise," she soothed, slowly taking another step down. Gradually, both she and the baby got used to the water, until she could finally spin him around in the water. His delighted laughter pretty much made her week.

To her surprise, Charlie approached her in the pool. "I, uh, can take a turn with him, if you wanna swim," he said, not quite looking at her.

Clarke bit her lip nervously but nodded. "Sure. Just be really careful to hold him tight. He's kicking pretty hard," she warned, gently transferring the baby to the teenager. She hovered for a few minutes, making sure that Cam was okay and Charlie had a really good hold on him before she swam out to the deeper water. She and Cassi spent some time chasing each other around the water, splashing, until Marcus called out that the food was ready.

She looked over at the steps, to see Charlie seated on the top most stair, Cam between his legs, encouraging his little brother to kick while holding his tiny hands in his own. She grinned, remembering when she was about Charlie's age, playing with him when he was about Cam's, and wondering at history repeating itself.

Clarke pushed Cassi towards the stairs, while Bellamy got Cole out of the water and checked the bag around his cast for leaks before taking it off carefully. Faster than she thought possible, everyone was seated at the table, with the baby on Bellamy's lap so he could feed him even though he had to be changed completely after being in the water.

Clarke made sure the kids all took some food, smiling to herself as Cassi very deliberately looked everything over before taking some of the shrimp, before she served herself.

"Do you really think you're going to eat all that, Cole?" she asked her brother who nodded vigorously. She had her doubts that he could eat a cheeseburger and a hotdog, as well as some pasta salad, but she was willing to let him try.

"If he doesn't eat it, I will," Charlie announced.

"Yeah, I have no doubt. I think you grew another couple of inches already this year," she replied.

"I remember when you came home from the hospital," Callie mentioned as she put some chicken on her plate. "Even then, you were so tall. Almost twenty-four inches."

"And you already looked like your father," Marcus added, leaning back in his seat. "He joked that they'd just made a clone."

Charlie colored some under the notice of all the adults and Clarke decided to change the subject some to spare him.

"So, you're reading Dune. Do you like it?" she asked, adding some ketchup to her hotdog.

"Your sister doesn't," Bellamy noted with a half-smile. "Says it's depressing that people return to feudalism in the far future."

"It _is_ kind of depressing," Clarke defended herself. The table spent nearly half an hour discussing types of government and books, enjoying the weather and each other's company. Clarke shot Bellamy a smug look when Cassi declared she was glad she wasn't a real-life princess, since they seemed to have such boring lives, but being a Disney one like Merida wouldn't be so bad. But she found herself shocked at Charlie's opinion.

"Probably the best form of government is a benevolent dictatorship or monarchy," he said.

Marcus coughed. "One person having all the power? That's terribly dangerous."

"Well, sure, but that's the benevolent part. But one person deciding everything, that's efficient and you just, you know, establish a baseline of rights for everyone that the dictator can't violate. All you need to do is guarantee the benevolency."

"But a dictator doesn't have to respect rights of anyone. They're the ultimate authority," Bellamy pointed out.

"I mean like a constitutional benevolent dictatorship. Like how England's a constitutional monarchy, right?"

"How do you guarantee they'd be benevolent?" Clarke wondered. "I mean, 'absolute power corrupts absolutely.'"

Charlie plucked Cole's abandoned cheeseburger from his plate, the seven year-old now engrossed in the iPad that Marcus had fetched for him to play with. "Well, people get corrupted, but you could build an AI that wouldn't be."

"Have you not read or watched anything made in the past hundred years about how machines are going to kill us one day?" Clarke asked incredulously, while at the same time Bellamy asked, "You are reading a book right now about life after a machine apocalypse, man."

"Yeah, yeah, but I think that's just an assumption. You could totally built a machine, an AI that would be a benevolent dictator. I mean, you just have to have the right, solid, programming. _We_ have programming," Charlie argued. "We have genes and some of them are like, personality stuff, so we can go a bit this way or that, but we can't totally change lots of stuff about us. I don't see why we couldn't do the same for an AI, so that it would be totally benevolent."

"No less a thinker than Stephen Hawking himself has warned about dangers of self-aware machines," Marcus noted. "I think he knows what he's talking about."

"It's not like he's never been wrong, ever," Charlie denied.

"Do you know what he's been wrong about, exactly?" Bellamy wondered, as Cam tossed to the ground one of the measuring cups they'd retrieved for him.

Charlie thought for a moment, then perked up. "He said stuff that goes into a black hole disappears forever, but it doesn't!"

"Okay, I'm impressed," Bellamy admitted as he leaned over to get the cup, glancing at Clarke, who nodded her agreement. She had no idea that Charlie knew that much about the physicist.

"You know, I think I'm a pretty benevolent leader at work-," Callie began.

"She's the kindest dictator I ever met," Marcus commented with a smile, earning a tossed napkin courtesy of his wife.

"And," she continued as if she had not been interrupted, focused on Charlie. "I don't know if you have plans for the summer, but if you don't, maybe you'd like to work at my company as an intern or assistant a couple days a week," she offered, gaze flickering to Clarke.

Clarke blinked. "Uh, can fourteen year-olds work? I thought you had to be sixteen."

"Fourteen year-olds can work no more than twenty hours a week, after school or on weekends, and not past nine at night," Marcus reported. "We have volunteers as young as Charlie at the hospital, but there are rules for where and when they can work. There would be some paperwork for him, and he'd need your permission, of course, but yes."

"I'd need to know what he'd be doing there, I think," Clarke began slowly, looking at Charlie as he watched her expectantly. "And we'd have a lot of details to work out, like how he's going to get there, and which days, and all that."

"I'll talk to HR and have them put something together," Callie promised, giving Charlie a bright smile. "But of course, that's only if Charlie is interested."

He nodded quickly. "Uh, yeah, sure. I don't know much about security stuff, but I could learn."

"Great," Clarke answered, pleased at least some of the summer plans might be coming together.

Charlie even added a, "Thank you, Callie," without prompting. Apparently, the pool was magic, wiping away the surly teenager and leaving her a normal, conversant human being.

"Can I go swimming again now?" Cassi asked, her patience at waiting exhausted and clearly having no interest in talking about her brother. Clarke dismissed her with a chuckle and Charlie soon followed her.

When Callie and Marcus began to clean up the dishes, both Bellamy and Clarke stood to help but were firmly waved away. "Sit, relax. Or enjoy the pool, please," Callie invited. "You're our guests today."

Clarke pulled Cam from Bellamy's lap after that, telling him, "You haven't had a chance to go in the pool. Go ahead. I'll stay with the little ones."

"You sure?"

"Yeah."

Bellamy still hesitated but finally nodded as he got to his feet. "Maybe for a few minutes, to cool off."

Clarke gave him a smile and resettled herself with the toddler in the seat next to Cole so she could keep an eye on the pool at the same time. "So what's this you're playing?" she asked her little brother.

As he was explaining the building game on the screen, she glanced up in time to see Bellamy pulling his t-shirt off, displaying a well-muscled back to go along with his nicely defined arms. Even from where she sat, she could see the freckles which dotted his torso and her fingers practically twitched from her desire to trace them. Or just draw him. Or follow him into the pool and see if his skin was as warm as it looked.

"I think Cam wants to walk around a bit. I'm just going to be right there," she announced abruptly and perhaps a bit too loudly as she waved to the remainder of the Kane's spacious backyard. "You'll keep an eye on the ones in the pool?" she asked Bellamy, already getting to her feet.

"Sure thing," he agreed before jumping in the water.

Once safely away and on the grass, she did her best to concentrate on Cam, who clutched one of the cups in his hand as he toddled around unsteadily on the lawn, bending down slowly every so often to touch a grass or a stray leaf. Occasionally, but not too often she told herself, she'd glance at the pool area, just to check on the kids.

So she absolutely didn't miss Bellamy pulling himself out of the pool, the weight of the water tugging his swim trunks just so she could get a glimpse of the skin just below his waist. Or him running a hand through his wet locks to throw off the excess water in a well-practiced gesture. Or him jogging over with a towel draped over his shoulders.

"You're looking a little red there. Why don't you put on some more sunscreen while I watch the little man on his walkabout?"

Fortunately, she managed to hear him speak to her over the pounding of blood in her ears. "Ah, yeah, sure." She swallowed, spying just beyond him that both Marcus and Callie had resettled at the table. "Actually, I'm probably just going to rinse off in the pool shower and get changed. I am feeling a little warm," she explained somewhat unnecessarily, feeling like an awkward thirteen year-old. "He's all yours," she added before rushing away.

Nearly fifteen minutes later, she felt a lot more her age, the effect of a cool shower and a change into a pair of shorts, a tank top that completely covered her chest and white shirt. She plopped into a chair by Marcus and Callie, noting that Bellamy was still on the lawn with Cam.

She turned her attention resolutely towards their hosts. "I can't thank you enough for today. The kids are having a great time, and so am I."

The Kanes looked at each other and traded smiles. "We're glad you could come," Callie assured her. "It's been too long since we had all of you over."

Callie's gaze drifted over to Bellamy, who was walking backward to encourage Cam to move towards him longer and longer distances. For a moment, Clarke felt a pang of alarm at the interest in her face, but she soon realized Callie was gazing with longing at Cam and not the nanny.

"Do you want to hold Cam, maybe?" Clarke ventured.  
Callie chuckled and reached out to take Marcus' hand. "Well, I certainly wouldn't mind the practice. We're, ah, expecting, sort of," she admitted.

Clarke blinked, then broke into a big grin. "That's..great, congratulations! When are you due?" she asked.

"We're adopting, actually," Marcus told her. "We talked about having biological children, but that's not as important to us, especially when there are so many kids in need of a good home."

"Both of us, well, we came from not so well-off backgrounds. If we can give a home like this to a couple of kids who really need it, well, we thought that was better," Callie explained.

"A couple of kids?" Clarke asked. "As in two?"

They both nodded. "We're in the process of finalizing the adoption of a little girl, who's three, named Madeline. And then, if she settles in with us well, next year we're going to look into taking a baby, we think."

Clarke eagerly took Callie's phone to look at the picture of a little girl, sitting between the Kanes on the stoop of an unfamiliar house. As she looked, Callie enthusiastically described her. "She's a bit shy. Took us meeting her a couple of times before she warmed up to us. She's not talking much, but she's very interested in books and figuring out toys. Her mother is Chinese-American and her father was African-American."

Marcus nodded vigorously. "She's a great kid but she's been in foster care her whole life. We can't wait to show her what a family really is."

"That is so great," Clarke repeated, gazing at the picture of the dark-eyed girl with light sepia-colored skin and two pig-tails of black, curly hair. "She is adorable."

"Thank you. It looks like the adoption will be final in about three or four weeks. We're just waiting for the judge to schedule the hearing."

Clarke blinked then gave them a smile, unsure how to phrase what was going through her mind. "I know you guys offered to take the kids after my parents passed.."

Marcus quickly shook his head. "We were already trying to adopt Madeline when they had their accident. We would have just folded her in. Moved to a bigger house if we needed to."

Callie reached out to take her hand. "But we're glad you decided to keep them together with you. It was absolutely the right decision. They're doing so well."

"Thanks." Clarke gave a wavering laugh. "Sometimes I need to hear that."

"You are," Marcus assured her. "Bellamy seems like a great nanny too. He can bring the kids by anytime, really. Even after Madeline is here."

"We're both going to take some parental leave, Marcus first, than me, so that for the first four months at least one or the other of us is here. And we found a good preschool enrichment program, to help her catch up on some things," Callie described, taking back her phone and looking fondly at the picture.

"But we're probably going to be looking for an au pair or a nanny for after that. Do you like the agency you went with?" Marcus asked.

Clarke hesitated. "Honestly? They kind of screwed up the placement. Most of the people they sent to interview I really didn't like. And Bellamy apparently got the wrong information about the job. It was just luck that he turned out to be right for the position," she admitted.

"Huh." Marcus exchanged another look with his wife.

"But maybe he could recommend someone?" Clarke hazarded. "Feel free to ask him."

"That's a good idea," Marcus mentioned.

"Marcus' mother has already volunteered of course, but…" Callie trailed off, rolling her eyes.

"We'd prefer to spare another child that particular torment," Marcus quipped dryly.

Clarke giggled, understanding immediately. Vera Kane was a very kind woman, but utterly devoted to a strange naturalistic religion. She'd heard Marcus explain to her parents a few times how many times he'd lived in cabins without plumbing or missed school to go on educational walks at his mother's insistence.

"Of course."

"Well, enough of that," Callie broke the mood quickly with a smile. "Who wants some dessert?" she called out loudly as she stood. "Come on," she invited the kids with a wave of her arm, chair scraping on stone as she push it back.

Clarke turned back to the lawn, to see Cam pumping his little legs, trying to get to Bellamy, when he took a tumble. She was out of her chair in a heartbeat, running over to them. As she neared, she saw Cam's lip tremble as he sucked in a breath to scream as Bellamy crouched by him.

"Hey now, little man, that was a great fall!" Bellamy told him, his voice suffused with excitement as he quickly stood Cam up and looked him over for injuries. "And you're fine! Can you give me a high five?" he asked, holding his hand up.

Cam wavered, letting out a mewl and blinked fat tears away as he patted Bellamy's hand.

"That's right," Bellamy encouraged him, before picking him up and standing tall.

The toddler's eyes were still bright when Clarke got to them and he lunged for her with a cry of, "Mama!" She pulled him to her, double-checking his limbs and head for injuries and found none.

"Hey, you're doing fine," she told him with a bright smile, before looking at Bellamy questioningly.

"You don't want him to be scared of the fall, just teach him how to deal with it. People fall, it happens. You have to teach him to get back up and keep moving forward," he tried to explain, tone confident. "I know your mother worried a lot and you do too, but little things happen. You don't want to make them scared of life. Not overreacting to everyday bumps and bruises helps them get to be the people they need to be to survive."

After a moment, she nodded. "I get it," she assured him. And she did understand. She saw it in the hospital everyday, family members and loved ones working up a patient in their concern. But it was so hard to restrain the impulse when it was her kids who were hurt. Or missing. "It's just...hard." She made a face, unable to articulate it better than that at the moment.

He chuckled. "I wanted to wrap O, my sister Octavia, in bubble wrap at one point. And that instinct is always there. But the point of being a parent is to raise someone who can take care of themselves at some point, right? And it starts with little things, like not having a fit when you trip."

Clarke nodded slowly. "I'm still going to comfort him," she told him, already squeezing Cam. "Right?" she asked the toddler, pecking his cheek with a quick kiss.

"Cuppie, Mama," Cam told her, clapping a hand on her face.

"Oh, absolutely," she answered with a chuckle. "Let's get you something to drink."

As they walked back over to the dining area, Clarke realized she'd had a whole conversation with a shirtless Bellamy without ogling him once. She gave him a smile, suddenly more than a little hopeful that she could get over this silly little crush on the nanny.

But, later that night, when everyone was tucked in, Clarke was lounging on her bed in her pajamas when her phone dinged. She frowned when she saw it was a text from Bellamy, who considered texting ridiculous.

 **Bellamy Blake:** _I thought you might like the moment captured._

He'd attached a video, of her in the pool with Cam as he experienced his first time in the water. She heard his giggling and her own happy responses, and then immediately played it again when it was over.

She managed to send back a thanks before she hugged her phone to her chest.

Maybe her crush wasn't so little.

* * *

With four children and a job as demanding as hers, she didn't really have the time to think about her inconvenient attraction to the nanny. Most days, it was easy to talk to him about the kids, or even work in passing. He kept her in the loop about what she was missing at home and they touched base in person usually twice a day, during which time she only thought about him inappropriately for maybe a second or two. There was just too much to be done. It was mostly on her days off that it could be a problem.

So when Raven told her she'd be back in town by Thursday, Clarke immediately offered to spend Friday, her day off, with her, apartment hunting. She was currently crashing at Sinclair's, her former professor slash surrogate parent, but she wanted her own place. It would get her out of the house and out of Bellamy's way. Raven was going to stop by at about ten, so Clarke could have a leisurely morning and they'd catch up now that she was back from her work assignment in Phoenix.

The plan went to hell by not quite seven in the morning. From her bed, she could hear Cam half-crying and half-fussing, a sure sign that another tooth was coming in, making it harder for Bellamy to make sure the other three were fed and out the door on time. With a sigh, she pushed back the covers rather harder than necessary and lurched to her feet. Heedless of the way she was dressed, overlong t-shirt, underwear and not much else, she practically stomped downstairs to get the hard biscuits he liked to gnaw upon as well as the Nuby teething ring. Items in hand, she returned upstairs to pull Cam from Bellamy's grasp in the hallway.

"Get the others off to school," she told him. "I'll deal with this one 'til you can."

"Sure thing, Princess," he told her, mouth quirking.

Once she resettled herself on the bed, Cam in her lap gumming away, she turned on the TV, still on Investigative Discovery, with a flick of the remote. She eyed the toddler thoughtfully before muting the sound and turning on closed captioning.

"No need for you to hear this stuff, huh?" she told Cam as she leaned back against the headboard. She checked his temperature with the back of her hand to his forehead, to insure he only felt warm and not truly feverish, then settled in to keep him occupied.

When she heard the knock on her door, she startled out of her doze to realize nearly forty minutes had gone by. Cam was still gumming on his ring, making a mess on himself and her shirt, but none the worse for wear.

"Uh, come in," she called.

Bellamy came into the room slowly, looking about him like he was in a foreign country. Belatedly, she realized he probably never came in here, since she did her own laundry. And she also realized that she was covered in baby drool and biscuit bits, with her t-shirt askew and her hair a mess, mostly because she couldn't stay awake.

"I can take him now," he said, coming towards the bed to lift Cam onto his hip.

"Thanks," she replied, flushing more with annoyance at herself for nearly falling asleep than embarrassment as she tried to brush away the crumbs.

"Try to get some sleep," he told her. "I heard you come in really late last night."

"Had a few emergencies come in. Was in surgery until almost midnight," she admitted.

Bellamy nodded understandingly, adding, "I'll make sure there's a fresh pot of coffee brewed when you get up later. Sleep well."

"Thanks," she repeated, watching him go without saying a word about her morning programming choices, which currently featured a diagram of a crime scene.

She woke up again at nearly ten minutes to ten, when her phone rang. She grabbed at it as soon as she realized the time, wincing as she saw Raven's picture come up.

"Hey, Raven," she answered the phone, trying to sound more awake than she was. "I'm almost ready to go. You going to be here soon?"

"Actually, no. Got called into work, but they swore only for an hour or two. Can we push this back until one?" Raven sounded both aggrieved that her plans were thrown off and predictably excited to work on whatever the latest problem was at the engineering firm where she worked.

"Oh, totally," Clarke tried not to sound relieved. "Whatever you need, I'm free all day."

"Okay, see you at one." Raven paused, then added, "Go back to sleep Clarke. Sounds like you need it."

Clarke chuckled. "Can't fool you, can I?"

"Clarke, babe, you can't fool anyone. See you later!"

A little over an hour later, Clarke finally made it downstairs, showered and dressed for the day. She was braiding her hair as she walked into the kitchen, using a band on her wrist to tie off the ends. As promised, a hot pot of coffee was waiting on the counter, a clean mug beside it.

She poured herself a cup and headed into the family room proper, where Bellamy was trying and not quite failing at keeping Cam distracted from the pain in his mouth. Settling onto the couch, she put down the cup and motioned for Bellamy to hand the baby over.

"He gets clingy when his teeth come in," she explained as Cam eagerly wrapped himself around her.

"Don't you have somewhere else to be?" Bellamy asked, even as he handed her one of the Nuby's as well.

"Pushed back until one, though knowing Raven it'll be later than that. Trust me, it'll be better for the both of us if I take him while you do whatever you need to today." Clarke kissed her brother's forehead, giving the boy a smile. "Right, Cam?"

"I need to get the groceries, actually but it is my job to look after him," Bellamy protested.

"A teething, cranky baby during grocery shopping? Yeah, take what I'm offering and get while the getting is good," Clarke teased. "I'll catch up on some bad TV and keep Mister Misery here company."

"You're sure?" Bellamy asked, though he half-rose from the couch.

"Go," she insisted.

"You'll eat something? Not just drink coffee?"

She huffed. "Yes, I'm sure there's still something edible in the house. Go, go."

He raised both hands in a gesture of acquiescence. "Sure thing."

Just as he moved towards the hallway to the garage, she called out to him. "Oh, wait, Bellamy."

He turned. "Yeah, want me to take him?"

"No," she laughed. "Just, you know, for me, summer at home was always popsicles and ice cream and other cold sugary treats. Can you pick some up for the kids? Well, and me, I'm totally going to eat them too. A few different things. You know, whatever's on sale or whatnot. But not too many. And maybe try to find the ones that have some actual fruit in them or something? If they're not too expensive."

As she nattered on, a half-smirk appeared on his face. "I'll see what I can do," he promised wryly before turning away.

Before she knew it, it was one, and to her surprise, the doorbell rang. Leaving Cam in the playring they'd constructed from gates all fastened together, she went to open the door and was soon enveloped in a hug from Raven.

"Hey, you look great," she told her. "But you always do," Clarke added, stepping aside to let her in.

"Thanks. I..don't try," Raven admitted with a laugh as they walked towards the family. "This is practically my uniform." Red jacket, black tank top, and jeans were mainstays of her wardrobe.

"Is that a new brace?" Clarke wondered as she paused to retrieve Cam.

"Yeah. This one is a bit more comfortable and it works better with my knee movement," Raven confirmed, flopped on the couch. She gave the TV a disgusted look and reached for the remote. "Murder Channel, again? Come on, Clarke, you gotta stop watching this."

"I like it," Clarke told her, shifting the baby in her arms. "Listen, I'm going to put him down for his nap. We can't take off until the nanny gets back, but I'm hoping he'll be here soon."

"Fine, fine," Raven answered, changing the channel on the TV. "I found a place anyway, so we're really just doing lunch."

"Oh really, where?"

Raven gave her a wide grin. "Finn's place. I'm subletting it 'til the end of his lease in February."

Clarke blanched, shifting the baby in her arms. "Uh, how did that happen?" She knew that Raven still kept in touch with Finn, but didn't think they were close enough for her to move into his place, even if he wasn't there.

"He saw my post about looking for a new place and offered his. He's going to Europe next week so was just going to break his lease, but this works better for him."

"Europe?"

"I honestly didn't ask, even though he was dying to tell me." Raven smirked. "I think he's following a girl there or something, but I don't care anymore where he sticks his dick. Plus I kind of like the idea of having sex with other guys all over his apartment."

Clarke laughed at that, then nodded to the kid in her arms. "Hey, watch it. Little ears here."

"Is it even talking yet?"

"Yes, _he_ is," Clarke defended. She knew that Raven didn't dislike children, but was uncertain with what to do with them before they could talk.

"Does he say anything interesting?" Raven asked doubtfully.

Clarke looked at the boy, who stared back at her sleepily. "He knows everyone's names in the house, even the nanny's."

Raven did not look impressed. "Okay then."

"I'll be right back," Clarke promised, turning to leave. "And if you turn that TV to 'How It's Made', you can't complain to me about Murder Channel."

By the time she was heading back downstairs, baby monitor in hand, she heard the garage door open. "That'll be the nanny," she told Raven.

Bellamy made his appearance then, three grocery bags in each hand. He nodded a hello to both Clarke and Raven, depositing his burdens in the kitchen before turning back towards the garage.

"Is there a lot more?" Clarke wondered, already turning to walk with him.

"Six people in the house and one of them is a teenage boy. Yeah, there's a lot more," Bellamy confirmed.

"Let me help then," she offered, setting down the monitor. "Just a few minutes, Rave, and then we'll head out, okay?"

Raven waved her away, watching Bellamy walk away with interest. "Take your time," she drawled from the couch.

Clarke felt her cheeks warm but followed after Bellamy to retrieve the rest of the bags. Though it took several trips, within ten minutes, they were both back in the kitchen, putting everything away while Raven watched them from a seat at the counter, the TV forgotten.

Clarke quickly introduced the two, who shook hands briefly. Then Bellamy was all business, putting items away until he came upon a bag that he pushed towards Clarke. "Is this what you were thinking of?"

She glanced inside, sorting through the boxes of ice cream sandwiches and water ice cups, as well as some fruit popsicles. Looking up with a grin, she nodded. "Yeah, almost exactly. Thank you." Pulling the bag with her, she began to load the items in the freezer.

Between the two of them, they had the groceries put away fairly quickly. Bellamy offered over the receipt to her, but she shook her head. "If you didn't go over what you spent last time, we're fine. I just need to know if I need to change the budget."

"We're all good," he promised, crumpling the long strip and tossing it in the garbage.

"Great. Then I think Rave and I will head out for lunch. Cam literally just went down, but when he's teething, he doesn't nap for too long," she explained, checking her phone charge before stuffing it into her purse.

"Noted," Bellamy replied. "Are you going to be back for dinner?"

"Probably? I'll text to let you know either way. Oh, and Callie sent me something about what kind of schedule she's looking at for Charlie this summer at work, and I want to talk to you about it, since you might have to pick him up or drop him off some days. We can just do that tonight, though."

He nodded, snapping his fingers. "That reminds me, Cassi handed me a list of things she wants to do this summer, said it was for you?" he began, pulling a piece of paper from next to the fridge.

"Oh, right," Clarke recalled. "I told her that twice a month, I'd try to take them out to do fun things around here, in the summer and she came up with list of stuff to do. You wouldn't necessarily have to come with us, though, because I was thinking I could do it on my days off."

"Just depends on when my days off are scheduled. But I don't mind taking the kids out without you either, to more than just the pool," Bellamy offered, leaning back against the sink. "Again, it's literally my job," he grinned.

"I know, but I don't want to make it worse than it has to be. Taking them all somewhere is stressful, you've seen that." Clarke glanced at Raven, who had been watching them silently the whole time, though to judge from her expression, she'd be been highly entertained by their conversation. "We'll talk about it later."

He held two fingers up to his brow and gave her a salute. "Sure thing."

To her surprise, Raven didn't say a word until they were in her car, the doors shut firmly after them.

"Are you sleeping with him?"

"Raven!" Clarke's face heated up. "No!"

The look her friend gave her was doubtful. "Are you sure?"

"Yes, I think I'd know if I was sleeping with the _nanny."_

"I meant, are you sure you don't want to be sleeping with him? Because I was just in there with you two, watching you dance around each other in the kitchen," Raven said as she buckled her seatbelt.

Clarke shook her head resolutely as she turned on the car. "You, of all people, should know how messy it gets when you sleep with someone you work with. Because that's what it would be. I'm his boss, Rave."

"He's no Wick," Raven denied, shaking her head. "And I saw how you looked at him. You like him, and not just for that incredibly hot body he's sporting."

Clarke swallowed quickly, falling silent as she backed the car out of the garage. She didn't speak again until they were driving on the road, trying to think of something to say to that. She finally managed, "It doesn't matter if I do. He's here for the kids. They like him, he's great for them, that's why he's here. He is not here for me. And I will not creep on him. I can't risk losing him."

Raven seemed skeptical. "I get that, but-"

"No buts. I can't, he's totally off-limits." Clarke came to a stop at an intersection and looked over at her friend. "And I'd really appreciate it if you didn't tease me about it. It's just a little crush, but I don't...I don't want to be thinking about it, honestly. I think it makes it worse."

The engineer nodded finally. "Okay, sure." Once they started driving again, she offered, "So...if you're not seeing him, are you seeing someone else?"

Clarke laughed, shaking her head. "I don't really have time to-"

"Total bullshit. You've got a nanny and I know Wells still comes once a week. He posts pictures of the kids like crazy on his babysitting nights," Raven denied flatly. "You've got the childcare. Best way to get over a crush on someone unrealistic is to get under someone realistic."

"I'm pretty sure you're paraphrasing."

"But I'm not wrong. A woman like you, a sexy doctor? You should totally be able to hook up with someone."

"I have four children, Raven, including a baby. I'm not exactly a hot commodity," she denied.

"When's the last time someone flirted with you?" Raven wondered, her voice flat with disbelief.

"Who wasn't a patient?" Because that certainly happened, with regularity. "Uh, I think one of the nurses on the surgical floor did yesterday." She shrugged. "But she could've just been being friendly."

"You're like the worst person I ever met for picking up on flirting, so I'm going to assume she practically tattooed it to her face." Raven rolled her eyes. "And, so, do you like her? Is she someone you think you would want to date?"

Clarke thought about Niylah, who was compassionate and competent, unwilling to take crap from doctors or patients. "Yeah," she admitted with a little nod. "I could totally date someone like her."

"Not someone like her, her. Would you date her?"

"Yes, fine, yes," Clarke clarified.

"Then, ask her out, dumbo," Raven instructed. "Next time you see her."

"Didn't we just talk about how bad it is to date someone you work with?"

"Are you her boss too?"

"No, definitely not. Technically, she's not even in my department."

"Then there's no problem. Ask her out, and you know, have a good time. Get laid. Whatever."

"I…" But Clarke couldn't think of a good reason not to ask Niylah out. "I...maybe."

"Do it. Doooo it," Raven cajoled, poking her in the side.

"Can I at least think about it over lunch?"

"Do it, do it, do it," Raven chanted, until Clarke laughed.

"Okay, okay. I'll do it. Can we now start acting our age?"

"I am acting my age. This what being awesome at twenty-nine is," Raven declared. "You can only hope you'll be this mature at my age."

Laughing, Clarke gave her friend a wide grin. "I'm glad you're back, Rave. I'm glad I got you in the break-up with Finn."

"Of course you are. I just told you, I'm awesome."

"You are," she confirmed. "You definitely are. Okay, I'm asking out Niylah tomorrow. You'll have to help me think of good first date ideas though. It's been forever since I went on one."

"I got you," Raven agreed before launching into a host of suggestions, half which had Clarke in hysterics. But it was nice to think about someone romantically and not feel guilty about it, for once.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the model of the Kane home that I used: http://www.familyhomeplans.com/plan_details.cfm?PlanNumber=75973. Also, I can be found on Tumblr at @callmehux. Feel free to bother me there.


	4. Nothing is Ever Easy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bellamy makes a decision and later finds that there's very little peace in the Griffin household.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, thank you to my beta, @bfl1201, for pointing out my errors. All your hard work is so appreciated!
> 
> And also thank you to everyone who subscribed or commented or left kudos on this fic. Posting fic can feel like shouting into the void and your responses let me know that someone is listening, so thank you so much!
> 
> Finally, please take note of the rating update. There will be eventual, explicit smut. Just not now.

On his evenings off, Bellamy was free to go as soon as another adult was around to mind the children. When it happened to correspond with one of Clarke's days off, she usually tried to give him the afternoon as well. He found himself more and more deflecting those suggestions, telling himself that he was too lazy to do anything in the afternoon besides hang out with his employer, who just happened to be an engaging, warm-hearted beauty as devoted to her siblings as he was to Octavia.

Just like this afternoon. He had plans this evening to hang out at Murphy's, but since Murphy wasn't going to be home until sometime past six, it didn't make sense to do anything but chat with Clarke while she made herself a sandwich.

Since the weather had taken a distinctly warmer turn, she was barefoot, wearing a light blue v-neck t-shirt and pair of tan shorts that showed off her legs. It had him feeling overdressed, in his jeans, sneakers and one of the many two-toned shirts his sister had gotten him.

"I think Cassi is definitely leaning towards being a pescatarian. Which is great, because that just means a lot more fish in the diet, so easy to get her protein. But kind of not great, because it means the grocery bill is definitely going to go up," Clarke said, slathering spicy mustard on a piece of crusty rye bread. He pretended he didn't see her suck a bit of the mustard off her thumb.

"I can manage it," Bellamy assured her at his seat by the counter. "I even have a couple of straight vegetarian recipes I can insert into the lineup that'll help."

"Oh yeah? Like what?"

"Vegetarian lasagna for one. It still has cheese and eggs, but if she's fine with that, it's a great recipe for the family. It'll give us two, three meals, depending on whether Charlie's in garbage disposal mode or not."

"I don't think I've ever seen a human being eat like he does," Clarke agreed, shaking her head. "I know, logically, he's growing, all the calories are necessary. But wow."

"Don't watch a lot of eating contests, huh?"

Even though she was trying to show disgust with the face she pulled, all he could see is how cute it was.

"I can't watch those things. Makes me nauseated," she admitted, even as she piled pastrami onto the bread. "Which deli did you get this at?"

He laughed, shaking his head. "Princess, I made that."

"What? No way," she denied.

"Yeah," he confirmed with a chuckle, leaning forward on his elbows and grinning. "Why did you think it was cut that way, in really thick slices?"

"I just thought, I don't know, you got the deli lady to give you huge slices instead of paper thin things that all crumble all the time?"

"And she gave it to me in a really nice tupperware container too?"

Clarke drew in a breath, then expelled it without an answer, looking chagrined.

"You know, Cam," he called over to the baby as he was easing around the family room on his red scooter. "Your mom isn't the most observant person in the world, is she?"

"Hey, I am right here!" she exclaimed, though she was smiling.

"I'm just saying," he replied with a smile of his own and a shrug.

"When did you make a pastrami?" she demanded.

"Couple days ago. It's not hard, just time consuming. Brisket was on a good sale last week. So I got two good pieces, froze the one, and brined the other in the fridge for five days. Then you steam it in the oven," he explained. "Easy."

Clarke was looking at him like he'd grown a second head.

"You literally cut people open and fix their insides for a living, but you think making pastrami is hard?"

"I just, I'm not a cook, okay? It was never in my skill set."

"Good thing I'm here, huh?" he teased.

"Hell yes, if it means I get fresh, homemade pastrami," she agreed, taking a comically large bite out of her sandwich and then clapping a hand to her mouth to keep it all inside.

"Very smooth," he complimented, leaning back in his seat.

She tried to say something with her mouth full, but he held out a hand to stop her. "Don't, don't, I don't want you choking," he laughed.

When she was able to speak again, face flushed and eyes sparkling, she said, "I was _saying_ 'stop making me laugh.'"

He smirked at her. "Sure thing."

She shook her head at him. "You know what'd go great with this sandwich? A good pickle." Turning towards the fridge, she searched around in there before she came up with a container. "Did you make these too?"

"Nope, got them at the deli." He grinned again at her laugh.

Clarke fished out a pickle and cut it into spears, taking one for herself and offering the plate to him. "Okay, so vegetarian lasagna. What else is in your Cassidy-friendly repertoire?"

"I make a mushroom-cheese bake that goes great over potatoes. And of course, pesto on pasta. Lot of different things you can do with pasta. Stuffed peppers, using cheese instead of meat. Gazpacho, but that's kind of a pain in the ass, because you have to strain out the seeds. But it's really good and perfect for summer," he began to tick off after taking a spear for himself.

Clarke blinked. "Did you research this for her or something?"

"Ah no." He bit into the pickle a little more fiercely than he intended. "I had..I guess an ex who was a vegetarian, figured out how to cook stuff for her."

"Oh." Clarke gave him a comforting smile. "I guess it ended badly."

He barked out an unamused laugh. "Yeah, you could say that." Two years later and he was still furious with her and with himself. He took a moment, looking away, trying to force down the residual anger. "Anyway, left me with some recipes that will help with Cassidy, when she makes a decision," he attempted to continue the conversation.

Clarke nodded carefully, then hesitantly ventured, "I had an awful break-up years ago, in undergrad. This guy, uh, Finn? He pursued me and he was charming and funny and whatever." She huffed, as if annoyed she could think of nice things to say about him. "So we're going out, pretty hot and heavy, and then his girlfriend showed up." She nodded slowly. "I dropped him, of course, and when she found out, she did too, because she's not an idiot. Actually, you met her, Raven, from last week? But then he actually continued to pursue me. Notes, and messages, and can't I just let him explain...it was awful, and lasted three times longer than our actual relationship. Scared me out of dating for a long time."

"What..what made you start again?" he asked finally, meeting her eyes directly.

"My parents, believe it or not. They had a really great marriage. They were friends and they were lovers and I just." She looked away, blinking rapidly. "I just wanted that for myself, you know? I wanted to marry my best friend too, someone I could trust beyond words." Her voice stretched, wavered for a second even.

"That sounds pretty great," he agreed, watching her carefully, heart beating faster.

"So yeah," she continued, her voice brighter as she shifted her gaze back to him. "Definitely, put yourself out there again. When the time is right, if that's what you want."

He nodded at her, opening his mouth to add, "Listen," when her phone rang.

Holding up a hand to forestall him, she grabbed the phone and pulled it to her ear. "Wells! Yeah, I know this is a little last minute, because I totally forgot tonight was Bellamy's night off, but could you sit for the kids?" Clarke turned away from him, listening to Wells' reply. "Well, uh, actually, I have a date."

Bellamy felt the bottom of his stomach drop. He scrambled to his feet awkwardly, turning his back on her to regain his composure. Watching Cam scoot around happily for ten seconds, he told himself what he felt was a rush of relief that he was interrupted before he...did something. It was perfectly fine to get friendly, to learn about each other so they could work and live together better. But he had been about to cross a Rubicon that could have been disastrous.

Clarke had every right to go on a date. To live a life outside of this house. To get on with her life even though she had four kids now. He was here to help her do just that.

Just because he liked her, just because he saw her in that bathing suit and couldn't forget it, just because he felt comfortable with her in a way he didn't think was really possible with a woman anymore, didn't mean she had an interest in him. Because she wouldn't. He was the help.

Cam came to a stop about five feet away, then eased himself off the scooter in a display of toddler balance that had Bellamy recalling the last time he'd seen a drunk man stumble from the Still. He wobbled his way to Bellamy's feet, tugging on his jeans before holding up his arms. Without even thinking about it, he stooped down to pick up the child.

"You've got me trained already, huh?" he asked the toddler once he realized what had happened.

Cam patted his cheek and gave him a wide smile. "Bell." Then he grabbed at his own hip, quickly grasping and releasing the material of his pants. "Diaper."

Bellamy blinked, then grinned widely. "Hey, I think he learned another new word!" he called to Clarke, tilting his head back. He did a check, nodding when he confirmed. "Yep, you need a new one."

"What'd he say?" Clarke asked as she hurried over, phone call apparently over.

"Can you tell your mommy what you said?" Bellamy tried to coax the boy.

Cam looked from one to the other and said, "Cup."

Bellamy chuckled. "No, no, what did you just say?" he asked, pulling at the waistband of Cam's pants as a reminder.

While Clarke looked on expectantly, Cam repeated, "Cup."

Sighing, Bellamy shook his head. "I swear, he just said 'diaper.' And I checked his, and he needs a new one."

"Did he?" Clarke asked, holding out her hands to take the child from him. "Did you say diaper, Cam?"

"Cup!"

Bellamy shook his head. "Now he's trying to make me look bad."

"Trying?" she asked archly.

"I see how it is. This is a Griffin family conspiracy," he told her, a bit of his good humor returning. But looking at her once more, standing so close to her, he became all too aware of how precarious his feelings were. Time to beat a retreat.

"I think I'm going to go, if your offer for the afternoon off is still good."

Her brows furrowed briefly in surprise. "Sure, of course."

"If you need me to stay, I can stay," he added out of a sense of obligation.

Clarke shook her head quickly. "No, no..it's fine."

He was in his car and halfway down the street before he realized that he had no where in particular to go so early in the day. He sat at the stop sign at the end of the block for over a minute before he decided to go to the bookstore. It was a good place to kill a few hours before he picked up some dinner and went to Murphy's apartment.

On the way to his favorite used bookstore, he found himself passing by Second Street. Impulsively, he turned, parking his car in an open spot and then jogging into the Still. He couldn't tell if he was relieved or disappointed to find Gina working behind the bar, putting away clean glasses. After a moment's hesitation in the doorway, he told himself firmly to man up and approached.

"Hey," he greeted her, for lack of something better to say.

Gina turned, giving him a wide smile. "My favorite nanny. Are you super early for guys' night or something?" she wondered, leaning against the bar. She was wearing a red t-shirt with the name of the bar on the left breast and he could honestly say it looked pretty good on her.

"Ah, no," he admitted, half-smiling in embarrassment. "I, uh, came here to, uh, see if you wanted to go out sometime." Whatever game he'd had before Echo was long gone. He felt practically adolescent.

Gina reached out to lay a hand over one of his own. "I gave you my number already, so ...yes, that's exactly what I want to do," she assured him, her smile getting wider. "But I appreciate the nerves, makes a girl feel wanted."

He laughed lowly. "Yeah, I guess I shouldn't be so surprised at your answer, huh?"

She shook her head. "No, but again, it's really appreciated." She cocked her head to the side, adding lightly, "Your friend, Miller, he was right. Took you about a month to ask me out. Should I give him a free round for convincing you or did you do this on your own?"

He rubbed at his face with his free hand. "Ah, well, take a look." He pulled out his phone and opened his text conversation with Miller to show her.

 **Nathan Miller:** _Ask out Gina._

He watched as she scrolled to find that same, simple message from his friend once a day since she'd given her phone number. He just hadn't really given it much attention until that afternoon.

"Eloquent," she chuckled as she handed the phone back.

"Actually, he can be. But, he knows simple arguments work better with me," Bellamy defended him, realizing that her other hand was still firmly atop his own. Slowly, as if afraid of startling her, he turned his hand over, so that he could curl his fingers around her own.

"Noted." She was beaming at him.

It felt good, damned good actually, to have an intelligent, beautiful woman smiling just at him. Because of him.

"So, ah, normally, I'd suggest this really great pub I know, but I don't think you want to come here for a date," he told her. "And I don't even know when you're free."

"I have Tuesday off, but that's probably not a good day for you, huh?"

"This week, not really. Monday's my full day off," Bellamy admitted, quickly outlining his general work schedule. "Because my employer's schedule rotates, I don't really know which days I have available until the week of, usually. I can try to make a request though. I think she'd accommodate me, if she can."

"You know what, I can take Monday off. I'll just switch some shifts around," Gina replied easily.

He blinked. "Just like that?"

"Can I tell you a secret? Well, not a secret, but something you don't know?" After his nod, she explained, "I own the place. I make the schedule. If I don't want to work Monday, I don't have to work Monday."

"Oh!" Bellamy gave her a look. "So what you're telling me is that you could've been giving us, your favorite customers, a discount this whole time?" he teased her.

"Who said you were my favorite?" she retorted, but then surprised him by leaning over the bar and kissing his cheek. "Or did I reveal it when I flirted with you incessantly and gave you my number?"

He flushed, looking down. "Ah, I can honestly, if ashamedly, say I was completely guessing."

Her laugh was warm. Squeezing his hand, she told him, "Wow. That's some obliviousness there. Glad Miller came to my rescue."

They chatted amiably for a few more minutes, figuring out the details of their date, before she shooed him away. "Even though I'm the boss, today, I do have to work," she told him regretfully. "And I am not going to do very well if you're here and I stop to grin dorkily at you every few minutes."

"It's probably more adorable than dorky," he offered.

"Okay, that's it, you have to go," she replied, pulling her hand from his finally. "Never going to get any work done with you around," she teased him.

"Okay. I'll, uh, see you Monday."

"Can't wait." The excitement in her voice did make him feel good, he had to admit. "And Bellamy? Asking a girl out in person? In this day and age? Beyond attractive."

"Good to know I haven't completely lost my touch."

"Mmm, definitely not. Okay, go, before I do something inappropriate," she waved him off, still smiling.

As he walked back to his car, feeling lighter and happier with himself than he had in ages, thanks to making plans with someone who was actually interested in him, not an unattainable and frankly, impossible fantasy. His mood lasted throughout the rest of the afternoon, as he killed a couple hours at Food for Thought, bought some books, including one for Ethan, and then confirmed with Murphy that he should pick up some takeout on his way over.

When he got to Murphy's place, he barely had time to knock before the door was thrown open and a small, dirty blond child with pale skin hugged his legs. "Uncle Bell!"

"Let him come in, Ethan," Murphy called from inside the apartment. His hair was a mess, a sure sign that he'd just changed into the cargo shorts and the old Campbell Conference t-shirt he was wearing. As Bellamy watched, he ran his fingers through his hair and then hurried over to relieve him of the bag full of takeout food. "Thanks for getting this. What do I owe you?"

"Don't worry about it," Bellamy replied, still trying to get inside the apartment, as the recently-turned six year-old was practically dancing in front of him. "Come on, E, I gotta inside if I'm going to give you your present."

Ethan blinked blue eyes up at him and carefully stepped aside. "A present? What is it?"

"Something that can wait," Murphy told his son firmly. "Cards, now, so we can eat," he reminded him with a nod.

The boy heaved a dramatic sigh and shuffled over to the dining table to clean up what looked to be at least a thousand Pokemon cards.

Bellamy closed the door behind him as he stepped inside the small two-bedroom apartment. "When did he start getting into that? He didn't have those when I was here last month."

"Some kid in his class likes them," Murphy explained as he put the food on the table next to the mess his son was carefully sorting into piles.

Bellamy grinned as he put the bag with Ethan's gift on the couch, instantly imagining what had happened next. "So you went out and got him hundreds of cards?"

"I got him a few packs," Murphy defended. "But I was on Craigslist and someone was getting rid of their kid's collection and I got most of them for sixty bucks."

"I have the biggest set in the whole grade," Ethan crowed. "No one can beat my decks! Look at this one, Bell, it's.."

As Ethan showed him some of his most impressive cards, Bellamy didn't miss Murphy's smile. Their apartment was small, less than 700 square feet, but it was in the best school district around and, for that reason, relatively expensive. Murphy had gone to great lengths to get a place to live in the district, so that Ethan could test in early as well as get the best education. But that meant that Ethan regularly went to school with kids whose parents could afford to spoil their children quite a bit. Murphy tried to make sure Ethan never felt like he was on the lower end of the economic scale, and as far as Bellamy could tell, Ethan didn't. Hell, the kid even had the bigger bedroom in the apartment, to better hold all his toys and books. Murphy only spent money on himself for guys' night out and his occasional dates, which he never brought home. In fact, he was always back by eleven, to send the babysitter home. Even when that babysitter was Bellamy or Miller.

It took some time to get Ethan to put away the cards and then sit at the table to eat his dinner, even though he loved lo mein and eggrolls. But eventually, he ate enough to satisfy his father so that Bellamy could give him the book about Roman armies and the kit to build a catapult that came with it. Pokemon was completely forgotten as he paged through the book in the living room and then dumped the kit out on the table there to begin putting it together.

Bellamy and Murphy stayed at the dining table, finishing their dinner after they helped Ethan punch the smaller pieces out of their molds for him. Once Ethan wasn't paying attention anymore, Bellamy noted, "You know, I know he's got your eyes, but everytime he gets that intense look on his face, all I see is his mother."

"Yeah, I know. He always looks like his mother to me, but he's got her determination. And he's so smart. I mean, I'm clever, but shit, Blake. What he does at six, I don't think I could do at twelve sometimes. He's already doing second grade work, has been for months, and he's even breezing through that. I talked to his teachers. They think he's going to be bored next year and they're talking about him skipping a grade. They want to test him again."

Bellamy gave him a look, since while Murphy sounded proud, he also sounded troubled. "Something wrong with that?"

Murphy took a drink of his water, shrugging a shoulder. "He's already the youngest in his grade, a year younger than everyone else. What happens when he's two years younger?"

"He could be a target," Bellamy caught on immediately. "But this school district, they are on top of things. If James Creek Elementary is like its sister school, they've got bullying policies, policies for everything."

Murphy nodded, his gaze never leaving his son. "Right." He didn't sound reassured.

"What's your option? Keep him as he is, maybe he gets bored? Just give him extra things to do at home, maybe?" Bellamy tried to suggest, only to be met with a derisive snort.

"No. If he needs more, he's going to get more." Murphy's glass thumped on the table. "He's at the right school, they're great for him, and if that means skipping a year, then that's what we'll do."

Bellamy frowned slightly. Murphy sounded like he was trying to psyche himself up for something, not considering his son's future, which was basically his favorite pastime. "Are you sure everything's alright?"

"Fine," Murphy confirmed. He then forcibly switched the topic to the playoffs, which was as clear a sign as any that something else was bothering him. Murphy was smoother at conversation than that.

But he could also take care of himself and Bellamy knew that if he needed, or wanted, help, he'd ask for it. They'd been through enough together - including deployment, Murphy's sudden single-parenthood, Echo and the fallout - that Murphy would reach out if he wanted. So he allowed the change in subject, and eventually they ended in the living room, watching the game.

He got back to the Griffins' place around eleven, noting the empty spot in the garage where Clarke's SUV normally stood and that Wells' Prius was in the free spot. He gave himself a moment, to remind himself that he had a very good day, before he went into the house. He found Wells in the dining room, where he was cleaning up a game of Risk with the baby monitor close by, but with no kids in sight.

"Hey, Bellamy. They're all in bed," he reported with a grin. "Well, I assume that's what Charlie's doing in his room. I didn't check that one."

"You played Risk against Charlie? How fast did he beat you?" Bellamy asked, leaning against the doorway.

"First time? Under an hour. Took him longer the second," he admitted. "Look, we were sitting on the couch after dinner, everyone else in bed, and we're both on our phones. It didn't seem healthy, so I told him we could play any game he wanted."

Bellamy shook his head. "That kid's a master strategist. Only person he can't beat is Clarke, and that's because she plays him so hard. You do not want to be here when they play Risk against each other." He'd witnessed it once and he swore he never would again. "Quiet night, otherwise?"

"I have so learned, yes," Wells admitted ruefully. "Don't have much of a killer instinct, I'm afraid. But yeah, it was quiet. I was even texting my girlfriend and, if I was less of an adult, I'd have invited her by," he joked.

Bellamy gave him an amused smile. "You think Clarke would go for that?"

"She knows I would never, not until she met Luna and approved of her being around the kids. Not that I think she wouldn't approve of a woman I met when we were both volunteering at the Youth Crisis Center."

He knew Wells wouldn't do anything without Clarke's explicit permission. Wells was a good babysitter, but Bellamy felt his care for her siblings was more an extension of his care for Clarke. "Well, I can finish cleaning up if you want to head home. I, uh, know this was last minute for you."

"Nope, my mess, I'll clean it. Then I'll head for home," Wells denied. "Besides, I'm almost done. Did you have a good night off?"

Bellamy nodded. "Yeah, definitely."

 

* * *

 

By Sunday, something was in the air at the house. Each one of the kids was in some sort of mood. Charlie stomped around the house like everything was personally offensive to him, picking fights with Cassi over everything. Bellamy found himself mediating a dispute over the cup with Han Solo on it. Cole complained about his arm, even after the children's motrin, which made him whiny. And Cam was acting like another tooth might be making an appearance, but without the drool. Bellamy thought he was just picking up on his siblings all being disagreeable.

But the last straw was when he called for the kids to eat lunch. No matter his mood, Charlie appeared instantaneously at the mention of eating, so he was there quickly and the two youngest were already in the family room so it was just a matter of settling them at the table.

"I don't want a cheese sandwich," Cole complained, pushing his plate away like it had insulted him.

"I asked you before I made it if you would eat it and you said you would," Bellamy reminded him, reaching over to prevent Charlie from immediately stealing it. He pushed the plate back towards Cole. "Eat. You can't take any more medicine this afternoon on an empty stomach."

"I don't wanna. I want chicken," Cole grumped.

From his highchair, Cam was slowly grabbing handfuls of his baby snacks and holding them over the side to watch them fall to the ground. "We don't have chicken. We have cheese, pastrami, leftovers from last night, or I could make you some eggs." Bellamy decided it wasn't worth the battle, not when he was going to have to fight to get food into the toddler.

"Stop being a baby, Cole," Charlie sniped at his brother.

"I'm not a baby!"

"Charlie, you're not helping," Bellamy told him sternly, standing by the table. "And you, stop yelling," he told Cole. "There's no reason to yell."

"You yell," Cole groused.

"When do I ever yell?"

"You just did, for Cassi!"

Bellamy scoffed. "That's not the same thing and you know it. And where is she?" He looked around, cocking his head to see if he could hear her coming.

Charlie just shrugged. "She ran upstairs an hour ago or something."

"And I see you swiped the cup back while she was gone." Bellamy shook his head. "Why? It's a cup."

"It's my cup," Charlie grumbled.

Bellamy glanced at Cam, who was dumping some more food onto the floor. "I see where he gets it from, I think."

He ignored the protest from Charlie as he walked over to the stairs to call again. "Cassi, lunch!" He waited a moment, then faintly heard the sound of running water. He frowned, then told Charlie, "Keep an eye on your brothers for a minute."

Taking the steps two at a time, he saw that Cassi's door was slightly ajar. He knocked before entering, but heard no response. Stepping inside the lavender room, he saw that the door to her bathroom was closed and that unmistakable sound of the shower being run.

"Cassi! Why are you taking a shower in the middle of the day?" he asked, after knocking on her door.

"Go away!" she screamed, the door unable to muffle the frantic note in her voice.

A chill went down his spine. "Cassi? Is everything okay?"

"Go away!" she repeated. "Please, just go away."

"Cassi, if something is wrong, you have to tell me," he tried, hand hovering over the handle.

"No, just go away, please please, go away," she practically babbled.

He tested the handle, finding it locked. "Cassi.."

"No!" Her heard her moving on the other side of the door, pressing herself into the wood. "You can't come in!"

"Cassi, if you're hurt, or sick, we can go to the doctor's right now," he promised.

"Nononono, please." She sounded almost broken. "Just go away."

Bellamy eyed the door, trying to figure out what he would need to do to break it down. "Cassi, can you at least tell me if I need to call 911?"

"No! No, no, don't do that!" she pleaded.

"Okay, okay," he tried to reassure her. He leaned his head against the door, trying to think of all the reasons she might be upset but wouldn't need a doctor. She didn't have a boyfriend - or girlfriend - that he knew about, but that could be it. He didn't think her fight with Charlie was that bad. She'd given as good as she got.

When he heard her move away from the door and pull back the shower curtain, it suddenly occurred to him.

She could've gotten her period.

"Shit," he said. His mother had been around for O's first period, and so while he'd gotten good at getting her tampons or pads or whatever she needed, he didn't know how to talk to a girl about something like this.

"Cassi? I, uh, I'm going to be downstairs. Let me know if you need something. You can just..text me, okay? You don't have to come out."

He waited for her acknowledgement before he hustled downstairs, grabbing his phone and calling Clarke's number. He ignored the growing pile of food on the floor, as well as Cole's retreat from the table to play with Legos in the family room and Charlie's eating of Cole's sandwich.

When Clarke's voicemail message began to play, Bellamy walked into the living room so he could leave a message where the other kids couldn't hear him. "Clarke, this isn't an emergency, per se, but I think Cassidy's gotten her first period. She's holed up in her bathroom, won't come out and she sounds pretty upset. Please call me as soon as you get this." He hung up and then tapped out a quick text to her that said the same, in case she could check her screen but not answer the phone. He didn't even notice Charlie was in the room with him until he was halfway through typing the message.

"Cassi got her period?" Charlie asked, his expression halfway between a smirk and a grimace.

Bellamy groaned. "Listen, now is not the time to be a teenaged boy, okay? Just, watch your brothers."

"That's not my job."

Bellamy's head snapped up, his expression firming. "What did you say?" he demanded.

Charlie blanched and took an involuntary step backward. "I, uh, it's not my job," he responded weakly.

"Right now, it is," Bellamy barked at him. "Now go!"

He fled.

Bellamy snorted, then turned back to the problem at hand. He knew, rationally, that he needed to give Clarke at least a few minutes to respond. So he ran for the stairs again, pausing only momentarily before entering Clarke's room so he could get to her bathroom. He'd been in here once before, of course, to retrieve Cam, but when he opened the door to her bathroom, he actually needed to take a moment to gawk.

"Holy shit."

It was bigger than Murphy's living room, with a separate enormous shower stall and a big tub. It was also filled with her bras hanging to dry in there, instead of the laundry room, which had racks for that purpose. Probably to spare him, he thought, gaze narrowing in on one lacy bra that stood out among the practical ones. He bet she wore that one on her date.

He shook himself a moment later, stalking over to the undersink cabinet to look for her feminine products. Finding nothing there, he frowned, looking around, then checked the little room that separated the toilet from the rest of the bathroom. Apparently rich people needed the toilet to be in its own little closet.

There he found a little cabinet which did hold the tampons and pantyliners she used, as well as some pads. After a moment's hesitation, he took a box of each and hurried out of her private space to set them in front of the door to Cassi's bathroom.

He knocked once, still hearing the shower going. "Cassi? I put some stuff out here for you and I'm going to walk away, okay?"

She didn't answer, and, after a moment, he headed back downstairs. He checked his phone, even though he already knew that Clarke hadn't texted or called him. As he walked into the family room, to see Charlie was sitting at the table next to Cam on his phone and Cole engrossed in his Legos.

This was not an emergency. He knew that. He also knew that calling the hospital to ask for her was only supposed to be for an emergency. And if he hadn't called the hospital for Cole's broken arm, he wasn't going to call for something that was normal, if a bit unexpected. But he did need help in this situation.

He let out a breath and texted his sister. _O, I need your help._

His phone lit up seconds later.

"Bell? What's wrong?"

"Uh," he began, walking out of the family room again. "Can you come to the Griffin house? Clarke's at work, but I think her sister got her first period. She's locked herself in her bathroom, won't talk to me, and I think she needs to talk to someone."

"Oh, god, that sucks for her. Yeah, let me just.." He heard something shuffle. "I'll be there as soon as possible. Does she have tampons or anything else?"

He described what he'd left for her and Octavia told him she'd pick up some things on her way. After she assured him she'd be there within half an hour, he thanked her profusely.

"O, thank you, really, I really appreciate this."

"Of course, Big Brother! Don't worry, I'll be there soon!"

After another quick check of his phone, with no messages from either Clarke or Cassi, he decided to take care of the younger ones. He walked over to the table, dismissing Charlie with a jerk of his head and beginning to clean up the mess Cam made which his brother completely ignored. By the time Octavia did arrive, he had the kitchen and table put to rights and convinced both Cam and Cole to eat something of substance.

He met Octavia by the door, Cam on his hip, since she texted him when she was a few minutes out. "You shouldn't text and drive," he admonished as he watched her step up the walkway, bag from Target in hand.

"Yeah, okay," Octavia dismissed his concern, stopping by his side. "This little guy is such a cutie," she grinned at the baby, waving at him. "Which one is this?"

"Cam, or Cameron," he replied, trying to hurry her inside. "Cassidy is upstairs, but she's usually called Cassi." He closed the door behind her and started to lead the way. As they walked to the stairs, Charlie made an appearance.

"Bellamy, I'm going to go over to Josh's house if that's okay...with...you…" Charlie came to a stop, staring at Octavia.

"This one's Charlie," he told his sister. "Yeah, that's fine, but either be back by dinner, or if they feed you there, be back by eight."

Charlie blinked and opened his mouth, only to close it.

Bellamy took that as acceptance, rolling his eyes. "Come on, O, upstairs."

She took a moment to look Charlie up and down and smirked. "Cute. This is the earliest model, right?"

"Yep, there's a middle version in the family room you can meet afterwards," Bellamy confirmed, watching as Charlie colored and turned tail. "Really, O."

She laughed. "Hey, I am wearing a pair of jeans, flip flops and a old t-shirt. I can't help if he gawks at me like that."

Once they made it upstairs, he pointed to doors as they past them. "Cam's, then mine to the apartment, that's Cole's, Clarke's is down the call, and this one is Cassi's."

Octavia looked about her, cataloguing everything, but motioned him into the girl's bedroom first. "She knows you, not me. You have to make an introduction."

"Right." He led the way to the bathroom door in Cassi's room, and knocked on it once with his free hand. Smiling slightly to see she'd taken the things he'd retrieved from Clarke's bathroom, he said, "Cassi? I know you don't want to talk to me, but I brought someone over you might want to. Her name is Octavia and she's my little sister. She's about Clarke's age."

"Hi, Cassi," Octavia added. "You know, you don't have to talk to me either," she mentioned right off the bat. "My big brother's just trying to make sure you're okay, and so am I, but you don't need to let either of us in, okay?"

He heard Cassi move around inside the bathroom, since the shower seemed to have finally been turned off. Probably ran out of hot water. "Okay," he heard, softly.

"Okay," Octavia repeated. "So now, I'm going to send him away, and tell him not to bug us, and we can just talk, if you want. I also brought you some things, because I wasn't sure if you need anything, including my favorite, a Three Musketeers bar. Whenever I have a bad day, this just hits the spot, you know?" She waved Bellamy, mouthing 'Get out' at him.

He just nodded, adding quietly, "Thanks, O," before heading downstairs. To his surprise, he found Charlie on the couch with Cole, watching Pacific Rim on cable.

"I thought you were going to your friend's house," he said as he put Cam in his play ring.

"Decided not to go," Charlie replied with a shrug.

Bellamy snorted, taking no time at all to figure out what had changed his mind. "Okay then."

With Octavia upstairs with Cassidy, the rest of the house seemed to calm down. Charlie kept the TV on but also started reading, occasionally answering Cole's questions about the movie. That left Bellamy free to entertain Cam, so he took the toddler into the living room and started reading him books. When that failed to amuse, he pulled up videos on his phone of animals, which Cam seemed to like a lot better.

They were watching a video of a giraffe someone had taken at a zoo, Cam grabbing at the screen and saying, "raf!" when his phone dinged with an incoming text. Grappling the phone away from Cam, he quickly checked the message.

 **Octavia Blake:** _Cas wants veg spagetti for din cheesy bread 2!_

Briefly disappointed that Clarke hadn't yet called in, he nodded to himself, then tried to keep his phone away from Cam. "Okay, enough of that. Let me check your diaper?"

Cam tried to crawl away, but he caught him quickly. "You don't need a new diaper," he told him. "What was with the running, huh?"

"No diaper," Cam told him. "Raf!"

"Oh, now you remember the word 'diaper.' How about scooter time?" Bellamy asked, standing up and then pulling all the books together.

Cam bounced on his hands and knees. "Raf!"

"I see I've made a horrible decision to show you the phone. Okay, let's remind you that you have a scooter and that you love it."

Books under one arm and Cam under the other, he made his way back into the family room. Cole had found one of the Kindles and was playing a game on the screen, his face a mask of concentration. Charlie, meanwhile, hadn't moved.

The rest of the day passed in much the same way, with the kids having settled down and Bellamy checking his phone obsessively to see if Clarke had called. He was just putting the water on to boil for the noodles while the sauce simmered when his phone rang loudly through the kitchen. He winced at the noise, regretting putting it at its highest setting, but breathed a sigh of relief when he saw Clarke's picture come up.

"Finally," he muttered as he picked up the phone. "Hey," he said when he answered.

"Bellamy, I just talked to Cassi. I'm so sorry for not being there for her, or you. But seriously, thank you to your sister. I'm going to get home as soon as possible, make sure she really is okay."

"Yeah, she's okay, I think. I, uh, she didn't want to talk to me about it and you weren't answering, so I got my sister to come over. I think she really needed to talk to another girl but it seems to have worked out, you don't need to rush home or anything."

"I left my phone on a different floor and I didn't know she'd texted and called, or you'd called, I'm so sorry it took so long!" She sounded so despondent. "You should've called the hospital, gotten them to page me."

"Why? This wasn't an emergency, it was just...life," Bellamy defended himself, going back to filling the pot with water.

"But she was freaking out!"

"Yeah, and you're doing a bang up job of not freaking out right now, Princess," he pointed out with a snort. "Look, she didn't need you to come freak out with her, she just needed to talk to someone so she could calm down. Clarke, seriously, relax, finish your shift, she'll be here, in one piece for you to talk to when you get home."

"I-"

"Really, O's got it in hand. I'm making dinner by Cassi's request, it'll be fine. You just spoke to Cassi, did it sound like an emergency?"

He listened to her take a deep breath. "No, but. Damnit, Bellamy, I should've expected this. I mean, Mom was eleven, I was eleven. I can't fucking believe I didn't think of this."

He ducked his head to hide his smile, even though she couldn't see him. "Yeah, it's horrible that you're not able to predict the future. Look, she's fine. She's just growing up. And you can't rush home every time something happens. Did she need to talk to you or another woman? Yeah, but I handled it." He set the pot on the stove and turned on the burner.

"You did, you did great," she agreed. "Anything else I need to know about?"

Bellamy turned around, looking at the other kids in the room. "I think Cam's trying to Michigan J. Frog me because he said diaper again."

She laughed weakly. "Wow, I feel so old because I understand that reference." He heard someone say something in the background. "Crap, I gotta...look, I'll be home as soon as possible, that's what I told Cassi. Thank god tomorrow's my day off."

"Yep. I'll save some dinner for you," he told her.

"Thanks, Bell, you're a lifesaver."

He pulled his phone away from his ear, staring at the screen as it darkened. She'd called him Bell.

 

* * *

 

Bellamy had been somewhat dreading dinner, but with Octavia around, it had gone surprisingly well. Charlie behaved like a normal person, Cassi finally made a public appearance and Cole spent very little time playing with his food rather than eating it. Octavia got Charlie to admit that yes, he really did look like Cole at his age and Cam at his age, and when Cassi had retrieved a photo album, they spent some time talking about all the different shots their father had taken of them.

When Octavia had to leave, she gave Cassi a hug by the doorway. "Listen, you can call me anytime you need to, day or night." She glanced at Bellamy, who was balancing a sleep-cranky Cam on his hip. "And remember, you tell him if you need any more chocolate or anything else. He helped me for years and years through this stuff."

Cassi colored, but nodded. "Thank you," she said in a little voice.

"Nothing to thank me for, Cas, just girls helping girls," Octavia replied, holding out her fist for a bump. Cassi obliged, then waved as Octavia headed off. He heard Charlie call out a goodbye as well, from the upstairs porch.

"So that's where he went," Bellamy groused a bit to himself, shaking his head. He gave Cassi a smile. "So, anything you need, or want to do right now?"

"I just wanna lie down and read," Cassi admitted, suddenly shy.

"Okay. Just let me know if anything changes. And I'm sure Clarke'll be here soon too."

Cassi nodded before clattering upstairs again. Bellamy followed in her wake, to put Cam to bed, which thankfully took less time that he thought. As he went back downstairs, his phone buzzed.

 **Octavia Blake:** _ur kids are adorbs!_

 **Octavia Blake:** _and cam super cute!_

 **Octavia Blake:** _maybe u should mkae 1 of ur own!_

 **Octavia Blake:** _ill be the awesome aunt!!_

 **Octavia Blake:** _but u gots to leave the house for that!!_

He shook his head before replying. _O, stop. I have a date tomorrow. I'll let you know how it goes._

He resolutely ignored the resultant incessant buzzing of his phone that followed, though he did check the screen when he heard the garage door open.

 **Octavia Blake:** _u suc! gonna find out anywya!_

Shaking his head at his sister's usual complete lack of grammar, he paused in the hallway. "Really, O?" he asked out loud, though there was no one around to hear.

Clarke entered the house with her two bags over one arm, looking emotionally and physically exhausted. Her hair was halfway to escaping her braid and her scrubs were wrinkled, but she hurried over.

By the time she reached him, so had everyone else. Cassi thundered down the staircase, while Charlie loped into view, but a scrambling Cole got to her first. The seven year-old wrapped both his arms around Clarke's legs, put his chin on her stomach and announced, "Bellamy tried to make me eat a sandwich but I wouldn't!"

Clake gave Bellamy an incredulous look, her mouth trying to avoid a smile. "Oh, the horror of your day, Cole. Can I just set my things down first, buddy?"

"Yeah, Cole. Some of us have more important things to talk about," Cassi said haughtily, grabbing at Clarke's hand to try to pull her towards the stairs.

Charlie snorted. "Yeah, Cassi got her period so the world revolves around her right now," he mocked.

"Hey-" Bellamy began, only to be cut off by Cassi herself.

"You read porn on your phone _all the time_!" Cassi practically shrieked, her cheeks coloring.

When the yelling began in earnest, Clarke took over with a shout, "Enough! Both of you, to your rooms immediately!" Frankly, there was something in her tone that made Bellamy want to head to his own room.

The two glared at each other before both storming off, while Cole asked, "What's porn?"

"Um, can we talk about it later?" Clarke asked, putting her free hand on his head. "Bellamy and I have to deal with your brother and sister who are kind of being buttheads, but I promise I'm going to tuck you in and everything tonight, okay?"

Cole pouted briefly, until Bellamy crouched down and put a hand on his shoulder to turn him. "And we can talk about what sandwiches you will and won't eat too. Or I can tell you another Hercules story, maybe?"

Cole looked from one to the other before nodding. "Okay," he sighed before trudging up the stairs himself.

"Wow." Clarke expelled a breath, dropping her bags right there. "So, uh, I'll deal with period, you deal with porn? Or do you want me to do both, because I really shouldn't make you deal with porn, should I?"

"I can handle the porn," Bellamy assured her. "What's the rule, exactly, that I'm going to be enforcing?"

"Uh.." Clarke bit her lip as she thought. "Honestly? Just make sure it's not like, disturbing? No snuff films or anything else that might suggest a problem. Oh, and um, maybe make sure he's not sexting anyone?"

Bellamy couldn't help the chuckle. "Uh, sure, okay."

"Porn's not wrong or bad, you know. And he's fourteen, and I know things are happening. But Dad definitely had the Talk with him last year, so he doesn't need that part," she kept on explaining.

He nodded in return. "Good to know."

She gave him a weak smile. "Guess you kind of hate this job right now, huh?"

He shook his head. "Nah. If we're already sort of laughing about this, think about how funny it's going to be in a week."

She did laugh outright at that. "Okay, point taken. Thanks, Bell."

"No problem. Meet you in Cole's room afterwards."

As he went downstairs, he tried to focus on the task at hand, and not the way his heart seemed to squeeze in his chest when she called him that. He grimaced at the state of the second family room, game system controllers everywhere, couch cushions pulled and blankets draped on everything that indicated that Cole had made another fort down here at some point today without cleaning it up. He really needed to keep a better eye on that boy.

He knocked on Charlie's door to warn him he was about to enter, then walked in. Despite his being a teenager, his room wasn't too terribly messy. Bellamy figured that was on the account of the space, which meant the walls were lined with bookcases to keep everything off the floor. All his clothes could easily fit into the massive closet, so his room was really just about keeping his books, toys, games and everything else squared away. But his desk was usually neat too, which made Bellamy suspect that Charlie tended to be neater by nature.

Charlie was seated on his bed, glowering at the tablet in his hand, his phone next to him. Bellamy pulled over the desk chair so he could sit close by without directly next to him.

"I think you can guess why I'm here."

Charlie expelled a breath. "She wants you to check my phone," he groused.

"Well, that's true," Bellamy answered with a nod. "And I'll check the laptop and the tablet too, but that's not my primary concern right now."

Charlie looked up at that, brow furrowing.

"You see, you're acting like an asshole, Charlie. And I know you know that, because when my sister was here, you acted normally. And I think that's because you didn't want her to see you acting like an asshole, am I right?"

When Charlie didn't respond, he continued. "So you know how to act and you know what not to say, but you say it anyway. And instead of asking you why, because I think I know why, I'm going to ask you what you would do if you saw someone teasing Cassidy in school the way you were today."

Charlie's head snapped up and he flushed with anger. "I'd kill 'em," he grudgingly admitted.

Bellamy nodded. "I know, because she's your sister and as much as you two aggravate each other, she's _your_ sister. I know what it's like, how annoying they can be. But you can't attack her for normal, everyday things. Because you see what happened. You teased her about her period, she outed your porn. Which, by the way, means she knew about it before and hadn't told anyone. She was keeping your secret."

"She had to snoop to find that, I didn't tell her," Charlie retorted.

"And I'm sure Clarke's reading her the riot act right now for it, but she was keeping your secret, because it was private and yours to keep. I'm just asking that you show her the same courtesy, okay, especially about her body stuff. It's not like I go around telling her what your laundry looks like," he continued, nodding towards the bed and watching Charlie blush all over again. "I never will. Because it's just normal body stuff and no one should be talking about it if they don't want it talked about, and no one should be made to feel bad about it. Understand?"

Charlie nodding silently, unable to meet him in the eye.

"I'm hoping that you'll be man enough to apologize to Cassi tomorrow about all this, but, like Clarke said, no one needs a fake apology. So if it's real, by all means. But if you just end up not teasing her about this ever again, we're good."

Bellamy looked around then, at the posters of spaceships and one large print of a mountain range on the right far wall. "Now, about the porn. I gotta check it, but neither Clarke nor I are particularly concerned that you're watching porn. We know it happens, we just don't want you getting addicted or anything else."

"Addicted to porn?" Charlie asked skeptically.

"Apparently it happens to some people. So, let me just double-check your phone, the tablet there and the laptop and this will be over soon. Alright?"

Charlie grumpily handed over his devices and Bellamy spent the next twenty minutes uncomfortably reviewing Charlie's porn preferences. To his surprise, the vast majority of it was written erotica, rather than pictures or videos. When he asked, Charlie shrugged. "Lot of porn has computer viruses and stuff, except for some sites, but I didn't want to sign up for that so…"

Which wasn't to say the stuff he was reading wasn't explicit. It was, sometimes in details that Bellamy wasn't even comfortable reading. Finally, after scrolling through his chats, and texts, and ignoring all the complaints about Bellamy himself, or Clarke even, he was satisfied that Charlie wasn't doing anything untoward. Face flaming, he handed back the phone and tablet. "Uh, good night."

Charlie mumbled something in return and Bellamy concluded as he practically ran out of there knowing that they would never, ever speak of this again.

Despite all the time he'd taken with Charlie, he was the first to Cole's room, where the boy had gotten distracted with a puzzle instead of getting ready for bed. With some relief at having just one to wrangle, he got Cole moving the right direction, brushing his teeth and getting into pajamas. As promised, he delivered a story about Hercules, which was near its end when Clarke appeared. Bellamy left them alone, checked on Cam to make sure he was asleep, and then went back downstairs.

He wasted no time in fishing out two glasses and the whiskey again, though he spent more time warming up a plate of the spaghetti for Clarke than anything else. When she finally dragged herself back downstairs, he had the drink and dinner ready for her and she sank down with a grateful smile at the table.

"Not the best pairing, but today, I'll take it," she told him.

"I thought you could use a drink, maybe two. And we don't have any wine in the house, that I can find."

"Storage room, back left corner, I think, has some wine racks. I haven't been down there since we, uh, moved my parents things there, so yeah, I wouldn't expect you to know," Clarke revealed wearily, twirling some pasta onto her fork.

"I can grab a bottle now, if you want?"

"No," she replied with a wave. "This is fine, more than fine. I want to talk anyway." She took a bite, practically moaning when it hit her tongue. "I didn't eat the lunch you packed and I'm starving," she admitted.

"How about you eat more than a single bite and then we'll talk? I'll go get a bottle of wine in the meantime."

She shook her head, then gestured to another seat at the table. "No, no, I'll eat and talk, like a savage, but I gotta know. Anything to worry about with Charlie?"

Bellamy chuckled, folding himself into the indicated seat. "Ah, no. I talked to him about his douchebaggery and we'll see if that helps any, but porn-wise, he's mostly just reading erotica. Like really explicit romance novel stuff."

Clarke coughed around a bite of the cheesy bread. She took a moment to swallow before she gave him an amused look. "Really? I thought that was definitely more a girl thing."

Bellamy shrugged. "I don't know. I didn't have an erotica phase, but maybe that's a thing now?"

"Well, that's fine. Maybe he'll learn something?" Clarke suggested, then burst out laughing. "Oh my god, this is disturbing to think about. He's reading graphic stories and I had to talk to Cassi about menstruation and sex. Which she knew about a bit, from health class, but not enough. Oh, and your sister really helped! I need to thank her."

"I'll make sure she knows."

"I told Cassi she doesn't have to go to school tomorrow, so we can have a day, mostly that is, to talk and things like that." Clarke shook her head. "God, I'm so sorry she had to deal with all of this without even a phone call from me!"

She looked so guilty he reached out a hand to touch her shoulder. "Clarke, hey, it's not your fault you were busy. You're a surgeon, at the hospital."

"But I wasn't really that busy today! It's a Sunday, no scheduled surgeries. I just…" She gritted her teeth. "I was flirting with that nurse I had the date with and I left my phone at her station and didn't realize it for _hours_ , like an irresponsible moron."

Bellamy pushed away that pang of whatever it was at her words and offered, "You know what? You're right, that's the worst parenting error I've ever heard of. Definitely, you're not fit, if you lost track of your cellphone for a couple of hours."

Clarke blinked, looking at him in shock before she laughed. "Okay, maybe I needed that."

He nodded slowly, giving her a grin as he took his hand away. "There you go."

She sipped her whiskey, leaning back in her chair. "Is it bad that I'm already dreading the Talk with Cole? Because there's no way that boy makes it to thirteen before he needs it."

"Cole?" Bellamy asked dumbfoundedly.

Clarke chuckled. "Oh yeah, you haven't seen that yet. I forgot that you've only been here for just over a month. It feels like you've lived here forever. God knows, I couldn't do this without you."

Bellamy rubbed at the back of his neck, knowing he was blushing. "You would manage, I'm sure of it. So what's this about Cole?" he deflected.

"Cole is really girl-oriented. Always has been. I forgot you haven't seen him around girls. Every report card he's ever gotten has a note about how he's a great student, wonderful in class, but that he distracts the girls by flirting with them."

"Uh, he's seven."

Clarke giggled. "Yeah, doesn't make a difference. We went to a minor league hockey game once, the whole family, when he wasn't yet one. A little younger than Cam is now. And he's sitting on my dad's lap and he keeps leaning forward to look at something. And he's waving and smiling, and finally, we figured out he was macking on the little girl toddler in the row in front of us."

"No way," Bellamy denied with a laugh.

"Swear to god. We couldn't believe it. It was...hysterical. And he's been that way ever since." She giggled again, head falling forward. "Oh my god, you weren't here for Tinkerbell either."

"Tinkerbell? Do I even want to know?"

"Yes." Clarke straightened in her chair, adding some more pasta to her fork. "When he was three, four, he was obsessed with the Tinkerbell movies. She's like a tinker fairy, so she builds stuff, and you've seen how he is with blocks and building, so that's what we thought it was about. But there are boy tinker fairies in those movies and he didn't care about them at all, so my dad started to wonder, you know. But mom, she just took one look at the way Cole was staring at the movie and she asked him why he liked Tinkerbell so much. And he said, 'Mommy, I'm going to marry Tinkerbell.' He was totally serious too."

Bellamy laughed all over again. "Well, at least he wasn't planning to just fool around with her?"

She nodded. "Yeah. I mean, I think it helped that her outfit isn't as, uh, modest, let's say, as some of the other fairies in the cartoon, but that's like, his dream girl." She perked up. "Oh, and Raven! He has the biggest crush in the world on Raven. You've seen her, you know she's hot, but she's so smart, she is a certified genius, and she is an engineer, and a mechanic, a builder, and Cole is just _smitten_ with her. Raven loves it, he's definitely her favorite."

"He didn't have that kind of reaction at all when O was here, though Charlie definitely did. Sorry about that, by the way."

Clarke shrugged. "Yeah, that's fine. But I bet that's because between all his girls at school and his one true love, Raven, his card is pretty full," she explained with a delighted laugh. "Seriously, take him to a playground sometime. It's amazing."

"I don't know if I want to see a seven year-old with better game than I have," Bellamy admitted with a grin.

"No, it's great, trust me, Bell."

"Uh, that's uh, the third time you've called me Bell," he noted.

"Oh, I'm sorry, do you not like it? I won't do it again."

"No no, it's just that, my friends, my close friends call me Bell. It's fine."

Clarke sobered quickly. "Oh, right, but we're not.." She paused, as if she couldn't bring herself to say it.

"Actually, I think we are. I mean, if that's not a problem with you." He held his breath for her reply.

She just smiled at him. "I'd like to think we are, yeah."

"Then it's fine."

"Okay then," she answered, before dropping her gaze to her plate.

As he went to bed that night, he decided it had been a pretty damned good day after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope folks like this chapter a little more than the last, though I know some won't be thrilled at some of the developments. All I can say is sorry!
> 
> Murphy's apartment plan is modeled on this: http://in2.ccio.co/L3/h5/v4/b20b24a6278381689fb15ce6e877397d.jpg.


	5. Fun in the Summertime

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke tries to have some fun but finds she needs a little help to pull it off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A very big thank you to @bfl1201, my wonderful beta! And to all the kudos-leaving, comment-making readers!

"Is this where you say it's not me, it's you?" Niylah asked as she re-tied her ponytail while seated at the desk on the cardiac floor. Although there was no real judgment in her voice, Clarke couldn't help but feel crappy about the situation.

The date, and the night that followed, had been great. Easy conversation, a warm understanding, mutual desire. But since then, while Clarke had been promising to set up another date with her, she'd always found a reason not to go through with it. And now, she'd realized that she just wasn't up to dating someone, not really.

"It is me, though," she tried to explain. "I..I'm too much of a mess to handle dating right now. I barely have the house under control and I know the kids aren't in a good enough state that I can be leaving them on my time off too, since my hours here are so crazy. It's just all too soon, I think."

Niylah gave her an unimpressed look, but Clarke took some comfort in the fact that she did, in fact, look a mess. Her hair was coming out of its bun, she had spilled coffee on her scrubs on her way down to talk to the nurse, and there was a pen mark on her neck that someone in the elevator had pointed out to her.

"I think you're too much work for me," Niylah finally pronounced. "I wanted to have fun, to get to know you, but I don't want to be with someone who can't let herself have fun." She stood as a call button alarm went off. "Good luck with the kids," she added before hurrying off.

Clarke blinked. She had come to break it off with the nurse but suddenly felt as if she had been one dumped. What little pride she'd felt in having the guts to end it in person evaporated, leaving her to chew over the nurse's words, which stuck with her throughout the day. Finally, as she sat down in the cafeteria with Harper to eat a quick lunch together, she asked, "I'm fun, right?"

Harper quickly assumed the deer-in-headlights look, freezing as she tried to open her yogurt cup. "Uh...in what way?" she finally managed.

"Like, when we hang out, or go out, I'm fun," Clarke explained, setting aside her fork and motioning with her hand.

"We've 'hung out or gone out' like, twice, in all the time I've known you," Harper responded. "But those were fun times, yeah," she added quickly.

Clarke shook her head, unable to believe what she said. "I don't think so, it's got to have been more than that…"

"No? I mean, our days off don't usually coincide, so of course, but when they have, you usually tell me you want a quiet night in, or have plans with one of your friends already," Harper continued as she wrestled the yogurt lid away and picked up a spoon. "Once, I came over to your place and we binge-watched Orphan Black, which was fun, totally fun. And once, you came out with me and we hung out with Jasper and our friend, Monty."

Biting her lip, Clarke dimly recalled meeting Monty, a pathology resident at Mt. Weather Hospital, who had grown up with Harper and Jasper. The lot of them were locals, as opposed to Clarke, whose family had moved to Arkadia during her freshman year of college. "Right, and we played darts, and I killed it. That was fun," she agreed with a smile, remembering her favorite part of the evening.

"Yeah, it was. I mean, I think you were worried that we were trying to set up some sort of double-date at first. Because you thought Jasper and I were together and assumed that Monty had been invited because of you."

That sparked her memory. She'd been stiff and weird until it became obvious that Jasper and Monty were friends who'd become family, and if anything, Harper was something of their third wheel, who'd invited Clarke along to keep herself company. Harper referred to them regularly as "the Twins."

"Oh, right." Clarke winced, uncomfortable with the thought that maybe the nurse had been correct. "I guess I'm just tired all the time, I think? But, really, I'm fun, I'm a fun person," she insisted.

"Of course you're tired all the time, dealing with a Chief of Surgery who thinks he's God's gift and freaking Lexa," Harper declared as she mixed her yogurt. Lexa had once offered to speak to a child's parents about a surgery their child needed and her imperious manner had so put them off, Harper had spent nearly a day trying to convince them that the surgery was their daughter's best hope. She'd never forgiven her.

"She is a good surgeon. A great surgeon, actually. And she's very devoted to her girlfriend. It's kind of sweet, actually."

"Yeah, okay. Being nice to one person in her life doesn't make her a person I want to know."

"What are we talking about?" Jasper asked as he set down his tray on the table with a loud rattle and hopped into a chair. Clarke liked Jasper, who worked as a pharmacist at the hospital. A little loud, but generally cheerful, he was an important presence in a workplace that dealt with life and death situations.

But he was also a terrible gossip, and Clarke exchanged a glance with Harper before the pediatric resident told him, "Why calling a girl 'low-hanging fruit' isn't the best way to make a friend."

Jasper groaned, sitting back in his chair with a sigh. "I was fifteen, Harper! Fifteen. Please, can you forgive me for being a dickhead at fifteen already? I mean, I've been a great friend since then." He leaned towards Clarke. "I threw her and Monty the most kick-ass party when they got into med school."

Harper laughed. "He threw a party for Monty and then, last minute, scrawled my name on both the banner and the cake." She took a bite, then added, "But it was a kick-ass party."

"Yes! See?" Jasper waved his hand.

"What'd you do when you found out you got into med school?" Harper asked Clarke.

"Oh, um, I went out to a nice dinner with my parents and Wells, and his father in the city," Clarke reported, feeling her cheeks heat up.

"Sounds...fun," Jasper said, locking eyes briefly with Harper before nodding. "Bet you got a great bottle of wine, or something," he added, looking down at his tray with wide eyes.

Clarke nodded. "Yup," she admitted quietly, recalling that they had eaten dinner and dessert and were home by nine.

"What about your twenty-first, was that a big party? Or you go on a pub crawl or something?" Harper asked encouragingly.

She poked at her lunch, leftover baked salmon with an asparagus salad, orange slices and two giant cookies for dessert. "Went out to dinner with my parents and Wells, and his father," she mumbled.

"Fun," she heard Jasper say flatly.

"Your lunch looks colorful, fun," Harper suggested. "Did you make that?"

"No." Clarke looked up at the ceiling. "Uh, the nanny made it. He makes all the food now."

"Oh, well. I'm sure you're fun, Clarke. You just don't have time to be right now." Harper cleared her throat then changed the topic without finesse. "Okay, Jasper, time to tell us how your date went with the physical therapist."

"Maya's the best," Jasper began before launching into a veritable dissertation on why Maya was, in fact, the best. Clarke only half-listened, wondering how and when she became so terribly….adult.

 

* * *

 

 

Somehow, the end of the school year left the house in disarray for a week. Without a set schedule, the children turned the house into a disaster area, with books, toys, tablets, crayons and half-finished art projects littered everywhere. Charlie's job wasn't due to start until July and Charlotte had convinced her parents not to send her away for camp, making her a frequent houseguest, which meant that every moment Clarke wasn't preparing for work, working or sleeping meant she was running errands, cleaning, helping with the laundry and trying to keep the kids entertained. It had taken almost two weeks for the house to settle into something like a summer schedule and calm returned with it.

Just in time for Clarke's work-life to go crazy. Between being on-call and having to work double-shifts due to a building collapse at a construction site, every hour not at the hospital was spent in a daze. Bellamy had taken over her laundry even, albeit over her protests, seeing as how she was just too tired to do it herself.

As she drove back home one evening, she recalled his happy smile that morning as he'd handed her a clean basket of clothing. Even though her life had gone to hell, he'd found time to start seeing someone, apparently the result of her pep talk. Which she was glad about, honestly. Someone should be happy. He'd been on four dates with "Gina," not that she was counting. Once, he hadn't even come home until the next morning. Which was good for him. To have a life outside of the house. It was good that one of them could. Healthy. Normal. It was great. Really great.

But the July Fourth weekend was coming up and despite how exhausted she was, she had decided that she was going to do something fun. Like throw a party at the house. The Kanes' house and pool would not be available, since they had just brought Maddie home that week and wanted her to get used to her new home before having guests over. But she figured a backyard barbeque of her own wouldn't be too hard to put together. She'd already invited Raven, Harper, Jasper and his girlfriend and Monty, as well as Wells and his new girlfriend, whom she was dying to meet. They'd be able to eat and hang out, and see the town's fireworks from the porch. It wouldn't be a rager, not with the kids around, but it would be fun.

She was determined it would be fun.

She pulled into the driveway, too tired to even notice an older grey Honda Civic parked just outside the garage. Shuffling into the house, she dropped her bags in the family room, and followed the sounds out back to the covered porch. Cassi and Charlotte were sitting by the playhouse, doing something on their phones and showing each other the results to a host a giggles. Cole meanwhile chased another boy in the yard, one with dirty blond hair and high, rounded cheekbones.

"Who is this adorable moppet in my yard?" she asked with a sigh as she flopped into one of the open adirondack chairs. Only after she turned her head did she realize that the man in the next chair was not Bellamy, but instead a slim, blue-eyed guy with light brown hair in dark pants and a button down shirt with a blue tie. He looked almost as tired as she felt.

Which is probably why she couldn't muster up more than a, "Who are you?"

He had the grace to look uncomfortable. "I'm John Murphy and that adorable moppet is mine. Sorry, I got delayed at work and couldn't pick him up when I needed to from his day camp. Blake stepped in for me. We served together," he explained. "He's putting your youngest to bed."

"And you're…"

"He's making me wait to feed me. Prick says I look like I could use a good meal," he admitted with a grumble. "I'm too fucking tired to argue with free food. Uh, no offense," he added, not sounding much like he cared if he was giving offense.

"Honestly? I'd be pissed normally, but like you said, too tired," Clarke answered with a sigh. Plus, she trusted Bellamy's judgment. If he trusted this man enough to be in the house with the kids, then so did she. "So you're John-"

"Call me Murphy."

"So you're Murphy, what's your son's name?"

"Ethan, Ethan Forrester Murphy," he introduced the little boy.

"That's some name," Clarke mentioned, feeling herself relaxing in the chair simply because she was tired and it was comfortable.

"His mother picked it out." When she looked at him, Murphy added, "She's dead."

"Oh, I'm sorry. I...know how hard it is." Boy did she ever.

"It's all he knows. He was only a month old when she died. I tell him about her when he asks, but as far as he's concerned his family is me, Uncle Bellamy and Uncle Nathan, another guy we served with."

Bellamy had spoken a little bit about his service, mentioning he was deployed twice and that he was still close with a couple of the guys. She figured Murphy and Nathan were those couple of guys.

Before she could ask another question, he continued. "Served with his mother too."

"Oh. Did she...die over there?" she asked hesitantly. "I mean, that can't be right." Not if she had just given birth.

"No. She served multiple tours overseas and ends up getting shot here, of all things. The guy thought she was someone else, walked up to her while she was leaving the doctor's office from his first check up and shot her." Murphy explained this all wearily. "Stupid way to go. Meaningless. Fucker got shivved in prison though, so." He shrugged. "Don't have to go to parole hearings or anything."

"I'm sorry, that's...fucking awful," Clarke breathed, tears pricking at her eyes. Swallowing, she turned her gaze to the kids running in the yard. "Looks like he's getting along with Cole pretty well."

"Yeah. He barely noticed when I got here," Murphy agreed.

"They hit it off right away," Bellamy interjected, startling Clarke in her seat. She twisted to see him standing behind her chair, looking sheepish. "Sorry I didn't text about this, I just got caught up with things."

"S'okay. Just, you know, heads up next time."

He eyed her critically, then frowned. "You're exhausted. And when did you eat?"

"Uh…"

"I'll get something for you too," he informed her. "Cam went down fine, by the way." He shook the baby monitor to show her he had it then turned to walk back into the house.

Murphy chuckled but otherwise said nothing until Bellamy called to tell them dinner was served. Soon enough, he had eaten and gathered his son to go home, to Ethan and Cole's dismay. With Charlie over at his friend's for the night and Charlotte staying at their place, Clarke soon found herself alone with Bellamy, who was cleaning up the dishes from dinner while she sipped at a beer that he'd brought down from his apartment. She made a mental note to pick up a case for the weekend.

"Hey, so Murphy said his...I don't even know, Ethan's mother. What was she? Murphy's wife? Girlfriend?" she asked from her seat at the counter.

"Anya? Neither," Bellamy snorted as he loaded the dishwasher. "Miller and I were in the same company. Anya was in a different battalion, but in our brigade, and Murphy was in her battalion but a different company," he explained, though she barely followed his words. "She was a staff sergeant. He was a private first class. They were both in this convoy, delivering supplies to one of the villages that were friendly to us, when it was attacked. The convoy, that is. An obstruction in the road, guys in the hills with RPGs….they were in the two trucks that got hit the hardest." He paused, taking in a deep breath, and Clarke realized that telling this story was difficult for him, even though he wasn't talking about himself.

He swallowed and continued his story, even as he closed up the dishwasher. "We lost two that day, and Anya, Murphy and two others, Cho and Morgan, were injured pretty badly. They were stabilized and then evacced to the base in Ramstein, in Germany. Murphy never said anything at the time but he and Anya hooked up at the hospital, somehow. O says it's a survivor's guilt sort of reaction."

"Is..that allowed?"

Bellamy closed the dishwasher with a thump and turned to lean against it while he talked. "Um, it's not disallowed? I mean, we're not supposed to fuck each other, but stuff happens. She wasn't an officer or anything, just an E-6 and he was an E-3. It's harder for women though, when they're the one with the rank. But, that's not what this was, really. After he got out of the hospital, it was over. He got stateside, he was discharged. End of his contract and I don't think the Army really wanted him to stay all that much. Murphy wasn't going to go career. But Anya was."

Clarke nodded. "And then she got pregnant."

"Yeah. But she didn't tell him. I don't know what she was thinking about that. He found out one day because he was back on base, doing some paperwork related to his discharge and he just happened to see her. She was almost seven months pregnant by then." Bellamy shook his head, getting back to washing the larger dishes remaining in the sink. "Murphy just about hit the roof. And they got into it pretty good, but. In the end they kind of worked it out. In that, they were still working it out, but she told him when she went into labor and he was at the hospital for it. And she put him on the birth certificate, which honestly, made it so much easier for him to get custody after she died. If she hadn't, he'd have had to prove he was the father, and DNA tests and a judge's order can take time." He shut off the water when he put the pot on the rack to dry and wiped his hands on a dishtowel as he turned around.

"I..can't even imagine. Three months from single guy to single parent," she commiserated.

"Yeah. He was not prepared. So, a couple of weeks after Anya passed, I drove to Detroit, we packed up him up and drove him and E out to here, where Miller and I lived. We lived together for a couple of years, so I could help out with the baby, while Murphy went to school and I did too, of course. Miller did a lot of babysitting."

Clarke smiled at that. "That is not your typical college experience." It took her a moment to connect the dots though. "Oh! Ethan was the last toddler you took care of?"

"Yep," he confirmed with a nod. "And he didn't turn out so bad."

Clarke chuckled lowly as she slid from the chair with her now-empty bottle. "Based on what you two told me, he's a genius, so yeah. He didn't turn out too bad."

"Though potty training was a nightmare."

"Really?" she asked as she slide from her seat and tossed the empty bottle in the recycling.

"Yeah. E talked really early. First word at seven months, full sentences at one. And he understood a lot. One day, Murphy was basically complaining about the price of diapers and said that he couldn't wait until E didn't need them anymore. And E heard that and pretty much refused to go in his diaper again. Ever. And he was fourteen months. And not a big kid. So we spent months, scrambling him to a toilet, holding him over them, pretty much every half hour." He put a hand to his head, rubbing. "And I must've cleaned his little potty a thousand times."

"It wasn't really potty training, just..diaper refusal, huh?"

"Yeah. Finally, he learned some muscle control, but not for lack of trying. Just, he was too young. But god, those six, no, eight months were absolutely the worst. Our lives revolved around his potty schedule."

Clarke shook her head. "Ugh. Is it bad that all I got out of that is that it could be bad for Cam too? I'm honestly not looking forward to it with him. I think it was so easy with Cole and Cassi that we're probably due for a problem." She yawned hugely, then mentioned, "Hey, if I add some extra money to the household account, can you pick up a couple cases of beer when you go grocery shopping tomorrow?"

"Cases?" He eyed her warily. "Have I sparked a drinking problem in you?"

"Yeah, cases," she confirmed, waving away his joke. "Or a case, singular? I'm going to have a barbeque on the Fourth. I know it's your day off, but I'm not doing anything too big or fancy so I can handle it. But, crap, I guess I need to figure out what the food is if you're going to buy it tomorrow?" She frowned, trying to think of a simple menu. "Probably just burgers and hotdogs, maybe some chicken...oh, but Cassi."

She looked up to find Bellamy unimpressed. "You're going to barbeque? For people?"

"Hey! I can put food on a grill," she protested even as she slumped against the fridge. "I mean, it's just turn on the grill, put on the burgers and hot dogs, or whatever, make sure they don't burn, and done." She knew she was babbling, but couldn't help herself, wanting to make sure he understood that she had it under control. "No, wait, the chicken goes on first, right, because it takes longer to cook. Anyway, I've got it. I'll do like, vegetables for Cassi too, and well, everyone, but, I definitely will have to do shrimp or something. On skewers, because Wells said his girlfriend was also a vegetarian, though she eats seafood. Okay, so, shrimp, burgers, hot dogs. No chicken. So it'll be easier. Which is good, because I'm just putting together something you know, fun, lowkey."

He continued to look at her, then cocked his head to one side. "Are you through?"

Clarke blanched. "Bellamy…"

"Yeah, I'm not going to let you near the barbeque. I'll switch my day off this week to Friday, your other day off, and I'll handle the food for your party," Bellamy announced. He looked around for the pad of paper he kept in the kitchen and began to scribble. "How many people did you invite?"

"Um.." She tried to count in her head. "Six? So with us that's...twelve?"

"Yeah, six plus six is twelve." Bellamy looked up from where he was hunched over the counter, giving her a crooked grin. "You're really tired, you know that?"

She thumped her head against the cool metal of the fridge door. "Yes, I know," she whined. But, as if the bump knocked something loose, she added, "Look, why don't you invite your friends too? I'm making you give up your July Fourth to help me with mine."

"Making me? Pretty sure I volunteered," he answered, licking his lower lip and giving her a half-smile.

Clarke closed her eyes, so that she didn't have to see that. The unconscious gesture had an unusually attractive effect on her. Swallowing, she continued, "Seriously, please, invite whomever you like."

When she looked at him again, his gaze had lowered to the floor while he thought it through. "I was just going to hang out at Miller's place, barbeque there. Yeah, we could that. Miller, Bryan, Murphy, E and O."

Her brow furrowed at this list. "Not, uh, Gina?"

"The Fourth is a big day for her bar, she was going to be too busy. This actually works out better, to have Friday off." He bent his head over the pad again. "So that's another five, so seventeen total. O will insist I make kebabs, but I can get her to make a big salad. Bryan will make his potato salad. Trust me, you'll love it. It's Polish-style. Miller will bring beer. Murphy will probably volunteer to bring drinks, that's his go-to." He turned his dark eyes back to her. "Did your friends say they'd bring anything?"

Clarke blinked at him, trying to recall. "Jasper said he and Monty would bring the fun, whatever that means. Harper said she'd bring dessert. And Wells and Luna are bringing fruit, including a watermelon. Oh, and Raven, she'll bring like all the picnic supplies, plates and forks and cups and all that, so that's eighteen?" She bit her lip. "I better tell them it's eighteen people, huh?"

"Yeah, that'd be a good idea. But I'll make sure we have ice cream, in case we're low on dessert things anyway," Bellamy responded as he wrote. "Okay, new menu. Sliders, hot dogs, shrimp, corn on the cob, kebabs with veg, O's salad, Bryan's potato salad, Miller's got the beer, Murphy's got the drinks, Harper's desserts, Wells is fruit. Sounds like a plan."

"Sliders?"

"Yeah. Kid-sized hamburgers. It'll be easier than E and Cole each eating part of a regular sized burger." He looked up at her again, then straightened. "Clarke, you need to go to bed. You look dead on your feet."

He looked so concerned for her, after she'd just dumped party-planning in his lap, that she just couldn't help what happened next. She surged forward, throwing her arms around him in a tight hug. "Thank you, Bell, so much," she told him, words somewhat muffled by his shirt.

After a moment, he relaxed under her grip and his arms came around her to hug her tightly in response. "Of course," he told her quietly. "And you are so, so tired. Come on, Clarke, go to bed. I've got this handled. I got you," he reassured her before she reluctantly pulled away.

Flushing, she gave him a weak smile. "I'm just going to check on Cam and go to bed," she told him, turning away and feeling his eyes on her every step of the way.

 

* * *

 

 

Fortunately, July Fourth turned out to be a beautiful day, warm but not too muggy and clear, without a hint of a rain cloud. The kids, except for Cam, slept late, giving her and Bellamy time for a peaceful breakfast for once. They took turns trying to get him to eat his breakfast, so that they could each eat their own and even enjoy a whole cup of coffee. Sitting at the table, watching Bellamy wipe the baby's face while telling her how much worse Ethan had been once upon a time, Clarke felt such a swell of affection she had to duck her head over her plate of eggs. Fortunately, the spell was broken once Charlie thumped upstairs and Cassi and Cole clattered down the stairs and soon they were both busy, getting the other children fed and then organized so they could help with the pre-picnic chores.

Clarke even took a moment to marvel that somehow, without anyone talking about it all, they'd all chosen to wear blue that day. She had her favorite baby blue t-shirt on, Bellamy was sporting a royal blue t-shirt of his own, Cassi had a navy blue tank top with white stars, Cole was wearing his cobalt shirt with Optimus Prime on it, and Charlie was wearing a heathered blue t-shirt from Arkadia High. Even Cam was wearing a cute little two-toned blue shirt which declared him a, "Little Dude." They definitely looked like a family today.

Eventually, Bellamy and Charlie wrestled the long folding table from the storage to the back patio as well as extra chairs, so they'd have enough places for everyone. Meanwhile Clarke and Cassidy cut vegetables following Bellamy's instructions in the kitchen and Cole shaped small burger patties, since Bellamy had declared his hands the perfect size to make sliders. It had the added benefit of allowing Cole, sitting on one of the chairs, to occasionally try to touch his sisters with a ground meat speckled hand and laugh uproariously each time they shied away.

"This is a boy thing," Cassi complained as she danced away from his hand for the third time. "Make him stop!"

"It's a brother thing," Clarke corrected, giving Cole a stern look. "If I have to tell you one more time not to do that, you're going to go to your room when Ethan gets here and I won't let you two play together."

Cole drew his brows together. "That'd be mean," he accused.

"You're being mean, so I think it's pretty fair. Of course, you could just stop trying to annoy your sister too," Clarke pointed out as she cut into a green pepper.

"He'll be here pretty soon, so why don't you just finish up making the burgers and then we'll wash your hands and you'll get a popsicle," she continued, knowing that bribery wasn't the best way to get good behavior but too busy to worry about parenting technique at the moment.

"Then he'll have to wash his hands again," Cassi teased in a sing-song voice. "He _always_ makes a mess when eating popsicles."

"Then he'll wash his hands again," Bellamy declared as he came in from the back porch. "Why don't you finish up too, Cassi? I think Clarke and I can handle it from here."

When they were finally alone in the kitchen, with Cam in his playring and in sight, Clarke rolled her eyes. "I know they're in good moods, and they aren't really behaving badly, but...wow, they can be annoying."

Bellamy grinned at her as he pulled a bowl of marinated beef out of the fridge. "Murphy should be here soon, so that'll get Cole distracted."

Clarke dumped the rest of the green pepper pieces into the bowl, then wiped her hands. "Okay, what next?"

By the time Murphy arrived, only to drop off Ethan and then run out again to get the drinks and ice he agreed to bring, they had the food basically prepared to be grilled. Bellamy waved her away to answer the door when it next rang as he hefted some trays full of burgers, hotdogs and kebobs to take out to the patio.

Clarke greeted Jasper, Maya, Harper and Monty and led them out back. As they walked, dropping off the desserts in the kitchen for now and retrieving Cam, she asked, "Dare I ask what's in that bag, Jasper? It's not fireworks or drugs, is it?" She recalled some of Harper's stories of the twins in college and high school.

"Of course not!" He sounded incensed at the accusation.

"Yeah, that was five years ago," Harper scoffed sarcastically.

"It was a good time," Monty laughed. "No one got anything blown off, but we figured, you know, kids."

"We matured," Jasper corrected as they walked onto the patio, taking in the four kids who were already in the backyard. "Wait, there's an extra kid here."

"That one's the son of a friend of mine," Bellamy pointed out Ethan as he hung out of one of the playhouse windows. Clarke spent a minute, giving everyone introductions, before Jasper actually got a chance to answer her question.

He opened the bag with a flourish, revealing a host of water guns, both handguns and rifles, and balloons. "Look at this stuff!"

"You know, split into teams, run around the yard squirting each other, trying to get each other soaked. It's perfect!" Monty chimed in.

"You should thank me. They wanted to buy this 50-foot, industrial grade slip-n-slide, but in addition to it being a thousand dollars, it looked like it would tear up your lawn something awful," Harper revealed, her gaze drifting back to Bellamy, who didn't seem to notice as he got the charcoal ready to be lit.

"Well, definitely thank you," Clarke chuckled, then nodded to Jasper and Monty. "And thank you guys too. The kids'll have a blast with this."

"The kids? I was talking about us! But, you know, they can play too." Jasper looked surprised at her mistake, while Maya just looked at him fondly. As he began to explain the rules he'd already made up for this "totally awesome water war," Cole wandered up to Maya, looking at her intensely, so much so that Jasper actually trailed off.

The seven year-old reached for the dark-haired woman's hand which she seemed to give him to her own surprise. "Wow. You're so pretty. What's your name?" he asked solemnly.

Maya flushed as she introduced herself. In the background, Ethan shouted for Cole's return, but he just smiled at the woman as his friend ran up behind him. "You'll sit near me at dinner, right?" he asked her before letting himself be pulled away by the younger boy.

Jasper gaped. "Did your little brother just hit on my girlfriend?" he asked Clarke in shock.

Based on the stunned silence around them, Clarke knew that everyone else was having the same reaction. "Yeah, I'm pretty sure he did," she admitted sheepishly. "He does that." Glancing at Bellamy, she added, "I told you."

"You weren't kidding. That's amazing," Bellamy breathed, shaking his head. "You're right; he's not going to make it to thirteen."

"Damned right he isn't, hitting on other guy's girlfriend's in front of them," Jasper grumbled but gave Clarke and Bellamy a quick look once he seemed to realize he'd said that outloud. "Not that I would ever do anything to him," he reassured them. He was spared further apologies by the ringing of the doorbell.

Soon, all their guests had arrived, with the exception of Murphy. Raven made her appearance, second to last, while Bellamy and his sister was chatting with Wells and Luna, who had objected to the sight of water guns as helping "inculcate" children into a culture of violence. Although she seemed very nice, Clarke privately agreed with Octavia's assessment of her as a little "hippie dippy." But Wells seemed pretty taken with her and if he was happy, she was happy for him.

Miller, Monty, Jasper and Charlie had taken themselves away to fill the water guns and the balloons for their impending battle. While the four of them were discussing that, Bryan, Harper and Maya were preoccupied with Cam. Cassi had found her phone and was slumped with in a chair, being anti-social and Clarke was inclined to let her be for the moment.

Cole had been doing his best to flirt with the women but soon turned his eyes to the latest guest.

"Raven!" he called, hurrying over and giving her legs a hug.

Clarke chuckled. "Come on, Cole, let her breathe," she told him, trying gently to get him to release her.

"Hey, it's my little guy!" Raven greeted him enthusiastically, arm wrapping around him. "Build any rocket ships lately?"

"I've been trying!" Cole promised her, heedless of Ethan coming up behind him. The smaller boy had a curious look on his face, and Clarke could see he was eyeing Raven's brace. "You should come over more and help me," Cole invited immediately.

Ethan shifted from one foot to the other and hesitantly reached out to tug on the bottom of Raven's grey tank top.

"Yeah?"

He looked up at her with wide eyes. "Does it hurt?" he asked in a sympathetic voice.

Clarke sucked in a breath to interject but to her surprise, Raven answered him, her expression shifting to surprised understanding. "Sometimes, it can. I had an accident and it hurt after that a lot, but I had a operation and it's better now. Not all the way better, but I'm okay."

"Does that help you walk?"

"Yeah. I can't feel my lower leg, so this helps me get around."

"Like Iron Man's friend in the movie."

Raven actually grinned at that. "Kind of, but my brace doesn't really do fancy things."

Ethan nodded in understanding. "Wanna play with us?" he asked, to Cole's vigorously approving shout.

"Sure, what're we playing?"

"Water war!" Cole explained, having apparently heard and understood Jasper's elaborate rules. "You'll be on our team."

Raven tilted her head and grinned at Clarke. "Really? You got everyone water guns and stuff?" she asked incredulously.

"Well, I didn't, but I think it's a great idea," Clarke declared, annoyed that her friend would so quickly know that it wasn't her doing at all. "It's fun."

"Oh yeah, you're all about the fun," Raven teased her, to her embarrassed flush.

"Do you have something to drink?" Maya inquired then, looking up from where Cam sat on Harper's lap. "That isn't alcoholic, that is."

"Uh…" Clarke looked around, only to meet Bellamy's inquiring gaze. "Where's Murphy?"

"I don't know," Bellamy frowned, pulling out his phone and checking. His mouth settled into a thin line. "He's been...delayed. He'll get here though, he said, another 30 minutes."

"Well, I guess it's good that we're going to play water war, huh? So we can delay the food a bit?" Clarke immediately turned back to Maya. "We've got some drinks in the house, but not so much variety since our beverage guy got waylaid. Want to follow me?"

"I'll come with you, want to put some of this back in the fridge if we're going to wait to cook," Bellamy added, picking up some of the trays. Miller loped over to help and soon, four of them were in the kitchen.

Clarke poured Maya a cup full of lemonade, but her eyes were on Bellamy as he rearranged items in the fridge to put back the trays. "What happened to Murphy?"

He made a face as he shoved something over, then slotted in a tray. "He got called into work, apparently. Said it'd be quick."

"What, again?" Miller demanded and Clarke's attention shifted to him. "He got called in yesterday too, I had to step in and babysit Ethan last minute. All day too."

"Is there a big case or something?" Clarke wondered. "I don't know what kind of law firm he works at."

Bellamy took the last tray from Miller and put it into the fridge. "They do civil litigation, mostly, but they know deadlines way in advance. Even if it's an emergency deadline, they'd have a couple of days, so he would have told me. He'd put me and Miller on alert, so we'd know he might have to leave E with one of us suddenly."

"But he didn't do that."

"No." Bellamy shut the door and exchanged a look that Clarke couldn't decipher with Miller.

"Uh, Maya, why don't we go join the others?" she suggested, deciding to give the guys some privacy.

Maya nodded and only once they were outside did she ask, "That seemed a little intense, for friends…"

"Oh, well, they served together, overseas even. And when Ethan's mother died, they both stepped in to help Murphy, so they're family-tight," Clarke explained, casting a worried glance upstairs. She turned to seek out Ethan, who was still by Raven's side, talking animatedly. Relieved that he appeared to be unaffected, she strode forward determinedly.

"Okay people, the real food's a little delayed. Why don't we sort into teams and work up an appetite?" she suggested.

Right away, arguments began about who should be on what team, only made worse when Bellamy and Miller rejoined them and Maya said she wanted them on her team since they were trained.

"Wait, all the ex-Army guys can't be on one team," Jasper denied.

"And you can't split up the twins, they might die," Harper teased, motioning between Jasper and Monty, to the former's grin.

In the end, Miller, Jasper, Monty, Maya, Charlie, and Harper were on one team, and Raven, Clarke, Cassi, Cole, Ethan, Bellamy, and Octavia were on the other. Luna declined to participate, with Wells sitting out in solidarity and Bryan admitting that he just wasn't interested in playing but he'd be happy to sit with Cam.

"You're such an adult," Miller teased his boyfriend before giving him a quick kiss.

"One of us has to be," Bryan confirmed as he bounced Cam on his lap. "Give 'em hell though."

Clarke noticed Bellamy's half-smile in watching this, only to have Octavia come up on her right side and loop an arm in her own. "Bell's romantic life is mostly lived vicariously through others," she teased her brother.

Stiffening briefly and then forcing herself to relax, she immediately defended him. "Uh, he's dating someone right now."

"Yeah, O," Bellamy confirmed, shooting his sister a look. "You know that."

"What about your love life?" Clarke tried to turn the tables on her, just for Octavia to laugh.

"Me? I'm practically married already. Lincoln's not here because he's helping a friend run a 10K event today for an injured veterans charity. I'd be there even if he didn't insist I spent some time with my big brother that wasn't with him around," Octavia happily related. "But I'll bring him by sometime. I think you'd like him. Everyone does, except Bellamy, because he thinks he's too old for me most days."

Clarke noticed how Charlie's shoulders fell at the news that Octavia wasn't exactly available, but honestly was thankful that he probably wouldn't proposition her now. She hoped. Given the stories about her father, and having seen both Charlie and Cole's behavior, she knew there wasn't much that would stop Griffin men from pursuing the object of their affections.

"Okay, O," Bellamy interrupted with a roll of his eyes. "Come on, help me figure out which guns are the best."

While the Blake siblings took control over figuring out their weapons, Clarke straightened, forcing a smile on her face while she tried to calm down the younger boys, who were both jumping around Raven.

"I'm pretty sure I'm going to be a tactical liability here, but I might have an idea that'll help us," Raven suggested as soon as Jasper's group moved far enough away to not overhear. "If my two little guys here want to help."

"Yes!" the boys crowed immediately.

"What's the plan?" Clarke wondered.

Raven moved somewhat closer, lowering her voice. "Those guys made about a hundred water balloons, maybe more. It's too many to carry, so they're going to have a stash, the way we're going to have a stash. We steal their stash, attack from behind."

"That's not bad," Clarke approved. "But how to protect our stash?"

"What are we talking about?" Bellamy asked as he approached. He'd pulled off his shirt, to use it as make-shift sack to carry their water balloons, while Octavia followed with their allotment of the guns.

Clarke took a long breath, determinedly keeping her eyes on his face and not his well-muscled chest, his clearly defined abdominal muscles, or the fact that she could clearly see the beginning of the trail of hairs that traced a line down to his groin.

She would not, absolutely not, think about his groin.

"Strategy," she said in a clear voice.

Raven, who apparently had no compunctions about ogling the nanny, began her explanation with a smile and a lascivious-sounding, "Nice." But then she outlined her plan.

Bellamy took the objectification in good stride, just giving Raven a smirk before he suggested a few modifications to the plan. "But we need someone to play bait."

"I can do that," Clarke finally entered the tactical discussion. "You and Octavia can draw off Miller. If Raven and the boys do a good job-"

"We will!" the boys chorused.

"Then I and Cassi will be able to draw in Jasper and the rest. Especially if Charlie's with that group. He's going to be drawn to targeting his sisters."

Bellamy nodded thoughtfully. "That's true. I'd want to make sure O got soaked if we weren't in the same team," he admitted, grinning when his sister socked him on the arm playfully.

When they were fully set on the plan, Bellamy handed out the guns they had as well as the water balloons, leaving Clarke for last. For her, he gave one of the larger guns as well as two water balloons, which she found were small things, less than the size of her palm. The plan hinged on her and Cassi being woefully under armed.

"Ready to be a badass, Clarke?" he grinned at her wolfishly.

She laughed and gave him a sharp nod as she put a balloon into each one of her pockets. "Aye aye, corporal."

He shook his head. "Aye aye is the Navy, Clarke. You're killing me here," he groaned.

"She's not the one walking around without a shirt," Raven chimed in from where she was standing with Octavia. By her and the younger Blake's smug grin, Clarke knew they thought that was hilarious.

"How else would you enjoy the show, Raven?" Bellamy questioned, waving his hand out and folding himself down in something like a quarter bow.

Behind his back, Clarke glared at her friend, mouthing, "Knock it off." Raven just shrugged unapologetically.

As they moved to their designated starting position near the playhouse, Clarke hissed at her so that the Blakes couldn't hear. "Seriously, stop with that."

"What? If you're not going to appreciate the hell out of that display, I am," Raven retorted. "You had a date a few weeks ago. I've been without for months."

"Please," Clarke scoffed. "You're a sex camel. You have a ton of sex when you're with someone so you can make it across your sexual deserts easily."

Raven burst out laughing. "A sex camel? Come on Griffin, that was...pretty damned good."

"We're friends for a reason and it's only maybe ten percent because of the whole Finn situation," Clarke replied, knocking her shoulder to her friend's companionably. "But seriously, stop. He's not just a piece of meat."

Raven blinked. "Do you know how many things I could do with that statement?"

"Okay, yes, but please, stop. He's a person, not just a hot body."

"So you agree he's hot?"

" _Rave._ Go, start your ruse thing," she ordered irritably.

She just grinned and limped off.

Really, the most unexpected thing about the plan is how well it worked. When Jasper called, "Go!," the team sprang into action. The Blakes immediately made a run for Miller, firing well before they were in range to keep him at bay. While he separated from his group, Ethan and Cole play-acted as if they were chasing each other around the playhouse and Raven basically charged forward to play cannon-fodder and allow Clarke and Cassi time to escape.

When Raven was soaked, and thus, soundly out, Jasper's team ran straight for Clarke and Cassi, who made sure to linger by the edge of the trees that dotted the far corner of the backyard. They made some show of fighting back, hurling their small supply of water balloons but creeping towards the treeline. Finally, when they had thrown their second to last balloon, they ducked for cover.

Clarke hid behind one of the bigger trees, motioning for Cassidy to keep back further. She listened as water hit the trunk and the dirt nearby, actually squealing when some splashed on her leg. When one of the opposing team go too close, either she or Cassi would fire.

"We can wait you out! We've got more water than you guys!" Charlie taunted.

Clarke exchanged a grin look with Cassi. "Oh yeah?" she called back. "Why don't you come closer and see how much water we have!" She dared a peek towards the playhouse, where Raven was frantically helping Cole and Ethan tie stolen water balloons together to make much larger bombs. Eventually, she saw Bellamy and Octavia run up, while in the distance a drenched Miller sat down on the patio.

As soon as the Blakes were armed with the four-balloon bombs and headed for the group, she called out, "Bellamy! Bring guns!"

Their attackers whirled, only to be faced with bombardment - literally. Both of the Blakes had pretty good aim and they took out the two better shots immediately, Charlie and Harper. That gave Cassi and Clarke ample time to fire on Jasper, Monty and Maya's backs.

While Jasper vehemently protested the use of an "out" player, saying Raven wasn't allowed to help the boys, the rest of his team took the loss in stride. Even Charlie, though, Clarke suspected that had more to do with the way he snuck up on Cassi and wrapped his arms around her to get her wet with his sopping t-shirt. Of course, Cassi shrieked like she was being murdered.

In the aftermath, she found herself next to Bellamy. "We make a good team," he told her.

She colored happily at his words, adding, "Yeah, Blakes plus Griffins. We could take over the world."

He laughed, then nodded towards the patio. "Looks like Murphy finally got here. I'm going to get started on the food. Why don't you organize another round of 'water war' while I do the cooking?"

"You just don't want to get wet," she accused with a laugh but she nodded. "Aye aye, corporal."

He made an aggrieved noise before jogging away.

She did not admire his ass as he did so. Not a bit.

By the time the food was ready, everyone involved in the water war was pretty well soaked, but folks were happy as they sat at the tables and started passing around the food, of which there was a ton. Luna was particularly complimentary about the shrimp, asking about what spices Bellamy had used.

"Cumin, coriander, paprika, sea salt, olive oil," he revealed easily. "Nothing fancy."

"That's nothing," Octavia declared, pushing the kebab meat towards Clarke. "Here, you haven't tried this yet."

Clarke chuckled, putting a few of the pieces on her plate before dutifully trying a bite. Not only was the flavor fantastic, the meat itself was deliciously tender. She quickly ate another bite, then stared at Bellamy. "Why haven't we eaten this before?" she demanded.

He chuckled, a slight blush coming to his cheeks. "It's a Filipino-style marinade, but I only use it for grilling. We haven't grilled before."

"Seriously, put it on the menu. Use the grill whenever," Clarke invited, hastily eating another piece before Harper asked her to pass the meat her way.

"Noted," Bellamy confirmed with a grin.

While the meat went one way, Clarke looked for the vegetables, pointing them out and asking for them to send some in her direction.

"Hey, so what's with all the c-names in the family?" Miller asked her as he passed her the plate of grilled vegetables.

"Ugh, that's a long story. Basically, my parents-"

Cam choose that moment to let out a wail, a perfectly natural reaction to being doused with a spilled soda, courtesy of someone bumping the table. Clarke retrieved him from Harper, hurrying inside to dry him off and get him into a change of clothes, dithering some when she insisted on finding something blue for him to wear so he'd still match the rest of them. When she returned, the conversation had moved on, as had the kids, who'd all apparently finished eating and had returned to chasing each other with water guns.

She also seemed to have missed something that happened between Murphy and Raven, who were basically glaring at each other across the table. When she asked Bellamy about it as she sat down again in a low voice, he shrugged. "They both were inside for a moment, for the bathroom I think. They were sniping at each other when they came back out. Murphy has that effect on some people. Just ignore it."

"You missed it," Bryan reported to her then, as she settled Cam more comfortably on her lap. "Cole was trying to convinced Harper to be his new doctor."

"Oh yeah?"

Harper laughed, adding, "He asked what kind of doctor I was, and when I told him I was a kid doctor, he said that he'd like it if I was his doctor more than Doctor Jackson."

"By my count, he literally hit on every woman here today," Jasper grumbled, fishing a soda can out of a cooler and cracking it open.

"I kind of admire him. He's got guts. Way more than I do," Monty declared. "He makes it look easy."

Miller leaned back in his chair, to look towards Clarke without the interference of the people sitting between them. "Just so you know, if you ever want to give Cole up, Bryan and I will give him a good home."

Clarke gave him a nod. "I'll keep that in mind, thanks," she laughed.

"You'd have to fight me for him. Clearly, he's mine," Raven challenged. "Plus I can teach him things you can't about mechanics and rockets."

"I can put you both on the list for babysitting volunteers, if you like," Clarke offered, watching with a grin as both seemed startled. "Or maybe not," she teased.

Ethan appeared at the side of his father's chair, asking, "Daddy, can I sleep here at Cole's house tonight?"

Murphy shook his head. "Besides the fact that I don't think Cole asked Clarke or Bellamy permission to offer that, you've got day camp tomorrow. No dice. But I'll talk to them and work out a day when you can, or when he can sleep at our place, okay?" Ethan didn't look pleased but nodded and ran back to his friend.

"Wait a minute," Raven began, pointing her shrimp-laden fork at Murphy. "You're telling me that sweet, intelligent little guy is yours?"

Murphy smirked, leaning back in his chair and taking a long sip of his beer. "Yep, I made him."

"Where did he come from? Because he's great and you're an asshole," she told him point-blank.

Bellamy, Octavia and the rest of their contingent immediately laughed, and even Murphy didn't seem to mind the epithet. He just shrugged a shoulder and grinned. "Maybe I'm a better dad than I am a person."

"Maybe it's his mother," Raven retorted, only to rear back when both Bellamy and Miller started cracking up. Murphy just smirked.

When he could catch his breath, Miller explained, "Forrester was the meanest, snarkiest sergeant in the division. She could beat all three of us together, just chew us up and spit us out for breakfast. No fu-freaking way Ethan's good attitude came from her."

"Ethan's basically a changeling, except that he looks like his parents so he can't be," Bellamy confirmed as he put some more salad on his plate.

After that, the conversation devolved in a few good-natured arguments, and still later, the group choose to have dessert on the second floor front porch so they could watch the fireworks. In the end, Clarke was certain everyone had a good time, notwithstanding whatever had happened between Murphy and Raven, and Jasper's continued grumpiness at Cole's flirting. But she was sure that everyone got enough to eat, and most miraculous of all, all the kids went to bed easily, since they were so tired. Even Charlie just said he'd rather just chill out in his room.

Of course, that left the clean up to her and Bellamy, but she didn't really mind, since they worked so well together. Before she knew it, the leftovers were packed away, the kitchen was clean and the trash had been hauled to the curb for pick-up in the morning. So when Bellamy suggested they relax with a beer on the back porch and enjoy the cool evening, she readily agreed.

Bellamy handed her a bottle of the beer, set down the baby monitor on the small table between the two chairs and settled in. "Okay, now I'm ready for story-time," he told her with a grin. "You mentioned that it's a long story, about all your names beginning with the letter 'c'," he explained.

She chuckled, nodding her understanding and accepting the beer with another tip of her head. "Okay, sure. So, you're obviously aware of the baby-naming fad of some three decades ago where you used a last name in your family as a first name," she began. Privately, she was ashamed to admit that she hadn't figured out his name was a surname until three weeks after she'd hired him.

"Oh yes," Bellamy agreed with a snort. "All of my names are last names, actually. 'Bellamy Bradbury Blake'."

"Oh god, that's awful," Clarke couldn't stop herself from blurting out, only to laugh. "I am so sorry. I mean, I thought Harper McIntyre was bad, but...really?"

"Yeah. For a while, as a kid, I thought it'd be better to have been Bradbury, because then at least I could've been called Brad, which is at least normal, but, eh, I've grown into my name, I guess," he explained. "Anyway, you were saying."

"Right. So Abigail Clarke was my mother's maiden name, and they thought it was perfect. I mean, my parents basically got disowned," Clarke began, only to backtrack. "Yeah, so the Clarkes and the Griffins are both like, completely conservative, religious families and both my mom and my dad were the liberal, progressive black sheep of their families, but they still loved them. Both my parents could and did go on about the awesome things their folks taught them, about helping others and doing good, but not so much on the homophobia and sex-negative bullshit and the thinking you're better than people who don't think the same way you do.

"But then my mother, off at college, going to be a doctor, just like her folks wanted, got knocked up by her boyfriend. And when both sets of my grandparents were like, 'Time to get married,' my folks said, 'Well, we don't have to', I think mostly out of spite? Because obviously they did get married later. Spoiler alert, I'm in my parents wedding photos," Clarke described, only to stop when she noticed Bellamy was shaking with laughter.

"Your parents sound awesome," he told her, when he calmed himself enough. "I wish I could've met them."

"Yeah," she answered fondly, looking out over the backyard and taking a long pull on her beer. "So, there they were, disowned, but having a baby, and again, there's that fad going on and I think it just really appealed to them, to name me after both families who didn't want anything to do with me and also honor them at the same time. So, if I was a boy, I was going to be Griffin Clarke and if I was a girl, I was going to Clarke Griffin."

Bellamy nodded sagely. "Griffin's an awesome name."

"Said the mythology guy, yeah, I'm shocked at your reaction," she teased. "They honestly thought they were going to be one child parents. Until they hit their late thirties and were like, 'Wait, we want more' even though Charlie's just as much an accident as I was. But they really liked the idea of the last name thing, so Mom just went nuts, looking into the genealogy of both sides of the family and came up with these lists of all the last names for something like, seven generations. It just turned out that the only decent names were really names that began with the letter 'c', including Charles. And they pulled out the list for all of us, so we'd all match. Kind of."

"So Charles, Cassidy, Cole, Cameron." He took a sip of his beer and laughed. "I think you're the whitest people I've ever met."

"Thanks?" Clarke hazarded, only to laugh. "I know, we're hopeless. But, those were my parents for you."

"Really, none of the other last names were good?"

Clarke snorted, trying to remember some of the names her mother had uncovered. "There was 'Mook', and 'Winterthorpe', and there was a 'z' name too, I can't remember what it was.." She trailed off, furrowing her brow in thought. "Anyway. Cameron's name was almost Casey, but since we already had Cassidy, they thought it was too similar."

"I don't know. Mook Griffin kinda has a ring to it."

Clarke swatted at his arm, then shook the hand to get rid of the sting. "You take care of kids all day. How do you have arms like that?" she complained.

"I take care of kids all day. I'm constantly lifting, pushing, pulling. Best workout ever," Bellamy confirmed, rolling his head against the back of the chair to look at her. "My parents basically burned all the names on me. And when O was born, my mother was so out of it. It was a hard birth and O's dad was long gone, so she told me to name her. Which is why O has a normal name." He took another sip of his beer, turning his eyes back to the front. "My kids will have normal names."

"You think Griffin is a good name," Clarke pointed out.

"Didn't say it was on the list, Princess," he snarked in return.

"Of course you have a list of names for your hypothetical, future children." Clarke was not in the slightest bit surprised.

"Oh, like you don't, Miss Color Coordinated Scheduler."

Clarke flushed. "Maybe, you know, a few. Names I've come across and thought they might be nice. Eventually." She drank some of her beer and added, "Bet I can guess some of the names on your list."

"Please," he snorted.

"Seriously, what do you want to bet?"

"Five bucks?" he suggested, draining the last of his beer.

"You're on. I bet either, or both, Julia or Julian is on the list."

Bellamy coughed, sputtering some of his beer and Clarke grinned. "You owe me five bucks."

"What you're telling me is that I'm predictable."

Clarke shook her head. "Only to the people who know you well."

"You think you know me well?"

"Yeah, I think so. I know you're a good cook, but you got that way to make other people happy. You love to read, not just to write, because I usually find your books in the family room after you've had to put them down and they're all Roman history, even though all your stories are about Greek myths. And that you love our little library, you try to go there once a day. History Channel is to you what Murder Channel is to me. You don't have a lot of friends, but the ones you have you're very close to. And Octavia means more to you than you mean to you," she described, looking over at him. With a rueful smile, she added, "That's how I feel about mine too."

She realized as soon as she said it that perhaps she'd gone too far, too emotionally true for the friendliness of their conversation. Or that she sounded like she was his stalker. But she lived with him, she couldn't help but notice some things. Practically holding her breath, she waited for his response.

Bellamy turned the bottle of beer in his hand thoughtfully. "Even Charlie?" he joked.

Letting herself breath again, relieved that he chose to make a joke, she nodded. "Even Charlie. He's my first, you know." She sipped her own beer, deciding to change the topic a little bit. "Do you want kids of your own someday?"

"Absolutely. Two, maybe three. Maybe more if the first couple turn out so awesome, I can't resist making more," he quipped.

"You don't think you're going to get diaper burnout or something?" she asked with a smile.

"Oh no. See, I'm making all my mistakes with your kids, then I'll learn from them, and have perfect parenting technique for when I have my kids."

Clarke looked over at him, taking in the small smile, the relaxed posture, and nodded. "Yeah, I can see that," she agreed. "I just don't think you're making too many mistakes with mine."

He ducked his head, giving her that shy half-smile that drove her nuts. "Thanks, Clarke."

Tearing her eyes away from him, she took a long drink of her beer and watched the fireflies spin around the backyard. It was a good day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments definitely appreciated, either here or on tumblr, @callmehux.


	6. A Midsummer Dilemma

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Bellamy confronts Murphy about his sketchy behavior, he's stunned at the reason. And even more surprised at the solution.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thanks to my beta, @bfl1201, without whom this chapter would be riddled with typos and run-on sentences. Thank you also to everyone who left a comment - they make my day!

Bellamy leaned back against the kitchen counter, looking out into the family room on a sight he did not expect to see anytime this summer. When Cassi invited Charlotte over and Charlie invited his friend Josh, another fourteen year old, Bellamy was expecting to have to break up at least one fight. Instead, all four of them were playing Mario Kart, of all things, and apparently having a wonderful time. What had started as girls versus boys was now Griffins versus the world and it made for a surprisingly argument-free afternoon.

Cam was down for a nap and Cole was frantically designing something on a big piece of paper, his legs curled under him on the chair and half-leaning on the table. Bellamy wondered if he might actually have time to do some laundry this afternoon. He walked over towards the younger boy, to retrieve his forgotten plate from lunch, when his phone buzzed in his pocket.

**Murphy:** _Can I drop off Ethan? Got called into work._

Bellamy frowned, staring down at the screen. After a pause, he swiped to make a call.

Murphy picked up quickly. "Blake-"

"What the hell, Murphy?" he demanded, hurrying into the dining room so he wouldn't be overheard by any of the kids. "What is going on? I know Miller or Bryan picked him up everyday this week from day camp."

"If you can't take him, that's fine. Don't be such a prick about it," Murphy retorted. "I'll figure something out."

"No, drop him off. But you owe me a real explanation because this can't be just something at work. If I don't get one, this is the last time you can do this." Bellamy hung up on him before he could refuse, hoping he sounded convincing as he delivered the totally empty threat.

He waited by the front door for them to arrive, which allowed him to open it before Murphy could even walk Ethan up. "I mean it. A real explanation."

Murphy glowered but nodded sharply as he stood by the open car door, watching his son scramble out of the car. "When I come to pick him up, okay? I gotta get in."

"Tonight," Bellamy confirmed, forcing a smile when Ethan saw him. "Hey, buddy. Cole's just inside. I think he's drawing a space station. Want to see if he needs some help?"

As Ethan eagerly joined Cole at the table, Bellamy took a moment to text Clarke, warning her that Ethan was at the house and Murphy might be there as well when she arrived from work. Because it was a weekend, her response was quick.

**Clarke Griffin:** _Josh, Charlotte and now Ethan with our four? Are you a masochist?_

He grinned down at his phone and tapped out his reply. _I'm a sucker for a cute face, what can I say?_

**Clarke Griffin:** _I'll be sure to hold up Ethan in front of my face the next time I ask for a massive favor._

He laughed, texting back quickly. _I think you've already seen you don't need Ethan to get me to do a massive favor for you._

**Clarke Griffin:** _gtg_

Knowing that Clarke only reverted to text-speak when she was very busy, he figured she'd gotten caught up in an emergency. Without much more thought to the subject, he shoved his phone in his pocket and joined Ethan and Cole at the table.

Fortunately, the addition of another kid didn't disrupt the equilibrium of the household. Ethan and Cole drew at the table for a time, while also making a list of all the supplies they would need for their station, including Sun Chips, a hydroponics bay, fourteen televisions, and their sleeping bags. Meanwhile, the older children continued to play video games.

When Bellamy returned from getting Cam from his nap, the girls were watching The Descendants for the millionth time while the teens were rooting around in the fridge. Ethan and Cole were nowhere to be found.

"There's cheese and other stuff for sandwiches in the little drawer, ready to go," Bellamy noted, well aware that boys their age often required a meal between lunch and dinner. "Where are the little ones?"

"They went downstairs," Charlie reported as he quickly emptied the deli drawer.

"Great. Building another fort, I'll bet." He glanced at the television, adding, "Are you going to pick a fight with them over this?" Just a few days ago, Charlie had deleted the Disney Channel movie from last summer, causing Cassi to blow up at him until Bellamy figured out how to restore it on the DVR. She watched the movie at least twice a week, knew every song by heart and had already declared her intention to dress up as Mal for Halloween.

Charlie handed a couple of condiments over to his friend before shutting the fridge door. "Nah." He glanced at Josh, who wasn't paying attention to them, and admitted, "She told me why she watches it so much. Reminds her of when Mom and Dad were still here. I won't..I'm not going to bother her about it anymore."

Bellamy nodded solemnly. Because they had more years with them, the death of their parents had a more noticeable effect on the older Griffin children. Given what he'd gathered about Cassi's especially close relationship with her mother and Charlie's with his father, he'd granted them both a lot of slack in their behavior, if he could trace it to that continuing grief. It didn't surprise him that Charlie would do the same for his sister.

"Don't forgot to clean up afterward," he reminded them both before going downstairs with Cam to monitor the fort-building.

What he found as he entered the downstairs playroom were two boys, jumping on the couches and not, in fact, building a fort with the cushions.

"Nope, not going to happen, no jumping on the couches," he declared immediately, shifting Cam from one hip to the other. "Off. Now."

"We were just jumping _off_ the couches, not _on_ them," Cole protested as he took a mighty leap off one.

Ethan's huge grin had disappeared at Bellamy's arrival and now he slumped to the seat, before practically oozing off the couch with wide eyes. Bellamy knew he wasn't used to being yelled at in any way, so his immediate reaction to any kind of loud command was to shrink in on himself.

Idly, he wondered if he would have ever thought a child of Anya and Murphy's would ever have been described as meek, even if it was only occasionally.

"Yeah, you're too young to play the semantic game. And, once you're older, if you have to play the semantic game, chances are your position is bogus to begin with," Bellamy countered. He glanced out the windows, noticing the threatening skies and then started to suggest alternatives to furniture destruction. "Okay, how about we go into the library and I can read a book to you guys? Or, we can go build something with Legos in your room. Or we can watch a movie."

"What's 'semantics'?" Ethan wondered as he pulled on his shirt uncomfortably.

"There's a library just there, with a dictionary. Why don't we look it up?" Bellamy suggested.

They looked up the word and had a brief discussion about what words mean, and how the meaning can change based on usage and even tone. Eventually Bellamy got them settled in while he read them the first couple chapters of The Hobbit and Cam played with a set of plastic cars from the playroom's toy bin. By the end of the second chapter, he checked the time to discover that he needed to get started on dinner.

"You boys want to help me cook dinner tonight?" he asked as he marked his spot in the book with a piece of paper from one of the tables.

"What are we having?" Cole wondered as he got to his feet.

"I'm making hot breaded chicken." He'd discovered early on in his time here that all of the Griffins, even Cole, liked spicy food.

"Yeah!" Cole turned to Ethan excitedly. "It's super good!"

"Okay," Ethan agreed slowly.

"Don't worry, E. I'll make a few that are less hot or not hot at all if you prefer that," Bellamy assured him as he picked up Cam and started to head to the kitchen. As he walked up the stairs, the boys just behind him, Cole asked, "Can we ask Charlotte if she can help too? She's pretty."

Bellamy huffed, annoyed by something he couldn't quite describe in Cole's tone. They walked into the kitchen, to find Charlie and Josh playing video games in the family room and Cassi and Charlotte on the screened porch, giggling over a tablet. He put Cam in his high chair, gave him his measuring cups, and then motioned for the younger boys to come closer. He crouched as they did.

"Cole, I'm going to say something right now, and I want you to remember it. And E, even though you haven't said or done anything, I want you to hear this too. It's important."

Both boys looked at him with curious eyes.

"I know you like pretty girls, Cole. But the most important thing is if a girl is kind. And after you figure out if a girl is kind or not, then there are a lot of other, more important things than pretty. Like smart. Or funny. Pretty is not even on the list of important things. People like to hear if you think they're pretty, but I think it's more important if you can tell them other nice things, like a girl is kind, or smart, or funny, or brave. Do you understand?"

Both boys nodded solemnly.

"And I'll tell you why I'm telling you this. You both know Octavia, my sister?"

Again, both boys nodded.

"And she's very pretty," Bellamy described. "But so many times for her, people just looked at her said, 'She's pretty,' and they acted like that's all that mattered. They didn't see how smart she was, or how strong she was, or what a hard worker she was, or how much she cared to help other people. But all those things, being smart, and strong, and hard-working, and caring, that's what makes Octavia who she is. The pretty part..that's just the outside. The inside stuff, the stuff that makes her Octavia, that's the important stuff."

"Like Raven," Cole said quietly. "Her leg doesn't work, but she's smart and funny."

Bellamy grinned at him. "That's exactly right."

"But she's still pretty."

"Yes. But do you really think Raven is Raven because she's pretty?"

"No, she's smart! She knows how to _build_ things, Bellamy."

"And she's nice," Ethan agreed.

"Right," Bellamy nodded to the younger one. "So that's the important stuff. Pretty? Not so important. Okay?"

Both boys nodded again. "Okay."

"Alright. So we'll ask the others if they want to help make dinner too. E, how about you ask the girls and Cole, you ask the boys?"

It turned out that Charlotte was about to be picked up by her father and Josh had to go home to pack for the family vacation. Bellamy was pleasantly surprised when the entire family joined him in the kitchen to help make dinner.

"You want to learn how to cook this?" he asked Charlie.

"I figure it's probably useful," the teen admitted as he leaned his forearms on the counter.

"Yeah, 'cause you're always eating," Cassi teased him as she got herself a glass of juice.

"That's because I'm always growing," Charlie retorted, but with a grin.

Bellamy figured that was true, to judge from his laundry. In fact, he needed to let Clarke know that Charlie was probably going to need all new pants for the next school year since the teen was growing like the proverbial weed.

"Okay. So, here's what we're going to do," Bellamy refocused on the task at hand. "Charlie and I are going to cut the chicken into strips. Cole and Ethan are going to put together the egg wash and the pile of breadcrumbs we'll use for the breading. Cassi'll put together a salad, and then she can decide if we're going to put cheese in the salad or if she wants tuna in her portion of the salad. Sound good?"

"What's Cam going to do?" Cassi laughed.

Everyone turned to the toddler, who merely banged his cups. "Ooose!"

"He's going to ask for juice. Can you put some in one of his cuppies for him?" Bellamy replied, smiling. "Alright, let's get started."

 

* * *

 

Abandoned by all of his helpers after dinner, Bellamy took his time setting the kitchen to rights and then getting Cam ready for bedtime. Unusually fussy, he checked the toddler's temperature quickly with his palm. "More teeth, huh?" he murmured to the blond, who just whined and threw his head back in discomfort. He fished the boy's teething ring out of the fridge and settled him in the playring in his pajamas, where he could fling his toys in frustration without creating too much of a mess and otherwise tire himself out while the rest of them watched the second Captain America movie in the family room.

Sitting comfortably on the couch, one arm flung over the back, he ended up with Ethan leaning against his side and Cole's feet resting on his thigh. Charlie, parked in the corner of the sectional, and Cassi, laying on the floor with her legs up on the couch, kept their focus on the phones in their hands. It made for a peaceful viewing experience, punctuated only by Ethan or Cole's questions or commentary.

Captain America was just chasing down his friend the Winter Soldier when Bellamy's phone buzzed with a text from Murphy telling him he'd be there in ten minutes. Bellamy carefully extricated himself from underneath the kids and pulled Cam from where he'd fallen asleep in his playring so he could put him in his crib. He was back downstairs in time to open the door for his friend.

Murphy looked tired, his tie eschew and his hair sticking up on the side of his head. He said nothing as he entered the house, following Bellamy's direction to head into the living room where the kids couldn't see them. He fully intended to remain silent, forcing Murphy to speak first, but he couldn't help himself and asked, "Did you eat something?"

"Yeah, grabbed something quick," he confirmed, eyeing Bellamy warily.

"Alright then. What the fuck is going on?"

Murphy expelled a loud breath. "My new boss? She, ah." He shifted, head ducking in a display of brief embarrassment before he looked Bellamy in the eye. "She wants to fuck me, okay? She figured out how much I need this job, that it pays for that stupid crappy, expensive apartment so Ethan can be in this school district. And she made a pass and I said no, because, hot as she is, some of us _don't_ want to sleep with our bosses."

Bellamy reared back as if struck.

"So, she's been inventing work for me, to stay late, or come in the weekends, because she knows that jams me up. She's my direct boss, she calls the shots. She tries to touch me or whatever when it's just us. And, you're right, it can't keep going on, so whatever, I'll fuck her, she'll get bored and then things can go back to normal. You won't have to watch Ethan so much anymore."

"What, no! Why don't you just report her to your HR department?" Bellamy demanded, anger beginning to curdle inside of him.

"Are you kidding? I report her, she tells them I was hitting _on her_ , and my ass is out the door, not hers. Every call, every email, totally professional. And she works like a demon, billing like crazy, they love her. There's no way they'd believe me. She's fucking said as much."

"You could sue.."

Murphy barked out a laugh. "No proof. Plus put me next to her and who's going to believe a woman like that wants a guy like me? And I'd pretty much never work again as a paralegal. Once you sue over discrimination or harassment or whatever, your career in the legal community is pretty much over. Hell, even a suggestion that this is an issue, and I'd never get a job in this town again!

"Our firm's handed a few discrimination cases. You can have all the evidence in the world and juries still don't believe the plaintiffs. My firm? I know those dicks. They'd find my sealed juvie record and suddenly I'm doing this to get a quick buck."

"So find another job!" Bellamy started towards the other man, only to forcefully stop, hand curled into a fist at his side.

"I can't! I don't have the time to interview. I have no vacation left, took it all when Ethan got sick in February, you remember. Plus, you know how happy I was to find this job. No one comes close to the money I make here, not without a hell of a lot more hours than I work even now, and without every bit of it, I can't afford to be in the school district for Ethan!

"Look, she said she would let me get back to my usual schedule once I did what she wanted," Murphy continued. "So, I will. I'll fuck my boss and get it over with and you and Miller won't have to watch Ethan all the time anymore. Calm down, Blake. I see that look in your eye," he said warningly.

"What the fuck?" Clarke demanded, suddenly drawing both men's eyes to her as she appeared in the living room doorway closest to the garage. More than a few wisps of hair floated about her head, escaping her braid and she was wearing a different set of scrubs than the ones she'd worn that morning when she left. She waved a hand to motion between them. "Did I hear that right? Your boss is sexually harassing you?!"

"This is none of your business-" Murphy began hotly.

"Bullshit!" Clarke told him, to Bellamy's astonishment. She stalked into the room and got right into Murphy's face. "You're in my house, where your kid has been all day, because your boss wants to sleep with you and is making your life hell? No way."

Bellamy felt his anger evaporate in a second, moving quickly to intervene between the two. He put a hand on Clarke's shoulder, to try and get her to calm down. Her blue eyes flickered over to meet his and he could immediately see how tired she was, with little stress lines crinkling the delicate skin by the corners. She gave him a little nod, taking a breath and then refocusing on Murphy.

"Start from the beginning," she commanded. "Why can't you just quit?"

Bellamy wasn't sure what it was, exactly. He was sure that Murphy would balk, or tell her to fuck off and just leave with his son. But for some reason, Murphy just repeated everything he'd already told his friend. Maybe Clarke reminded him of Anya. Murphy definitely had a thing for strong women.

Clarke stood there listening carefully to everything Murphy said. Finally, she gave the paralegal a once over.

"Okay, here's what we do."

"We? This isn't your problem," Murphy corrected her.

"You're basically Bell's family, that makes this my problem. So, Monday, go in, quit. No notice. Don't give them a reason, say that it's a family issue. If they press you, just say that with the new boss, the new hours, you can't in good faith keep the job because you've got Ethan. Then get the hell out of there.

"I'll talk to Wells and his father. They're both lawyers. We'll see if they know if anyone is hiring. And you should email your last boss to see if he'll give you a reference. But we'll get you another job."

"How am I supposed to pay my bills after I quit?"

"I can help with that," Bellamy interjected. "I have almost no expenses anymore." Not since he paid off the debt he owed the Millers.

But then Clarke stunned them both. "And worse comes to worse, you can move into here for however long you need. Ethan wouldn't be in the same school, but he'd be in the same district, so he'd have access to all the same resources. God knows I pay more than fucking enough for this house every month, and it can certainly hold a couple more people. Maybe we put Ethan in Cole's room, I bet they'd love it, and you could have what's now the guest room that no one uses ever."

Silence descended in the living room, the men still in shock from her offer, and once again, it was Clarke who broke it. "We'll figure it out. Right now, I'm...exhausted, I gotta get some sleep. Just, uh, come over tomorrow? We'll work it all out then. But there's just no fucking way we're letting you get harrassed into sleeping with your boss." She wiped at her eyes, glancing at Bellamy and he could easily see that she wanted him to take over.

Bellamy took his cue, even though his mind rolled with the implications of her words, her generosity. "Alright, Murphy, you okay to drive home?"

"What..yeah, I'm fine," Murphy assured him, still looking at Clarke with that bewildered expression on his face.

"Okay, come back tomorrow morning. Let's say, around eleven in the morning?"

Clarke actually flopped into an armchair tiredly, closing her eyes as the guys began to move towards the family room. "I'm just gonna sit here a moment."

Bellamy checked in on her as soon as Murphy left with a sleepy Ethan in his arms. Cole roused briefly, following the pair to the front door and waving goodbye to his friend, and then following Bellamy into the living room. They found Clarke staring at the coffee table so blankly that for a moment, he thought she'd fallen asleep with her eyes open. But her mouth was twisted, in remembrance.

While he weighed the best way to get her attention without startling her, Cole ran to her side and shook her shoulder. "Hey, Clarke?" he asked loudly, not more than a foot and a half from her ear.

Clarke blinked violently, turning startled eyes on her brother. "Yeah?"

Cole grinned at her. "I decided! I want to go camping for my birthday!"

She gave him a confused look, before comprehension seemed to dawn on her. "Oh, right! It's coming up. The twentieth."

"Yup! So we're going to go camping, right?"

"Hey, buddy," Bellamy decided now was the time to interject. "Why don't we talk about it tomorrow? You know, it's Clarke's day off then and we can get together in the afternoon and discuss it."

Cole looked from one to the other and frowned. "I'm always the tomorrow conversation."

Bellamy reacted before the conscious thought formed in his head. He moved forward, grabbing the boy and throwing him over his shoulder. "Okay, we'll have a tonight conversation, but Clarke just came home, so we're going to give her some time," he declared, tickling the kid's side and walking towards the kitchen. "Maybe over some ice cream!"

Cole shrieked with laughter, happily distracted. Bellamy spared a glance for Clarke as he made his way out of the room, gratified to see her smile of thanks. He gave her a quick nod and took her brother to the kitchen. There, they made small sundaes, eventually joined by Charlie and Cassi, and the four of them brainstormed ideas for Cole's birthday. Charlie even offered to help out, saying, "I don't mind. Little kids can be fun to play with."

And there was something safer about having some time away from Clarke, while he grappled with the way she'd just come into their problem and made it her own. After Murphy had made the situation clear, Bellamy was going to offer a couple options, either just giving Murphy money outright, like Miller had once done for him but without a need for repayment, or 'moving in' with them, so he'd be responsible for some of the bills. Instead, his _employer_ had stepped in, giving them options that, quite frankly, were amazing. Now the worst case scenario was that Murphy and Ethan lived with them for awhile. Hardly tragic.

When she'd declared them friends, he'd been appreciative of it, maybe even believed it, especially after she invited his friends to her barbeque. They'd had a great time, and he'd really enjoyed seeing her have a good time, relaxing with her kids and her friends. She wasn't even that bad a shot, though she definitely needed some practice.

At some point during his discussion with the kids, which included Cole's suggestion of making their own forts out of boxes to sleep in, he saw Clarke head upstairs. After they finished their ice cream, he got Cassi and Charlie to clean up while he saw Cole through his bedtime routine. Excited about his upcoming birthday, Cole jumped around more than usual but he eventually calmed. Bellamy got him tucked into bed and was about to leave when Cole stopped him with a simple question.

"Bellamy? Are you going to stay here until we're all grown up?"

He closed his eyes for a moment, feeling his heart lurch at yet another emotional swing on a night full of them, but smiled as he turned around. "That's the plan, buddy. But we'll see. I mean, maybe you and Cole won't want to have me around when you're old enough to be on your own after school."

"What about Clarke?"

He stilled. "What about Clarke?" he repeated sharply.

"You take care of Clarke too," Cole replied, pulling his arms from underneath his dragon-decorated comforter and keeping his brown eyes fixed on Bellamy.

"Clarke doesn't need me to take care of her," he answered, keeping his voice even.

"Someone has to. Like Daddy took care of Mommy, because she was always busy being a doctor." There was something in the way he said this, like he was repeating a line he'd heard over and over again.

Bellamy gave him a smile. "One day, Clarke isn't going to be so busy, okay? She'll have more time to spend at home with you and Cam. And I'm sure she'll be in here in a few minutes to say goodnight to you."

"I know," Cole said in the way of little kids every where who knew just how to pull on your heartstrings.

Bellamy scrubbed at his eyes as he headed back downstairs, double-checking to make sure the kitchen was clean. Afterwards, he busied himself, double-checking that he had the ingredients on hand for a big brunch the next morning, idly planning and revising several menu options.

Clarke clopped her way downstairs in a pair of old flip-flops, wearing pajama pants with a moon and stars pattern and a white tank top, her hair caught up in a messy bun. She wandered over to the fridge with a grumpy expression on her face, pulling out a container of the chicken and some of the dipping sauce he'd made to go with it.

He cleared his throat. "Hell of a day, huh?"

"Yeah," she sighed, putting a few pieces of chicken on a plate and sticking it into the microwave.

"Listen, I..you know, neither Murphy nor I would hold you to letting him move in here, if you just said it in the heat of the moment."

Clarke looked up from where she was obviously sticking her finger in the dipping sauce. "I didn't just say that to say it," she denied, looking aggrieved. "Seriously. If it comes to that, they can move in. I'm not, you know, looking forward to living with Murphy or anything, but Ethan's a great kid and if anyone deserves access to this school district, it's him. And Murphy, for all he's kind of an ass, doesn't deserve to be sexually harassed at work. No one does, but. He's just a single parent, trying to raise his kid and this Ontari woman is fucking with that and no, I won't just let it happen," she declared hotly.

He held up his hand quickly in surrender. "Whoa there, okay. Thank you. That's..I didn't doubt you, just, I don't think Murphy or I expected that. I mean, I'm just your nanny and you barely know him."

"You've obviously not just the nanny," Clarke denied as she found a spoon to put some of the dipping sauce into a little bowl for herself. "You are raising the kids, keeping my shit together, and I thought we already agreed we're friends? I'd do this for any of my friends. And they would for me. You know Wells offered to move in before you got here? To help out. And if Raven couldn't find a place to stay she liked enough, I'd have given her the guest room."

He smiled at her as she licked the spoon clean and retrieved her dinner. He got them a couple of glasses of water and set one by her on the counter while she inhaled the first piece of chicken. She closed her eyes briefly, mumbling a, "So good," then nodded her thanks.

Once she was breathing again and eating more normally, he asked, "I..well, I _do_ mean to pry. But I thought the house was paid off. What did you mean when you said how much you were paying for it?"

Clarke chuckled without humor. "Taxes and insurance have to be paid every year, even if there isn't a mortgage. We don't have that high a tax rate, comparatively, but because of the property value, it's a lot of money for both of those things. So I have to set aside a huge chunk of money every month so I'll be able to pay the bill when it's due."

"Oh. How much?" he asked as he took a sip of his water, thinking that maybe if Murphy did have to move it in, he could help defray that cost at least.

"A little over two grand a month."

He coughed, struggling to prevent the water from going down the wrong pipe, much to her amusement. "You pay over twenty-four thousand dollars a year in taxes and insurance on this place?" he asked incredulously.

"Yep," she confirmed dryly.

"How expensive is this house?"

"Well, when my parents bought it, it cost them over a million. Now, it could go for one six, I think they said, though it's assessed at lower than that for taxes."

"What the fuck," he replied, disbelieving.

Clarke gave him a small smile. "Part of it is the size of the lot. All the homes here are on three acre sites, with at least half of it covered in the woods back there," she said as she motioned with a hand towards the backyard. "But some of that's just insurance, because our homeowners policy has a lot of injury coverage on it. My parents had good jobs and if someone got injured here, they didn't want them to come after them. I'm still a surgeon and people would think I have money, but I really don't, so I kept the coverage amounts high. There was an umbrella policy too, but I let that lapse. Not in the budget.

"But, you know, it's probably why I'm so sympathetic to Murphy's situation. Not just the horror of the situation, but the school district thing. My parents bought here for the same reason. And they didn't really need a house this big, I mean, no one needs rooms the size of these rooms, but they wanted somewhere really big so they could keep us together as long as possible. That's why they have the apartment; they always wanted me to know I could come back even after college. When I said no-" She paused, swallowing. "No, thank you," she corrected herself. "That's when Dad took it over for his business."

He shook his head, climbing into one of the seats on the counter. He didn't even want to think about the fact he was living in the apartment, the bedroom, that'd been marked for Clarke. So he seized on something else that he thought he saw earlier.

"Something else happened though. Not just Murphy."

Clarke shrugged a shoulder as she bit into another piece of chicken. After she swallowed, she admitted, "Car accident victims in surgery today. It's...tough for me, with them. Because of how my parents died."

Bellamy knew that the Griffins had died in a multi-car accident, though he'd never pressed for details. But he heard that bit of hesitancy in her tone that suggested he was missing something important. So he said nothing, just watched her and gave her the opening to explain.

She took a long drink of water and then dipped her chicken in the sauce. "Uh, my father? He died pretty quickly, nearly on impact when the other car slammed into the driver's side of the car. But my mom didn't. She was alive for a bit, and uh, when they got to her, she was still alive. This was a sort of rural area, and they didn't have a lot of experience with her kind of traumatic injuries, and she didn't make it. When I got her medical records, I thought that if I had been there, she wouldn't have died, you know? For a few days, I thought that's all it was, sort of guilt that I hadn't been there to help her. But after a few days of just, worrying over it, I showed the records to my chief at the hospital and he agreed. A more proficient team could've saved her. So she didn't have to die. And its complicating the lawsuit, because it's not malpractice, but the trucking company who caused the initial accident and the driver who slammed into my parents, they're blaming the doctors, not themselves.

"Today was the first time I had a car accident victim in surgery since my parents' death. I honestly think my chief was trying to avoid giving them to me. And it was tough, tougher than it should have been mentally. I had to find a way to block off the guilt and the pain while I worked on this guy, and it's just...exhausting."

Bellamy nodded sagely, watching her as pain flickered on her face, and decided to pull her focus from her parents. "I..kind of know what you mean. I wasn't with the convoy when Murphy and Anya were injured. I wasn't assigned to be, but I still felt guilty that I was whole and they weren't. It took me awhile, but O told me that it's better to think of the fact that being there might not have made it better. Might have been injured myself or made it worse. I don't uh, react, very well, when I get angry, when people I care about get hurt or if I think they're going to get hurt."

The understatement was so large, it was practically a lie, but he wasn't yet comfortable enough to tell her exactly how bad he could get. She trusted him completely and he didn't want to risk that worried look that might get into her eyes when he told her the truth. But then again, she'd just offered his friend, not hers, a place in her home. Maybe he was worried about nothing.

"Yeah, I know that feeling," Clarke answered. "When I was younger especially, I could just blow up. And maybe that's right, maybe I would've been so out of my mind with fear and anger that I wouldn't have been able to save her. But I don't think so."

He nodded. "How's your patient today, did he make it?"

Clarke smiled finally. "Yeah, he's going to make it. It's going to be tough, but he's going to be okay eventually."

"That's good." Bellamy decided to steer the conversation away from sexual harassment, dead parents and complicated lawsuits. "Do you have a specialty? I've never asked."

"I'm in general surgery right now, but I'll eventually go into thoracic surgery. I just have to finish my general surgery residency first." She chuckled again as she picked up the last piece of chicken. "It's where all the important bits are, other than the brain, you know?"

He smiled at this mild joke dutifully, somewhat relieved that she'd followed his lead from more fraught subjects. She had been right. They all needed some time to process.

Him most of all.

 

* * *

  
 

The kids were all settled, either still enjoying the remains of brunch in the kitchen, watching tv in the family room while Cassi directed them in a dance that the characters were doing on the screen, or in the playring, gumming up a teething ring. Clarke, Bellamy and Murphy adjourned to the screened-in porch, to enjoy a cup of coffee as they worked out the details.

In short order, they had a firm plan. Clarke made arrangements for Murphy to meet with her lawyer and family friend, Thelonious Jaha, who had been intrigued by a man who would walk away from a well-paid job because of the importance of family. Clarke warned Murphy that while Thelonious was a good attorney, he'd become a born-again Christian after his wife's death, and so sometimes segwayed into soliloquies about Jesus.

"As long as he doesn't try to sleep with me," Murphy replied with a shrug.

Murphy, it turned out, had some savings, though not much. He had enough, along with the last paycheck he'd get from Azgeda and Associates, to pay his bills for two months if he withdrew Ethan immediately from his day camp program. The only exception was any COBRA premium he'd have to pay for he and Ethan's health insurance in August. Bellamy volunteered to cover that and anything else that popped up.

"And if you find a job before the end of the summer," Clarke began. "Just use our house as daycare for Ethan. I mean, I don't mind, and I know Bellamy won't. Even on your days off, Bell, adding Ethan to the mix of kids I'm watching is fine."

"You're sure?" Murphy asked. He'd asked this a number of times already, still skeptical that she intended to help him.

Clarke rolled her eyes. "Yes, I'm sure. Ethan's a wonderful kid. Even if you have to move in come September, we'll make it work."

"About that," Bellamy interjected. "I was thinking, if Murphy moves in, he should take the apartment. I'll go to the guest room downstairs. His furniture could go in the garage; guests would have to use the driveway to park in, but I think that works out better for everyone."

"You're.."

"Yes, Murphy, I'm sure," Bellamy told him firmly. "I don't have much stuff to move."

"That's fine with me," Clarke added with a ghost of a smile. "Let's hope it doesn't come to that, but it won't be a tragedy if it does."

As she took a sip of her coffee, both his and Murphy's phone buzzed.

**Nathan Miller:** _Bryan wants to try a new recipe. Dinner at my place, 6 tonight. Bring Ethan._

Bellamy chuckled, showing the message to Clarke, and asking Murphy, "How much do you want to bet he wants to talk about how often you needed him and Bryan this week?"

"No bet," the man grumped. "Least he doesn't have to now."

"You should go," Clarke told them. "He should know what's going on."

"I know it's my evening off, but with everything going on-"

"No, you should go," Clarke reiterated firmly. "I'll be here with the kids today. I want to be, honestly. We'll order pizza, maybe get a pay per view movie. If Wells is feeling social, maybe I'll even invite him and his girlfriend to join us. A quiet night in."

Bellamy nodded, since the only thing he could think to say was to question if she was sure. He felt she was sick of that.

Which is how he found himself sitting on Miller's back porch, stomach comfortably full, nursing a beer, watching as Bryan showed Ethan some of his newest plantings in the yard while Murphy explained the whole situation to Miller.

"Why didn't you just tell us?" Miller asked, annoyed.

Murphy shrugged. "I was going to handle it. Hell, if I had slept with her when she first asked, maybe it'd never have come to this."

Bellamy snorted derisively. "Oh yeah? Then why didn't you do it? Because you knew it was a bad idea."

"I know better than to crap where I eat, okay? Didn't think she'd take it this far," Murphy grumbled. "Are we done talking about this?"

"We have some money, set aside-"

"No," Murphy answered resolutely, getting to his feet. "Blake just finished paying you back, you're just about to buy that property you want. No. Clarke's plan is fine. I stay in the school district no matter what, and she can afford it better than you can." With that, he set down his beer and went to join his son and Bryan.

"I think he's done talking about it," Bellamy noted dryly.

"Should've been talking about it before," Miller replied with a shake of his head. "Both of you wait too long to talk about things."

Bellamy clenched his jaw but said nothing in response at first. He didn't disagree. When he could manage it, he ventured, "Working on it."

"I'll show you how it's done." Miller turned in his seat to face him. "I'm sorry about pushing you to date Gina. I didn't know about Clarke."

Bellamy blinked owlishly. "Didn't know what about Clarke? She doesn't mind that I have a girlfriend."

Miller gave him a sharp look. "You're still with Gina?"

"What, of course. Yeah. Going to see her later tonight," Bellamy responded, confused.

"You never talk about her."

"I'm not going to give you a play-by-play," he retorted. "Even Murphy doesn't do that."

Miller shook his head. "You never talk about her. Everything you talk about is Clarke, or the kids, or your sister. I haven't heard you mention Gina without anyone asking about her first."

"I'm private about that stuff," he defended. "Like I was with Echo."

"Yeah, that turned out well too. I think maybe you know that you shouldn't be dicking around with Gina, the way you knew you shouldn't have been with Echo."

"What the fuck, Miller? First you demand I ask her out, now I'm not supposed to be with her? Comparing her to _Echo_ of all people." Bellamy asked as he surged out of his chair. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"It means that she's not someone you should be with when you've got feelings for someone else," Miller stood his ground.

It dawned on him then. "You think I have feelings for Clarke?"

"I know it. I saw you at the barbeque. You and her, running that place. I'm not blind."

"You saw me doing my job! Clarke's attractive and we work well together, but what did Murphy just say? 'Don't crap where you eat'? Like I would do that any more than he would!"

Miller shook his head. "Gina's too good a person for you to date if you're not going to do it seriously, man, that's all."

"Fuck you, man. I don't need to hear this." Bellamy set down his beer with a thump and stalked away.

As he slammed his way back into the house to grab his keys, he heard Bryan ask where he was going and Miller's response.

"To try and convince himself he likes his girlfriend enough to be with her."

 

* * *

  
 

Bellamy lost himself in working at the house, ignoring Miller's calls and blowing off guys' night out when it came up again, instead hanging out with Octavia. There was shuttling Charlie to and from his job, taking the kids to the Kanes' pool and meeting Maddie, two more teeth for Cam to suffer through, and Cole's birthday to plan and prepare.

Surprisingly enough, Murphy landed a job with Thelonious himself, whose own personal paralegal was due to retire at the end of the year. The pay wasn't what he had at Azgeda, and Thelonious did talk about God more than Murphy cared for, but it was enough as long as Bellamy and Clarke agreed that Ethan could be at the house during the summer and after school once the year started again. Clarke, of course, wanted to figure out the logistics, especially during the school year, but once they figured out that Bellamy could pick up Ethan and make it back home before Cole's school bus would drop him off, she was all for it. Murphy couldn't pay what he would normally for after-school care, or a day camp, but he insisted on giving them something for all their trouble. Bellamy just put it in the household account.

When Clarke unfortunately had to work an overnight on the day of Cole's party, Wells volunteered to help Bellamy, for which he was grateful. Between Wells, Charlie and himself, he felt that was enough supervision for the passel of seven and eight year-olds, and one six year-old, that would invade the house.

For Cole's Avengers themed party, Clarke had drawn up a cool t-shirt design featuring each of the Avengers from both movies and gotten it printed at one of those websites. The kids were each given a shirt and then ran around, signing each other's names to the back. They played some party games, including an Ultron pinata, and bounced around in an inflated castle that Bellamy couldn't believe made as much noise as it did. They were fed burgers and hotdogs and birthday cake, and went home sugared-up and happy.

Then he set up a tent for Cole and Ethan and Cassi to sleep in the backyard, with Wells bunking down with them for the night. Next, they hung a sheet from the second floor porch so they could watch a movie outside via a projector Wells brought with him before they went to sleep, bellies filled with s'mores and popcorn.

While the movie played, Wells and Bellamy cleaned up the party remains and deflated the bouncy castle and Charlie watched over Cam as he toddled sleepily in the yard.

"This turned out pretty well, huh?" Wells asked, looking over at the kids' enraptured faces as they watched a movie they'd seen plenty of times before on a big screen.

"It really did. Thanks for helping out," Bellamy told him as he dumped some used paper plates into a garbage bag.

"Of course. I'd do anything to help out Clarke. We've been friends a long time." Wells poured out soda from a couple of cups before tossing them into the bag.

"She said something like that," Bellamy revealed with a nod. "Said you even offered to move into help out after they lost their parents."

"Yeah," Wells confirmed. "I figured she needed a hand, but having a second working adult in the house wouldn't have worked nearly as well as you have." He smiled. "You're better with Cam for one, and two, you've never drunkenly propositioned Clarke," he added with a laugh.

"What?" Bellamy asked, giving him a shocked look. He knew Wells was Clarke's oldest friend, but she had never mentioned that there had been anything between them two of them.

"Oh yeah," Wells continued, still in a good humor. "For a few years there, I convinced myself that I was in love with Clarke. I knew I loved her and I figured that had to be it. But I never had the courage to do anything about it until I went to visit her in medical school a few years ago. We went out, I had a bit too much to drink and, like an idiot, drunkenly confessed my feelings for her."

Bellamy wasn't sure what to say and he occupied himself with throwing away some more of the party trash. "Sucks, man," he finally managed.

Wells kept right on telling his story, not noticing Bellamy's stiffness. "Made things awkward for awhile, but eventually I realized what she already knew. I loved her, but more like a brother with his sister. I just didn't realize the difference because I didn't have a sister. I knew I'd do anything for her, that she'd be part of my life forever, but not the why of it. She knew, of course, because she had siblings. She knew what it was. Anyway, we got back on track and so of course, I'm here to help out."

Bellamy sucked in a breath, looking over at Cam walking towards his brother with one hand rubbing an eye. "Uh..yeah. Look, are you okay with cleaning the rest up? I think the baby needs to get a quick bath and into bed."

"Sure, sure," Wells quickly agreed, waving him away.

Bellamy scooped up the toddler, telling Charlie he was free from kid-watching duties and headed into the house quickly. He knew that what he felt for Clarke was nothing like what he felt about Octavia. But if Murphy's experience taught him anything, with Anya and Ontari, it was impossible to have a relationship with someone who was your boss. It never ended well.

It was why he was with Gina, he told himself firmly as he jogged upstairs and took Cam into the bathroom. Because there was a future there, the way there wasn't with Clarke.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is is Miller and Bryan's house. https://www.houseplans.com/plan/2176-square-feet-2-bedrooms-2-bathroom-country-house-plans-0-garage-36032


	7. The Tipping Point

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When a letter arrives in the mail, Clarke has to confront some unpleasant realities and learns something new about Bellamy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thanks to my beta @bfl1201. Also, special thank you to all those who subscribed, commented and left kudos. It helps the writing process more than you know!

 

Clarke put away some folded t-shirts into the drawer and closed it with a soft thump.  Although she wouldn't admit it if asked, she sometimes enjoyed doing simple chores, like folding the laundry or doing the dishes.  They were discrete tasks, small everyday jobs that gave her a little jolt of accomplishment when they were completed.  If she did nothing else on her day off, she could know she finished doing her own laundry and it made her feel better.

Her phone rang as she reached for the socks and she grinned to see it was Raven.  With a quick swipe, she answered.

"Hey, still meeting at the Hen in an hour?" she asked cheerfully.

"Uh, sorry, have to cancel," Raven told her, sounding...was that smug?

"What's going on?" Clarke wondered as she sat on the bed, her mouth quirking with amused suspicion.

"Just, you know, work.  Working."

Clarke shook her head.  "On my god, Rave, just tell me you're ditching our lunch to get laid!  I wouldn't be angry; I'd just demand details!  I didn't even know you were seeing anyone."

Raven huffed over the line.  "I'm not seeing him.  I'm just fucking him.  Platonically.  Not even.  That would imply we were friends.  We're not."

"So what are you?" Clarke laughed.  "Enemies?"

"Kinda?  We're like...antagonists?  Sex antagonists?" she hazarded.  "I don't know, there's no word for it.  All I know is he has an hour lunch, doesn't work too far away from my place and can get me off at least twice before he has to go."

"I really should be annoyed that you're blowing off our lunch, Rave, but I think I'm just happy you're getting some," Clarke admitted as she scooped up socks to put them into the drawer.

"One, you should be happy for me.  My having sex is the closest you get to having sex, with your self-imposed celibacy while living with a man who is practically your husband but isn't give you orgasms," Raven began.

"Raven!"  Clarke ran over to the door to her bedroom, slamming it shut as if someone could overhear her even though she knew that Bellamy was downstairs along with everyone else.  "Are you kidding me with this?  I asked you not to tease me about him, much less imagine  me in...in..in _situations_ with him!"

"Situations?  If I didn't know better, I'd think you hadn't been laid in years.  Relax.  I'm not the one doing the imagining, if I understood that correctly."

Clarke flushed scarlet.  She and Bellamy had just helped Murphy straighten out his own sexual harassment mess and now, every time she accidentally touched him, passing him in the hall or as they moved in the kitchen, she felt an immediate rush of guilt over her attraction to him. She trusted him implicitly, he was her friend, not someone to lust after because he happened to be in her vicinity.  

Sometimes it didn't even take a touch.  Just that morning, she'd gotten one look at his disheveled hair from where he'd clearly run his hand through it, his arms straining the sleeves of his threadworn grey t-shirt, the way his cargo pants hung on his hips and had fled the family room, mumbling something about laundry.

"Raven," she whined, squeezing the socks in her hands like a stress ball.  Talking about it meant thinking about it.

"Fine.  And two, I was thinking I could grab take-out for the entire family and hang out with your crew over dinner as an alternative to lunch."

Taking a steadying breath, Clarke nodded, then said, "Yeah, okay."

Raven cleared her throat.  "Ah, Murphy's not going to be there, is he?"

That at least made Clarke smile.  Raven hadn't expected to run into the man when she stopped by earlier in the week to retrieve a few boxes she'd put in their storage area prior to her trip Arizona.  Murphy had come by to pick up his son, only to have to wait because Ethan spilled paint all over himself about a minute after his dad arrived.  While Bellamy took care of getting him a change of clothes from Cole's room and rinsing him off so he wouldn't be sticky, Raven and Murphy had another run-in. Clarke walked into her house that evening to find the two nearly glaring at each other in the downstairs hallway, tired from a long day at work and in no mood to deal with their bullshit.  So she texted them both later to apologize for snapping at them.  

"Well, he's going to have to pick up Ethan, so it depends on what time you get here.  He's usually gone by six-thirty," Clarke revealed with a smirk that she was sure her friend to could hear.

"I'll be there at seven," Raven promised.  "Thai food okay?  I've been craving it."

"Sure, you know we love spicy food.  Oh, be sure to get pad thai and at least one other vegetarian or fish only dish too.  Cassi doesn't eat meat anymore, just fish."

"I remember." Raven paused.  "Does your husband like anything in particular?" she asked archly.

Clarke hung up, not trusting herself to respond, and tossed her phone on the bed.  She angrily put away her socks, messing up the neat stacks in her drawer and forcing her to tidy them. Mid-arrangement, her phone rang again.  After a moment, she decided not to ignore it and answered it with a rough, "What now, Raven?"

"Ah, hi, Clarke, it's Callie."

"Callie!" she exclaimed.  "So sorry about that, just literally got off the phone with a friend, thought she was calling me back."  The words tumbled out of her as she tried to contain her embarrassment.  "Uh, is everything okay?  Charlie's alright?" 

"He's fine," Callie chuckled.  "I told you, he's a hit at the office though I think Greg is jealous about the number of calories that boy can consume.  I was just calling to talk about Cassidy's upcoming birthday."

"Oh, right."  

Clarke had been avoiding the subject, even though this was already the third birthday they'd have without their parents. When it came to the big days of the year like birthdays, she felt like an imposter, a crappy replica of her mother.  The way Charlie and Cassi looked at her told her they felt the same way. Cam had turned one six weeks after her parents died and they'd had a half-hearted little party for him that ended with Charlie shutting down in his room, Cassi in inconsolable tears and Cole in a sugar-induced hyperactive state trying to make up for them.  

Cole's birthday, of course, had gone off without a hitch, for which Clarke suspected time and Bellamy were to thank. Even so, she was dreading Cassi's upcoming twelfth birthday, which wasn't made any easier by the fact that all of her friends, except Charlotte, were out of town for the summer.

"Yes.  I know it's been-"  Callie sighed.  "Obviously, the worst year.  I also figured that this first birthday without her mom would be very tough on Cassidy.  I wanted to suggest, and please let me know if I'm overstepping, that we all do a girls' day, my treat, for her birthday.  You know, mani-pedis, a fancy lunch, shopping for clothes.  Making a big deal, but not too big a deal about it."

Recalling the Chromebook the Kanes had purchased for Cole's birthday, Clarke could only imagine what kind of money Callie was suggesting she would drop for something like this.

"Uh, well, honestly, that sounds like a great idea, though I don't want you to have to spend a lot of money on Cassi, or me.  But ultimately, I have to talk to Cassi about it."  She smiled slightly, ducking her head.  "Knowing her, she'll probably love the idea, but I think it's her call, what she wants to do on her birthday."

"Of course!  I will admit, I'm kind of looking for a little girl time myself.  If Maddie were old enough, I'd even suggest she come along, but I suspect she'd be more interested in an afternoon with her father."

Clarke chuckled her agreement.  Marcus, it turned out, was a natural at fatherhood and Maddie had turned into a daddy's girl within a week of being a Kane.  Callie didn't seem to mind this at all, joking that the next one was going to be a mama's boy.  

"Well, just wait until she hits puberty.  Then she won't want to talk to Marcus at all," Clarke assured her.

"I'm pretty sure she won't want to talk to either of us by then," Callie denied with a laugh.  "So you'll talk to Cassi?"

"Yeah and I'll let you know as soon as possible, since we'd both have schedules to arrange."

"Great!  Just let me know!"

Clarke finished putting the rest of her clothes away, mulling over the best way to talk to Cassi about her birthday.  As she finished sorting her sock drawer, she decided she needed to just be direct with her, ask the question, and gauge her sister's response.

But by the time she got downstairs and found her sister reading a book in the living room, she'd lost her nerve.  Cassi just looked so comfortable, reading peacefully, that she didn't want to upset her with questions about her birthday.  Turning tail and walking back into the hallway, she impulsively called Harper, who she knew was also off that day.

"Hey, Clarke, what's up?"

"Want to go out to lunch?  I'm getting a little stir-crazy at home today for some reason."  It wasn't exactly a lie.

"Sure!  Any place in mind?"

"I always end up at the Silver Hen, so I'm definitely up for something new."

Harper laughed.  "Are you trying to convince me you're fun and spontaneous again?"

"No," Clarke admitted with a laugh.  "Just need to get out of the house, and if I can spend an hour away gossiping with a friend, well, it sounds good to me."

"Gossiping?  Do you have any good gossip?"

"No?  But you probably do, being best buds with Jasper."

"Long-time buds more like it.  Okay, how about we meet at Dos Hermanos?  Do you know that place?"

"Oh yeah, at that shopping center.  Never been; is it good?"

"Totally.  And, they have six dollar crappy but delicious margaritas, if you want to spice up your lunch a bit."

"Sold.  See you in twenty minutes?"

"Sounds like a plan."

She walked into the family room and found Bellamy there, playing a board game with the boys while simultaneously keeping an eye on Cam who'd found his scooter again.  

"Hey, Bell, I'm going to run out to lunch, okay?  Call if you need something?"

"Sure thing," he told her, flashing that smile at her.  "Tell Raven I said hi."

"It's Harper, actually, but that reminds me, Raven is coming by for dinner tonight and she's bringing Thai food, so there's no need for you to cook.  Well, except for Cam.  I don't want to see what Thai food would do to his diaper."

"Raven's coming?" Cole immediately asked.  "When?"

"Dinnertime, buddy," Bellamy answered with a chuckle, then nodded at Clarke. 

"Can I stay for dinner?" Ethan asked.  "I wanna see Raven."

Clarke exchanged a look with Bellamy, as they both tried to think of the safest answer, when Cole startled her by answering for them.

"Raven and your dad kind of fight," Cole told the younger boy, in a manner to suggest he was imparting great wisdom.

"Why?" Ethan demanded. 

"Because she likes you but she doesn't like him," Cole explained patiently.

Ethan turned a shocked face to Bellamy.  "Why doesn't she like him?"  He sounded incensed.

Bellamy gave Clarke an unimpressed look.  "Next time, don't mention the r-word, please.  Just send a text," he told her before reassuring Ethan that sometimes grown-ups just take awhile to warm up to each other.  As he spoke, he waved her away.

She mouthed an "I'm sorry!" to him before making her escape.

 

* * *

 

 

Lunch out with Harper, including drinks, was a bit of an extravagance, but as Clarke pulled into the driveway and parked the car in the garage, she felt justified.  Their lunch had been an hour long, but it felt shorter, as they chatted and laughed over hospital gossip.  Harper even admitted to seeing someone, though she didn't want to say who "just yet."  

Clarke was happy for her friends, glad that they were doing exactly what and who they wanted, especially Raven. She hadn't had the best of luck with guys, from Finn, who disregarded her loyalty, to Wick on the other extreme, who'd pushed her too fast for a commitment.  Raven deserved to just enjoy herself.

She pushed into the house, grabbing the mail that was sitting just by the doorway in its usual spot.  As she flipped through the stack, one envelope addressed to her mother and father caught her eye. They received mail at the house nearly every day, usually advertisements, sometimes newsletters and other publications that Clarke hadn't yet canceled.  But this letter bore a return address that sent a shiver down her spine: Internal Revenue Service.

She dropped all the pieces in her hand on the little table and hastily ripped into the envelope.  The first page made her heart drop.  Right there, in large, bolded type:

 

**Proposed Amount Due:  $27,892**

 

_ The income and payment information we have on file from sources such as employers or financial institutions doesn't match the information you reported on your tax return.  If our information is correct, you will owe $27,892 (including interest), which you need to pay by August 24, 2016. _

 

The letter included instructions on making payments if she agreed with the changes to her parents' tax return from 2014.  If she didn't, she would have to prepare a written statement and show via W-2s and other forms why she didn't think she owed any more.  

In a daze, she wandered towards the stairs, noting absently that Bellamy and the kids were still in the family room.  She headed up towards her room, heedless of Bellamy calling her name.  Once there, she continued right out onto the porch, only stopping at the railing to gaze vacantly out on the backyard while her mind spun.

"Clarke?"

She turned around to find Bellamy in the doorway, his brow furrowed with worry and eyes intent on her.  

"Clarke, you're scaring the crap out of me.  What's going on?  You look like you've seen a ghost," he rumbled, concern painting every corner of his voice. 

"I'm fucked," she blurted out, something inside of her snapping at the sight of this man, this beautiful, kind, compassionate man whom she lived with asking her what was wrong. 

"I'm so fucking fucked that..I'm just fucking screwed, that's what's going on!" she exploded.  "The government says I owe them twenty-seven, no, twenty-eight thousand dollars!  Or my parents do, but they're dead, so it's me now, me, executor of their estate, guardian of their children, payer of their bills!"

She began to pace rapidly, heart speeding up to the point that she might worry about her own health if she could form a thought that wasn't about her recently fucked financial situation.

"Twenty-eight thousand dollars, Bell!  I'm  _ barely _ holding it together.  We go over budget every fucking month, because there's always something!  Cole's arm, the birthdays, car maintenance and back to school shopping!  I have student loans you wouldn't fucking believe and I don't make shit, so honestly without the Social Security checks for the kids, we'd be starving.  Starving!

"And I can't do this without you, because I can't raise a baby and two teenagers and a precocious eight year-old without help, and you're costing me way too much, and you're  _ underpaid _ , because you do fucking everything around here.  I feel guilty because I spent twenty dollars on lunch!  Twenty dollars!  When did my life turn into this?!

"It's too much!  It's all fucking too much!  Oh, one day, Thelonious says, we'll get money for the accident, but two years is pretty much the minimum before I see a dime, because they're going to lowball us and I can't afford to get lowballed.  I have four kids to raise!  And all that's left from the insurance is barely...no, not even going to pay for you for two years!

"Twenty-eight thousand dollars will ruin us!  I'll be forced to sell this place.  There's no other way around it.  Everything my parents worked for, everything they wanted for us, gone...just gone.  They haven't been gone half a year and I've already fucked it all up!  I had no plan, nothing, other than trying to tread water until the settlement came in, everything was just about getting to two years, and now, that's not going to happen.  Not a fucking chance!

"I haven't planned for a single contingency.  Not one!  What the fuck kind of plan is that?  Who always assumes plan A works?  I plan how to beat Charlie at Risk better than I plan our  _ actual lives _ !  What the fuck does that say about me?  What if there was a real medical emergency?  I have no plan.  What if we just lose the lawsuit?  No plan!  What if I get sick and can't work for awhile?  No fucking plan!

"And what happens if I die?!  Before Charlie's eighteen?  I haven't even designated a person yet...I have to change my beneficiaries  on my stupidly insignificant life insurance, not that I can afford to buy more, and who would do it?  I guess I have to ask Marcus and Callie, or Wells, and then put it all in writing, but it should probably be you at this point, shouldn't it because you actually are raising them, or do I designate them but say you have to keep being the nanny, but what if you want to quit, or have your own kids-"

"Clarke," Bellamy cut her off, rushing over from where he had been gaping at her and putting both hands on her arms to still her pacing.  "Breathe."

"I just-"

"Nope, just breathe."

She closed her eyes, to will her heart into a slower beat, to put a rein on her racing thoughts.  Slowly, with each sucked in breath, she calmed herself.  When she opened her mouth again to speak, opening her eyes, he spoke instead.

"The audit, or letter, or whatever it is.  Just talk to the accountant, okay?  I know your parents had one.  There's no way they just sent a bill without giving you a chance to fight it. Maybe check in with Thelonious if you need to do anything else.  For the kids, honestly, if you want me to look after them if something god forbid happens to you, I would do that.  They're great kids and you're right, some continuity after being dealt such a crap hand would be good. I'm actually Ethan's designated guardian if something should happen to Murphy.  So you can designate me, or all of the kids, as the beneficiary, or I don't know, a trust, and me the trustee?  I think that's how it works.  You talk to Thelonious about that too.  But you're doing fine.  More than fine, I promise you."

Clarke's gaze slowly slid away from his own, fixing on some spot in the corner, as an involuntary bit of theater suddenly played in her head.

"Oh my god, you're imagining me killing you to get the money and the house that comes with the kids, aren't you?" he asked incredulously, a smile curling over his face.  "Clarke, you have to stop watching Murder Channel!"

She flushed with embarrassment, as she went red from her face to her chest.  "I know!" she practically wailed, even as she started to laugh, feeling every bit of the hysteria that came from swinging emotions.  "It's like every time, I imagine the murdery scenario of everything.  But this is seriously like exactly the set up I saw on Deadly Women once!"

"Except I'm not a woman."  He paused.  "Is that really a name of a show?"

"Yeah, like one of the bigger ones.  There's Deadly Women, Forensic Files, Scorned: Love Kills, Wives with Knives, Blood Relatives, Homicide Hunter, Fear thy Neighbor, Web of Lies…"

"There is not a show called Wives with Knives."

"There is!  I don't actually like that one much.  Scorned is a lot better, oh, and Deadly Affairs was good.  Scorned is a little porny, actually, they're always 'recreating' the seduction scenes, so a lot of good looking people in their underwear making out.  I like Homicide Hunter a lot too."  She couldn't explain why she watched so much of this channel, since there were a lot more entertaining shows out there, but she consistently turned it on again and again.

"You're watching soft-core murder porn to relax?"  She didn't know how to describe the look on his face.

"It's not porn!  It's like, porn-adjacent.  And they rarely do anything too terribly gory or specific.  Honestly, I see worse everyday at the hospital."

"You could just watch porn, you know."

"I like this," she insisted resolutely, trying desperately hard not to imagine Bellamy watching porn.  Or watching porn with her.  Or watching Scorned with her.

Bellamy abruptly let go of her, as if he could read her entirely inappropriate thoughts.  "Okay, so the plan is," he yanked the conversation back to the crisis at hand.  "You call the accountant, you talk to Thelonious, you set up a trust for the kids, name Wells or the Kanes as trustees, and me or Charlie, depending on if he's an adult, as the guardian.  And we sit down and hammer out a new budget.  Because if you're going over every month, we have to figure something else out.  How about that?  Less murder-inviting?"

She chuckled weakly.  "Okay, that sounds like a plan."  She took in a shuddering breath, deeply embarrassed by both her freakout and her current train of salacious thought.  "I just had a completely unnecessary meltdown, didn't I?"

"Eh, sometimes you have to scream at the world.  I'm going to get you a beer, while you go relax."  He turned, heading into the house.  "I don't know, watch that soft-core murder porn," he added teasingly.  

"Porn-adjacent," she insisted, but laughed.  "Okay, sounds good."

She closed her eyes again, willing herself to remain calm as she thought through the problem.  Twenty-eight thousand was a lot, but technically she had it.  Either the accountant would find the IRS made a mistake or negotiate a settlement.  She'd pay what she needed to pay.  And to pay Bell's salary, well, she could take out a small home equity loan and then pay it back whenever they got a settlement.  

"Clarke?"

She opened her eyes to find Bellamy looking at her in amusement.  He held up a bottle of beer and offered it to her with a small smile on his face.  "I thought you were going to put on Murder Channel?"

She chuckled weakly as she walked into the house, shutting the door behind her.  "I will.  I was just...working through contingency plans," she said as she took the beer from his hand.  "Thanks for this, Bell.  And you know, calming me down earlier."

"I think I'm still in the process of, but you're welcome," he replied as he searched for the remote.  

Before he could find it, Clarke pulled out her laptop and set it up on the table outside.  "Don't worry about that.  I want to talk about the budget first."

"Of course you do," he noted wryly, leaning in the doorway.  "If we're going to do this now, let me go get some paper and a pencil."

"I have the spreadsheets here."  She tapped the screen.

"I work better with tangible things.  I'll be right back and it'll give me a chance to check on the kids."

Clarke expelled a quick breath.  "What are the kids doing anyway?" she asked ruefully, mentally chastising herself for not asking earlier.  The kids were the reason why she was so worried about the house, and the bills, and Bellamy himself, and yet she hadn't given their current whereabouts much thought since she'd opened the mail.

"Cam's napping, the boys are in Cole's room making a Lego mess, and Cassi's downstairs trying to beat Charlie's high score on the Xbox."  He walked over to her and put a hand on her shoulder.  "You have to stop kicking yourself for not thinking about everything and everyone all the time.  First of all, it can't be done, and second of all, this is literally why I am here.  To take some of that from you."

"Thanks, Bell.  I'm sorry to make daily affirmations a part of your job," she told him with a little rueful smile.

"Easiest part of my job."  He winked and left her to her own devices for a few moments.

Clarke woke up her laptop, pulling up her spreadsheet of the monthly expenses. By far the largest expense was the house, followed by her student loan payment, and then Bellamy's salary.  She was shaking her head, unable to see where exactly they could cut when he returned, dropping a pad and pencil on the table and setting down the baby monitor.

"I moved it so we can hear if something goes wrong in Cole's room," he revealed as he folded himself into a chair.  "Okay, let's see the budget."

She turned the laptop so he could see the screen and he began jotting down some of the items.  "These are the things," he began.  "That I think we can reduce."  He paused when he got to the energy bill.  "Whoa, this is a lot lower than I expected."

"Solar panels on the roof," Clarke explained, smiling at the memory.  "Dad, of course, put them in.  We actually generate enough energy that we put a little back into the power grid, so we get a credit that we then apply to the gas side.  Same supplier, same distributor.  So we just pay for gas for the house, at a slight discount."

"Well, that's great."

"Yeah, since I can't imagine what that bill would cost otherwise."

He nodded, then turned back to reviewing her spreadsheet.  In the end, he came up with five items that he thought they could alter: landscaping, housekeeping bill, cable, groceries, and his salary.

Clarke immediately zeroed in on the last item.  "No, we can't do that.  You're already underpaid as it is, and you do more than any nanny should."

"I'm not exactly advocating for a pay cut.  In fact, I'm pretty sure you can't, based on the contracts we signed with the agency, who actually gets a cut of what you pay, by the way.  All that isn't going to me," he noted, tapping the number with his pencil.

She frowned.  "So what you are suggesting, we just cut out the middle man?"

"No, I think they can go after you for that.  If you want to do that, you're supposed to pay them a finder's fee of 15 percent, which isn't going to help.  Besides, I'm actually their employee, so I get my health insurance through them and they have a 401(k) plan which I actually use.  I'm just suggesting I give you a rebate of sorts, just put some of my paycheck back into the household account."

"No."  Clarke shook her head.  "Absolutely not.  It's your money.  You should use it for you, or Octavia, even spoiling your nephew, whose dad now has less money to spoil him with.  No, thank you for offering, but no.  You do so much for us.  I can't ask that of you."

Bellamy snorted.  "You're not asking, I'm offering."

"And I'm saying no, so moving on," Clarke retorted, putting her chin up and straightening her spine.  They stared at each other for a moment, but Bellamy broke first.

"Fine," he grumbled.  "But push comes to shove, know it's an option."

Clarke simply hummed noncommittally.  "Okay, what else?"

"I know it's a pain, but we should be cleaning this house.  You, me, Charlie and Cassi, to a lesser degree.  Cole too.  Most people have to just keep everything clean themselves."

She sucked in a breath.  "I mean, I get that, but you already do too much and are paid too little."

"But I like to live in a clean house, we all do, and it's time to stop being lazy about it.  I think I can get the kids to help out and we can do a big clean once a month on our own and a once-a-week tidying otherwise.  I know you like the ladies who come here, but honestly, I think it's a luxury right now."

They spent a few minutes arguing the pros and cons, but reluctantly Clarke agreed.  "Okay, no housekeeping service.  But no lawn service?  Don't suggest that Charlie can mow the lawn.  We don't even own a mower, did you know that?"

"Yeah, I know that.  And I'm not going to suggest that become a chore for Charlie, though it wouldn't be the worst thing for him.  I was going to suggest we talk to Bryan. You know, he runs his own service.  They also do the winterizing stuff and then plow your driveway in the winter too.  I think I can get him to give us a friends and family discount."

"Yeah?" Clarke perked up at that.  Finally, one solution that didn't involve more work or less money for Bellamy.

"Yeah.  Let me just call him.  Meanwhile, the cable.  We need to downgrade the package, I think.  We don't watch half the channels.  See if you can find something that gives us all the kids' channels, your Murder Channel, my History Channel, and the regular ones, and we'll be set between that, Netflix and your Amazon Prime membership," Bellamy explained, tapping at his phone.

She nodded quickly, going to the cable company's website and logging into her account.  As she was checking out the options, Bellamy spoke quietly in the background until he offered his phone to her.  "Bryan says he'd like to talk to you."

Clarke took the phone with a nod.  "Hello?"

"Hi, Clarke.  I have a proposal for you, if you don't mind?"

"No, go ahead," she answered, giving Bellamy a questioning look.  He just shrugged in response.

"I don't have many customers in your area.  Actually, I don't have any customers in your area, but I'd like to expand out there.  I'd like to use you as a reference and then your house in some of our marketing materials, such as on our website and in a mailing I'm going to prepare.  In return, I'll give you free landscaping for the rest of the summer, the full winter service and then next year, I'll keep you on a deep discount."

Clarke blinked, then smiled slyly.  "Define 'deep discount'."

"Let's say, half off if I get at least five other houses in your neighborhood, twenty-five percent off if I get less than that."

She grinned, giving Bellamy the thumbs-up sign.  "Then yeah, I think we can do that.  I don't mind you giving out my first name and last initial for a testimonial or taking pictures of the house."

"Great!  Thanks, Clarke!

"No, thank you.  It's going to be a big help to the budget," she told him before handing back the phone.

Between the removal of the housekeeping and landscaping expenses, the downgrading of the cable package and Bellamy's suggestion that he begin to buy all the meats from a discount grocer on the other side of town that he knew, they chopped over three hundred dollars from the monthly budget.  She immediately allocated that money to a secondary savings account, to be used for non-monthly expenses as they arose.  

They could hear Cam stirring in his crib just as they were finishing up.  "I'll go get him.  Why don't you call up the accountant now and see about that IRS letter, and afterwards, try to relax a bit?" Bellamy suggested as he stood from the table.  "You can join Cassi on her quest for a high score even."

She grinned at him. "God, I miss being that young, when something like that was the most important task of the day," Clarke replied wistfully, thinking of her own lazy summers, before her hyper-competitive high school years.

"I bet you were good at it," Bellamy told her, grinning, as he left the porch.

"I was the best!" she called after him, then laughed at herself.   Hyper-competitive indeed.  She refocused on her laptop and the neat rows of numbers.  "Bell?" she called.

"Yeah?"  He wandered back into view.  "Did we forget something?"

"Did I do the right thing?  Keeping the house?  If I hadn't paid off the mortgage, just sold it, moved the kids, we wouldn't be so strapped for cash."  Giving voice to one of her biggest worries, she kept her gaze averted, almost afraid of his response.

"I don't know, Clarke."  Bellamy returned to his seat, pulling it forward so he could take her hand and urged her to look at him.  "Are you asking me what I would have done?"

She nodded silently, taking his earnest brown eyes, unable to ask again.

"I would have sold the house."

She snapped her eyes shut tightly as he confirmed her worst fears.

Bellamy squeezed her hand comfortingly.  "But I don't think I've ever had what you had, what your parents had.  This idea of a home as a place that you've made.  For me, home is people.  It's O, and E, and Miller, and even Murphy. 

"I get why you and Murphy are willing to go so to such extremes to stay in a particular school district, which is admittedly great.  But for me, again, I look at you and ask, what's in a school district?  You didn't grow up here and you're awesome.  Murphy?  He went to school in Detroit and he's a great dad.  I think it's because of your parents, and because of his father, that's why you guys turned out well.  So no, I wouldn't go to the lengths you guys do to stay in this school district.  But I'd go to any lengths to keep the family together.

"But I also respect what you're trying to do, to keep your parents' vision of the future of their family intact.  It's noble and I'm going to help, any way I can with that."

She nodded, managing a small smile at the wave of relief that washed over her at his words.  "You think I'm awesome?"

Bellamy ducked his head as if embarrassed.  "As you point out, I'm underpaid and overworked.  Wouldn't stay if I didn't love my job," he teased, rubbing the back of her hand with his thumb comfortingly.  

Practically buzzing with the warmth that suddenly spread through her body at his praise, she curled her fingers around his.  When he looked at her again, she unconsciously leaned forward and watched as he seemed to do the same.  Her eyes dropped briefly to his mouth, and for a second, his tongue darted out to wet his lips.  She was about to lean in when a crash sounded from the baby monitor, followed by a, "Uh-oh," from Cole.  A second after that, Cam began to cry.

They both jerked back from each other, dropping each other's hands like a hot potato.  He swallowed as she scrambled to her feet.  "You get Cole, I get Cam?" she offered, already rushing for the house.

Profoundly grateful for the children at that moment, she hurried to the baby's room.  They had saved her, and Bellamy, from herself.

 

* * *

 

 

By the time Raven arrived with dinner, Clarke felt better.  Certainly more in control. The budget had been beaten into better shape, though the kids weren't happy to hear about the new family chore of cleaning.  The accountant also assured her that the letter she received just meant that the computer system at the IRS had flagged her parents' return and the human reviewer who authorized the letter hadn't fully checked all the corresponding forms.  They would prepare a letter with a copy of the appropriate proof to show that the government had, in fact, received all the money to which it was entitled.  He'd have it ready before the end of the week.

And she wasn't thinking about how she'd nearly thrown herself at the nanny.  Or of kissing him until neither of them could breathe, pulling his shirt from him then smoothing back his hair with her fingers.  Or exploring every inch of him with her tongue.

Because he had a girlfriend.  Gina.  Yep, he was taken.  And he was the nanny.  And it was inappropriate.  She had to think of the children.  What would she do if she drove him away by throwing herself at him in a moment of weakness?

Nope, she was in perfect control of herself, her thoughts and her emotions.

Seated next to the baby in his highchair, with Bell just on the other side of him, Clarke piled some of the green curry onto her plate and resolutely focused on the conversation around her.

"Sorry I missed your birthday, buddy.  Did you get any good stuff?" Raven asked Cole as he reached for a spring roll.

"Oh yeah!  I got a computer!" Cole informed her with a grin.

"What?" Raven turned surprised eyes on Clarke.  "I thought you were all about not spoiling them."

"Don't look at me.  It was from the Kanes," Clarke denied with a shake of her head.

"It's just a Chromebook, no big deal," Charlie denied, rolling his eyes. 

"Did you name it yet?" Raven wondered.

Cole blinked at her.  "Name my computer?"

"Yeah.  That's what engineers do, well, anyone who has a computer that's on a shared network."

"What's your computer called?"

"I have a few computers at home.  I've got Dallas, Phoenix and Orlando," Raven described.  "I name them after cities where I've had to go for work."

Cole thought about it for a moment, then said, "I'm going to name him Rumble."

"Rumble?" Both women asked.

Bellamy grinned.  "I think that's my fault.  I had some old DVDs of the Transformers cartoon from the eighties and showed it to him.  He likes Rumble, one of the tape cassette guys who comes out of Soundwave, the Decepticon tape recorder guy."

"Soundwave is smart, smarter than Megatron, but Rumble is funny," Cole explained.

Charlie reached across the table to give his little brother a high five.  "Nice.  Mine's Magneto and the family computer is General Zod."

"They're all bad guys," Bellamy pointed out while Cassi nodded.

"Not really," Clarke denied even as Charlie said, "No, they just have different goals."

Raven shrugged at Bellamy.  "Here we go."

"They're just trying to protect their people.  We don't like their methods, but their goals are honorable.  And they've seen death and destruction and their reactions to it are just natural," Charlie defended.  

"He's right.  Magneto especially.  He's a Holocaust survivor, so he knows what can happen when people single others out for this trait or that one, and call them non-human," Clarke argued.  "Their impulse is to go to war to defend against that, and you can't fault them for that.  You just need to make them see reason."

"But people do try to make them see reason and they prefer war," Cassi countered.

"Well, only the minority is trying to make them see reason.  Others, they're all, 'Let's blow up this problem guy' and that just feeds into their original thinking," Clarke denied with a shake of her head.  

The table spent the next several minutes debating the ethics of fictional characters until Cam decided firmly that he'd had enough dinner, wrinkling his nose and pushing his little plate off his table.  "Cam!" Clarke chided him.  "That's not how we say 'I'm finished'."

Unfazed, Cam proceeded to toss his spoon as well while staring at her.  "No, Mommy," he said clearly.

Charlie cleared his throat, exchanging a look with Cassidy.  "Hey, Cassi.  What do you want to do for your birthday?"

"I got this, Clarke.  But you, little man, you're a stinker," Bellamy told the baby, leaning down to pick up his plate and spoon and walking them to the kitchen.

Clarke sighed, shaking her head as she picked up her fork again.  "Actually, Cassi, Callie had an offer for your birthday.  She wanted to know if you wanted to go with her, and me, for a fancy girls' day.  We'd get manicures and pedicures, have a fancy lunch, and then go clothes shopping."

Immediately, the girl seemed to forget her discomfort at the baby calling her mommy.  "Really?  I'd  _ love  _ that.  Are we going to do it on my birthday?" she asked eagerly.  "Oh my god,  can we go to the Carey Hotel?  They have a really, really nice lunch Charlotte said!"

"I'll ask Callie.  I think we're going to try to do it on your actual birthday."

"Oh, can Charlotte come?"

"I don't know about that.  Again, I can ask Callie, but she's already treating us.  I don't know if we should impose on her anymore," Clarke began, only to be faced by Cassidy's pout.  "Like I said, I can ask.  But are you sure I should ask her?"

"I guess not," Cassi sighed.  "But can Charlotte sleepover that night and can we have the mac and cheese with the mushrooms and spinach and onions for dinner too?"

"What day is this?" Bellamy asked as he wiped up the mess from the floor.

"The eighth.  Of August," Clarke added somewhat unnecessarily. 

Bellamy gave her a half-smile of amusement, then told Cassi, "Hey, that's the day before my birthday."

"Really?" Cassi grinned at him.  "What do you want to do for your birthday?"

"I'll try to make sure I have both days off then," Clarke immediately offered, already trying to think of what favors she could possibly call in to arrange it.

Bellamy shook his head.  "No, don't worry about that.  I don't need my birthday off.  I've never made a big deal about it before."

Clarke huffed.  "Well, in this family, we make a big deal about birthdays.  You have to have off for your birthday."

"Yeah," Raven added brightly.  "That's how it works in  _ this _ family," she continued, smiling broadly at Clarke.

"I'm sure, for instance, you'd like to spend the day with your  _ girlfriend _ ," Clarke replied pointedly, staring back at Raven.

"Uh," Bellamy interjected.  "I guess I didn't think about that.  I've never had a girlfriend before on my birthday," he admitted as he stood, crumpled paper towels in his hands.

"I'll start working on getting the eighth and ninth off then," Clarke confirmed with a big smile.  Bellamy appeared nonplussed, just shrugging and heading back into the kitchen.  

"Raven, want to play with my Legos?" Cole asked, putting a hand on her arm to try and draw her attention back to him.

"She doesn't want to play with your Legos," Charlie scoffed, and soon Clarke found herself in the role of peacekeeper for the remainder of Raven's visit.

 

* * *

 

That night, she couldn't sleep.  Her mind just kept replaying the events of the day and even Murder Channel wasn't relaxing her.  Instead, she was pacing by the glow of the television screen, wishing the accountant had already written the letter to the IRS so she could review it, trying to figure out when would the best time to clean the house, hoping that she didn't have a surgery scheduled before eight the next morning because she was going to need seven cups of coffee in the morning if she didn't get some sleep.

As her thoughts began to run together, she heard the door to her bedroom creak as it opened wider.  She always left it a little open so that she could hear if one of the kids needed something and they all knew they were free to come in at night, if something was wrong.  She turned around and unexpectedly found herself looking at shirtless Bellamy, his blue-plaid pajama pants slung low on his hips.

She thought about that afternoon, that almost kiss, and held her breath.  Did he...

"I was just coming in to turn off the TV.  I thought you were asleep," he explained hastily.

No, he did not, apparently.

"I watch a lot before bedtime," she admitted, internally both relieved and disappointed.  She was also glad that she had chosen to wear pajama pants herself and a tank top and not just her oversized t-shirt she'd been eyeing earlier.  That would have made this much more awkward.

"Yes, I know."  He seemed to react to her puzzled expression when he revealed, "Sometimes you leave it on and I'll come in to turn it off for you.  You should really set the sleep function."  Bellamy sheepishly rubbed the back of his neck as he spoke.

Clarke knew she should probably be embarrassed, and briefly, she wondered how many times he'd seen her drooling on her pillow or snuffling in her sleep.  But she found she didn't mind all that much.  Bellamy had seen her when she was exhausted, and hysterical, and when she burped after dinner, and first thing in the morning with her hair a mess.  He probably only ever saw her in make-up twice the whole time he'd been living with them.

"Do you wake up in the middle of the night often?" she asked instead as she perched on the edge of the bed, struck by the way he'd said it.

"All the time.  It's, ah, a holdover."  He pushed a smile onto his face.  "Listen, I'll leave you to-"

"A holdover from what?  When you were deployed?"  Clarke hadn't seen him exhibit any signs of post-traumatic stress disorder, but if he had a milder form, or had it mostly controlled, she knew that it would be hard for her to spot.

Bellamy shook his head.  "No, um, from childhood."

She sucked in a breath, wondering if she dared to ask the natural follow-up, but he pre-empted her.

"I think I told you that my father died when I was very young and that I don't remember him.  My mother tried, I think for a long time, or what was probably a couple of years really, to keep us fed, clothed, in an apartment.  But working minimum wage, it was never enough.  One emergency could really sink us, did really sink us.  So she started pulling in extra money by selling herself," he admitted quietly.  "I don't know when exactly I figured that out, only that by the time Octavia came around, I knew that the men that went into her room with her weren't her boyfriends.

"Anyway, long story short, very few of them were what I would call decent and I got into the habit of waking up to check to make sure I was okay, that mom was okay, and then later that O was okay.  Every few hours, I wake up, check things, go back to sleep," he finished in a rush.

Clarke's gut clenched, twisting in sympathy for a little boy, rousing himself from sleep in the middle of the night to make sure his family was safe.  "Oh, Bell.  What about...O's father?" she ventured, almost too scared to ask.  

"We don't know.  There's a better than even chance it was our landlord, since he took rent out in-"  He sighed.  "In trade.  But we don't know.  When my mother had O, she put her in my arms and told me, 'Your sister, your responsibility.'  It was my job to keep O quiet, to look after her when mom was at work or with a john."

"You're not even six years older than Octavia!"  Clarke leapt to her feet and, without thinking, threw her arms around him.  He shifted quickly under her touch, wrapping his arms around her.

"I'm so sorry, Bell," Clarke told him, putting her chin on his shoulder.  "No wonder you can't sleep through the night.  Jesus, I can't-"  She cut herself off before she said something horrible about his mother.  Whose situation and choices she couldn't begin to understand.

But still.  A six year-old.  

Clarke found herself furious, wishing she could go back in the past and pull Bellamy and his sister from that awful situation.  She opened her mouth to say something when he spoke.  His voice seemed to rumble against her chest, a match for the warm breath brushing her neck and she felt a sudden rush of warm and affection for this man that she couldn't explain away as just lust.

"Clarke, I appreciate it, but you need to get some sleep.  I'm used to being up in the middle of the night."

She pulled back with a short laugh, keeping her hands on his arms comfortingly.  "And I'm not?  I'm a surgeon, and before that an intern and a medical student.  And before you got here, I was up in the middle of the night with the kids.  I know how to deal with a little lack of sleep."

"But you shouldn't have to.  Why are you even up?" he asked her, brow furrowing in concern.  

"Just...thinking about all the things that have to be done.  You know, when your brain can't just spin down for the night?" 

He nodded, pulling himself from her grasp.  She reluctantly let go, only to feel him take one of her hands in his own and start to pull her with him as he walked out of her room.

"Where are we going?" she asked quietly as they stepped into the hallway.

"My place."  A shiver ran through her with the way he said that.

For the first time since he moved in, she stepped into the apartment.  Looking around, she saw that he hadn't changed much about it.  His books were on the shelves in the living room, and his laptop on the desk that had been her father's.  But the big armchair was in the same spot, and their old couch, grey with crimson throw pillows were just the same.  

He dropped her hand, waving her towards a seat.  "Take your pick," he invited as he continued into the small kitchen.  She crawled onto the couch, as she had so many times before, when this place was still her father's sanctuary.  Pulling one of the pillows to her chest, she hugged it, a small smile coming to her face at the memories of her long talks with her dad. 

She snapped out of her reverie when Bellamy flopped on the couch beside her, offering her a twinpack of cream-filled chocolate cupcakes.  Her eyes flew open as she grabbed for them, practically squealing. "Oh my god, I can't believe there are still things like this in the house now that Charlie's an unstoppable eating machine."  She tore into the package and took a huge bite of one of the cupcake.

"Whoa, slow down there," Bellamy teased her, flashing his teeth in that crooked grin that drove her nuts.  "Once I figured out that no snacks were safe in the kitchen, I started to stash some of my own stuff up here.  Charlie won't come in here, so I know I can actually have a snack when I want it."  He opened his own pack and took a far more normal-sized bite.

"Well, now that I know that, I might have to come in here and steal them too," Clarke pointed out with a grin.

He laughed at her, pointing to the corner of his own mouth.  "You've got a little, uh, right there."

"Oh?"  She used her tongue to sweep over her mouth.  "Did I get it?"

Clarke thrilled inwardly when his gaze remained fixed on her mouth.  "Uh, yeah," he confirmed, tearing his eyes away and taking another bite of his cupcake.

While retrieving the second one from her own pack, she nudged his thigh with her foot.  "So what other snacks do you have here that I can pilfer?"

They segued into a discussion of their favorite snacks and candies.  She found out that they both liked white cheddar popcorn and the tortilla chips with lime, but they disagreed on candies.  She was partial to M&Ms and Reese's Cups, while he preferred Red Vines and other gummy candies.

When he was slouched against the back cushions, legs splayed haphazardly in front of him, and she was tucked into a corner, still hugging the red pillow, she paused to consider how comfortable she was with him.  And not just comfortable, but happy.  She was happy to be up way too late, talking about candy with this man, even with all the stress of the day she had behind her and with all the worry of the day ahead in front of her.

"Well, now I feel like I really know you," she teased him finally.   "Now that we've had the all important what kind of candy you prefer conversation." 

He shook his head, a half-smile on his face that didn't quite reach his eyes.  "I still have my secrets."

"Oh yeah?  Like what?  I mean," she began, shifting in her seat, pulling her head from the cushion to look right at him.  "What don't I know about you that's important?"  

Bellamy swallowed, looking off at the door to the balcony.   "You don't know.."  He turned his eyes to her, voice suddenly serious.  "You don't know about some of the stuff I've done." 

"Okay," she answered carefully, picking up on his tone immediately.  "You can tell me."

"I...I'm...you're always worried when you break down in front of me, and I don't get it.  What you call a freak out or a meltdown is you just yelling for a moment before you calm down and tackle the problem.  When I freak out, when I get really angry?  I get violent."

Clarke tilted her head, trying to parse what he was telling her.  "What do you mean?  I haven't even really seen you get angry."

He watched her carefully.  "Well, it hasn't happened here.  Or in a few years, actually.  I got into therapy after the last one, and I have better 'tools to manage my anger' now," he quoted.  "But I've done things and I regret them, a lot."

She shook her head.  "You don't have a criminal record of any kind.  Your military record is clean."  Those were part of his background check that the agency performed.

"I've never been arrested," he agreed.  "But that doesn't mean I haven't done anything."

"Okay.  So tell me, tell me what happened."  Clarke put aside her pillow and sat up, to show that he had her full attention.

Bellamy straightened in his seat and cleared his throat.  She could almost see his pulse thumping against his neck as his heart sped up and she reached out to put a calming hand on his arm.  "It's okay," she nearly whispered.  "You can tell me."

He nodded, took a breath and began as she withdrew her hand.  "Three times, I've lost it. I mean, really lost it. The first time, I was in the Army.  My mom had died and I had custody of O and she ran off with her boyfriend.  She was just sixteen and he was eighteen.  I reported her missing, but I found her before the police did."  He took a breath.  "And I started to beat the shit out of him, this kid named Aaron Atom.  I don't know how far I would've gone if the police hadn't shown up.  

"The cops, they basically thought he got what he deserved, because otherwise?  Just a brown guy assaulting a white guy.  That's a quick conviction. I guess I was lucky I was still in uniform when they found us because it made it about a guy who served just protecting his sister from some scumbag kid. That's how they put it even.  They talked his parents down too, making a lot of noises about charging him with kidnapping.  But in the end, I, a grown man, wailed on a kid.  Took O a long time to forgive me."

Clarke nodded solemnly at his story, wanting to tell him that she understood.  Not just at his instinctive anger and fear at a younger sibling running off, but because she knew that at twenty-two, anyone was liable to snap.  She knew as much from her own experience as from her education that the human brain didn't even fully mature until the late twenties.  Impulses were literally more powerful.  And teenagers?  They fundamentally could not appreciate the consequences of their actions.  

She wanted to tell him all this and more, reassure him that he wasn't some monster.  But instead, she remained silent, letting him talk, hoping that he'd tell her the rest since it was so clear he despised himself for more than just this one incident.

"The second time, again, with O.  She was twenty, and in college, and excited for me to meet her new boyfriend, Lincoln, the guy she's still with. You haven't met him, but Lincoln is ten years older than O.  So he was thirty, ex-military, and an ex-addict. Oxy.  And she's just a kid, a twenty year-old kid. He met her at a clinic where she was volunteering. There are rules about that stuff, about staff dating patients because those guys can prey on women who are sympathetic to them and the staff can prey on vulnerable people, you know?  I mean, you know, you're a doctor.  

"When I found out her new guy was this older, ex-junkie guy, I freaked out.  I thought he was preying on her and I punched him.  Which was stupid and wrong, especially because in a one-on-one fight, I don't know that I could take him.  Fortunately for me, Lincoln took it in stride, just withdrew and I calmed down while O just screamed at me like a banshee.  Eventually, I got to know him, but it was a pure, just surge of anger and I just reacted.  No thought.  I don't think things through when I get really angry."

Clarke winced, but again, she could understand.  If Charlie was dating an ex-addict ten years his senior when he was in college, she'd have a freak out.  Her first instinct probably wouldn't be violence, it was true, but then she hadn't grown up in a household where violent things happened often enough that she'd trained herself to wake up in the middle of the night every night.  Again, she wanted to tell him that, but again, she knew she should just let him talk.

"And the third time."  He closed his eyes, resting his head against the back of the couch.  "There was this woman.  Her name is Emilia Eberspacher, but with a name like that, you get a nickname quick in the Army.  We called her Echo, you know, from the NATO alphabet.  We went through one deployment together.  She was solid, a good soldier, a textbook soldier.  She was going career too, not just like those of us who were just there for a few years.  

"The second time we were deployed, we got close.  She said there was no one at home that understood her, that she felt responsible for her younger siblings because her mom was such a mess.  It just drew me in, you know?  We started messing around, and I thought it was just, we're away and that when we got home, maybe it'd fade, this connection between us.  But it didn't fade and we got serious."

Bellamy took another steadying breath.  "I think she was my first serious relationship ever.  Never had time before, with O around.  Anyway, we're going out, we're spending more time together, but it's also getting weird.  She's late when we meet up, she doesn't want me to see her place because it's a shithole, she's got all these family things going on.  And I'm living with Murphy and E, so I'm letting a lot of stuff slide because it's complicated for me too.  But eventually, Murphy's got a job, a handle on being a dad, we've worked out a schedule for E's daycare and Echo and I decide to get a place together, to really try to be together.  

"Moving day comes and goes and Echo doesn't move in, because something came up with her family. For a few months, she's stringing me along, coming over to the place, sometimes staying a few days at a time, but never really moving in.  One day, she's at home, she's in the shower, her phone rings and the screen says, 'David'.  So I pick up and he says he's her boyfriend,  _ long-term _ boyfriend, been together since forever.  He's chatty, saying he's heard all about me, 'Em's' good Army buddy, helped keep her sane," he described sarcastically.  "He had no fucking idea."

Clarke wrapped her arms around herself, ducking her head and biting her lip.  She knew the pain he was describing  _ exactly _ , that hot, sharp spike of betrayal, of guilt in not acknowledging the warning signs, of worthlessness for being someone so easily manipulated.

"I say something about her being in the bathroom, but I'll let her know.  I confront Echo about this pretty quickly, but she just goes off on  _ me _ for violating her privacy by answering her phone and leaves.

"I couldn't believe it.  I couldn't believe that someone I had been through war with would do something like that.  What the fuck was the point?  Who has your back when bullets are flying but treats you like shit at home?  I didn't understand it.  Fuck, I still don't understand it," Bellamy continued, an undercurrent of anger in his voice.  She watched his fist tighten, then relax as he forced himself to breath slowly in and out.

Although he was literally telling her the story of how his anger could be a problem, she didn't for a moment fear for her safety. She'd felt betrayed and used by Finn, but she and Finn, for all she thought she really loved him, hadn't been through much together.  Bellamy and Echo had served together, had dodged bullets together, had seen their buddies injured.  They had a bond that this woman had apparently shit on, to use Bellamy as a side piece.  

Honestly, Clarke wanted to find her and beat the shit out of herself.  Instead, she took a calming breath of her own, lifting her head to meet his eyes again and nodding slightly to signal he should continue.

"I never heard from her again. Which is a problem, because I couldn't afford the apartment we rented without her.  After three days of calling and trying to get in touch with her, I just lost it.  I was in the apartment, it was ten am and I just started wailing on everything.  I destroyed furniture, I punched holes in the wall, I tore things up.  I  _ trashed _ the place.  More than trashed the place.  And it took me hours to calm down.

"Eventually, I call Miller and I call Murphy.  Miller brings Bryan, of course.  We're standing in the wreckage of the apartment I've basically destroyed and they come up with a plan.  We work out a deal with the landlord, because I've so fucked up the place, we need professionals to make sure I haven't ruined it completely, to check the load-bearing walls.  He doesn't press charges, because Miller lays it on pretty thick about my military service, and maybe I have some issues from that, and of course, I'm going to pay for everything, absolutely everything.  

"Turns out it was forty grand in damages, which I of course, don't have, but Miller and Bryan and Miller's dad, they did.  They pay the guy and I spend the next several years paying them back, with interest.  Just finished, actually, about four months before I got my job with you.  But it was the last straw for me, for O.  She got me into therapy, found programs I could go to for almost no cost with her connections in the psych department.  Eventually, I figured out some ways to stay calmer, to control my anger and nothing's happened since.

"But I understand if you feel like you can't trust me now."  He turned his eyes back to her and for the first time, she realized that he was confessing to her.  That he hadn't quite forgiven himself for what he'd done.  That he expected her to not forgive him.

Clarke shook her head.  "Honestly?  I know I should be more worried about what you've just told me.  And if I had known that first day with you, at the interview?  No, I don't think I would've hired you."

Bellamy's face fell and he nodded shallowly.  "In the morning, I can call-"

"I'm not done."  Clarke leaned forward, putting a restraining hand on his arm.  "I've lived with you for these couple of months.  I've seen you handle emergencies, even ones where I know you were worried too, like when Charlie flaked.  I don't think you're the guy you're telling me about anymore.  I don't think generally people are their worst moments in their lives, unless their worst moments are truly sociopathic things, like crazy serial killers.  

"You're a guy who apparently has the capacity to lose his temper and destroy inanimate objects and hit the people you think are hurting your loved ones.  That, while not ideal, doesn't bother me.  Maybe it should, but it doesn't.  Because I've seen you, I know you, and I know you're not a threat.  You are not someone I have to worry about.  You're someone I would worry for."

As she spoke, his expression changed from one of resignation to one of hope. "Yeah?" he asked her, voice full of disbelief.

"Yeah," she assured him, shifting around on the couch so that she could sit next to him and duck under his arm.  "So now you've got Miller, and you've got Murphy, and you've got me.  And we've got you.  Okay?"

He curled his arm around her, hugging her tight to his side.  "Okay," he answered quietly.  And although she couldn't see his face, she could hear the smile in his voice.  

Listening to the steady thump of his heartbeat, she continued.  "You do a great job of calming me down, Bell.  It's only right that I return the favor.  If you ever feel like you're being overwhelmed, just call me, talk to me.  I'll calm you down," she promised, giving him another squeeze.  She felt his chin come to rest on the top of her head and she smiled against his shirt.  "I got you," she murmured.

She wasn't quite sure how long they sat there in the companionable silence that settled around them, only that her eyes began to droop as she relaxed into him.  He smelled good, like soap mixed with whatever that intangible Bellamy smell was, and before she knew it, he moved underneath her so that she could lie on the couch.  

Clarke murmured sleepily as he urged her to stretch out and draped a thin blanket over her.  He assured her he'd wake her in time for work in the morning and hit the lights on his way to his bedroom.  She closed her eyes, struggling to understand that one last conscious thought before sleep took her.

_ This is not just a crush. _

 


	8. The August Birthdays

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the frenzy that surrounds two household birthdays, Bellamy comes to some realizations about his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks once more to @bfl1201, without whose help this would not be published. This was a difficult chapter for me because a lot of things happen in a small amount of time but I still wanted to keep this grounded in realism.
> 
> Also, special thank you to all my commenters and subscribers. All the little notes telling me folks really care what happens next are great motivators when you're writing.

Bellamy rarely recalled any of his dreams.  Usually, he would wake up with only impressions, even if he woke up in sweat-soaked sheets.  His sex dreams too were indistinct, with just the arousal and his racing heart to go with a picture or two.  

Until now.

Most nights, since his confession to Clarke, he dreamed vividly of pale, supple hands pulling his shirt from his body and then sliding down his chest.  Of fingers that tugged at his waistband and stripped him bare, teasing his cock with light touches.  Of breasts, full and firm, laying heavy in his hands, nipples reacting to the caress of his thumbs.  Of legs that straddled him, wrapped around his waist, holding him close as he slid into the slick heat of her.  And when he looked up, it was always to see tousled blonde waves and a bright blue ring around the dark of desire in her eyes.

Most mornings, he woke up hard and had to take care of it immediately, only to feel a great rush of guilt when he was done.  Because it wasn't Gina who filled his dreams at night and it wasn't Gina that he thought of in the pre-dawn light to finish himself off.

What Miller said weighed heavily on him, though neither of them acknowledged the fight when he went to guy's night out the following Wednesday.  Gina welcomed them enthusiastically, giving him a kiss and comping them a plate of potato skins when their usual order didn't seem to fill them up.  Miller said nothing, but gave him a pointed look once over his beer.  He'd never felt worse after a night out.

Gina should be the person he was fantasizing about.  Anyone would be lucky to have the attention of a woman like her, intelligent and kind, thoughtful and funny.  He wished he'd asked her out last year, well before he met Clarke.  Then maybe the connection between them would be strong enough to withstand the blonde whirlwind.  

But then, maybe he would never have even met Clarke.  If he had been dating the bar owner when he lost his last job, maybe he just would come to help Gina at the Still.  That very thought filled him with dread, not just at never having met Clarke but of not working with children all day.  Being around kids was his natural state.  He didn't think he'd take too well to an adult-oriented job anymore.  He'd certainly disliked being in the Army.

Gina deserved someone who dreaded the thought of not having met her too.  But he felt he owed it to her to at least finish this as he'd started it - in person.  He just wasn't going to do it on guy's night.  Which meant he would have to do it on his birthday, since that was the first time he'd get a chance to speak with Gina privately.  Not ideal, but neither was dating someone when you were infatuated with someone else.

At the very least, the delay gave him a chance to think through what he would say.  Having never broken up with anyone, he wasn't sure what the best way was to do it, but he certainly didn't want to talk about having feelings for another woman.  He wanted to ask Miller, but as much as he knew Miller wanted to help and certainly had opinions on the matter, the man was still with his high school boyfriend, who he fully intended to marry once their home was completed.  He had even less experience with an adult break-up than Bellamy did.  Ditto for his sister.

Which left Murphy.

 

_ How do you break up with someone? _

 

 **Murphy:** _Don't know.  Just have sex with them, no relationships._

 

_ You really are an asshole, aren't you? _

 

 **Murphy:** _Have you met me?_

 

He pressed the matter when Murphy dropped off Ethan the morning of Cassi's birthday.  As the boy bounced into the house, Bellamy gave him a big smile.  "Everyone's at the table enjoying some chocolate chip pancakes.  Why don't you join them?" he suggested, watching as Ethan took off.

Murphy raised an eyebrow as he handed over Ethan's backpack with his swimsuit and a change of clothing in case of a repeat of last week's paint accident.  "I don't get a pancake?"

"You didn't answer my question," Bellamy noted pointedly.

"What, about breaking up?" Murphy scoffed, grinning at his friend's discomfort.  "I don't do that.  I'm upfront with them that I'm not looking for serious, just fun.  The fun fades, we go our separate ways."

Bellamy shook his head.  "You're telling me you give them the brush off before you sleep with them?"

"Yeah, I guess I do," Murphy confirmed, seeming quite pleased with himself.  

"And they still sleep with you?"

He smirked.  "I'm getting laid today during my lunch break, so yeah, they still sleep with me."

"Amazing.  Okay, I'll see you this evening," Bellamy replied, rolling his eyes and motioning for the other man to leave.

Murphy sobered suddenly.  "Listen, Blake, don't fuck up this break-up with the bartender.  I like the Still and I don't want to have to relocate guy's night."

"I'll try not to inconvenience your life too much," he assured him sourly.

"It's the least you can do after watching my son all the time," Murphy quipped with a quick grin.  He raised a hand in a wave as he headed down the walkway.

"Asshole," Bellamy muttered, amused despite himself, as he closed the front door and then returned to the kitchen.  He found Clarke there, pulling another plate from the cabinet and putting one of the pancakes on it for Ethan.  The boy thanked her politely before half-running back to the table, where the rest of the kids were still stuffing their faces.

"Is it me or does everyone have trouble believing that kid is Murphy's?" Clarke wondered, turning her bright smile on him as she poured herself another cup of coffee.  She had her morning dishevelment going, wearing last night's pajamas and her hair up in a sleep-mussed braid.  He couldn't believe how turned on he was by the sight.

"Not just you," Bellamy assured her as he walked to the fridge to pull out the fruit he meant to put on the table earlier.  He needed to distract himself. 

As he washed the strawberries and blueberries, he added, "Murphy's dad was a good parent, but his mother wasn't.  He'll never talk about it, but he's got a couple of scars on his body that aren't from his service.  One on his knee from when he got knocked down some stairs.  One on his back from a thrown plate.  Some other things I think he got in juvie too. He's never been real clear about it, but I know it was bad.  

"E, on the other hand, only knows good parenting.  He flinches at criticism.  I don't actually think they're that different, since Murphy and E are good at spotting lies and they both pick up on body language really well.  I just think Murphy's got a tough exterior and E doesn't."

He looked over to see Clarke gazing at him thoughtfully.  "You've thought about this, I guess." 

He nodded as he dumped the berries into a couple of bowls.  "Yeah. Live with a guy for years, you get to know him. You know, Murphy's a fourth."  At her bemused expression, he clarified.  "John Murphy the Fourth.  If he had any say in naming E, he'd have been John Murphy the Fifth.  His father was called Jack, his grandfather Jay-Jay.  Murphy's not into the lineage thing, but I know he'd have rather named E for his father.  He's a lot more sentimental than he looks."

Clarke's gaze flickered over to Ethan, who was happily shoving a piece of pancake into his mouth.  "So you're telling me if that if John the Third had lived, Murphy would be more like Ethan?"

"That's my theory, yeah.  E didn't get his empathy from Anya, that's for damned sure."

"Makes me even happier we helped him out then.  Maybe we can encourage his inner Ethan to come out a little more.  In fact, I propose that we put a moratorium on calling Murphy an asshole, so that we all stop thinking of him that way," Clarke suggested with a smile.  "Here, let me help."  She plucked one of the bowls from the counter and walked over to the table.

As he followed her, he marveled at how casually she used those terms: "we," "our, "us."  Hardly a day would go by without her using one or another, fanning the flames of his attraction, which had grown to nearly unmanageable proportions.

Not that anything had changed between him and Clarke.  The first morning after she fell asleep on his couch, he had woken her with a gentle shake and a cup of coffee and she had rushed around in her usual state so she could get to work on time.  When she had returned that night, she was tired, but grateful for the dinner he'd kept warm for her and eager to hear how his day had gone.

She still called him Bell, still touched him casually when she reached past him for something or they moved around each other in the kitchen.  Still teased him about his novel, which he hadn't worked on since sometime in June, still shared looks with him when one of the kids did something funny.  Still wrinkled her nose at him when he needled her, still trusted him to watch her siblings. 

She did all this before that night too.  It just meant more now, somehow.

In return, he still worried about the budget when he could, like now, when he was driving the kids to the Kanes'.  Keeping the house clean on top of everything else was much harder than he thought, simply due to the size of the damned thing.  He thought about offering to pay for the housekeeping service himself, but knew she'd shoot him down.  He also thought about hiring them himself and not telling her, but that didn't seem right either.

Bellamy turned off the car after pulling into the driveway and unbuckled his seatbelt as Charlie and Cole scrambled to get out. "Get your stuff," he reminded them both, shaking his head at their hurry.  The Kanes' pool wasn't going anywhere.  

Ethan moved more slowly, as was his wont when going to new places and meeting new people.  He waited patiently, hugging his backpack with his change of clothes, while Bellamy unstrapped Cam from his car seat.  Then he insisted on taking Bellamy's free hand as they walked into the house.

Marcus stood in the kitchen, with his daughter Maddie already in a purple and green bathing suit, hugging his leg and peeking around him as she watched the influx of people.  Having met her twice before, Bellamy would describe the girl as cautious most of all, but also curious.  She tended to watch people with bright eyes before very carefully trying to interact with them.  It had taken her nearly ten minutes to warm up to him, and almost twenty with Clarke.  Maddie was much quicker with children though, so he led Ethan right up to them while Cole and Charlie put their bags in the extra room.

"Marcus," Bellamy greeted the man with a nod.  "Hi, Maddie.  Do you remember me?"

Maddie gave him a shy smile though her eyes darted to Ethan immediately.  "Hi," she all but whispered.

"She's getting better at that, with you at least," Marcus noted with a grin.  "And this must be your nephew."

"I'm Ethan," the boy confirmed, ducking his head and gripping Bellamy's hand tighter.

With some prompting from her father, the little girl introduced herself and held up three fingers when Ethan asked her age.  He informed her he was six and that he liked her house, and to the surprise of the adults, she took his hand and led him towards the glass doors to the pool.  After Maddie's arrival, the Kanes installed door latches about six feet off the ground to prevent little hands from opening the doors without adult help, so she just showed off the view and informed Ethan solemnly, "That's the pool."

Bellamy shifted Cam on his hip and grinned widely at Marcus.  "I think she likes him."

"I know I should be worried, but all I am is relieved.  That's the fastest she's liked anyone," Marcus answered, eyes still on the pair.  "She's still visibly uncomfortable with the teachers at her day program.  We asked the psychologist if she might do better with a nanny or an au pair, but she recommended she stay in more social settings.  But we're a few weeks in, and she still clings to us when we drop her off and rushes us when we pick her up.  She doesn't trust them."

"Really?  I wonder why.  She seems okay with Clarke and I," Bellamy said as Cam started squirming.  "Okay, little man, we'll get some sunscreen on you and then outside."

Within fifteen minutes, they were all outside, the older boys splashing into the pool quickly while Bellamy and Marcus eased into the water by the steps with the little ones.  Once they were acclimated, the adults sat on the steps while letting Cam and Maddie splash and walk about the step above them.  Bellamy kept one hand on or near Cam at all times and he saw that Marcus was doing the same for his daughter.

"We have a swim teacher coming by twice a week right now, just to teach her some safety basics, but we're having the same problem there.  Unless I or Callie is in the water with her, it's just no use.  She doesn't trust anyone else," Marcus explained.

Bellamy looked over as Ethan shrieked but soon saw it was part of whatever chasing game the others were playing in the water.  Turning his attention back to Marcus, he asked, "So what are you two going to do when you have to go back to work?"

"Well, Callie's going to take a couple of weeks first, but then, I'm not sure.  I don't think I want to put her through the trauma of getting used to us going to work so soon after we've adopted her if she doesn't like the place we have her in.  Right now, I spend a part of everyday calming her down after I pick her up.  Callie wants to start looking at other places, but not a lot of the places that were recommended even have spots open."

"But she likes me," Bellamy said, suddenly seized with an idea.  To demonstrate, he held out his hand to the little girl, who gave him a smile and walked right over.  "See?  What do you think about maybe leaving her with me during the day?  I'm home all the time with Cam anyway, so she'd have someone else there all day, and then after school starts, Ethan, Cole and Cassidy will all be there in the afternoons too."

Marcus regarded him.  "You think Clarke would go for that?  You are her nanny."

Bellamy chuckled ruefully, all too aware of his employer-employee relationship.  "Yes.  But she's already said yes to Ethan being a part of the brood, to help out my friend.  I can't imagine she'd refuse to help you out."

"Well, we could certainly pay you.  I would hardly suggest adding to your workload without contributing something."  Marcus cleared his throat.  "But before we do all that, we'd have to see if it would even work.  She'd need a place to nap as well.  She usually sleeps from a little after lunch until about two-thirty."

"She can sleep in my room," Cole offered as he paddled over, having apparently been listening to their conversation.  "Or Clarke's room when she's sleeping in your room."  Or half-listening.

"What?" Charlie asked, coming up behind his little brother and standing to glower at Bellamy.  

Freezing in the water, it was all Bellamy could do to keep his grip on Cam as the toddler twisted to try and follow Maddie as she fell into her father's arms.  "Uh.."  He hadn't realized that any of the kids knew she'd slept at his place that night.  But Cole's room was just next door and he occasionally woke really early only to keep himself amused playing or reading until Bellamy made breakfast.

Marcus' merely turned an inquiring look on him, a knowing sort of smile on his face.  "Oh?"

"Uh, that was just one night, buddy," Bellamy recovered his voice, trying to sound firm.  "She fell asleep on my couch while we were talking about the household budget, " he added for Marcus. "She got a letter from the IRS and had to call the accountant and she was worried about it."

Marcus nodded sagely but Charlie did not seem impressed.  Fortunately, Cole then threw himself at his big brother, to try and tackle him into the water and the two boys were soon entangled in a friendly wrestling match.

"Don't drown your brother, please," Bellamy reminded the teen while Ethan scrambled to get out of the way.  

"Well," Marcus began, shifting the focus back though he kept his eyes on Maddie as she hugged Ethan when he sat down next to her on the steps.  "I think the idea has merit.  I'll definitely talk it over with Callie.  We would need a few more details though, and Clarke's permission, of course.  And a test run."

"And I'll have to double-check, make sure I don't have too many kids in the house.  Don't want to be accused of running an unlicensed daycare," Bellamy joked.

"Oh, you wouldn't be.  It takes more than four unrelated children in a house for the state to consider it an unlicensed daycare."  Marcus chuckled at his expression.  "The hospital investigated opening a daycare for our employees so I got a crash-course in child care law."

"Why didn't you?" Bellamy wondered, realizing immediately how that might have half-solved Clarke's child-care issues.

"Money, and the potential liability.  A fair number of our employees have school-age children and younger.  If we had a daycare that was just for pre-school children, even that would have required a fairly large facility and a staff of twenty, minimum to cover the hours they would need to be open.  The idea for the daycare was to accommodate our non-traditional hospital hours, but the cost ended up being really prohibitive especially when we factored in liability insurance.  It's a shame, because all we've really done is pass the expense onto our employees," he explained.  "I really tried hard to show how much better it was for our employees to not have to worry about this, even if we took some deductions from their pay, but it didn't make it past the board."

"That sucks, especially for folks like Clarke," Bellamy told him.  "Childcare costs way too much.  The fact that it's actually cheaper for Clarke to hire a live-in nanny than get all day care for Cam and afterschool care for the others is ludicrous."

"You are preaching to the choir on this one.  People seem to think I make all of the hospital's policies, but honestly, I mostly just enforce it.  I can try to change them, but unless the board approves it, my hands are really tied."

Bellamy nodded understandingly.  "I'll definitely talk to Clarke about it tonight," he promised.  

In fact, Bellamy mused later that day as he prepared Cassi's birthday dinner, if Clarke agreed, his watching more children could be a solution to their budget problem.  Just adding what the Kanes would pay for him to watch Maddie to what Murphy already gave him for Ethan would help pad the budget immensely.  They could rehire the housekeeping service and still have more than enough to handle the unexpected expenses.  And if they could find one more kid who needed more flexible after school care, maybe a kindergartner from Cole's school, it would put them over the top.

He just put the macaroni and cheese into the oven to keep warm for dinner when Clarke and Cassi arrived from their big afternoon.  The new twelve year-old practically burst into the house, holding about seven different shopping bags and thundered upstairs with a shout of hello.  Clarke just shook her head, walking down the hallway with a cake box and a single bag of her own.  

Bellamy hurried over to her to take the box from her, glancing at the prone boys who hadn't moved much in the family room where they were watching Jurassic World while Cam stacked blocks in his play ring.  "I could've picked this up, you know.  How'd the lunch and everything go?"

"You're doing more than enough for her birthday," Clarke denied with a laugh.  "And I am shopped out.  Callie spoiled the ever-loving snot out of her.  And me.  You don't even want to know how much she spent."  She climbed into one of the seats at the counter and flopped over dramatically.  "I'm so tired," she complained.

He fought to control his grin, lips rolling as he pulled open the fridge and rearranged some things so he could put the cake inside.  "Sounds horrible, being spoiled and shopping all day," he teased.

Clarke groaned behind him and he turned to see that she'd propped herself up with a hand on one cheek.  "I know, I know," she acknowledged.  "Extreme first world problems."

"I'm composing my sympathy letter as we speak."

"Hashtag, the Struggle," she added with a smirk.  "Wait, you know what hashtags are, right?"

"How old do you think I am?"  Bellamy wondered, tossing one of the kitchen towels at her.

Clarke laughed as she pulled back fast enough to keep the cloth from hitting her in the face.  "I do believe that you referred to it as 'Snapcam' when you first moved in," she reminded him pointedly.

"This is one of those families where all the big things are forgiven and forgotten right away but the little mistakes are brought up for years, isn't it?"

She nodded slowly, still grinning.  "Once my dad mistakenly said, 'regime' instead of 'regimen', then tried to correct himself and said 'regiment'.  I don't think my mom ever let him live it down."

"Well, that was just a crime against the English language.  Unforgivable,"  Bellamy agreed sarcastically.

Clarke was still laughing when Cassi flew down the stairs and launched herself at Bellamy.  "Charlotte is going to be here soon!" she crowed.  "I can't wait to show her what I got!  It was the  _ best day _ ," she told him excitedly.  "Is dinner ready?"

"Almost.  Are you hungry?"

"A little."  She bounced around the kitchen, then abruptly threw her arms around him.  "Thank you for making my favorite dinner!  And breakfast!" 

Bellamy chuckled as he gave her a hug in return.  "You're welcome; happy birthday," he grinned down at her.  "If you let me go, I'll even finish making dinner."

"I'll help," Clarke volunteered, getting to her feet with a smile.  "Come on, Cassi, let him go.  And after you show Charlotte everything, try to put it away neatly?" she suggested as she rounded the island.

"I will!" Cassi gave him one last squeeze before bouncing off to join the boys in the family room.

"She got so spoiled today," Clarke noted again, watching her sister fondly.  "And I haven't even given her my present yet."

"Oh yeah?  What'd you get her?" Bellamy asked as he pulled out the makings of a salad from the fridge.

Clarke checked to make sure Cassi was out of hearing range, then lowered her voice.  "She really likes Maleficent.  Not just the one from the Descendants, but the one from Sleeping Beauty, and especially the dragon form.  So I got her a stuffed Maleficent as a dragon and I drew her a two by three foot Maleficent perched on the castle from the movie so she could hang it on her wall."

Bellamy cocked his head.  "When did you find the time to do that?"

"Well, sometimes, at night, when the dulcet tones of Murder Channel don't lull me to sleep and when I don't then choose to stay up talking about candy with my neighbor friend, I usually end up sketching or drawing."  He looked over to see she was giving him a saucy, smug little smile.  

For a moment, he seemed to have been struck dumb, until she reached out to poke his side.  "Okay, Bell, tell me what I can do to help," she prompted.

"Well, I'm pretty sure you have the knife skills to cut up some vegetables," he found his voice.

Clarke scoffed, reaching for the chef's knife.  "I am going to pretend you did not just implicitly suggest that the knife skills of a surgeon were something less than par."

"I didn't imply any such thing.  Especially not when you have knife in your hand," he retorted playfully.

As they worked on preparing the rest of dinner, he casually mentioned his idea of watching Maddie.  Clarke's immediate concern was for him, whether he felt comfortable enough to take one another toddler.

"It's a ton of work."

"It's not that much more work.  And we could use the money."

"I definitely don't want you to do it if this is about the money.  We're managing," Clarke emphasized, pausing as she cut into a tomato.

"It's not about the money, or not just about it.  Maddie really doesn't like many people, but she's okay with you and me.  And, to be honest, I think a lot of that is Marcus and Callie aren't okay with her being with just anyone, but they know us, they trust us.  Maddie's just probably picking up on it."

Clarke stared at him for a moment, then asked, "You're like a child whisperer, aren't you?  You always seem to know what's going on with them, instinctively."

"I am pretty sure it's in the definition of my job," he drawled.

"Okay," she allowed.  Once he made it about Maddie, he knew he had her.  "But even so, we'd have to make sure she's really okay with it.  And not just when it's you here, but when it's me too."

"Well, we can do a test run on your next day off.  They can drop her off with me, and then I can leave for an hour after she's been here for a few and see if she's still okay with you," he suggested as he cut up some cucumber.

"We'll take to Marcus and Callie about it," Clarke finally relented as she returned to cutting up the tomato.  "They may not like that plan."

"Then we'll come up with another test run.  But I think it's a good idea, Clarke, for her, them, and us."

Dinner came and went, and since he usually made extra portions, there was more than enough for Murphy and Ethan when Cassi spontaneously invited them to eat with them. Her good mood seemed infectious, with the whole household remaining cheerful right through dessert even when Charlie ended up eating about a quarter of the cake by himself.  Cassi, of course, was thrilled with Clarke's gifts, but Bellamy was shocked when Charlie gave her a DVD copy of the Descendants, as well as a book based in that world.  

"In case I ever delete the DVR one again," the teen explained around a mouthful of cake.

Cassi pronounced him the best brother ever, which Bellamy figured would last all of twelve hours, if they were lucky.  But in the flurry of saying goodbye to the Murphys, putting Cam to bed and cleaning up the mess of the meal, he missed something else that Clarke brought to his attention as they climbed the stairs for their own bedtimes.

"Did you see the way Charlotte was looking at Charlie?  I think she might have a little crush on him."

Bellamy tried to recall how she had looked, frowning in thought.  "I didn't see anything.  Do you really think so?"

"Oh yeah," Clarke confirmed with a grin as she stepped into the upstairs hallway and turned to look at him.  "It's cute."

"It's...not cute.  He's ridiculously immature," Bellamy denied with a shake of his head as he paused near Cam's door.

"Not to an almost thirteen year-old."  Clarke looked him up and down and declared, "You're going big brother on her, aren't you?  You just don't want to think of Charlotte liking a boy.  Or a girl.  You know, that way."

He shrugged a shoulder.  "I...really don't," he agreed.  "She's still the girl in pigtails for me.  Who I helped get through her nightmare phase.  Who has more My Little Ponies then you would believe possible."

"She's growing up.  They're all growing up."  Clarke glanced at Cassi's firmly shut door, which didn't quite drown out the noise of the movie they were watching inside.  "Thanks, Bell.  For making another birthday go well."

"I just cooked a couple of meals, like any other day."

"No, you just cooked her favorite meals, all while planning on watching even more children and helping with the budget.  You more than deserve tomorrow off, even if it wasn't your birthday," she beamed at him.  "And totally off, I mean it.  I'm taking care of everything tomorrow, all day, all night."

He shook his head.  "Are you sure about that?  There's a ton of laundry to be done, the playroom's a wreck, and we don't have any leftovers.  I could just do a little-"

"No," Clarke interrupted him, voice firm.  "I'm doing it all.  Even if there's an errand to run."  She paused.  "Is there an errand to run?"

"I was going to go grocery shopping, but that can wait 'til the day after.  No offense."

"None taken.  I don't want to have to do that unless absolutely necessary," Clarke admitted with a chuckle.  "So then it's just get the kids up, feed 'em a few times, do a metric asston of laundry and get the playroom sorted.  Piece of cake."

"Metric asston?" he asked, delighted.

Clarke nodded solemnly.  "Yeah, new weight measure. Super official."

"Sounds very official," he concurred with a nod.  

They stood there grinning at each other for a couple of seconds before Clarke jerked her thumb towards her door.  "I'm going to head to bed."

"Don't you mean watch Murder Channel?  Is your porn-adjacent show on tonight?" He smirked at her reddening face.

"I'm never telling you about the shows on Murder Channel again," she promised him.

"Severe punishment indeed."  He grinned once more then added, "Good night, Clarke."

"'Night, Bell.  And, you know, happy birthday, if you sneak out of the house when I'm not looking tomorrow," she continued, tucking a loose curl behind her ear.

"Thanks, Clarke," he told her, his heartbeat speeding up under her gaze before he turned to walk into his apartment.

Once inside, Bellamy started towards the small kitchen, still reveling in the sensation her birthday wish had given him.  As much as he wasn't looking forward to breaking up with Gina, it just wasn't right to have this kind of reaction to one woman while dating another.  He had just reached out to grasp the fridge's handle when a knock sounded at his door.

"What did you forget?" he called out as he jogged to open the door, fully expecting Clarke to be there.

Instead, Charlie stood at his threshold, looking resolute if uncomfortable.  "Can I come in?"

"Uh, sure," Bellamy answered, stepping aside to let the teen inside.  He closed the door and gestured towards the living room, wondering what the visit was about.  "Have a seat," he invited.

"I'd rather stand," Charlie replied, swallowing quickly as he turned around to face him.  "Um.  I'm here because I want to make sure you're not scamming on Clarke.  Because she doesn't need that right now."

Bellamy frowned, immediately uneasy and a bit confused.  "You think I'm running a scam on Clarke?"

"No, like, hitting on her," Charlie defined in an aggrieved tone, clearly annoyed that he had to translate.  "Clarke's friendly and stuff, and it's happened before to her, you know, when a guy thinks because she's nice she's interested."

He felt the blood drain from his face as Charlie continued.  "And you're good with us, especially Cam and Cole, and I know it's a huge help to Clarke.  But, like, that's the job, and of course she's going to be nice to you and all that, because you're helping.  She can't work and do everything here all the time too."

As inelegant as the explanation was, Bellamy immediately understood Charlie's concern.  That he would mistake Clarke's concern and openness with him as interest, when, in fact, she was right to be very interested and open with the man living in her house and helping her raise her children.  

Which is exactly what he had done, he realized with a cold certainty that seemed to spread throughout his body.  He just didn't realize before now how fucking obvious he'd been about the whole thing, even if he hadn't actually hit on her.

"Why do you think I'm hitting on Clarke?"  Even to his own ears, Bellamy's voice sounded wooden, but he had to know what had given him away.

"I see the way you look at her," Charlie told him frankly.  "Those aren't 'I'm talking to my boss' looks!  And she doesn't need to be hit on in her own house.  This place needs to be, like, her sanctuary."

Bellamy took a moment to steady himself and unlock his jaw from where it seemed to be frozen.  "Charlie," he began.  "I'm not 'scamming on' Clarke.  We're friends and we joke around sometimes, but that's it.  I promise you, that's all that's between us."  Belatedly, he recalled, "And I already have a girlfriend.  A great girlfriend.  Who I'm actually going to spend tomorrow with, because Clarke specifically arranged her days off to accommodate me.  So even if I did hit on her, which I would  _ never  _ do, I don't think Clarke's the kind of girl who would go for a guy who's got a girlfriend."  That, Bellamy knew for a hard fact, but he wasn't sure what Charlie knew about Clarke's history and he didn't feel it was his place to explain it.

Charlie nodded in response, adding, "Good," before his gaze flickered away, as if it had taken all of his will to stand up to Bellamy.  Which, he mused, it probably did.  "I just don't want Clarke getting hurt, you know?  Too much shit's already happened and someone's gotta look out for her, okay?"

Bellamy understood completely.  And he acknowledged that while he hated the damn message, he needed to hear it.  That it had to come from a fourteen year-old was embarrassing, but way less so than breaking up with his girlfriend because of an infatuation with his boss.  

Charlie was absolutely right, he had mistaken her general friendliness and care for others for a particular interest in him.  Clarke took the time to understand him, to befriend him, but she did that for everyone.  She helped out Murphy, whom she repeatedly referred to as an asshole, forgiving him his attitude and she barely interacted with the man.  Being empathetic, finding solutions for other people's problems, forgiving them their sins, that's just what Clarke did.  

And he respected Charlie for delivering it, for standing up for his sister, making sure Bellamy didn't take his infatuation too far and make it into a situation.  God knows, Bellamy would and had done the same for Octavia, warning off boys that approached stalker-levels of regard for his baby sister when she'd just smiled at them.  

So he just nodded to Charlie in return.  "I hear you."

The two stood awkwardly for about half a minute before Charlie abruptly started for the door.  "Okay, I'm just gonna, uh, go then," he said, clearly eager to end the conversation.

Bellamy stopped him with a hand on his shoulder.  "Looking out for your siblings, that's always a good thing," he felt compelled to applaud Charlie's protective impulses.  "Maybe remember that next time you pick a fight with Cassi?" he suggested.

"She starts half of them," Charlie defended himself quickly.

"Yeah, I'm sure she does," Bellamy agreed, dropping his hand and opening the door.  

Charlie gave him a curt nod and practically ran out the apartment.  Bellamy watched him flee downstairs while the thoughts clattered in his head.

 

* * *

 

 

_ Happy birthday to me. _

They were the first words he thought of when he opened his eyes the following morning after a fitful night's sleep.  Charlie's words bit at him all night, scratched at him, crawled under his skin until he couldn't think about anything but how stupid he had been, to get wrapped up in his crush on Clarke.  And it was one thing to be friends with your boss, but another entirely to think they had some sort of emotional connection to you. 

And it could go so bad, so fast.  Even if he just mentioned any kind of feeling for her, it could ruin their rapport, become this poisonous seed in the middle of their friendship.  He could just imagine her horrified expression if she knew how many times he'd masturbated while thinking of her in the past week.  Hell, it mortified  _ him _ .

So, even though Bellamy couldn't control what he dreamed about at night, he could control himself when he was awake.  He dealt with his morning erection perfunctorily, thinking determinedly of no one, then went about his morning routine at dawn because he always did that, even on his days off.

He did not expect to meet Clarke as she walked out of Cam's room with the toddler on her hip.  Already dressed for the day in a cute little t-shirt with a picture of the Amazing Spiderman and some shorts, her hair tied back in a braid, she looked surprised to see him.

"Hey, happy birthday!" she greeted him.  "You should be sleeping in."

"Bell!" Cam cried as soon as he saw him, lurching in his direction.  Bellamy moved forward quickly to catch him, but Clarke steadied him easily.  

"Ah, I don't sleep in very well," he answered, coming to a stop a few feet away from them both and rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly.

"Oh-kay.  Well, why don't you relax a bit and I can make breakfast?"

He blanched and opened his mouth slowly but she cut him off before he could speak.

"Don't look at me like that!  I can cook breakfast," she insisted with a half-grin.  "What do you want to eat?"

He tried to think of something that she had a shot of making.  "Just some scrambled eggs would be fine."

Clarke gave him a withering look, easily seeing through his simple request.  "Uh-huh."  She hefted the toddler in her arms and began to make her way downstairs.  "I'll put something together," she promised.

He licked his lips and, after a moment's hesitation, followed her.

She put Cam in his high chair, while Bellamy made a beeline for the coffee pot.  When she figured out what he was doing, she practically pushed him out of the way.  "Hey, I meant  it when I said I would do everything today, the way you usually do," she told him.  "It's your birthday, sit back and enjoy it."

"I'm not good at watching other people work while I just sit there.  It's not how I'm built, Princess," he grumped, folding his arms across his chest.  

He expected her to argue with him, or order him to relax, or otherwise call him on his sour mood.  But instead, she laughed and deliberately poked him in his arm.  "You don't know how to relax, do you?"

"Please, I know how to relax.  I don't even need to watch people getting murdered to do it," he countered quickly.

"Nope, I think I've figured it out.  You're incapable of relaxing unless you know everything that needs to be done is done," Clarke pronounced.  "And far be it from me to make you uncomfortable on this, your birthday.  Why don't you feed Cam then, get some one-on-one time with him when you don't have to do seven other things at once?" she offered.  "I'll handle breakfast."

Bellamy winced.  "Look, if it's all the same, I can cook because I'd really like something that tastes like something on my birthday."

"I should just hand you a box of cereal after a comment like that, but instead, I'm going to make you eat your words," she promised with a sharp nod.  "I'm making breakfast and you're going to _ love _ it."

He pursed his lips to keep from smiling as he turned towards the baby.  "It's my birthday," he told Cam.  "And she's still giving me orders."

Given what he knew about Clarke's cooking skills, he found himself amazed when she did actually put together a good breakfast.  No, scratch that.  A great breakfast.  She fried up the bacon without burning it, made neatly folded mushroom, green onion and white cheddar omelets, and buttered toast to go along with coffee and orange juice.  

She smirked at him as she finally sat at the table with him.  "See?" she all but crowed.

"It's good," he confirmed around a mouthful of toast.

Clarke bowed her head in acknowledgement.  "Thank you, thank you."

Bellamy got another surprise when the girls and Cole joined them soon after.  In addition to receiving hugs from each of them, Charlotte and Cassidy had made him a small birthday banner which they got permission to hang on the wall by the table.  Cole also handed him a drawing he'd done, of Bellamy with the family and Ethan on the space station they had designed.  At least, according to Cole's description of the stick figures on the page in front of the schematic-looking pieces.

As he was leaving to meet Gina at her place, Clarke followed him to the entryway by the garage.  "I hope you have a great rest of your birthday," she wished him.  "You've got nothing to worry about here."

He took in her confident stance and merely nodded.  "Right, nothing to worry about."

"Go, have fun, enjoy your birthday."

"Thank you, Clarke.  You're a good friend," he told her, a sense of calm settling over him at her bright smile in return.  

Bellamy walked into the garage, feeling better about himself than he had in days.  He had a good friend in Clarke, a great job and a wonderful girlfriend with whom he was about to spend the entire day.  He was lucky that Charlie had said something when he did, before he fucked it up.  His life was good, and he only needed to open his eyes and appreciate what he already had.

 

* * *

 

"Happy Birthday!" Gina greeted him enthusiastically as she threw open the door to her apartment.  Wearing a pretty, fluttery tank top with some shorts and her hair half up, she looked comfortable and happy to be out of the bar.   

"Thanks," he began, only to have her grab his hand to pull him into her living room.  Once the door was shut behind him, she draped her arms around his neck and gave him a kiss.  

After a heartbeat, he responded, resting his hand lightly on her hips and opening his mouth to her.  He tried to lose himself in her soft lips and the caress of her tongue and, after a moment, was successful.  All at once, suddenly overcome with a wave of longing, a need for a real connection, he deepened the kiss, fingers digging into her as he pulled her closer.  

Gina broke the seal of their mouths with a near gasp, chuckling as she put a restraining hand on his chest.  "Whoa there, buddy.  I'm definitely interested, but unless we want to cancel all of our plans today, we should stick to the schedule," she murmured quietly, resting her forehead on his.  "Do you want to stick to the schedule?" she asked, looking up at him with pupils blown wide.

He swallowed, closing his eyes briefly to settle himself.  When he opened them again, he smiled down at her and took a tendril of her hair in his hand.  "Let's stick to the schedule.  We have all day and all night," he promised her, rolling the smooth lock through his fingers.

Gina flushed happily, stretching her neck to give him another, far more chaste kiss on the lips.  "Mm, I like the sound of that," she said as she reluctantly pulled herself from his arms.  "Okay, first thing.  Present time!"

Bellamy cocked his head curiously as she rushed over to the counter and picked up a wrapped package.  He laughed when he saw the green and red paper, which featured dancing Santas and reindeer.  

"Sorry, this was what I had on hand."  She grinned as she handed it over.  "I saw this and immediately thought of you."

He carefully opened the package by the seams to prevent any tears and pulled back the paper to reveal a leather-bound book with  _ The Iliad  _ embossed on the cover.  Setting aside the wrapping, he stroked the letters of the title.  

"You said your mother used to read you this when you were little.  I was going to make a joke about finding a first edition in the bookstore, but I decided it was too corny."

Bellamy nodded, still staring at the book in his hands.  Then he smiled wide, wrapping his arms around her and giving her a quick kiss of thanks.  "This is wonderful.  Thank you," he told her earnestly.  "Thank you for thinking of me."

Gina put a hand on either side of his face.  "Of course I would think of you.  You're my boyfriend, remember?"

"Yeah, I remember," he promised, ducking his head for another kiss.  When they finally  parted, she had a flush on her cheeks. 

"Do that again, and the schedule be damned," she promised him.

"You're not convincing me here," he rumbled, though he did take a step back.  "Thank you for the book."

"You're welcome," she answered, standing straighter.  "Okay, next stop, The Corner Ice Cream Shoppe, then later, we'll meet your sister and her boyfriend at Neptune's.  Best seafood in the county."

Gina grabbed her purse and they headed out of her apartment and down the stairs.  He paused by his car, putting his new book inside.  When she tilted her head in askance, he answered the unspoken question.

"I want to read it first thing when I get home, so this way I won't forget it," he explained, gaining a grin from her.  She grabbed his hand and tugged him down the block after he locked up his car again.

"Why are we getting ice cream first?" Bellamy wondered, happy to let Gina lead him towards Cooper Street.  

"You're going to be so stuffed after we eat at Neptune's, you won't have room for dessert.  And you have to have an awesome dessert on your birthday."

"Does this mean I'm going to escape having waiters sing happy birthday at me?"

"And deny me my fun?  They will be singing whatever birthday song equivalent their restaurant license allows," she teased, knocking her shoulder into his.

"Is that why they have those?"

"Yep.  Licensing 'Happy Birthday' is an expensive nightmare.  When I was putting together the Still's Birthday Special, I looked into it and."  She shook her head.  "Stupid expensive."

Even though it was a weekday, it took them waiting through a line about twenty-five people long before they could order at the apparently trendy, retro-styled ice cream place.  Bellamy selected the peppermint stick and spicy hot chocolate flavors, while Gina picked lemon meringue and blueberry and they found a shady seat under a tree in the small garden the shop had out back.  

Pulling out the phone from his pocket to rest on their little table so he could sit more comfortably, he complained lightly, "I remember when these fit in your pocket."

"You are not old enough yet to say things like that," Gina laughed.  "Eat your gourmet ice cream and then see if you feel the need to keep complaining."

"Well?" she demanded after they had sampled both their own and each other's ice cream.

"It's excellent.  I like mine better than yours though," Bellamy told her around a grin, lacing the fingers of his left hand with hers on the table.  

Gina shook her head.  "That chocolate one has a real kick to it.  Mine is way better," she disagreed happily.

He was about to retort when his phone lit up with a series of incoming texts from Clarke.  Without thinking, he unlocked his phone to read the messages.

 

 **Clarke Griffin:** _Super sorry to bug you on your birthday, but the kids built this big track thing in the hallway and it's right by the door from the garage, so when you do come home please use the front door._

 

 **Clarke Griffin:** _Thanks!_

 

 **Clarke Griffin:** _Again, so sorry to bug!  Hope your birthday is going great!_

 

He chuckled and turned back to Gina, only to pause at her considering expression and the way she slowly withdrew her hand.

"Who was that?" she asked, a strange hitch to her voice.

"Just Clarke.  She apologized for interrupting, just wanted to warn me that the kids built something by the door in the garage and to come in the other way," he explained, watching her carefully.  "I shouldn't have checked my phone like that," he finally added, hoping he'd found the reason why she looked so put out.

"No.  I mean, I'm a reasonable person and we check our phones all the time," Gina replied, setting down her plastic spoon and giving him a wistful look, as if she was trying to figure out the best way to explain something.  

Finally, she said, "You know, you have this way of smiling at me when you first see me. Like I'm a fire on a cold day.  You smiled like that when you came to pick me up and you smiled like that when I gave you that book."

Bellamy nodded, reminding himself that her way with words was one of the reasons why he liked her so much. 

"But when you just checked your phone, your whole face lit up, like you were looking at the sun for the first time," she continued quietly.  "You really like me, but she's the one you want to be with."  Her brown eyes met his determinedly, silently daring him to deny it.

But he couldn't.  Hearing it spoken aloud, so plainly, broke something inside of him.  It didn't matter that he couldn't pursue Clarke.  Being in a relationship with someone else, with Gina, when he felt so strongly about Clarke was a shitty thing to do.  

For all the times he'd declared Murphy the asshole, he knew now that he was far worse.  Murphy had never emotionally cheated on anyone, didn't pretend to be more available than he was.  Whereas Bellamy was perfectly fine with using Gina to try and mask his feelings for Clarke.

Who was the real asshole here?

Bellamy sucked in a shuddering breath as the self-loathing practically slid its way throughout his body.  "I'm sorry.  I didn't...I didn't know when I asked you out," he admitted in a low voice, bracing himself.  

"But you know now."  

He nodded silently, equal parts dreading and wanting the censure in her tone.

Gina sniffed and pushed a remorse-filled smile onto her face as she reached out to gently catch his cheek with her hand.  "Okay, so here's what I'm going to do for you, on your birthday.  I'm breaking up with you."

He laughed weakly, as whatever tension coiling within him eased, though it still hummed within him.  Whatever explosion he'd expected, even wanted, to assuage his guilt, he wasn't going to get it from Gina.  Emotionally mature, warm-hearted Gina would never scream at him or call him names.  No, she would of course just choose to end this farce before he hurt her even more. He certainly couldn't blame her. 

"You deserve better.  Better than an asshole like me," he told her, almost pleadingly. He shook his head.  "It's not like I can be with Clarke but I never should've done this-"

She cut him off with a knowing look.  "I deserve someone who thinks  _ I'm _ the sun."  She sighed, pulling her hand away and gathering up her purse.  "You're a better person than you think you are, Bellamy, this whole dating one woman while pining for another aside.  It's why you feel so bad about it.  Real assholes don't give a crap about how any one else feels.

"And I'm not going to pretend all your problems are solved just because you're now single.  She's your boss; she has four kids.  But I'm pretty sure the reason there's a cliche about doctors marrying their kids' nannies is because it happens all the time."

Gina stood and he followed automatically.  "I'm sorry," he repeated, unable to think of much more.  "I never thought that I was…"  He trailed off, unable to even voice his feelings.

"I know," she assured him.  "For what it's worth, I thought we had the start of something real too."   She lifted her head.  "I'm going to go and drown my sorrows in some wholesale liquor, one of the perks of owning a bar.  You should take the reservation with your sister and her boyfriend.  I think you'll really like Neptune's.  And, um, maybe give me a couple of weeks before guys' night out again?" she suggested.

Bellamy nodded quickly, wanting to spare her the sight of him as fast as possible.  "Yeah, of course.  You know, just uh, you can text me when it's okay to go back."

"Ah, how about I promise not to schedule myself for Tuesdays for at least a month?" she offered, clearly uncomfortable with the notion of texting him.

"Okay," he agreed, looking down.  "Gina, I am so sorry."

"I know you are.  That's how I know you're a good guy.  Take care of yourself, Bellamy."  She gave him another nod and walked away, leaving him with a lot of melting ice cream and way too much to think about.  
  


* * *

 

Despite the text messages which had effectively ended his relationship with Gina, Bellamy nearly entered the house through the garage.  He only stopped himself at the last second, hand on the doorknob.

_ How quickly I forget. _

Sighing, he tromped out of the garage and approached the front door, which opened before he even got the steps.  Clarke stood there, Cam on her hip.  "I wasn't expecting you back so soon," she told him.  "Is everything okay?"

He could hear the shouts of the other children in the house as he walked up.  Reflexively, he took Cam from her arms as the toddler leaned forward and reached out to him.  "Hey, little man, hope you're having a better day than I am."

Clarke's gaze immediately sharpened, but she said nothing as she held the door open for him.  In silence, she led him into the family room, where they could easily see Charlie, Cassi, Cole and Ethan as they worked on a track as well as several Lego-fashioned cars.  He gave Clarke a puzzled look and she just shrugged.

"They're trying to see how far they can make those little car things jump, so they have this huge ramp for momentum," she tried to explain, then waved that away.  "Why are you home?"

"Short story, Gina broke up with me," Bellamy admitted.  He would not be telling her the long story, obviously.

"On your birthday?!"  Astonishment and anger fought for dominance on her face and it seemed as if anger won hands down.  "What the  _ fuck _ is wrong with her?!"

Bellamy was about to leap to Gina's defense when Cam gleefully repeated, "Fuck!"

Clarke clapped her hands to her mouth, muffling her next horrified words.  "Oh, shit."

Between being lectured about inappropriate relationships by a fourteen year-old, getting dumped for being a terrible boyfriend, and enduring a rant from his sister over lunch as she speculated what he had done wrong, Bellamy had been in a fairly volatile mood.   But all it took was a stray curse from the woman he actually wanted and a one year-old repeating it to make him grin again.

"Are you through?" he asked her around a laugh.

Clarke nodded, slowly putting her hands down.  "I'm so sorry, baby," she told Cam.  "Don't say that word."

"Fuck," Cam repeated again, giving her a gap-toothed smile.

"This he can say multiple times around you, but 'diaper' he can't repeat if there's anyone else in the room," Bellamy complained, still grinning.

"I still doubt he can say diaper," Clarke denied as Cam happily used the swear again, delighted by their reactions.  "Oh god, what have I done?"

"Ignore him, he'll stop," Bellamy promised with a chuckle, though he pulled the toddler away from his body.  "Right?  Hey, how about some cup time?"

"Down down," Cam ordered, kicking his legs. 

"Can do, little man," he replied, setting the boy down and watching as he walked unsteadily towards his play ring.  

Clarke bit her lip nervously, as if expecting another expletive at any moment.  But soon, Cam plopped himself down by some Duplo blocks and began to smack them together.

"See?  All cursed out."

She smiled weakly, rounding to turn her attention onto him.  "Okay, foul mouthed crisis averted.  Did she seriously break up with you?"

"Yes, and before you start a tirade, I can promise you it was my fault.  This is on me and she did the only logical thing."  He frowned at her.  "You know what I'm capable of.  You know that I can be a monster."

Clarke blanched.  "Did you hit her?"

"What, no!  Just, emotionally, I guess," he quickly reassured her.  The last thing he needed was to lose his job today as well.  Especially this job.  With her and the kids.  

"Well, emotionally, I get.  That's like, every one of my relationships.  But you know, you're upset too.  You can't see yourself, but Bell, you're  _ wrecked _ ," she informed him, concern etched in her brow.  "What can I do?"

There it was again.  Clarke, trying to do for others.  He was just another friend to help.  Suddenly weary of the whole "birthday" thing, he told her flatly, "You know, I went out to lunch with O and Lincoln, had the whole breakfast thing, got dumped.  I'm done celebrating.  I just want to sit, chill out."

She nodded quickly.  "Sure.  I'll make sure the kids don't bother you."

He trudged up the stairs and hid away in his apartment, flipping through the channels on the TV and trying and failing to read a book on the Civil War.  He was slouched on his couch, idly reading news on his laptop hours later when a knock sounded on his door.

"Yeah?" he called, glancing over.

Miller came through the door, holding a twelve pack and a pizza box, followed by Murphy who was holding a bottle of wine and a cake box.  The latter kicked the door shut behind him and the two made themselves at home, dumping the food onto the small coffee table. 

Bellamy hastily sat up, asking, "What the hell?"

"Your boss is really fucking bossy," Murphy informed him as he sat on the couch.  "I get this text saying we need to have guys' night immediately because your birthday has been a suckfest and I better do it too, or she's going to hold my son hostage."

"I, on the other hand, didn't need to be blackmailed into spending time with you, man," Miller explained.

Bellamy shook his head, offering, "I told her I was fine being alone."

"She disagrees and, in case you didn't notice, that one gets what she wants," Murphy replied, flipping the pizza box open and pulling a slice for himself.  "Happy birthday, by the way."

Miller grabbed one of the beers for himself, opening the can with the familiar hiss and audible pop.  "Happy birthday," he toasted before taking a swig.

"Thanks," Bellamy replied dryly, looking from one to the other.  While Miller expertly navigated the TV menu, pulling up an episode of American Ninja Warrior, he closed his laptop and pushed it aside.  He grabbed a beer and a slice for himself and the three watched in near silence for half an hour before he ventured to say something.

"So, ah, Gina broke up with me.  Made me realize what I dick I was to go out with her in the first place," he explained his reaction, loosely holding his second beer.

"My fault, I told you," Miller answered from his seat in the armchair.  "I pushed you towards her.  You weren't going to do anything at all."

"Look, I appreciate that, but I'm a grown man.  I don't succumb to peer pressure," Bellamy denied with a snort.  He noticed that Murphy was rolling his eyes at the topic.

"First of all, I am very persuasive," Miller protested as he pointed a finger at him.  "But second, it's not like the reasons not to aren't around, you know?"

Bellamy blew out a breath and glanced towards the house.  "Trust me, I know."

Murphy gave him a disgusted look.  "You were going to break it off with her.  I don't see what the problem is."

"I...changed my mind," Bellamy mumbled.  "Was gonna try to make it work."

Miller and Murphy exchanged a surprised look, but it was predictably Murphy who told him, "That's a dick move.  That's coming from a dick, by the way.  That's how you know it's authentic."

"I know, okay?  I feel shitty about it.  I  _ should _ feel shitty about it," he admitted.  "But don't worry, Gina said we can still go to her bar, but only on Tuesdays."

Murphy nodded at that.  "Tuesdays I can make work. But don't feel too shitty about Gina for too long.  You're one morose bastard when you're wallowing."  

"Fuck you too," Bellamy barked, but smiled all the same.  Despite what he'd told Clarke earlier, this was what he needed.  Time with his friends, doing the lowkey kind of things that he preferred.  Fancy ice cream shops and big dinners out were not really how he'd choose to spend his time.

He turned his attention to the rest of the food on the table.

"What's with this cake and wine business?" he demanded.

"The cake is courtesy of your 'boss'," Murphy reported, using air quotes.  "Told me to pick it up on my way over."

"And the wine?"

Now the paralegal looked uncomfortable.  "I mentioned it was your birthday when I was with that woman I'm screwing and she."  He cleared his throat.  "She made a big deal about how you're always looking after Ethan, so said I should do something nice for you.  Suggested a bottle of wine."

"Huh."  Nothing could have stunned Bellamy more in that moment than Murphy admitting to talking about his life with one of his casual partners and, more, taking her advice on what to do.

"Where's my bottle of wine?" Miller asked.  "Bryan and I watch E all the time too."

"It's not your fucking birthday, is it?"

"You're not going to remember this by the time my birthday comes around," Miller accused.

"Probably not," Murphy agreed with a shit-eating grin.

As the conversation devolved into their usual banter, Bellamy relaxed against the couch cushions.  He recalled briefly his thoughts that morning.  He may not have the wonderful girlfriend anymore, but he did still have good friends and a great job.  And as long as Clarke and the kids were in his life, there was no reason to want to change that.

When the guys finally left a few hours later, Bellamy cleaned up the mess of beer cans and pizza remains.  He considered the rest of the cake, then closed the box and put it in his own fridge.  There wasn't quite enough left to share with all the Griffins and he didn't want it to cause hard feelings among the kids if someone didn't get a slice.

Another knock sounded on his door his door as he began to wipe the crumbs from the little table.  He straightened as he called, "Come in."

This time, Clarke came through his door, face a mask of caution and concern.  "Hey.  Just wanted to check in on you."

"Yeah, I'm alright," he reassured her.  "Uh, thanks, for bullying my friends into coming over.  And the cake.  Heard it was from you."

"Um, yeah.  Look, I'm sorry it was so small.  I wasn't expecting you home tonight and I didn't order something," Clarke started to apologize but he put up a hand.  

"It's fine, thank you.  I expected nothing, so this already exceeds expectations," he promised her, struck by her caring about so little a thing as a birthday cake.

Clarke did not appear comforted.  "Next year," she promised.  "We are making the biggest deal about your birthday."

He chuckled, rubbing at the side of his neck.  "I'm actually okay with a small to medium deal about my birthday, how about that?"

She tilted her head, mouth quirking as she tried to restrain a smile.  "Medium size...with an upgrade to jumbo size?" she suggested.

"Why are you trying to upsell me?" he asked her, laughing.

"Because you do so much for us.  I need to show my appreciation  _ somehow _ ."

Marveling at this woman, he was about to reply when she interjected.  "Oh, I have something for you too."  Darting back into the hallway, she took only a few seconds before returning with a long tube of paper.

"Another banner?" he joked as she handed it over to him.

Clarke shook her head.  "Nope, something else."

He carefully unrolled the piece, which easily measured two by three feet, then gaped at the picture revealed.  Staring back at him was Dionysus but not the god from legend.  Instead, he looked over a rendering of the character as he was described in his book, in a scene he'd told Clarke about where the family had gathered for a barbeque.  

Dionysus was looking out at the viewer, like he was a character in The Office, even as he was interacting with others in the picture, handing a beer to Hermes, who was bent over in laughter.  The twins, Apollo and Artemis, were conspiring in a corner, and Zeus was trying to shove Hephaestus out of the way at the grill while simultaneously ogling Aphrodite.  Athena and Poseidon glared at each other from opposite ends of the the picnic table, while Hera fussed over Ares who was preening to one side.

"Well, I can tell you like it, because your whole face, like, just lit up," Clarke told him, motioning with her hands.  He looked over to see her grinning at him.  "I'm glad."

"You were listening when I was talking about this."  He couldn't quite believe the details she'd managed to pick up from the one conversation they'd had over a month ago.

"Of course I was.  I always listen when you talk.  I mean, I don't  _ agree _ with everything you say about everything, but I'm always listening.  Anyway, you had so much detail about this scene, I figured, let me draw it out for you," Clarke explained, coming to stand beside him.  "Once I figured out your birthday was coming up, I stopped dicking around with it and got serious about finishing it so you'd have it in time."  

Bellamy watched as she looked over her piece, pleased with the results.  "Thank you," he told her sincerely.  "I don't know how to thank you enough."

She beamed at him in return, but quickly noted, "We need to get a decent frame for it.  There's one place I like to use.  I'll see if they have any specials coming up."  

He nodded sagely, then took another long look at the drawing before rolling it up with careful hands and reverently setting it on the desk.  When he turned back to her, he focused on her face, adding, "Really, thank you, Clarke.  I can't..I don't even know how to thank you for this."

"You don't have to."  She was all happy bemusement.  "This is my thank you to  _ you _ .  For being you."  She moved in quickly for a hug, which he easily returned.  

But she surprised him all over again when she pressed her lips to his cheek delicately.  For all the softness of the touch of her mouth to his skin, he felt branded by her kiss.  Heat seemed to bloom in his face before traveling in a wave through his body, leaving him warm and almost tingling in its wake.  His heartbeat sped up against his will when she added in a whisper by his ear, "Happy Birthday, Bell."

"Thank you," he managed to murmur in response as she slipped from his embrace, gave him one last smile and left him standing in his apartment.  He watched her leave, practically rooted to the spot, and realized all over again just how fucked he really was.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, comments of any kind are appreciated! I'm also available to poke on Tumblr, at @callmehux.


	9. It's Not a Date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Clarke has to attend the hospital's annual fundraiser, Bellamy is recruited to be her date. But it's not a date, right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks once more to @bfl1201, my wonderful beta! And also to everyone who left a comment or subscribed. It's greatly appreciated.

Sometimes, Clarke's work as a surgeon pushed her beyond her endurance.  Or, at least, it pushed her past what she thought of as her ability to endure.  Like today, when she'd been away from home for nearly thirty-eight hours. Her every muscle seemed to scream with exhaustion and she could practically feel every hair on her head, but her mind continued to push, keeping her awake and almost super-alert. 

When she entered the house, she found Charlie, Cassi and Cole laying in the family room, which had been transformed into an enormous pillow fort.  She recognized sheets and blankets from all their rooms and the trio were in the middle of the mess, playing Monopoly.  

"Really?" she sighed, imagining both the arguments about to happen and the hassle of trying to get them to clean this mess.

Charlie's head popped up from where he was folded, one knee raised, over the boardgame.  "We're sleeping here tonight," he told her.  "Bellamy said we could."

"Cam was crying  _ all day _ , and Maddie came but fell down, and he was busy, so he said we could build this," Cassi happily reported.

Clarke shook her head.  "What I'm hearing," she began as she set down her bags near the kitchen.  "Is that you guys took advantage of the situation."

"These guys are taking advantage of me, that's what's going on," Charlie complained as Cole gleefully bought Marvin Gardens.  "They've teamed up to take me out."

"No fighting, okay?  And you guys are going to clean all of this up tomorrow, without whining about it, is that clear?" Clarke gave up the argument because she had no energy to deal with them.

"Why do you have to make such a  _ big deal _ about everything?" Cassi asked her with a frown.  "We're  _ fine _ ."

Clarke pondered momentarily making a sharp retort to the Queen of Making Everything A Big Deal, but decided to act her age.  Resignedly.

"Where's Bellamy?" she asked finally.

"Upstairs, trying to put Cam to sleep," Charlie reported, gaze once more fixed on the board as he plotted his next move.

Clarke rubbed at her eyes tiredly.  "Fine."  Grabbing her bag with her dirty scrubs among other items, she tromped up the stairs.  Once at the top, she peeked into Cam's room but didn't see them in there.  Instead, she heard music coming from Bellamy's apartment.

She wandered down the narrow hallway and slowly pushed open the door which hadn't been fully shut.  Cam, dressed in his blue-striped pajamas with a green octopus on the front, danced in the living room of the apartment, bouncing up and down in time to the beat of  _ Rockin' Robin _ with a huge grin on his face. Just next to him was Bellamy, who seemed to be dancing with him, in a side-to-side step that was a half-beat off of the music.

Once again, Clarke felt that now-familiar swell of affection for the man who was devoting his life to her family.  She couldn't imagine many full-time nannies who would be up for dancing with unruly toddlers after almost forty hours of care.  

She wasn't sure how long she stood there, watching them, but when the song came to an end, Cam became aware of her presence.  "Mommy!" he called out, running over to her.  She crouched down quickly to scoop him up in a hug.  

"Hey little bug, how come you're still up?" she asked him, planting a kiss on his cheek as she stood up with him on her hip and then looking towards Bellamy.  "I heard he spent all day crying?"

With a flush on his face and while rubbing his neck awkwardly, he admitted, "He's pretty wide awake for some reason, even though a tooth pushed through this afternoon.  Maybe he's celebrating, I don't know.  Had a bath, had three different stories.  I thought maybe tiring him out would work.  He loves this song, dances to it every time it comes up."

"Dance!" Cam agreed, throwing one arm out.

"How...long were you standing there?"

"Um, long enough?" Clarke suggested with a weary smile, not interested in teasing him about his moves.  "I think I kind of zoned out there for a second."

Cam pulled at the neckline of her scrubs, demanding, "Dance, Mommy."

"Oh, no, buddy.  Mommy is very tired.  You should be very tired.  You have so much growing to do," she told him. "You have to sleep to grow, you know." 

Bellamy walked over and gently pulled the toddler from her arms.  "Rough day?" he asked as he put Cam back on the ground so he could begin dancing to the next song.  Clarke didn't recognize it, but it had a good beat and the little boy happily grooved along to the music.

"Long.  Lost one, but it was a hail mary.  Mostly it's about being there for a day and a half," she explained, a smile on her face as she watched Cam.  "He really likes this, huh?"

"Cam?  Yeah, he loves music.  Not that much the kid music, but the old stuff, things from the fifties and sixties, he really likes," Bellamy described, turning his attention to the toddler as he strutted his stuff.

"Are you telling me I'm raising a hipster child?" Clarke asked, amused.

Bellamy shrugged, gaze sliding back to her and eyeing her critically.  "Have you eaten?"

She laughed without humor, ducking her head.  "Not since lunch, but I just want a shower and a change of clothes first.  I feel disgusting."

"You don't look disgusting, if it's any consolation," he said around a smile.  "Go and shower, I'll put together a roast chicken sandwich.  Made some tonight for dinner."

"Oh," Clarke answered, closing her eyes and throwing back her head in a groan.  "That sounds amazing."  She loved those chicken sandwiches.  

"Shower first, I'll bring the sandwich up to you," he promised, putting a hand on her shoulder and gently turning her towards the door.

"What about Cam?" she protested.  "I can just make a sandwich when I'm done with my shower…"

"Cam is going to be fine.  He'll just tag along with me and he'll eventually get sleepy," Bellamy assured her.  

"Thanks, Bell, for doing your usual everything," she told him, trudging toward her room.  She glanced over her shoulder when she reached the door to find him look back at her with an unreadable expression on his face.

"Someone's got to look out for you, because you don't do it for yourself," he returned with a nod.

"When do I have the time to do that?" Clarke wondered rhetorically as she pushed into her room.

About five minutes later, when she was standing underneath a hot stream of water in the comically large shower stall of her ridiculous bathroom, she thought about what he said.  What she said.  She didn't take very good care of herself.  She was either thinking about other people, the kids or the house, or deliberately trying not to think of anything at all.  Even on her date with Niylah all those weeks ago, all she'd done is talk about the kids and her too busy life.  If it weren't for Bellamy, she'd probably have gained forty pounds by eating nothing but junk and pre-prepared food for the last few months.  

Clarke soaped up her hair, happy to imagine the sweat of the past couple of days washing away down the drain while she mused on other topics.  Topic, really.  Bellamy definitely had become the safeguard of her wellbeing, even her sanity, in the past few months.  She just did so little for him in return and the demands of this job had cost him his girlfriend.  Oh, he hadn't  _ said _ that, but she knew that's what had happened.  He had a day and a quarter off every week and that just wasn't enough time to nurture a real relationship.

She should feel guilty about that, but couldn't.  She needed Bellamy in a way Gina didn't.  Clarke only felt bad about the fact that he'd given his life over to the Griffins and she wasn't even paying him properly in return.  

And even if she had been, it didn't excuse the fact that she'd found herself fantasizing about his hands, and his mouth, and his arms and chest and everything else to get herself off nearly every night.  It wasn't right; she was his boss, damnit, but lately the only thing that seemed to lull her to sleep was an orgasm, and the only thing that helped get her there was thinking about Bellamy.

Clarke finished washing herself, turned off the water and leaned her head against the tile for a moment.  "I'm a horrible fucking person," she told the steamy bathroom.  For some reason, she felt a little better for admitting it out loud.  

She pushed out of the shower, drying herself off and pulling on a clean grey tank top and and a pair of red sleep shorts.  She wanted to be dressed in case Bellamy was in the bedroom with that sandwich, but when she emerged from the bathroom, her room was still empty.  She took the time to look over her to do list on her phone, where she'd put half a dozen notes for herself while she was at work.

Right at the top was a reminder to call Wells about the annual hospital fundraiser.  Residents were required to go if they weren't on shift that evening, and Clarke noticed immediately her first year how all the most attractive residents were magically not on the schedule.  After she spent the evening fending off the advances of some of the wealthy donors, she resolved to bring a date to the next one.  Wells volunteered and his presence had successfully warded off the worst offenders.

With a sigh at herself for waiting for so long to confirm he'd come again with her this year, she called him.  He picked up on the third ring, unusually slow for him.

"Hey, Wells.  Am I interrupting?" she asked, putting him on speaker phone and setting it on the nightstand so she could towel dry her hair.

"Hey Clarke.  No, just put my phone in my briefcase then needed to fish it out.  How's it going?" 

"I hate to ask you this, since I always seem to call to ask you for something-"

"When do you need me to watch the kids?  Did your schedule change?"

"Actually, no, I wanted to ask you about coming with me to the annual hospital fundraiser-"

"Busy, got a date with Luna," he interrupted.

Clarke frowned.  "I didn't even tell you what day it is."

"Uh, what day is it?"

"Saturday night."

"Oh yeah, date with Luna, can't."

"What the hell, Wells?" she demanded.  "Why don't you want to go?"

"Did you forget what happened last year?  Diana Sydney?"

"Oh…"  She had forgotten.  Diana Sydney was a former Mayor of Arkadia who had some connections to Thelonius.  She hadn't been fooled by Wells' appearance as Clarke's date, well aware from his father that he was single and Clarke was his best friend.  She'd then proceeded to get drunk and hit on Wells relentlessly until they'd left.

"I'm sure she won't get that drunk again…"

"I'm not willing to take that chance," Wells scoffed.

A knock sounded on her door and she yelled, "Come in," then explained quickly to Wells that he was on speaker phone.

Bellamy walked in with a small tray that bore a sandwich on a plate and a bottle of water, with Cam following close behind.  The toddler was carefully but proudly carrying a small plastic bowl with apple slices in it.

"He insisted on helping," Bellamy told her as he put the tray down on the bureau. That certainly explained what had taken him so long. Cam meanwhile made straight for her, well as straight as he could, and triumphantly held up the bowl.

"Oh, thank you, sweetie.  Want to sit with me while I eat them?" she cooed, crouching down and giving Cam a kiss as she took the bowl from him.

"Hey, Bellamy.  Hi Cam," Wells called from the phone.  "Hey, Clarke.  Why don't you go with Bellamy?  Sydney wouldn't know he wasn't with you so he'd be safe and I can't imagine the donors hitting on you with Bellamy by your side."

Clarke closed her eyes briefly as she felt her face heat up, then smiled at the nanny.  She explained the situation, busying her hands with putting Cam on her bed.  "And while Wells, I'm sure, thinks he's found the perfect solution, he's failed to account for the fact that if both of us go, there's no one here to watch the kids."

"I can watch the kids," Wells quickly volunteered.

She huffed, giving Bellamy a wide-eyed look and a shrug to communicate that this was not her idea.  He gave her a half-smile of his own, returning his attention to Cam, who was busily crawling all over the bed.

"I thought you had a date."

"Well, I'm pretty sure Miss Griffin'll let me bring my girlfriend along with.  She's cool like that."  

Clarke shook her head, heart hammering in her chest.  "I'm not going to ask you to do this, Bell.  Way above and beyond the call of duty, you know?"  If Bellamy had never heard the call from Wells, she would certainly have never brought it up to him.  She didn't know how she was going to react if he looked disgusted, or worried, or even just uncomfortable.

Through great trepidation, she forced herself to look at the man.  Bellamy, with Cam's hands in his own so the toddler could balance more easily on the bed as he not-quite jumped, simply gave her a glance and another shrug.

"What's this thing you want me to go to?"

"Uh, it's just the annual hospital fundraiser.  They trot out the doctors to all the donors, showing us off and we have to mingle and talk about all the good we do with their money, to encourage them to write bigger checks," she tried to explain nonchalantly, folding a leg underneath her and sitting on the bed.  

"Where does the money go, that they donate?" he wondered, following Cam as he moved along the end of the bed.

"There's a foundation, a separate non-profit, that gets the money.  And it pays for stuff at the hospital, so like, indigent care, for folks with no or really crappy insurance, but also preventative care and some outreach for those programs, like mammograms and other women's health stuff.  Also vaccines for kids, check-ups and those sorts of things."

"Plus the food is really good," Wells piped up from the phone.  

Clarke inclined her head in a shallow nod.  "That's true.  The caterer for this thing is awesome.  And the booze is flowing too.  Part of the full court press for the donors and their money."

"When is this?" Bellamy asked, grabbing at Cam quickly as the boy stumbled.  "Whoa there, little man.  That's enough jumping, I think."

"Saturday.  Saturday night.  Starts at six, for cocktails, dinner at seven.  Then they encourage dancing and stuff.  Uh, usually goes until about ten."

"It's not so bad.  Clarke would go stag but there are a few big donors who are a little, ah, amorous, so it's easier for her to go with a date," Wells encouraged, making Clarke's head whip around to glare at the phone, as if he could see her.  

"Yeah, I guess I can do that, if you're willing to watch the kids," Bellamy said, to Clarke's astonishment.  When she turned to face him, he wore a bland look.

"I take it this is a black tie thing?" he asked.

"Not quite.  Formal, not black tie.  Regular suit would do."  Clarke cleared her throat.  "Do you have a suit?  We could always get you one.  I mean, you're doing me another huge favor."

Bellamy chuckled.  "Yeah, Clarke, I have a suit.  Nice shoes to go with it, even."

"Sorry!  I've never seen you in anything but shorts or t-shirts and things," she defended herself, focusing on the clothing discussion and not the fact that she was going to be going on a very date-like outing with him.

"Nannying doesn't really call for much formal wear, no," Bellamy agreed around a laugh.  

"Great!  So I can be there a little after five on Saturday," Wells confirmed happily.  "Well, provided my girlfriend can come."

"Yes, Luna can come," Clarke acknowledged.  

"Alright, plans made.  I gotta run.  If any of the details change, let me know," Wells told her.  They said their goodbyes and soon, Clarke was left with a bouncing toddler and the man with whom she was a little bit in love.

"Get some food into you, Clarke.  I'm going to try to convince this one that going to sleep is the best thing ever," Bellamy said, aiming the last of his words at Cam and lacing excitement in his voice.

Cam just grinned at him and tried to jump again, only to be swept up by Bellamy and placed firmly on his hip.  "Okay, say goodnight to mommy," he told the boy.

"Mommy," the toddler half-whined, reaching out for her.

Clarke got up and crossed over to them, pulling the toddler onto her own hip.  "How about if Mommy puts you to bed?  Maybe then you'll go to sleep?"

"You need to eat and get some sleep yourself."

"I need some wind down time too and tonight I'd rather look at Cam's face than Murder Channel.  The sandwich will still be here, right?  Or is it a limited time offer only?" she joked.

"You leave food out too long, Charlie will instinctively find it and eat it," he returned with a grin.

"I'll take the risk," she answered, wrinkling her nose and leading the way out of her room.  Soon, she settled in the rocking chair in Cam's room, cuddling the toddler in her lap.  Keeping her voice soothing, she started trying to lull the boy to sleep by telling him the story of Beauty and Beast, the only one she could think of on the spot.  Cam fussed for a while, but eventually calmed and after twenty minutes, his eyes began to droop.

Clarke smiled but continued to quietly tell the story, glancing at the doorway.  Bellamy leaned against the doorjamb, an unreadable expression on his face.  When Cam finally closed his eyes and his breathing began to even out, she eased from her seat only for Bellamy to take the toddler from her arms.  

"Go eat, Clarke," he told her quietly.  "I'll get him in his crib."  He expertly cradled the boy in one arm against his body, cupping the back of his head with his other hand.  The tableau struck her to her core, the care he took with the kids.  All the kids, not just her own, but Charlotte and Ethan and Maddie. The low fire in her belly that always seemed to be there when she thought of him suddenly blazed and she swallowed, trying to get a handle on her roiling emotions.

Bellamy looked down at her at the same moment she looked up and their gazes caught.  Her heartbeat stuttered into a faster beat and her mouth opened slowly.  She could have sworn his eyes grew darker for a long moment, but then he looked down and forcefully away.  "You should eat," he reminded her in a soft voice over Cam's head.

But Clarke only nodded, trying to will away the flush she knew stained her skin.  She pressed a quick kiss to Cam's head, murmuring a good night before she fled to the quiet of her room.

Heart thumping madly, from no more than  _ proximity _ to Bellamy, she hurriedly closed the door to her room behind her as if the wood could protect her from her feelings.  She didn't understand how she could be so achingly tired and, at the same time, so desperate to wrap herself around him.  

Clarke looked around the room, gaze landing on the sandwich he'd set on the bureau.  With a sigh at her own licentious thoughts for a man who just wanted to take care of her the way he took care of everyone, she pushed herself towards the food.  Maybe if she had a full stomach, the impromptu porn playing in her head would stop and she'd be able to just fall asleep.

It just so fucking unfair.  If Bellamy hadn't been the selfless caretaker he was, she probably wouldn't find him half so attractive.  But that was the thing with her.  The more selfless you were as a person, the more attractive you became for her.  The converse was certainly true as well.  One of her classmates at med school, Dax, was classically handsome, with chiseled features and a great build, but was also such a disgusting human being that she thought him downright ugly by the time they'd graduated.

Clarke toted the food over to her bed and sat up against the headboard on her side of the bed, for all she didn't share with anyone, her legs splayed out in front of her with the tray in her lap.  It was, she mused, just the sight of Bellamy being nurturing that was turning her insides to mush lately.  And lately it was far too easy to imagine the child in his arms had dark hair, warm caramel-kissed skin and freckles.  Which itself was ridiculous, because she was already raising four children.  Well, basically raising.  Paying to be raised, certainly.

She took a bite of the sandwich, whining when it tasted wonderful, as per usual.  Could he do nothing wrong lately?  What happened to the guy she wanted to fire that first week?  That insufferable, smug, know-it-all that was too permissive with the children?  Of course, even then she'd had the hots for him, because she was a terrible person who salivated over people who worked for her, apparently.

"I'm going to hell," she announced to the room, only to jump as the door opened at the same time a knock sounded.

Bellamy appeared, a little shame-faced.  "Sorry about that, I should have knocked, then waited for you to say I could come in," he apologized, clearly confused as to why he'd hadn't.

"You're probably just tired, like me," Clarke waved it away easily with a shrug, doing her best to look like she hadn't just been fantasizing about him.  Again. Except looking at him just made the erotica in her head start all over again, so she brusquely moved on. To normal, household, non-sexy topics. "I heard something happened with Maddie today?" she asked before taking a big bite of her sandwich.

"What?"  Bellamy shook his head, bemused.  "She tripped over a toy in the family room, but she wasn't running so she didn't fall very hard.  She cried for maybe a half a second before E made a fuss over her and then she was thrilled.  E was the worrywort after that, wanted her to have a band-aid and hovered for the next hour.  I spent my time trying to get him to stop, honestly."

Clarke felt her heart melt a little.  "Oh my god, that's adorable."

"I think he's just relishing being older than someone.  He's always the baby, in school, with us except for Cam.  And it'll only get worse.  School district is going to skip him a grade, they told Murphy today.  He's going into third grade this year."  Bellamy leaned on the wall, crossing his arms in front of him.  "I'm glad you're eating."

"That's great about Ethan!  And it's not like I don't eat," Clarke told him, picking up an apple slice and demolishing it.

"Just not well, when you're working."

"That's every resident, everywhere.  A lot of attendings too."

He shook his head.  "Is that why you see a lot of overweight doctors?"

"Honestly, yeah, I think so.  Bad eating habits that catch up to you later in life."

He gave her a smile.  "Okay, then I'm definitely making shrimp tacos tomorrow for lunch."

Even though she was mid-eating what had become her new favorite sandwich, her mouth seemed to water at the promise of more good food.  "Oh, I love your shrimp tacos!"

"I know.  This way I know you'll be fed properly," he teased, flashing that half-smirk at her.  

Clarke shook her head, smiling wryly.  "You've got my number, huh?  Okay, what's for breakfast and dinner then?"

"You'll have to wait to find out."  He paused.  "You're really beat, Clarke.  Do you want me to call Marcus and reschedule your test run with Maddie?"

She blinked, recalling that was item four on her list.  "No, no, I mean, it's just an hour or two, right?  Callie's going to drop off Maddie, pick up Charlie, I'll watch Maddie and the rest of the kids while you run to the store, then you'll be back in time to make lunch.  It's fine.  And I know you're going to tell me to relax tomorrow too, so after you're back, I will do nothing but laze around, okay?"

Bellamy eyed her with concern.  "If you're-"

"Yes," she answered in exasperation.  "We have to see if she's okay with me, since she's obviously okay with you."

He snorted.  "Don't get snippy with me, just because you're tired.  Eat your sandwich, go to sleep."

"That's the plan," she chirped, taking another large bite and making him laugh as she wrinkled her nose.

"Just bring your dishes down in the morning. Sleep well, Clarke."  Pushing off the wall in an easy motion, he eased his way out the door.

"Good night, Bell.  And thanks!" she added before the door closed.  

Oddly enough, Bellamy's interruption had turned her thoughts from him and to other items on her list.  She quickly finished off the rest of the sandwich and grabbed her phone to dial Raven's number.  Clarke hadn't seen her friend since Cassi's birthday last week, so she hoped the engineer would be up for hanging out tomorrow.

Raven answered on the second ring.  "Griffin, what's up?  Didn't you just get home from like two days at the hospital?"

Clarke grinned into the phone and launched into her invitation.  "Yep, and I'm super tired, but that just makes me more sympathetic to my nanny.  So Bellamy's going to make his awesome shrimp tacos tomorrow for lunch, and I was thinking I'll mix up a bunch of shitty water ice cocktails, if you want to play hooky from work.  I'm thinking of sunbathing maybe, or doing some binge watching."

"Tempting…," Raven began.  "Eh, fuck it.  I am owed a lot of time, yeah, why not?"

"Great!  I mean, I'm flattered you want to come, ditching your  _ lunch time lover _ ," Clarke teased.

"I don't see him everyday.  Come on."

"Oh, well, at least you love me enough to ditch work, if not your actual  _ lover _ ."

"Are you a ten year-old suddenly?  Is that what happens when you're super tired?" Raven asked sourly.

"A little," Clarke admitted with a chuckle.  "Hey, I'm happy you're getting some and you like this guy enough to keep him around for a bit."

Raven scoffed.  "I wouldn't say I'm 'keeping him around.'"

"Oh-kay then.  So be here around one?"

"Yeah, I'll see you then."

Clarke smiled as she tossed her phone on the bed.  An afternoon of lounging and digging for information about her friend's booty call was just what the doctor ordered.

 

* * *

 

"So why don't you tell me about this guy you're seeing?" Clarke wondered.  

Her morning with the kids had gone well, with Maddie having only the smallest reaction to seeing her and not Bellamy.  When he arrived, Maddie brightened but didn't stop playing with the sorting toy then in front of her.  Now, Clarke settled into one of the long chairs on the upstairs back porch to relax, belly filled with delicious shrimp tacos and still nursing the lemon water ice spiked with a healthy dose of vodka, held loosely in her right hand.  She and Raven had nixed sunbathing, opting instead to remain in their t-shirts and shorts while setting up Clarke's laptop outside and streaming old episodes of 30 Rock.

Raven mirrored her position in the next chair over, head back and eyes closed under her sunglasses.  "Because I'm not seeing him, just sexing him.  That's all it is."

"Like a one-night stand?  That you have three times a week?"

"Why aren't we talking about you living with a guy with whom you spend nearly all of your time outside of work and now have a fancy date with?"

"It's not a date."

"You asked him if he'd be your date to a fancy, schmancy party so everyone there would think you're together and he said, 'yes, no problem, I have a suit,'" Raven reminded him.  "I'm pretty sure that's a green light for some sexing of your own.  So why not?"

Clarke took a sip of her cocktail, frowning as the question was turned back to her.  "He's the nanny, Rave, I've told you about this.  And it doesn't matter what I feel about him, the kids need him.  I can't do anything to ruin it.  He's too important for me to fuck it up with." 

Raven turned in her seat, eyes flying open and a wide smile appearing.  "Oh, how you  _ feel _ about him...and how do you  _ feel _ about him?"

She swallowed and looked down.  "It doesn't matter how I feel about him," she repeated steadfastly, blaming the alcohol for loosening her tongue too much.

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure it does," Raven protested, smile still on her face.  "Why wouldn't it matter?"

"I mean, I'm his employer.  And that's wrong.  I should not be thinking of him that way.  What would you think about this if I was the nanny and he was the doctor and he hit on me?  He's here for the kids.  And yeah, he's doing me a favor with this whole fundraiser thing but he's not dating anyone right now and I think the promise of a night without the kids and good food he doesn't have to cook himself is pretty exciting to him.  It would've been to me if you gave me the option when I was here with the kids all day a few months ago."  

"I think you're too sensitive to the whole nanny thing.  Yeah, so it's a little cliche.  But you wouldn't be forcing him to do anything.  You'd just make a pass, see if he had interest, not threatening him with termination or anything."

"Okay, first," Clarke sat up, suddenly energized to have this argument.  If Raven wanted all the information, she damned well was going to have all the information. "Everyone has the right to work without getting hit on by their boss.  Like, even if I don't outright threaten him with losing his job, there's an implication.  Second, he and I are both pretty fucking aware of that whole dynamic right now, the boss-employee thing.  Murphy just left a job because his boss basically demanded he sleep with her or else she was going to ruin him.  So that's hanging over everything."

"Wait, what was that about Murphy?" Raven asked, also sitting up and giving her a sharp look.  "His boss tried to sleep with him?"

"Uh, more than that.  She was forcing him to work all these crazy hours because he wasn't sleeping with her, but then when they were alone, basically assaulting him.  At least touching him, you know, inappropriately.  She threatened to report him for harassment if he didn't do what she wanted."

Clarke eyed Raven's stunned expression and frowned.  "I know you hate him, but some women find him attractive.  Ethan obviously had a mother."

"I know that," Raven snapped.  "So what did he do?"

"Well," Clarke began, abruptly mindful that she was spilling the beans about something Murphy might not want discussed.  A realization that came far too late for her to do anything about.  "He was going to sleep with her but I offered him a place here so he didn't feel he was trapped in that job.  Then I set him up with Thelonious who decided he wanted to hire him, and it worked out."

She watched as her friend's gaze drifted from Clarke to a spot somewhere behind her.  "That's why…"  Raven bit her lip, then straightened.  "I didn't know.  That's..rough."

"Yeah," Clarke agreed.  "So, basically, we were just both forcibly reminded of the employer-employee thing and how bad it can go."  For once, she was grateful to move back to talking about the nanny.  

"And third, I need Bellamy, Rave.  I  _ need _ him, the kids need him.  I can't risk the awkwardness that might start-up between us if I make a pass.  He has to be totally comfortable here because I completely rely on him.  Completely."

The truth of it didn't surprise her.  She knew without a doubt that she wouldn't be able to function without Bellamy.  At least, the household wouldn't be able to function.  She'd just hate herself, for falling for and then driving away the person who was there for the children and just wanted to be able to do his job in peace.

"I mean, I get all that.  I just think, well, I think he likes you too.  He doesn't look at you the way a guy looks at his boss, even one he's friendly with.  He looks at you like you're his…"  Raven groped for the right word.

"Don't say girlfriend," Clarke warned.  

"No, not girlfriend.  You're definitely more than that to him.  Like his other half.  You guys don't see it, but I do, the way you're looking at each other, communicating silently all the time," Raven described with a wave of her hand.

"What?  We do not do that."

"Oh, I'm calling extreme bullshit on that.  You  _ constantly  _ share looks.  The kids ask for something, you glance at each other and one of you answers.  You automatically look for his nod, and he looks for yours when one of you needs to schedule something.  You needed pepper today, even and you looked at him and he passed it over and you didn't say a word!"

"I put pepper on my salad all the time.  He just knows that.  He's a great nanny, he just anticipates a lot!" Clarke defended.  "He does all that for the kids.  For all you know, he just thinks I'm an incompetent adult."

"Oh no, he definitely doesn't think that," Raven denied.  "He looks at you like he wants you.  You just can't see it through the haze of your own lust."

Clarke gaped at her friend, her face flaming.  "Oh my god, what is wrong with you?  Aren't you getting enough sex from your guy?  Why do you have to invent this whole thing?"

"Totally getting enough sex," Raven declared proudly.  "You should try it.  And there's nothing to invent.  It's there, it's real and I want you to get your head out of your ass and see that."  She paused, then added, "With love, you know, I'm saying all that with love."

Clarke glowered at her, in part because she knew the woman was just looking out for her and wanted her to be happy.  Raven just couldn't understand the risk she'd be taking in admitting her feelings to Bellamy.  If he was uncomfortable, if things got weird, the kids would suffer and she'd never forgive herself.

"Fine," Raven broke the silence that descended and sat back.  "Let's just watch this and get drunk.  Well, you get drunk, I'm going to get lightly buzzed."

"Smartest thing you've said all afternoon," Clarke retorted, also sitting back.  She realized how bad that sounded and then added, "You know, with love."

"That's my line," Raven chided her, but she had a smile on her face.

The pair watched about four episodes of the show, then switched to The Mummy, which was a sentimental favorite of them both.  The adventurers were in the tomb when Clarke commented, "I always loved that dress she's wearing here.  I don't think I'm tall enough to pull it off though."

"Whatever, you'd look hot in it," Raven disagreed, glancing at her phone.  "Oh shit, I need to get going.  Don't want to run into Murphy."

Clarke glanced at her own phone, surprised to discover that it was just after five.  "Are you ever going to tell me what happened between you two?" she wondered, reluctantly throwing her legs over the side and getting to her feet.

"What's the point?  He's like your boy's brother and his son is here all the time.  It'd be like insulting a member of your family."

Clarke laughed at that.  "I guess he is kind of like family now.  He's over all the time, Ethan's like one of the kids…"  She shrugged.  "Who'd have thought?"

They headed downstairs, trying to figure out when they could get together next. 

"You know, outside of your house this time, maybe," Raven teased.

"I know," Clarke agreed with a laugh.  "I just wanted to be super lazy today."

"Eh, you deserve it, saving people's lives all the time."

They had just made it to the foyer when Bellamy opened the front door to admit the man himself.  

Raven huffed at the sight of her nemesis, pausing on the last step.  "What are you doing here so early?" she demanded.

"Rave!" Clarke hissed at her.

Murphy snapped back quickly.  "What the hell are you doing here?   I, at least, have a kid to pick up."

Bellamy put a restraining arm on his friend's shoulder, adding, "He's here early to take E out to his favorite dinner."

Having heard the commotion at the door, Ethan appeared from the family room.  As Raven took the last step down, he gave her a quick hug then ran over to his father.

Clarke exchanged a look with Bellamy and saw her own concern mirrored there.  "I didn't know Murphy was coming early."

"Forgot to tell you," he admitted ruefully.

"Dad!" Ethan commanded his father's attention, pulling on his hand.  "Can Raven come with us to dinner?"

Murphy cast a startled glance at the engineer, then tried to placate his son.  "I don't know.  I think Raven probably wants to get her own dinner."

"You want to come with us, right, Raven?" Ethan immediately rounded on her.  "We're getting Chinese food to celebrate because I'm going into third grade, not second."

"Wow, that's big news," Raven agreed.  "You know, I kind of feel like eating some Chinese food myself.  I'd love to go with you and celebrate."  She gave Murphy an almost aggressive look while Clarke thought she might die from shock.

"Please, Dad?" Ethan asked again.  "See, she  _ wants  _ to go with us."

His nostrils flared and his jaw tightened, but he nodded roughly.  "Fine.  We're going to the Shanghai Pearl.  You know where that is?"

"Yeah, I can follow you there," Raven confirmed, lifting her chin.  The trio eventually left, and for once, Clarke thought that Ethan was actually oblivious to the tension between the two adults.

"I wonder if E knows what he did there," Bellamy said, watching them head down the walkway.

"I was just thinking the same thing."  Clarke shook her head.  "Well, I am definitely texting Raven later for details.  I can't believe she said yes."

"Everyone loves E and they put up with Murphy because of it," Bellamy replied with a shrug.   "How's your day off going?  Need a cocktail refill?"

Clarke laughed.  "No, I think I'm done with the booze for the day.  I'll veg 'til dinner, then maybe do a load of laundry.  Unless you need help with dinner."

"My birthday breakfast notwithstanding, I don't think you're ready to be my sous chef yet."  His teasing tone took all the sting out of her words.  

"Oh come on…"

"Actually, Cassi wants to help me tonight, so I'm good.  Go veg, I got this."

As he walked back towards the kitchen, she couldn't help but think that was true.  He had everything under control.

Clarke just had to control herself and how hard could that really be?

 

* * *

 

Clarke eyed her reflection in the mirror.  She'd bought this dress after last year's fundraiser, when she figured out that even the slightest glimpse of cleavage was too risky for some of the bigger pervs.  The tea-length, strapless dress completely shielded her breasts from sight while also making it look like she wasn't trying to cover up.  Though the bodice was form-fitting, it wasn't tight and the A-line skirt didn't flare too much so it didn't make her look shorter.  The matte silver-grey color with black, floral lace overlay accents around the skirt also gave the dress that little something to make it visually interesting.

With her hair up in a French half-twist with a couple of tendrils plucked out to frame her face and a nude look to her makeup, most noticeable around her eyes, all she had left to do was put on her jewelry and shoes.  Then she would be ready for her date-like outing with the person she wanted in her bed and her life for the foreseeable future but couldn't have, while trying to convince obscenely wealthy people that they should be helping others with their fortunes and not just trying to get comely doctors in the sack.

"Ugh," she told herself, wrinkling her nose.  "Worst date ever."

A knock sounded on her door and she heard her sister call out, "Clarke?"

"Come on in, Cassi," she replied, walking from the mirror to the long dresser where she kept her jewelry box. 

"Can Charlotte come over to sleep over?" the girl asked as soon as she stepped into the room, but froze when she saw Clarke.  "Oh my god!  You look  _ gorgeous _ ," she practically squealed.   

"Thanks Cassi.  And I think not tonight, okay?  She was just here a couple of days ago and Wells and Luna are doing me a huge favor by staying with you guys tonight.  I don't want to add one more to the mix."  She pulled out a silver necklace with a triangular array of green, yellow and orange amber teardrops, along with a matching bracelet.  "When I get back, or tomorrow, we'll figure out a day for her to sleep over this week, how about that?"

Cassi gave a long suffering sigh and flopped onto her bed, propping her head up on her hands and kicking her legs as she watched her sister.  "Fine, I guess."  Clarke watched through the mirror as she bit her lip, then asked, "Is this like a date?"

"Oh no, sweetie.  Bellamy's just doing me a favor.  Wells did me this same favor last year.  It's easier to go with someone to this party.  And it's a work party too, we just have to get dressed up," Clarke quickly assured her, putting on the necklace.  "I promise."

"Why doesn't Wells go with you this year?"

"Because he has a girlfriend this year."  Clarke figured it was as good a reason as any to give her.  Something in the way Cassi had asked prompted her to continue.  "Would you be upset if I did go out on a date with someone?"

Cassi shrugged, clearly trying to look unperturbed by the question.  "You did before."

"Yeah, I had a date," Clarke agreed, pulling her hair out from under the silver carefully and turning to face her sister.  "Did it bother you?"

"A little," the girl finally admitted, gaze fixed on the window.  "You should be here, with us.  We don't get to see you a lot.  If you date someone, you've got to see them a lot."

"I know.  Work is long hours for me," Clarke replied with a heavy sigh at the great rush of guilt.  Here, she'd been turning over her feelings for Bellamy for days, determined to put the children's interests first, but never considering how they'd actually feel about her dating at all. 

She walked over to the bed, smoothing her dress underneath her as she sat next to her sister and rubbed her back comfortingly.  "But I spend most of my days off here, with you guys.  And I promise you, that's not going to change any time in the near future."

Cassi gave her a little smile and Clarke pressed a kiss to the top of her head.  "I wish I could stay in with you guys tonight, honestly.  If I didn't have to do this for work, I wouldn't go," she promised, getting back up to pull on her bracelet.

Cassi hummed, then cocked her head as Clarke fiddled with her bracelet.  "Can we go to a soccer game?" she asked, apparently done with the subject of Clarke's dating.

"A soccer game?  Like, MLS?"

"Yeah!  We used to go, you know, and I really wanna go again.  Cole too."

Clarke quickly calculated the price for five tickets, parking, and food and winced.  It would be a 200 dollar day, at least.  "Um, maybe?  I'd have to see if we could get a good deal on tickets."

The girl made a face.  "I can look for tickets tonight when you're out-"

"Cassi, please," Clarke interrupted, dashing into the closet to get her simple, pointed toe black heels.  "We'll look at ticket prices together when I get back tonight, or tomorrow.  I can't make decisions as I'm about to walk out the door."  She slipped on her flip-flops and grabbed the little black clutch she'd be using tonight as she made her way to the bedroom door.

" _ Fine _ ."  Cassi slipped out of the bedroom behind her and followed her down the stairs.  

As Clarke turned the corner, she realized that the foyer was full.  Wells and Luna had arrived, but not made it much past the front door before Cole apparently bombarded them with requests for games to play.  Bellamy stood, a fond expression on his face, watching while Cam gripped the leg of his pants.  

"You'll have to feed them first, but I already made dinner.  It's being kept warm on the stove.  Cam's portion is ready to go in the fridge, just give it thirty seconds or so to shake off the chill in the microwave," he explained before he turned his eyes to Clarke.

That gave her ample time to study him.  Of course, she expected him to look good in a suit, and naturally, he did.  When he'd shown her the black suit  and tie to get her approval, she'd instantly imagined him filling out the shoulders and how the clean lines would emphasize his frame. With a crisp white shirt and his hair in a style she could only describe as "artfully tousled," he looked as great as she'd imagine. 

But oddly, she found that she'd preferred him in his regular clothes.  There was a stiffness to him in a suit she didn't quite like and she'd rather him be easy in his own clothing.  The debate though was very much academic, just the difference between looking great and looking fantastic.  She doubted anyone who didn't know him well would even be able to tell how uncomfortable he was.

God, she owed him for this.

When his eyes met her own, Clarke smiled widely.  "Ready to go?"

Bellamy looked her up and down and grinned, motioning to her feet.  "I like the shoes."

"I am not wearing heels to drive.  That's unsafe," she announced with a firm nod.  She added to Cassi, "Remember that when you start driving."

"I can drive," Bellamy immediately offered.  

"No, I'm going to drive.  I want to leave the bigger car here for Wells and Luna in case they need to take the kids somewhere."

"Yeah, I know, but I can drive your car," he pointed out, letting Cam reach up and pull on his hand.

"But then you'll move the seat and everything.  I'll drive, it's fine," Clarke answered, coming to a rest at the bottom of the stairs while Cassi pushed around her and ran to Wells to give him a hug.  Luna was watching them both with amusement.

"Or I could drive my car.  You know, my actual car," Bellamy suggested, referring to the older model Subaru in the third spot in the garage. 

"Oh, sure, we could do that," Clarke answered.  She knew he liked to drive it at least once a week, to keep all the fluids circulating.  "Uh, you don't mind driving?"

"I wouldn't have offered if I minded."  His amused half-smirk appeared.  "So, if you want, you can put on your heels now."

Clarke blinked, glancing at the formal shoes in her hand.  "Uh, nah?  They're great looking shoes, but I'll spare my feet the torture as long as possible," she decided with a chuckle.

He laughed and took advantage of Cam running to her legs to jog upstairs to get his car keys.  Clarke took several minutes to greet Wells and Luna officially, run over when they were expected back even though she was sure Bellamy had already told them, and telling them to feel free to call her about anything.

"Seriously, it doesn't have to be an official emergency," Clarke emphasized as she heard Bellamy walk downstairs.  "Just if you need anything at all."

"That's how you know it's a fun party they're going to," Wells told Luna dryly.  "Yeah, we get it, Clarke."  He glanced around as Luna picked up Cam and settled him on her hip easily.  "Where's Charlie?"

"Sulking in his room, I think.  He's been in a snit all day," Clarke revealed.  "I don't know why and he won't tell me."  She noticed Bellamy's resigned expression and wondered what might have happened between them.  Maybe it was a guy thing.

"Not uncommon in boys his age," Luna chimed in with Wells nodding.  "We'll coax him out with dinner."

Bellamy chuckled.  "If you can't, call us immediately.  Charlie not eating is an emergency."

Although it took another ten minutes, they finally were in Bellamy's car and on their way to the country club.  Having expected to drive, Clarke fussed a bit over her appearance, then pulled out her phone to text Harper, to see what time she'd been there with her new boyfriend, whom she'd promised to bring to the fundraiser.

Bellamy cleared his throat.  "You, ah, look really great, Clarke."

Clarke smiled down at her phone, knowing she was blushing but unable to help the giddiness bubbling up inside of her at his compliment.  "Thanks, Bell.  You look really great too."  She paused, then added, "Even though you hate wearing a suit."

He laughed, glancing over at her as he pulled into another lane.  "How can you tell?"

"I just know you.  Look, I prefer my regular duds too, but there's something really nice about getting dressed up every once in awhile for something special.  I just wish it was something good, like a friend's wedding or something.  Then it's fun to dress up."  Clarke smiled at a memory.  "The last time the family got really dressed up was for Christmas.  Mom wanted a new family portrait, now that we had Cam."

She opened her clutch to find a tissue, feeling the tears gathering in her eyes, only to be surprised when Bellamy handed her one from the center console storage.  "Never know when you're going to need to blow your nose," he explained.

"Thanks," she told him, dabbing at the corners of her eyes and hoping her make-up didn't smudge in the process.  "When's the last time you dressed up?"

"O's last graduation," Bellamy reported with a slow nod.  "We went out to a very fancy dinner to celebrate, then sat around in bare feet drinking Corona Light for the rest of the night," he explained with smile.  "That's the Blake method of celebration."

"Sounds great, honestly.  I love being dressed up, but barefoot.  That's kind of living the dream for me," Clarke revealed, grinning over at him.

They chatted easily for the rest of the drive, as always, until they were only a few minutes out when he cleared his throat again.  Clarke looked at him expectantly, for him to ask, "What do you want me to say I do when people ask what I do for a living?"

She blinked, brow furrowing.  "What do you mean?  You're a nanny."

"And you're okay with telling people that?" 

"Uh, why wouldn't I be?  That's a perfectly respectable job.  Respectable isn't even the word!  Anyone who works with children, that's basically  _ the job _ .  Raising the next generation so humanity continues.  If they have a problem with you being a nanny, that's on them.  I wouldn't ever ask you to make say something untrue about what you do," she denied hotly.

Bellamy chuckled.  "You're asking me to say I'm your boyfriend, at least for the evening," he pointed out, something off in his tone.

"Well, that's.."  Her face flamed up as she looked away.  "Being my boyfriend isn't a job essential to humanity, so…," she mumbled.

"Mmm," he answered, turning into the country club's driveway.  "Well, I will do my best to gaze at you adoringly the requisite number of times," he added, tone light.

That brought her smile back.  "Just fondly is sufficient," she replied, hoping she sounded just as light.  

Before she knew it, they were in the lobby of the club, about to head into the main ballroom for the fundraiser.  Just before they hit the doorway, Bellamy paused, touching her arm gently.  "I'm going to use the facilities," he said quickly.  "Before we dive in.  Should I meet you in there, or would you prefer to go in together?"

"Oh, I'm a big girl.  I can meet you inside," she assured him, watching him nod and then turn away.  She closed her eyes for a second and then proceeded into the ballroom.

There was already an impressive number of people at the gathering, though attendees were still arriving and would be for the next hour or so.  Most of the actual hospital employees in attendance were already there, but so were a fair number of the biggest donors in town.

Like Diana Sydney, who spied Clarke immediately and walked over with a politician's smile on her face.  "Oh, Clarke, how wonderful to see you here," she greeted, holding out her hands to take one of her own in a practiced facsimile of intimacy.

The Sydneys were a powerful, local political family and even though none currently held elected office, they always seemed to be campaigning for their next job.  Both her parents had run-ins with the Sydneys over the years, who had become the definition of frenemies to the Griffins.  Distasteful as it was, sometimes it was useful to know people like them and occasionally, you could work with one for a common goal.  They had all attended her parents' funeral, each of them giving her same platitudes as they all read from the same script.

Reminding herself not to antagonize the woman unnecessarily, Clarke smiled politely.  "You know I wouldn't miss this fundraiser.  It's so important to the hospital," she responded.

"Of course, such an important event," Diana agreed smoothly, only to look behind the surgeon.  "Did you bring Wells again this year, as your 'boyfriend'?"  The predatory gleam in her eye made Clarke thankful he'd refused her invitation.

"No, not this time.  I thought it might upset my actual boyfriend," Clarke answered, holding her chin up.

"Really, a boyfriend?  I had no idea you were putting yourself out there again," Diana replied with fake shock.  "If I had, I might have pushed one of my sons your way," she teased in such a way that Clarke was certain it wasn't a joke.

Internally shuddering at the notion of dating any of the Sydneys, but especially this woman's sons, she just forced a laugh.  "I really wasn't, but this one just sort of fell into my lap."

A large hand settled on the small of her back and Clarke startled slightly before turning her head and seeing that Bellamy had come up beside her.  "Oh, here he is now.  Diana Sydney, meet Bellamy Blake.  Bellamy, this is Diana Sydney, the former mayor."  She tried not to think about the warmth radiating from his hand through the material of her dress, or the fact that his hand practically seemed to cover the width of her entire back.  This was  _ not _ the time to think of his proportions.

"Oh, hello," Bellamy greeted her, pulling his hand from Clarke, to her disappointment, and holding it out.  "Nice to meet you," he continued.

Diana shook his hand briefly, clearly appraising him.  "You must be the boyfriend.  How long have you been together?"

Bellamy glanced at Clarke and smiled warmly.  "Since May.  Little over three months."

"Oh.  And things are going well?" Diana asked, creepily, Clarke thought.

"Yeah, I should hope so.  We live together."

"Oh, how nice for you, jumping in there so quickly.  Though, Clarke, I thought you had all of the children now," Diana rounded on her, her tone touched with accusatory concern.

"I do.  And Bell is  _ great  _ with them.  Cam and Cole especially, but he's good with Cassi and Charlie too.  And they really like him."  She gave him a fond look.  "He made chocolate chip pancakes for Cassi's birthday breakfast.  She was in seventh heaven."

He grinned back at her.  "Happy to do it.  I noticed you were more interested in the coffee.  Every time I turned around, you were back in the kitchen, refilling your cup."

"You make good coffee!" Clarke laughed.  "You can't blame me!"

"Sure I can.  You drank the whole pot practically," he teased.

Diana looked from one to the other, interjecting, "You two seem very cozy together."

"Well, we've gotten very close over these months," Clarke confirmed, pleased that nothing they had said was a lie.

"Hmmm.  Well, I'm glad you've managed to find some  _ personal  _ happiness this otherwise tragic year," Diana simpered, snapping her back to reality.

She sucked in a breath to retort, but Bellamy beat her to the punch.  "I regret not having the chance to meet the Griffins, but knowing all their children, I know they've left an impressive legacy.  You'll have to excuse us, I think I see Marcus and we should say hello, shouldn't we, Clarke?"  He offered his arm to her.

Clarke's jaw snapped shut and she nodded once before forcing a smile.  "Yes, we should.  So good to run into you again, Diana," she answered smoothly, wrapping her arm in his and letting him lead her away.

After they were out of earshot, he murmured, "Sorry about that, but I thought-"

"I was going to punch her?  You were right."

"Actually, I thought  _ I _ was going to punch her, but I know it's better to walk away after all my years of therapy," he admitted.

Clarke huffed, then turned a smile on him.  "Thank you, Bell.  Really.  She's...the worst.  But she's got so many connections.  Can't piss her off too much."

"Hence why we are walking away from the temptation to rearrange her surgically maintained face," Bellamy continued, making her laugh.  

"If you continue to make those kind of snarky but absolutely true comments all night, you will be my absolute hero," she told him happily.

He cocked his head and smiled down at her.  "Sure thing.  So, bar?"

"Oh yes, bar."

 

* * *

 

 

Drinks in hand, Clarke and Bellamy made the rounds of the ballroom, stopping to chat with donors and hospital staff alike.  Their story, just a gloss on the truth, went down easily everywhere they went.  No one person seemed to doubt that they were a couple.  In fact, even Marcus didn't say anything about it and he knew the truth.  They spent almost five minutes talking to him, since his wife wasn't with him and Clarke knew he'd need a break.  

When he explained that Callie hadn't wanted to leave Maddie with a babysitter that evening, he added, "I wish we both could use that excuse.  I'd much rather watch Mulan with them than be here."

Clarke giggled, sharing a look with Bellamy.  "I think we're right there with you, Marcus.  The kids are watching a movie at home, eating popcorn and candy."

"In their pajamas, I'm sure," Bellamy added.  "That's the best part."

"I'll see about suggesting a pajama-only dress code for next year's event," Marcus proposed with a grin.  

They soon parted so that Marcus could refocus on some of the "big whale" donors.  Clarke then introduced Bellamy to a number of colleagues, including her immediate boss, enjoying the look on each one's face when Bellamy told them he was a nanny.  At least three of the women and one of the men had eyed her date with more interest afterwards, which set Clarke's teeth on edge.  Who openly ogles someone else's date?

Before her dander got up too much, Bellamy pointed out Harper.  Clarke craned her head and spied the pediatric resident moving through the crowd, Monty by her side in a black suit.  Grabbing Bellamy's hand without thought, she pulled him over to them quickly.

"Harper!  And Monty.  So this is your new boyfriend?" she asked, grinning at the pair.

"Yep, this is Monty, whom you've obviously met," Harper acknowledged, squeezing his hand a little tighter before letting go.  

"Well, you two look great together!  And I love your dress," Clarke told Harper with a huge smile as she hugged her.  "So elegant and that color is just perfect for you."  

"They called it pomegranate at the store, and it was way too expensive, but I had to have it," Harper agreed, smiling somewhat bashfully.  The sleeveless brocade dress cinched at the waist before flaring into a pleated skirt that ended just couple of inches below her knees.  But the rose pattern imprinted in the fabric, which was set off with golden-toned shades to delineate the petals, made it truly stunning.  She wore her hair down in soft waves and her accessories - clutch, strappy sandals with a three-inch heel, and bangle on her left wrist - were all golden.

"Well, you look absolutely fantastic."

"So do you!  Where did you get this dress?" Harper wondered.   

As the women shared shopping stories, she heard Monty say to Bellamy, "Should we also say where we got our suits?"

Bellamy chuckled.  "I honestly don't know.  My sister got this for me years ago."

"My mother," Monty revealed with an understanding nod.  "But I do have an impeccably curated t-shirt collection and I can tell you the provenance on each of those."

"I didn't realize you two were…," Harper began, looking between Clarke and Bellamy.

"I'm just here for the free booze and free meal," Bellamy quipped.

"He's my shield against inappropriate donors," Clarke added, smiling widely.  

"Yeah, tell me about it," Monty noted.  "One guy kept touching Harper.  I couldn't get her away fast enough."

"Oh god, is Frederick Morton here?" Clarke immediately identified the man by Monty's description and she turned to look about the ballroom to see if she could spot him.

"He is," Harper confirmed ruefully.  "The man is rich.  You'd think he could hire a really nice escort if he's so hard up," she continued with a shake of her head.

While looking for the old lech, Clarke somehow locked eyes with Lexa, who was standing with her girlfriend, Costia, who looked every inch the personal trainer she was.  For some reason, the other surgeon took that as an invitation and drifted over with her date.

"Incoming," Clarke warned her little group in a high voice before smiling as Lexa and Costia joined them.  Lexa wore an empire-waisted, white, floor-length gown with a sweetheart neckline with a white, black and silver band that encircled her neck and wrapped around her under her bust.  In contrast, Costia wore a simple, high-necked, sleeveless black dress that stopped at her knee and pulled in tightly around her middle.  

Clarke made the introductions for the group, but Lexa seemed immediately focused on the men.  When Monty revealed he was pathologist at Mt. Weather, Lexa informed him, "For all its vaunted reputation, I've found the surgeons at Mt. Weather to be rather commonplace."

Clarke saw how Harper immediately wanted to say something, but the pathologist beat her to the punch.  "Last I heard, Arkadia General had several ongoing malpractice suits against two of its surgeons.  Are you one of the ones being sued?  I know Clarke isn't."

Costia looked taken aback, but Lexa just sniffed.  "No, of course not."  She then turned her regard to Bellamy.

"And what do you do, Bellamy?"

"I have my Master's in Classics," he answered brusquely, to Clarke's surprise.

"Is there much call these days for ancient Greek teachers?" she asked.

"You know what they say, 'those who forget the past are doomed to repeat it,'" Clarke jumped in.  

They spent another five minutes in agonizing conversation with Lexa and her partner before the pair drifted off.  Those remaining all looked at each other, Clarke for the first time realizing just how rude the other surgeon was with others she deemed "unworthy."

"Wow," she said.

"I know, that one looked just like you," Monty told her, to her surprise.

"What?"

"You didn't notice that Costia looks like you?  Blonde-haired, blue-eyed, same face-shape?" Harper asked incredulously.

"Yeah, just like you, if you only cared about working out and Lexa's opinion," Monty agreed.

"I..no?" Clarke answered, brow furrowing.

"Yeah, that's not her girlfriend, that's her supplicant.  But, some folks like that kind of relationship," Bellamy commented with a shrug.  "Looks like people are beginning to sit down for the meal.  Should we find a table?"

After they found four free spots at one of the tables on the edge of the room, Clarke announced, "I'm going to freshen up."  She looked at Bellamy.  "If a waiter comes by asking for an order for me, could you tell him I'll take the steak, medium rare?"  At his amused looked, she asked, "What?  Cassi's the vegetarian.  I'm a carnivore."

"Sure," he agreed.

"I'll join you," Harper said, getting to her feet.  "I'll have the fish, if anyone asks."

The women wound their way through the tables towards the restrooms, hurrying over before a terrible line could form.  They met back out by the vanity in the bathroom's antechamber, there to check their dresses and make-up.

"So, uh, you and Monty?" Clarke asked curiously.

"Yes," Harper confirmed happily, fishing in her purse for her lipstick.  "Been a few months, but it's been going well."

"Well, I had no clue when you came by on the Fourth," Clarke told her.  

"We weren't ready to go public yet.  Mostly because of Jasper.  We needed to see what we were without his incessant curiosity about it.  You know, the Heisenberg principle," she explained.  "And, of course, the whole history of the three of us."

"What?  What history?" Clarke asked, turning towards her.

Harper touched up her lipstick, using a finger to sweep the side of her mouth.  She capped the lipstick and threw it back in her purse, smiling a little.  "You remember when I mentioned something about 'low hanging fruit'?"

"Oh, yeah.  When he was fifteen, right?"

"Yeah.  Basically, Jasper in high school was over the moon for the prettiest, most popular girl, naturally, who was definitely not interested in him.  I overheard he and Monty talking about it one day, Jasper bemoaning his plight.  Monty suggested that maybe he should be more interested in me, and Jasper then made his crack.  We knew we each other, were friendly, but we didn't get tight until after I stormed in and busted his balls."

"That's the strangest 'this is how we became friends' story I've ever heard," Clarke replied dryly.

"Well, I've given him the proper amount of shit over the years about it, but the thing is, I always had a crush on Monty.  So when Monty suggested me, well, I never forgot it, honestly."

"That's sweet.  But you didn't make a move then?"

"No, because even though I thought maybe he might like me, I didn't have the guts to do anything about it.  We all remained friends through college, even though I went to a different university than they did, but Monty and I got really close again when we were both trying to get into med school.  We were each other's cheerleaders, except he did way more for me than I did for him.  And I felt bad for him the whole time, because I knew how hard he was working even though med school was his mother's idea, not his."

"What, really?" Clarke asked, disbelieving.  "I mean, my mother always wanted me to be a doctor too.  But if I didn't want to be a doctor, I wouldn't have gone through the whole thing.  That's a ridiculous amount of work for something you don't want to do."  No amount of parental pressure could make her go through all the testing, scrutiny, work and loans to be a doctor if she didn't want to do it herself.

Harper nodded quickly.  "Yes, exactly!  It's why he's in pathology.  It's more technical, which is definitely up his alley.  We ended up at the same med school and we got each other through every exam, every practical, every nightmare professor and dickweed doctor.  When I practically threw up my stomach after I drank so much after getting a D on a test - my first D! - he was there for me.  And when he caught the flu third year and basically was a human pathological vector, I was there for him.  Still, though, I did fucking nothing about being attracted to him, you know?  We both 'dated' other people too, as much as you have time for in med school."

Clarke nodded.  Dating in med school was pretty much just hooking up when someone was willing.

"But I know everything about him, and I still liked him, you know?  Then your parents died, and you left and came back and I just knew I had to talk to him about this.  Because life is short and can change in an instant, and what the hell was I waiting for?

"I'm never embarrassed around him. Monty has seen me at my lowest.  And I've seen him at his.  There's no pretense between us.  You know when you first go out with someone and you present the best version of yourself?  I don't have to do that with Monty.  He knows me, I know him.  I can be totally myself with him, and he can be totally himself with me.

Clarke swallowed, struck by her words.  Bellamy had seen her at her worst.  He'd revealed his worst to her.  They dealt with all the mundane bits of life together, but clearly enjoyed each other's company.  She'd never had to put on a show for him, and vice versa.  She knew without a doubt that it would be so easy to add a more romantic and physical component to their relationship.  

And life was short.  Even if her parents hadn't died, she knew that.  She literally worked with life and death all the time.  Could she really ignore a chance to be with someone like Bellamy just because he was excellent with her kids?  All of a sudden, she wasn't so sure she knew the answer to that question.

"Thinking about Bellamy, huh?" Harper questioned, zeroing in on her thoughts.

Clarke flushed but nodded.  "It's hard, with the kids.  He's there for them, not for me to..to...want him," she admitted quietly.

Harper looked around, as if to make sure no one was paying attention to them.  "I think, maybe," she began.  "You're looking at it the wrong way.  Whoever you end up with, you want them to be good with your kids, right?  Well, you know this one is.  The question maybe is, is he good with you?"

"You make it sound so simple."  Clarke cleared her throat, asking, "Uh, how did you know?"

Harper chuckled.  "Um, beyond the fact he looks like that?  At the picnic, Monty asked me how long you and he had been together.  When I told him you weren't together, he immediately wanted to start a pool on whether and when you would get together."

"What?" Clarke gaped at her.

"Oh yeah.  Monty's a bookie, on the side.  Jasper helps him run the business.  They started it in high school, kept it going through college, but it really took off in med school," Harper described, turning back to her reflection to adjust her dress.  "Helped him pay for everything.  He doesn't have loans anymore already."

"Oh my god," Clarke breathed, suddenly terribly jealous.  "He's not afraid of getting caught?"

"He declares every penny he makes on his taxes and you can only bet with him if he's known you for months and months.  If you owe him more than five grand, you're cut off 'til you pay."

"What happens if someone just refuses to pay?" Clarke wondered as  they drifted out of the bathroom.

"He send a virus to their computer, holding stuff hostage.  He accepts Paypal, so you can charge it to a card too.  And once you refuse to pay, you're out too.  He won't take your money anymore."

"I...had no idea," Clarke breathed as they walked back in.  

"Yep.  Smart, funny, sexy.  He's the total package," Harper described.  "I was so stupid to wait so long.  What if he met someone else?"

Clarke sucked in a breath, thoughts of Gina floating through her head.  "Yeah," she agreed lowly, wondering just how close she had been to losing Bellamy.  Or would be.  At some point, someone would see him for what he was, and he did want a family of his own one day.  He certainly wasn't going to wait until they sent Cam off to college.  

Mind spinning with possibilities, they approached their seats.  As she sat down, the guys revealed they'd put in their orders and the table filled the time with polite chatter.  The appetizer salad was decent, but boring, and by the time the entrees arrived, Clarke found she was starving and eagerly cut into the steak.  But when she bit into it, she found it overcooked and bland.

Frowning, she looked around at the others at the table, all of whom seemed to wear nearly identical expressions.

"This food sucks," Harper said, pushing away her plate.  "What the hell happened?  Last year, the food was great."

"Well, it's not just me then," Bellamy noted, setting down his fork.

"God, the one thing I promised you," Clarke said apologetically.  The others seated at their table didn't seem to notice the unappetizing food, but then, she thought they had a few more cocktails than she and her friends had.  It would be hours before they could escape, and she couldn't imagine how hungry they would get before they could eat.

"Let's go," she suddenly said, surprising even herself.

"What?" came the expected chorus.

"Let's just...go.  I already saw my chief and made nice with a bunch of donors," Clarke explained.  "I'm sure you did with yours too," she continued, looking at Harper.  "Let's just...bail.  Get some real food.  I don't want to sit here hungry for three hours, just in case a donor wants to talk to me."

"Yeah?" Harper asked, a grin coming to her face.  "You know, Clarke, that sounds almost...fun.  Spontaneous."

"Shut up," Clarke replied with a laugh, already getting to her feet.  She held out her hand to help Bellamy up, telling him, "I promised you a good meal, and god damn, you are going to get one."

"Okay, Clarke.  Where are we going?" he wondered, chuckling and giving her that sardonic smile of his.

"Uh…"

"What about that new old fashioned diner on Tenth?" Monty suggested as they eased away from their table and scuttled around the edge of the room towards the door.  "I hear the milkshakes are great."

At that moment, it sounded like the best idea in the world.  "I'm in," Clarke approved.  Once they were in the lobby again, all having agreed to the diner, she curled around Bellamy's arm.

"I'm so sorry about this, making you wear a suit for a couple of hours only for us to end up at diner," she told him.  "I will buy you all the milkshakes, I swear," she promised.

"Honestly Clarke, the diner sounds like a lot better time," he replied, leading her towards the door.  

Since he hadn't shaken her off his arm, she continued to lean into him, enjoying the closeness while she could.  "Yeah," she agreed.  "It really does."

 

* * *

 

The diner had been a great choice.  The four of them spent almost a couple of hours there, eating greasy burgers, sharing baskets of cheese fries and enjoying some pretty damned good milkshakes.  Clarke and Bellamy even ordered smaller ones to go when they decided to head home, so they could try more of the over fifty flavors on the menu.

Clarke watched Harper and Monty through the evening, and envied the openness of their relationship, the way they'd casually touch each other and share looks.  Oh, she knew she did those things with Bellamy - between Raven and Harper, it had all been pointed out to her - but they were still firmly behind the employer-employee barrier.  It was just that Clarke was beginning to wonder if it was a real barrier, just as she wondered if the kids would really mind.  If Cassi's greatest fear was that her dating would take her away from them, then her being with Bellamy was a solution, not a problem.  He was there for them too.

As she hugged Harper goodbye out in the parking lot, the guys several feet over, she forced herself to ask, "What odds did Monty set, for me and Bell getting together?"

Harper laughed.  "It was rhetorical, really.  He was just seeing if I wanted to take a sucker's bet.  But there's no way I'd bet against the both of you."

Clarke chuckled briefly.  "Yeah, well.  Something to think about," she murmured.

The other doctor nodded understandingly, then joined her boyfriend at the car.  When Clarke slipped into Bellamy's, shutting the door behind her, she sighed.  

"Don't like your milkshake?" he asked her as he turned on the car.

"What?  Oh no, just thinking," she answered, looking over.  "How's yours?"

"Great.  Don't think I'll need to eat tomorrow, but it's delicious," he admitted with a smirk.

Sometime on the drive home, they began to talk about music.  Newly informed about Cam's musical appreciation, she wondered if they should be doing something to encourage him.

"What, like a baby music class?" Bellamy questioned wryly.  "Yeah, I think we can just let him bang around with his cups and let him listen to music on his own."

"You know, Callie thought he might be a drummer."

"Lots of babies like to make banging noises.  If he's still doing it in a couple of years, then we can see if he'd like some actual training.  Right now, just let him enjoy himself."

"Oh?" Clarke wondered.  "You just don't want to add another thing to our schedule, I think."

"Damn right," Bellamy answered with a laugh.  "We're kind of full up right now, I think.  Plus, he's not even a year and a half old.  He doesn't need classes for anything."

She hummed in thought, though she wore a smile.  "What about you, what kind of music do you listen to?  Besides stuff from the fifties and sixties."

He eyed her sidelong.

"Well, I know Cam didn't request it, so it must have been you who put on the oldies station."

He shrugged.  "I guess alternative, mostly?  But not the real emo stuff, the stuff that's more rock-based?  I don't know.  I know what I like when I hear it."

"Well, what's your favorite band?"

"I don't really have one, but I'd loved to see The Heavy sometime, if I could."

"The Heavy?"

"They're an indie band, from the UK?  I think their most popular song is  _ How Do You Like Me Now _ ?" he suggested, eyeing her to see if she recognized the title.

"Oh, yeah, I think I like that song," she agreed, recalling its chorus, if nothing else.

"I like  _ Short Change Hero _ , and  _ Sixteen _ , a lot better, but I like most of their stuff."

"Oh?  I'll have to listen sometime."

"What about you?" he wondered.

"I'm...pretty typical, I guess.  Top 40 pop stuff, though I'm listening to a lot of Gin Wigmore, Elle King and ZZ Ward on my Pandora recently."

"I don't think I know them..wait, Elle King.  She's the one with that, uh, what's it called?"  Bellamy paused.  " _ Exes and Ohs _ , that's the song, right?"

"Yes," Clarke laughed.  "It was everywhere for a while.  But I actually like  _ Under the Influence _ much more.  And  _ I Told You I Was Mean _ ."

When they got to the house, they both lingered in the car for about ten minutes before Clarke seized on a idea.

"Let's go out and sit in the backyard.  We have babysitting, Bell.  We should continue to use it."

Bellamy gave her a big grin, admitting, "I'm not opposed."  

Leaving their shoes in the car, they crept around the back of the garage and flopped into some of the chairs in the lawn.  They ended up talking for almost two hours, on subjects ranging from the kids to his novel to just how annoying Lexa really was at work.  It was only when she started to shiver in the cool air that he glanced at the time on his phone.  "Damn, Clarke, it's almost midnight.  We should get inside."

"Right.  The baby'll be up at six, regardless of how late we stay out," Clarke agreed reluctantly.  Despite the chill in the air, she didn't want the night to end.  The easy camaraderie she had with him was something she didn't want to give up, even for sleep.

"And you have a shift," he reminded her, standing up and holding out his hand to her.  

When she placed her hand in his, she smiled at the now-familiar surge of love and let him help her to her feet.  "And I have a shift.  Of course, it's a Sunday, so hopefully it won't be too busy."

"I hope you find the time to think about what Charlie asked.  You know he'll pounce on you as soon as you get home from work tomorrow," Bellamy reminded her, dropping her hand to her disappointment as he led the way to the back door.

"Oh, right."  Charlie wanted to know if he'd be allowed on a weeklong trip with his friend Josh's family to their lake house.  "I'm inclined to say yes, but what do you think?"

"Me?" Bellamy wondered.  "Uh, why do you ask?"

"You're around him a lot more than I am lately.  If he's been jerky to the other kids, or just a pain in the butt, let me know, because then I won't let him go."

Bellamy laughed.  She loved his laugh.  "I promise you, if he was either of those things, you'd have heard it by now.  I don't think there are any secrets between us anymore."

_ Just the one. _  The thought came unbidden to her head, making her smile ruefully in the dark.

Harper had dared to act on her feelings and Clarke longed to do the same, but she couldn't help but recall Cassi's words to her earlier.  Ultimately, Bellamy was here for the kids and the kids were supposed to be her focus too.  She didn't know if her affection for him, her desire, was enough to risk the kids' happiness.  

But she really wanted it to be.

Mind chugging a mile a minute, Clarke tugged on his hand before they went into the house and looked up into his eyes as he paused to look back at her.  "Bell...thank you for being my boyfriend tonight."  She could say that, at least.

Bellamy smiled at her and nodded his head.  "Anytime."

Clarke didn't know if Harper's words had put the thought in her head but for a moment, she thought he might even mean it.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, I know. But I said it's a slow burn! Also, since I have to concentrate on some other fics I'm writing, due to upcoming deadlines, it's going to be longer than a week between updates this time. Sorry!


	10. But It Could Be Real Life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Bellamy gets that nudge.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to @bfl1201 for being my patient and wonderful beta, as well as every single commenter and subscriber and leaver of kudos. I kind of live for the notifications from AO3, so thank you so much!
> 
> Also, spoilers for Divergent and Hunger Games, a little. Just warning you.

Life seemed to move quickly in the days after their not-date, Bellamy thought. Clarke agreed to let Charlie go on vacation for a week with Josh's family starting the following Friday, but only if Callie approved his time off from work and if his back-to-school shopping and summer homework were completed.  After Callie said yes, they figured they might as well do the shopping for all of children at once.  When Murphy got word, he asked if they could pick up some things for Ethan, and that meant Bellamy spent two days in a row shopping with five children.

Clarke bought him a bottle of whiskey and four boxes of Red Vines as a thank you.

Despite the work and the aggravation of getting children to actually try on clothing, Bellamy was relieved that he had a few days to process his night out with Clarke.  He knew he was asking for trouble when he said yes, but the thought of her fending off unwanted advances all night long was more than enough to get him on board.  He knew it would be hard on him to go out with her, to pretend to be the person he actually wanted to be to her, but he'd found himself actually having a good time the entire night.  He got to rescue her from the clutches of some truly stultifying conversation, as well as some handsy fellows, all while enjoying the view of Clarke well-rested and talking animatedly about helping others.

Which wasn't to say her dress wasn't fantastic, both emphasizing the figure he'd been dreaming about for weeks and weeks as well as concealing quite a bit of it.  But he loved her practicality about the whole adventure, from when she'd clopped downstairs in her flip-flops, to her idea to ditch the event entirely, to her leading him to the backyard to enjoy a night of quiet conversation since they had a babysitter.  She was always beautiful to him, but seeing her relaxed and happy made his heart swell.

Among other things.

Fortunately, Bellamy had controlled himself enough so that she had no idea the biggest pervert of the evening was standing next to her the whole time.  He'd even had to excuse himself before they walked into the ballroom, to give himself a silent talking-to about the fantasies that kicked into high gear when they walked into the country club together.  

To say nothing of when she'd thanked him for being her boyfriend for the night.

It took every ounce of control he'd been able to muster not to confess everything right then and there.  To tell her what he was feeling, to ask if she ever felt anywhere near the same. There was so much at stake in laying it all out for her and honestly, the hope of maybe being with Clarke in the future, the way it surged through him at odd moments was enough.  

For now.

Still, when he had a moment to himself, his thoughts would drift to the blonde doctor.  Not all of them were sexual, though a fair amount were.  But a lot of them were just thoughts that made him smile, like that nose wrinkle thing she would do.  Or the way she'd text him throughout the day, to make sure he "wasn't drowning in children," or to just complain about a patient or her boss.  Or her continuing mission to convince him that she could cook.  While her latest attempt - avocado toast - had been tasty, he couldn't resist teasing her that it didn't really require  _ cooking _ .

Her last text let him know that she'd be late tonight.  Glad that her day off was tomorrow, Bellamy informed her he'd keep a plate of dinner warm for her in the oven, then double-checked with Callie that the whole crew would be able to use the pool the next day.  Maddie was back at home until the start of the school year, at which point she'd be with Bellamy and Cam full-time during the day.  Between her and Ethan, he'd be bringing in $1200 a month, with the vast majority going into the household account despite Clarke's protests.  He'd already called the housekeeping service to schedule their next visit.

He was still fiddling with his phone in the kitchen when Charlie made an appearance.  The teen made a beeline for the fridge, immediately moving about containers as he searched for the perfect snack.

"You looking for something sweet or savory?" Bellamy wondered, glancing up from his phone to eye Charlie's frame.  He was fairly certain the boy grew another inch this last month.

"Dunno," he mumbled in reply.

"What sounds better?  Ice cream or a sandwich?"

"Melted cheese."

Bellamy chuckled.  "In the freezer, I think there are some frozen pizzas left, the little ones.  Try one as a snack, see if you need something else."

Charlie quickly moved to pull one of the pizzas from the freezer, popping it into the microwave and leaning against the counter.  "How come you never give me grief about how much I eat?"

"I was your age once.  I figure you'll be taller than I am, but I know what it's like to be starving all the time," he answered wryly.  Of course, Bellamy hadn't had the food available to him that Charlie did, so there was no way in hell he was going to deny a hungry kid food. "Your shoes fitting okay?"

"Yeah."  Charlie glanced down at his bare feet.  "I just like to be barefoot."

"I noticed it's sort of a Griffin family thing."

"'Cause we all have wide feet."  The teen turned as the microwave beeped at him, pulling the pizza out and then wagging his fingers at the heat.  "Even the best shoes end up sort of uncomfortable."

"Oh yeah?"  

Charlie grabbed a plate from the cabinet, sliding the pizza onto it.  He tossed the carton in the trash, explaining, "Mom didn't put shoes on us 'til we were walking outside, so we have like, wider feet because they weren't constrained.  She told us once.  Well, added to the genetically wider feet, I guess."  He shrugged, taking a one liter of soda from the fridge.

Bellamy leaned back in his seat.  "Your mom sounds...sounds like she was thoughtful."

"Yeah.  Wasn't here a lot, but thinking about us a lot."  Charlie's blue eyes met his own.  "Clarke's basically living her life now."

Surprised to hear the note of regret, Bellamy shook his head.  "You know, Clarke...she never wanted what happened to happen, but she's exactly where she wants to be.  She's happy to be with you guys and working at the hospital.  You're her people and she would do anything for you, but I promise you, she's not unhappy."

"Busting her ass everyday at work, or with us?"  Charlie remained unconvinced.

"If your parents were here, I guarantee you she'd be over almost everyday on her day off.  It's not like she was a party animal before.  She wanted a life like this, being a doctor, having a family, a life like your mother and father had.  Except for their absence, she's happy. She's actually happy."

Bellamy knew sometimes, when you were trying to convince someone what you were actually doing was trying to convince yourself.  But he knew Clarke  _ was  _ happy recently, not dating aside.  He could see it in the way her smiles came easier now, or the way she hummed quietly to herself as she did her laundry.  She was even watching less Murder Channel; he hadn't turned off her TV in a couple of weeks, so he knew she'd found another way to relax into sleep.

Charlie nodded reluctantly, then straightened as if screwing up his courage.  Given the last time he'd approached Bellamy this way, he was surprised to hear, "Thanks for going with Clarke to that thing.  I thought..you know, you were trying to date her or something, but Wells explained to me what goes on there.  Thanks for...you know, having her back."

"Of course," Bellamy answered, exchanging nods with him before the teen disappeared back downstairs.  Charlie's little talk with Wells explained the change in demeanor. His behavior on Saturday made clear he hadn't been pleased about the "date," but he'd been his normal self the next morning.  

But it was also clear that Charlie still didn't like the idea of Clarke dating, and specifically, of Clarke dating Bellamy. Even if Bellamy thought that Clarke would ever go for a guy like him, he didn't think she'd date someone whom her brother disapproved of so strongly.  He just hoped that if he ever had the guts to act on his feelings for Clarke that he could figure out if Charlie's dislike stemmed from anything other than the sense that Bellamy was preying on Clarke's vulnerability.  Because if that was all, he was pretty sure Clarke would be able to convince him.

Assuming Clarke wanted to be with Bellamy at all that is.

After scanning the kitchen to make sure everything was in order, he jogged upstairs to check on the other children.  Cam went to sleep easily not half an hour before, but he knew that the others would still be going strong, especially with Charlotte staying overnight.  As he reached the top of the stairs, he spied Cole in the hallway, hugging the wall near the cracked door to Cassidy's room.

Shaking his head, Bellamy walked over and asked pointedly, "What are you doing?"

Cole neither jumped nor looked guilty as he peered up at him.  "Something's wrong," he said calmly, nodding to the girl's room.

Frowning, Bellamy cocked his head and tried to focus on the murmur of voices drifting out of the open door.  After a moment, the words resolved into understandability.

"...don't know what to do," he could hear Charlotte mourn.  "How am I supposed to do that?"

"I dunno," came Cassi's reply.  "When do you have to pick?"

"Next week.  I have to tell the judge or else he's just gonna decide for me!"  Now Charlotte sounded scared.

Bellamy glanced down at Cole, who gave him a knowing look.

"Okay buddy, eavesdropping is not good.  Can you go to your room or downstairs to play?"

Cole rolled his eyes and heaved a mighty sigh.  "I wanted to  _ know _ is all."

"I know that, but it's not nice, it's rude.  Let me handle this and then we'll watch a movie downstairs together, wait for Clarke to get back," he suggested.  

The little boy considered the offer, then nodded and headed for the stairs.  "I'm gonna pick the movie," he reported.  

"Okay, you do that."  Bellamy watched him go, wondering exactly what movie he'd just signed up to watch and if he'd be lucky enough for Cole to fall asleep before the end of it. Hopefully just one of his usual picks.

He walked over to Cassidy's door and knocked, forcing himself not to immediately barge in and demand to know what they were talking about.  He forced his voice to remain normal as he asked, "Is everything alright in there?"

Bellamy listened to a scramble of motion, then looked up as the door opened to reveal Cassi already in her purple and pink pajamas, a new set from yesterday's shopping.  Beyond her, he could see Charlotte, also in pajamas, huddled miserably on Cassi's bed.

"Charlotte's upset," Cassi reported, looking over her shoulder at her friend.  "I think she should talk to you," she added pointedly.

Charlotte looked from one to the other, and Bellamy schooled his features into something approaching interested concern.  He didn't want to force her hand, to seem overeager to hear or disinterested.  "Do you want to talk to me?  You know, I'm always here for you guys."

The girl finally nodded quickly and Bellamy stepped inside the room, shutting the door behind him lest any more curious brothers wander by.  Then he sat on the bed, close to but not right next to Charlotte and gave her his full attention.  "What's going on?"

She just looked at Cassi, who immediately launched into an explanation as she returned to her perch on her desk chair.  "She's gotta tell the judge which of her parents she wants to live with more next week and she doesn't know what to do.  And they're both kinda on her all the time to tell them which one she's gonna pick."

That explained Charlotte's red-rimmed eyes when she got to the house that evening and her mother's too focused look as she walked her to the door.  Bellamy sighed and reached out to rub her back comfortingly.  

"I'm so sorry you have to go through that.  I know it sucks, especially if they want you to make a decision right away," he sympathized.  "I can't imagine how hard it must be for you."

Cassi nodded sagely, adding, "They're being awful about it and they each made her go to their lawyers with them to talk about it too."

"I..told them both I would probably pick them," Charlotte admitted finally.  "And whoever I don't pick is going to think I lied to them.  I don't even know who I'm going to pick, and I don't know  _ how to choose _ !" she ended on a panicked note.

"It's okay," Bellamy reassured her.  "It's a tough decision to make so I don't blame you for needing time to make it.  Did you talk about it with your therapist at all?"

Charlotte made a dismissive noise.  "She said I have to just make the decision I think is best for me, but that's not helping!  I don't know what the best for me is!"  She looked at him with her tear-filled eyes.  "I don't know what to do!  How am I supposed to decide between them?"

Bellamy took a breath, knowing that he should just parrot the reply of the therapist.  But he also knew that above all, Charlotte just wanted an answer to the question.  She didn't want any adult-speak, or platitudes, or things that she had already heard.  She just wanted to know how she was going to decide.

He thought about what he had wanted at her age, beyond to not to have to worry about having enough money for rent, and utilities, and food all at once.  He remembered lying in the darkness, eyes wide open, heart pounding, and what he'd wished for most of all then.

"I think you should pick the parent who you think is going to be there for you in the middle of the night when you wake up from a real bad nightmare.  Who you  _ want _ to be there for you in the middle of the night," he told, blinking away the image of a twelve year-old who'd already spent too many years getting up to see if everyone was safe.  "You pick the one you think can slay your demons with you."

Charlotte watched him carefully as he spoke and then nodded when he finished.  "Okay," she all but whispered, so he gave her a hug.  

"I don't know if that's really going to help you or not, but you know you can always talk to me or Cassidy about this stuff.  We're here for you, right Cas?" 

Cassi nodded quickly, coming to sit on Charlotte's other side and hugging her as well.

"I wish I could pick you guys," Charlotte complained, putting her head on Cassi's shoulder.  "You and Clarke never fight, Cassi says."

Bellamy let out a rueful chuckle.  "She never sees us fight.  We have disagreements, but we try to keep them quiet.  Besides, Clarke and I don't have the kind of relationship that your parents have with each other.  That adds a layer to things."

"And you'd never cheat on Clarke," Charlotte added with a sniff.

"They're not together together," Cassi denied.

Charlotte lifted her head and looked from one to the other.  "You said they went out on a date on Saturday!"

"Whoa," Bellamy interrupted, momentarily panicked.  "It was just going to a work function for her, not a date," he told both girls firmly.  He wasn't about to let them get the wrong idea.  Even if he wanted it to be the right idea.  That just wasn't his reality.  At the moment.

"You got all dressed up and you went out.  That's a date.  Even if you're friends," Charlotte declared, her expression firming as her friend's brow furrowed.

Cassi rounded on Bellamy, demanding, "Did you kiss her?"

"What, no!" Bellamy denied.  This was getting out of hand.

"Then it's not a date," Cassi declared, eyes focused on Charlotte.

"You can be on a date and not kiss," Charlotte retorted.  

Cassi huffed and jumped up from the bed to use her phone.  "Let's ask Google."

"Let's not," Bellamy interjected, hastily moving to take the phone from Cassi's hands and put it back on her desk.  "I don't want to think what's going to pop up on Google when you search for 'kissing on dates.'  Look, I'm about to head downstairs and watch a movie with Cole, maybe make some s'mores, if you girls are interested."

The two blondes looked at each other and smiled.  "Yeah, let's do that," Cassi said.  "What movie are we watching?"

"I told Cole he could pick."

"Then it's Marvel or something with robots," Cassi announced.  "But it'll be fun."

As he followed the girls out of the room and downstairs, Charlotte turned to him and told him in a half-whisper, " _ I _ think you had date." 

Pausing on top of the stairs, he wondered if she might be right.  He might not have kissed Clarke, but as far as feelings were concerned, he'd definitely been on a date.

At least, his feelings.  He just had no idea what Clarke's were on the matter and he wasn't sure he was brave enough to find out.

* * *

"At least the weather seems like it's going to cooperate today," Clarke noted as she eyed the app on her phone a few days later.  "At least something is," she added in a grumble.

Bellamy smiled to himself as he packed a small container of Cheerios into Cam's bag, then added the Spiderman doll and his measuring cups.  They were preparing to take the kids - sans Charlie, who was still at the lake - to the soccer game per request, only to find Cole buried in a book on the couch and Cassi still upstairs, dragging her feet.

"Cassi, get a move on," Clarke called, pulling Cam from his playring.  

"I can't find my Gryffindor shirt!" Cassi whined, her voice echoing down the stairs.

"Then wear something else," Clarke suggested.  "We're going to a soccer game, not a Quidditch match anyway, come on."  Her glance at Bellamy told him just how annoyed she felt.

"But I want to wear-"

"Cassidy Anne Griffin, if you don't pick another shirt and get your butt downstairs in the next two minutes, you're not going.  I don't care if we have to drop you off at-"  Clarke paused, clearly trying to think of some suitable place.  "Somewhere, you won't be going to the game.  Period."

An indignant huff sounded from above, along with a declaration, "That's so unfair!" before her footsteps sounded towards her room.

Bellamy gave Clarke an amused look before gently pulling Cole onto his feet and pushing him towards the garage.  "Why don't you get in the car, buddy?" he suggested, plucking his book from his hands and folding it under his arm.  "You can read in there."

Cole let his head roll back and he sighed before stomping loudly towards the garage.

"Well, according to the kids' reaction, you're a horrible person for making them go to a soccer game that they asked to go to," he noted with a wide grin as he pulled Cam's bag over his shoulder.

Clarke definitely didn't share his amusement to judge from her flat expression.  "Yeah, I'm a total monster.  Ugh, freaking Gryffindors!" she declared, bouncing Cam on her hip as he wiggled.  "No offense."

Bellamy raised an eyebrow at that.  "Gryffindors?  Uh..what are you then?  Or do I just not want to touch this topic with a ten foot pole?" 

"I'm a Slytherin," Clarke admitted.  "Even though I  _ hate _ snakes.  They are the worst and they pretty much featured in every nightmare I had as a child.  But so is Charlie. A Slytherin, that is, not a feature in my childhood nightmares.  Cassi's obviously a Gryffindor like you, and Cole such a damned Ravenclaw that the Sorting Hat wouldn't have to get more than five feet from him before he screamed, so yeah."  She glanced at the child on her hip.  "I'm kind of hoping he's a Hufflepuff, you know, so we can hit for the cycle."

"I want to say I can't believe you've thought about this, but I can totally believe you've thought about this."

Clarke shrugged, giving him a half-smile before it faded into a thin line as Cassi stomped her way down the stairs.  Bellamy noted her t-shirt, which announced, "I'm a Queen, I'll rescue myself!" and gave her a thumbs-up.  "Looks good, Cassi," he approved, already heading down the hallway.

It was only once they were all in the car and on their way that Bellamy turned to Clarke and asked, "Why do you think I'm a Gryffindor and not a Ravenclaw?"

Clarke chuckled as she drove the car to a stop and put on the turn signal.  "I know you want to be a Ravenclaw.  You love books and learning, and all that.  But you're all about doing the right thing and doing what's right by other people, and it's Gryffindor all the way."

Bellamy flushed, but shook his head.  "Thank you, but I'm pretty sure I'm a Ravenclaw.  Or a Hufflepuff, actually.  Loyalty, honesty...yeah, I could be a Hufflepuff."

"Well, the problem with the Houses, with all that stuff," Clarke continued as she pulled out onto the Maitland Road.  "Is that they're so reductive.  We're all more than a couple personality traits, but we're so in love with categories and simplification, that we jump at the chance to label ourselves and others."

They spent the remainder of the drive discussing the state of young adult books, a conversation that eventually drew in Cassi, since Cole was too immersed in actually reading.  Bellamy enjoyed himself thoroughly along the way, even if Clarke's opinion about the Divergent series made him speechless.

"I just couldn't get past that.  If you have mind-control technology, why not just take over Abnegation?  Why take over Dauntless to kill Abnegation and then take over?  That's dumb.  And they're supposed to be smart.  Or better yet, take over everyone with mind-control.  Then you get whatever perfect society you think you can make."

"So, you're annoyed their plan to take over wasn't better?"  Bellamy asked.

"I couldn't get over the fact that they're supposed to be smart but their plan was stupid," Clarke corrected.

"Well, they self-selected for Erudite.  Doesn't mean they were actually smart," he pointed out.

That left Clarke speechless for a moment herself and he smirked in triumph.

"If a bunch of dumb people think they're smart, but aren't really, but they all agree they're smart, you could get a dumb plan they believe in," Bellamy continued.  "They say that if you're worried about your competence in something, chances are you're competent, but the truly incompetent never doubt their competence."

"Okay...maybe," Clarke finally allowed, giving him a sidelong look.

They moved on, of course landing on the Hunger Games and Bellamy grinned to hear Clarke's opinion yet again.

"I think my favorite thing about the Hunger Games was that Katniss wasn't likeable.  And that for her, the love triangle crap was just that, crap.  She had way more important things to worry about."

"I know," Cassi agreed enthusiastically, leaning forward in her seat until her seatbelt pulled her back.  "Like, who cares, they're running from a bunch of monsters!  But, I did like Peeta better," she added.  "He's nicer, cares about what she wanted."

"It was nice to see a heroine whose choices in a book weren't about boys, yeah," Bellamy allowed.  "But, to defend said boys who were fixated on the question, when you're a teenager, what is 'survivable' can feel very different.  You know my friend Miller works with delinquents, right?  A lot of their crimes happen because they had this burst of emotion and they acted without thinking.  Stuff like, 'I couldn't live like this,' and so they attack someone trying to make them do their homework or obey a curfew or something."

"Okay, that's a point," Clarke answered with a nod.  "There's significant research that says teenage brains, well, anyone under twenty-five really, anyway, their brains work differently and they actually can't appreciate the consequences of their actions."  She drove the car past a line of others waiting to pull into an official parking lot, which made Bellamy turn.  

"Are we supposed to go there?"

"Nope, we have a different place to park," she informed him confidently.  "Anyway, I was saying, so I guess I can see a hormonal teenage boy thinking, 'yeah, I can't live without her.'  Even as an adult, being in love with someone can feel overwhelming, like if you don't say something or do something soon, you'll burst."

Bellamy peered at Clarke curiously, wondering at that odd hitch in her voice.  But she turned the car onto a side street, then pulled into a church parking lot advertising parking at half the price of the stadium parking and continued, "I mean, they call it crimes of passion for a reason."

Right.  Bellamy nodded while she dug into her small purse and pulled out a ten dollar bill.  Probably referring to something she saw on Murder Channel.

Nearly an hour later, after a walk to the stadium, getting through the admission line, a pit stop for Cole, and two concession lines later, the whole crew settled in seats nearly at the top of the corner section.  He was glad they'd waited until after the anthem had finished before going to their seats, since he didn't relish having to getting up again so soon after sitting down.

"Good thing we're in the shady section of the stadium," Bellamy noted as he passed out the bottles of water they'd bought and made sure both Cassi and Cole had napkins for their sriracha honey chicken fingers.  He'd opted for a burger for himself, along with splitting a bunch of spicy cheese fries with Clarke, so that he could keep an arm around Cam comfortably when it was his turn to hold the toddler.  

"When I was getting the tickets, I made sure we were in a good section," Clarke informed him smugly.  "We Griffins are too pale to sit out on the sun."  She leaned back into her seat, a small smile on her face as she fished out one of the fries.  With her big sunglasses on, her blue team hat and her favorite t-shirt on, Cam on her lap playing with his Spiderman, she looked so contented, he wanted to take a picture.  It took him a minute, but he eventually got his phone out and the picture taken.

Even though her eyes were on the field, she told him, "I saw that."

"Wasn't hiding it," he answered with a grin. 

Bellamy turned his head to check on Cassi and Cole and found that the boy had already abandoned his food to lean forward and talk with the brown-haired girl in the row in front of him.  She had to be at least ten years old, but she seemed pleased to have the boy's attention.  Cassi meanwhile was trying to take selfies with her back to the game.

"Looks like it's money well spent with those two," he noted wryly as he pulled the leftovers of Cole's meal away from him.  "Do you want these?" he asked Clarke. 

"Mmm, yes," she answered quickly.  "Trade you a baby for them.  He's in good working order."

Bellamy laughed, exchanging the food for the toddler.  

Clarke speared one of the tenders with a fork and took a bite, making appreciative noises at the flavor.  "Nice.  Spicy," she approved.  "Maybe you should learn to make this."

"Oh?  You're not going to attempt it to impress me?"

She shook her head, her mouth full of another bite, but a wide smile on her face.  When she swallowed, she asked, "Wanna try it?  So you have an idea on how to replicate the flavor?"

He raised an eyebrow at that, which sparked another laugh from her.  "I don't have cooties, promise."

"You swear?" Bellamy joked, then gave her a quick nod.  He ate the last bite on her fork, then nodded over the flavor.  The sweetness of the honey complimented rather than overpowered the heat of the pepper sauce.   "I think I can attempt something, yeah."

"Mmm, I look forward to the taste test," Clarke teased.

He polished off his burger in a couple of bites, then fished out the container with Cam's cereal and opened it for the boy.  Cam dropped his cloth doll, immediately reaching for one of the cereal bits.

"Something else to wash," Bellamy commented dryly, eyeing the toy on the ground.  

"I think if we didn't have something to wash, the Earth might stop turning."  Clarke reached forward to grab at her beer cup, then chuckled, setting aside her food so she could use two hands.  "Look at this thing!  It's ridiculous.  It's like a carafe o'beer," she described, lifting the large beer.

As she took a drink, Bellamy laughed.  "You look like Cam, using both hands to hold up his cuppie," he teased.

"I feel like a toddler, this is gigantic.  Makes me feel a little better about the price, but there's no way I finish this."

"I'll make sure you don't waste it," he assured her with a half-smile. 

Clarke acknowledged him by raising her cup, but using both hands still.  He laughed all over again, then had to jerk to the left quickly when Cam tried to put a Cheerio in his mouth.  "Hey, no thank you, little man.  That's all yours."

"He's sharing.  I think he likes you."  

"Good to know.  I'll remember it the next time I change his diaper."

The first half of the game passed with a goal by the home team, which the kids enjoyed celebrating, and more easy conversation.  When the whistle blew for the half, Clarke reached out to take Cam.  "Looks like he could use a change," she noted after peeking at his diaper.

"I thought he looked like he was concentrating awfully hard," Bellamy replied wryly.

"Can we get ice cream please?" Cassi wondered, standing over her brother.  "Those little pints everyone has?"

Clarke sighed and exchanged a glance with Bellamy.  "I don't know that you can and Cole can eat a whole pint each.  Can you share?"

Both Cole and Cassi looked outraged at the suggestion.  "I want cookies and cream and he wants mint!  Please?" she complained, though not with too much whine in her voice.  

Bellamy suggested to Clarke, "I can finish off mint if you can finish off the cookies and cream."

Clarke heaved a sigh.  "Fine then.  But you're going with me, Cassi, to hold the ice cream while I have Cam.  Cole, do you need to use the bathroom?"

"No!" he denied.  

"Do you want to handle the bathroom stuff while I do the ice cream stuff?"  Bellamy offered.

"Nah.  I'll do the bathroom stuff and then the ice cream stuff.  If Cole's okay, no need to make a whole production out of this.  Why don't you stay here with him, and I'll take Cam and Cassi?" Clarke replied, pulling the strap of Cam's bag over her shoulder.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, relax, drink more of this huge beer.  I don't want it to go to waste."

Bellamy chuckled and gave her a lazy two-fingered salute.  "I'll do my best."  He watched as Clarke and Cassi walked down the stairs, absently handing over his phone to Cole when he asked for it.  He then bent forward to retrieve the beer from the ground by his seat and idly watched the half-time entertainment of kids playing a pick-up game and some local dance team.

When the players were just trickling onto the field again from the locker room and he was wondering if he should check his phone to see if Clarke needed a hand, the middle-aged woman in the seat in front of his own stood up and turned to face him.

"I'm so sorry," the woman began.  "But I just have to say, your kids are just so well behaved.  We come to so many of these things, and there are so many kids who are just running, and shouting, and hanging on the railings like they're monkey bars, and your kids are just so well-mannered and pleasant."

"Uh, thank you," Bellamy replied, rather than explain the situation to a complete stranger.  He eyed Cole, who, bereft of the girls to chat with, had bent his head over Bellamy's phone to play a game, but the boy said nothing.

"And, also, it's great to see a happy family even though you started so young."  Someone called for the woman then, who immediately hurried off, while Bellamy just goggled at her.

"Awk-ward," Cole intoned, not even looking up.

That shook Bellamy out of his shock.  "Where did you even learn that?"

"Disney Channel."

"Where did he learn what?" Clarke asked as she made her way back through the seats to his side, Cam running in front of her and coming right at him.  Cassi had gone in the row behind them, handing her brother his pint of ice cream before climbing over into her own seat.

Bellamy grabbed the toddler and folded him onto his lap so that Clarke could sit down again in peace.  "Doesn't matter.  Uh, he was just reacting to this woman who said the kids were really well-behaved and that, uh, that we had a great family even though, ah, we started young."  He coughed, settling Cam and fussing with the toddler's hat to cover his embarrassment.

Clarke snorted beside him as she put down the diaper bag by her feet.  "I can't believe she would think that."  He began to nod in agreement at her scorn at the woman's assumption when she continued.  "Any kids we would have would be dark-haired, obviously.  It's like, basic science."

He sucked in a breath.  "Our kids would have dark hair?"

"Yeah, almost certainly.  Hopefully much more your skin-tone too, so they don't immediately crisp in the sun the way I do," Clarke continued on, as if one always discussed having children with friends.

"Good to know."  He hoped she couldn't hear his heart hammering in his chest.

But Clarke continued, "I mean, there's a chance that our kids would have blue eyes, depending on if you have any recessive light colored eye genes.  Like my mother.  She had brown eyes, but three of us have blue eyes, like our father, so clearly she had a recessive in there.  But Cam?"  She motioned to the toddler.  "Blonde hair and blue eyes?  Can't be ours.  That'd be...I can't imagine the odds, honestly."

He just stared as she sat back in her seat, smiling at Cam and tweaking his nose.  "Besides, how old does she think we were when we had Cassi?  I was sixteen when she was born!"  She began to laugh, glancing up at Bellamy.  "You'd have been committing a crime, not starting a family."

"Relax, maybe she's just saying we look old," Bellamy told her with a chuckle, after he found his voice again.

"Speak for yourself.  I look great today," Clarke teased, pushing his shoulder.

He wanted to agree, but managed to only say, "Modest too."

"The modestest," she agreed.

Each of them ended up finishing the kids' ice cream and then watching with amusement as they danced in their seats, trying to get t-shirts tossed to them or noticed by the cameras.  Clarke eventually took Cam back into her own lap and Bellamy stretched out as much as he could in the seats, looping an arm behind her.  The soft smile she'd given at the time let him know she didn't mind.

After the game ended, Cassi and Cole asked to look in the team's store.  Clarke shook her head and Bellamy knew she was thinking about the cost of everything they'd want to buy.

Hefting Cam in his arms, he offered to Clarke in a low voice, "Let me buy them one thing each, twenty dollar limit.  Let the parking lot clear out a bit before we wade into traffic."

Clarke bit her lip.  "I don't want you spending your own money…"

"You just took me to a game and fed me overpriced food and beer.  Let me pay you back a little," he replied with a smile.  

"Yeah, you were helping me the whole time."

"Let me spoil the kids a little, Clarke.  They'll think I'm awesome for doing it and my street cred will go up."

That made her laugh.  "Your street cred?  Wasn't aware you had any, but sure, knock yourself out."

As they were leaving the game, with Cassi and Cole both sporting new hats, Cam fussed, wanting to walk on his own, which was fine in the stadium.  Once they were outside, though, Bellamy picked him up again and suffered through the wailing that resulted.  

"Sorry little man, not gonna let you walk near the streets in this crowd," Bellamy told him, wincing at a particularly loud yell. 

"Hopefully that ends once we're in the car," Clarke mentioned, grabbing Cole's hand before they crossed the street.  "I think you just lost some of your 'street cred' with him, by the way."

"Well, with luck, he just tires himself out soon, and he goes to sleep, forgetting about this whole incident.  Then I can put him right in his crib at home."

"What are the chances we get so lucky?" Clarke asked as Cam hit a particularly high note.

"We can always hope for the best," Bellamy answered.

Fortunately, he turned out to be right and Cam fell asleep soon after the car hit the highway.  Once they were home, Bellamy got him out of the car, into his pajamas and in his crib without waking the toddler.  Then he headed back downstairs, to watch The Hunger Games movie with the rest of the family, by Cassi's request since their earlier discussion had reminded her of it.

He walked into the family room, to find the movie already starting and Clarke still in the kitchen.

"I'm just making some tea, Bell.  Do you want some?" 

"Sure, uh, just something herbal.  Oh, that Twinings one I picked up, Sweet Dreams I think it's called?"  

"Okay," she answered. 

He made himself comfortable on the couch and Clarke soon joined him, setting a tray between them which had two cups of tea, two small chocolate milks and a plate full of the fudge-striped cookies she'd insisted he buy last time at the store.  While the kids quickly made off with the chocolate milk and about half the cookies, Clarke tucked herself into the couch, so that she was half-facing him with her legs folded under her.

"The day went pretty well, huh?" she asked as she picked up one of the mugs and wrapped her hands around it.

"Very well.  I don't suppose the kids thanked you for it yet," Bellamy answered pointedly.

"Thank you!" came the chorus immediately and he smirked.

Clarke chuckled, inclining her head.  "Thank you for that."

"Of course," he told her with a fond smile.  

Although they both turned their eyes toward the screen, Bellamy's own thoughts remained on the day they'd had together.  He'd spent nearly every moment of it with Clarke, from breakfast to now, and not once did he feel anything other than contented.  He could easily see himself doing something like this for the rest of his life, with Clarke and the kids.  Maybe more kids down the road.  He was pretty much living the exact life he wanted.  He just needed to screw up enough courage to see if Clarke wanted the same thing.

* * *

"Thanks, guys, for moving our thing to the house," Bellamy said again.  Clarke had apologetically canceled and rescheduled his full-day off when she got called into the hospital for a shift with an overnight.  Fortunately, Murphy and Miller were amenable to just coming over in the afternoon and Wells had agreed to babysit in the evening so he didn't have to cancel his dinner plans with Octavia and Lincoln.

"Eh, we're still in the forbidden zone when it comes to the Still and these wings Miller brought are pretty good," Murphy answered, leaning towards to grab a couple more for his plate.

They were seated at the table by the kitchen, so they could keep an eye on the boys in the family room.  In his high chair, Cam was slowly feeding himself soft pasta and minced chicken, grinning and talking back when one of the guys addressed him.

After declining his offer to share, Miller gave the toddler a smile and then turned back to the others at the table.  "Bryan's getting a little...baby crazy," he admitted, motioning with his beer towards Cam.

"Yeah?" Bellamy wondered, wiping off his fingers on a napkin.  "I thought you guys were going to adopt, like a year after you got married. You've had a plan for years and he wants to go off-script now?"

"Which you're not going to do until you build your house," Murphy chimed in, adding a snort.  He'd never thought too much of the plan.

Most likely because they'd all heard about it repeatedly.  Bryan and Miller would buy some land, build their dream house along with a greenhouse and a huge garden, marry at the house and adopt a child.  The pair had come up with the plan while Miller was in juvie, over ten years ago, and they were close to finally getting started.

"I don't know.  He's starting to talk about having more than one, and maybe even one of our own.  Which is egg donors and surrogates and expensive," Miller agreed.  "And."  He leaned forward, shaking his head.  "He's got his heart set on this huge Victorian house to build.  Twenty-seven hundred square feet of living space.  Also expensive, and totally not necessary.  It's driving me a little crazy."

"Is that something you don't want?" Bellamy ventured, feeling suddenly awkward for living in a place with nearly triple the amount of room.

"I want to stick with the plan," Miller answered.  "Regular house, room for my dad to join us one day, room for the kid, place for him to grow his stuff.  That's it.  Now he's like, 'let's have more than one, let's-'"

"Oh, just get married already," Murphy interrupted, rolling his eyes, having apparently gotten to the limit of his patience in record time today.  "You are married already, but just fill out the paperwork or whatever."

"What?" Both Bellamy and Miller asked in surprised.

Murphy shook his head.  "Marriage is basically a state of mind.  You want to be married, you're married.  You don't, you're not.  The paperwork at the beginning and end is just the government giving you a start and stop date, but you two are married.  You have this plan, you live together, your lives are figured out together, you've got the same goals, you just argue the details.  You're married.  I don't know why it has to be such a fucking production."

Bellamy glanced at Cam quickly to see if he understood this, but the toddler was chewing the last piece of pasta he'd put into his mouth.  He aimed a quick glare at his friend, nodding towards the kid.  "Language.  We don't need him saying that word again."

"Yeah, sorry, forgot," Murphy acknowledged unapologetically.

"But he's right," Bellamy continued, looking at Miller.  "You guys are kind of married.  You're the only completely healthy couple I know."

Miller snorted.  "That's true.  The two of you are in some weird-ass relationships right now."

"Whoa," Murphy immediately protested.

Bellamy just shook his head.  "I'm not in a relationship."  Despite how much he wanted to be.  

"This is what I'm talking about right here."  Miller eyed Bellamy first.  "You are practically living a 50s housewife's dream - doctor earning the money, adorable children, beautiful house.  You're just not closing the deal for some reason."

Before Bellamy could counter that relationships had to be mutual, Miller rounded on Murphy.  "And you.  You're dating some woman.  Don't deny it.  And it's one woman.  But you won't admit it."

Murphy glared at him, then shook his head.  "I'll..admit it," he grumbled, leaving Bellamy stunned.  "She can't seem to get enough of my dick."

Bellamy brushed aside the attempt at bravado.  "You're dating a woman?  Like, just one?  Seriously?"

While Miller sat back in triumphant, a smirk on his face, Murphy shifted uncomfortably in his seat.  "Yeah, okay, yeah, basically. Sort of."

"Wow, that's very clear."

"We're taking it slow, okay, I've got a kid," Murphy snapped.

"You're doing better than this one here," Miller said, jerking his thumb in Bellamy's direction.  "You're at least open about what's going on between you two."  He reached for his phone, unlocking it and quickly scrolling to his calendar.

"You and your lady free on September 17th?" he asked.

"We're not going on a double date," Murphy denied, grabbing his beer and glowering at Miller.

"No, we're not.  Bryan and I are going out of town that weekend, but my dad got us tickets for  _ Much Ado About Nothing _ down at the Grant Theater.  You should take them, show her a nice time for once."  Miller grinned.  "It's a good play, one of the comedies."

"I prefer  _ Midsummer Night's Dream _ .  It's trippy," Murphy answered, then snorted at their looks.  "What, I'm literate.  I know Shakespeare.  Fuck off, you guys."

"Murphy!" Bellamy chided him, nodding at Cam who just shoved another piece of chicken into his mouth and grinned.

"Sorry," Murphy apologized, this time seeming to mean it.  "But, uh, yeah.  I don't know if I can use the tickets.  That's like a  _ date _ and I don't know if it's her kind of thing."

"Well, you can ask her and if she says yes, I'll give you the tickets," Miller suggested logically.

Bellamy considered his friend, mindful of Charlie's reaction to Clarke dating.  "What about E, Murph?  Does he know about her?"

"Uh, he knows her," Murphy confirmed.  "But not about me and her.  I don't want to confuse him.  This could...probably will go bad and I don't want to upset him."

Bellamy nodded sagely, internally noting that wasn't an option when it came to him and Clarke.  But as Miller and Murphy began to debate their favorite Shakespeare plays, he wondered if they would really be that upset.  If Clarke actually wanted to be with him, he didn't think Charlie would be that upset.  He knew Cole and Cam would be fine, so really Cassi was the wildcard, but she hadn't seemed repelled by the idea the other night.  

Maybe...maybe they could.

If she wanted.

The question was, did he risk asking?

* * *

Once Bellamy handed off the household to Wells for the evening, he stopped by the store to grab a bottle of wine at Octavia's request and then made his way over to the bungalow where she lived with her boyfriend.  Although he hadn't approved of Lincoln when the pair first got together, he and the older man had become friends - of a sort - in the intervening six years so there was no need to fake the smile on his face when Lincoln opened the door.

"Welcome," Lincoln greeted, motioning him inside with a gesture.

"Thanks.  I hope this bottle is alright?" Bellamy asked as he stepped inside.  Although small, the expansive living room gave him the impression of a larger place, which was big enough to house all of Lincoln's art supplies on a long table in the back corner.  

Lincoln took the wine and nodded quickly at the label.  "Should be perfect.  Octavia's just pulling the lamb from the grill so your timing is perfect."

Soon the trio was seated in the dining nook, Lincoln pouring the wine and the Blakes passing around the dishes to serve themselves.  They caught up on all the major doings in each others lives, which was mostly Octavia waxing rhapsodic about working with Dr. Indra while Bellamy and Lincoln exchanged amused looks.

When she came to an end, Bellamy leaned back in his seat, glass of wine in his hand.  "You sound really happy, O."

"I am happy," she confirmed with a smirk.  "I'm doing what I want to do, living up to my potential.  I have a gorgeous, loving boyfriend, who has a kickass little house and my life is awesome.  You should try it."

Bellamy paused mid-sip and frowned at her.  "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Living your life, instead of being a feature in someone else's," Octavia replied, ignoring Lincoln pointedly when he put a restraining hand on her arm.  "I know you like being a nanny, and the kids are great, especially Cas and Cole, but don't you want anything more in your life?  Like a life you're living for yourself?"

"You're right, I like being a nanny.  It's great," Bellamy retorted defensively while Lincoln got to his feet and began to clear the dishes, likely as an excuse to get out of the crossfire.  "I get to work with kids all day, help them be whoever they're going to be.  The only more in my life I want is someone to share that with and...maybe's going to happen soon."

"Oh yeah?  Who?  You just broke up with Gina, don't tell me you've fallen so quickly for someone else," Octavia denied, completely dismissing the idea.  "I know you.  You don't hop from girl to girl like that.  You take a long time to get over someone, your one month bed-hopping when you were newly in the Army and around all that toxic masculinity aside."

Bellamy shook his head, opening his mouth to explain but Octavia just continued.  

"I want you to go out and do the things you'd actually like to do, like write your novel or travel to the places you read all about in college.  You think the only way you can be happy is if you're taking care of someone, putting them first. You're just so wrapped up in the person that Mom wanted you to be for me that you can't see any other way to be happy!

"You are a natural leader, Bell!  You could've had a real career in the Army, or become a teacher, or done anything, and instead you've convinced yourself that you're only happy if you're taking care of someone else."

"Hold on," Bellamy barked at her.  "First of all, there is nothing wrong with my wanting to take care of other people.  And every time I've been a leader, it's to do that, take care of other people.  But I don't want to be in situations where my taking care of them has me holding a weapon, okay?  I didn't really like who I was in the Army. That's why I didn't go career.  

"And while the idea of being a teacher is great, the hoops you have to jump through to do what I'm already doing just didn't make sense.  I don't have the patience and hustle to join academia, which is filled to bursting with grad students trying to get in.  Instead, I am doing exactly what I want to be doing, which is working with kids, kids I don't have to say goodbye to at the end of the school year.  I love my job, O."

"What about a family of your own then?  How are you supposed to meet someone and fall in love and start a family when your whole life revolves around someone else's family?"

Bellamy swallowed, setting down his wineglass deliberately.  "I have met someone."

"Oh, come on."  Octavia rolled her eyes.  "And she's okay with your schedule as a nanny?"  She eyed him warily, but soon she gazed knowingly.  "Oh my god, it's Clarke, isn't it?"

Bellamy's mouth clicked shut, then he nodded once.  "Yeah, it's Clarke."

"She's your boss.  Your boss.  Talk about toxic.  But this is what I'm talking about!  You're defining your life by her and her kids.  What about you?  Does she even see you as an equal?  Or are you just in love with the situation?  Ready-made family just for you."

"She's never belittled what I do for a living, I know that!  That's more than I can say for you!"  Bellamy slammed a fist down on the table, then forced himself to take a breath.  Fortunately, Octavia paused, letting him get a grip on himself before he continued more carefully.

"I know she sees me as an equal.  Fuck, we even make all the financial decisions together, for her, me and the kids.  I could easily spend my time just with her, but we both actually like being around the kids.  A night off once in awhile is fine, but we're both homebodies.  We enjoy being together and that's without sex even."

Octavia snorted.  "Do you mean to tell me you're not even...with her yet?  You're just...convinced you're going to be with her?  That's worse than I thought.  Bell-"

"No.  Just no," Bellamy interrupted.  "I haven't yet..I'm getting there.  It's a lot to risk, because I do love my job, those kids need me, and I don't know if she'd even want me."

"Please."  Octavia rolled her eyes.  "She totally wants you, at least physically.  I was there on July 4th, I saw how she was looking at you.  And you could be one-stop shopping for her.  You take care of all her kids and her house and you're good-looking and a good person, so of course she'd fall into bed with you.  That doesn't make it right or good or healthy!"

"You once told me that I don't have a right to tell you who to fall in love with.  You're right, I don't.  But you don't have the right to tell me I can't be in love with Clarke!"  

"But that's just it, it's not love, it's probably just infatuation, because she's a good mother and you want to help her out.  But she's your boss, not your girlfriend!"

"Octavia."  Lincoln finally interrupted, wiping his hands on a dish towel near the end of the counter.  "You are wrong."

She gaped at him.  Bellamy was pretty stunned himself, feeling himself go slack-jawed.  Lincoln never interrupted the Blake sibling spats, much less sided against Octavia.

"What?" she demanded.

"You're wrong.  You're wrong to tell him how he feels.  You're wrong to tell him he's not feeling the way he is.  You of all people should know we don't always meet the people we want to be with in the perfect way."

Octavia scoffed. "That's different,  you weren't my employee."

"No, I was technically a patient of the clinic where you worked, which is arguably worse.  Between where I was, and how old you were, why did you think I've insisted we wait until we were together for ten years before getting married?"

Bellamy briefly recalled Murphy's words earlier but decided not to interrupt.

"You said it's because you want to be clean for ten years," Octavia accused.

"And I do, to prove to myself I can be that person but it's also so you grow into the person you want to be.  Who you are at twenty and who you are at thirty can be really different and I don't want you tied to me before you know, you know for certain who that is."

Octavia stood abruptly to go over to Lincoln's side.  "Lincoln, I know who I am and who you are.  And we're even better together."

Lincoln smiled down at her, folding her into his arms.  "I agree we're better together.  I just want to have the faith in us as individuals as we have in us as a unit."

Bellamy looked away as they shared a kiss, then balled up the napkin in his lap and tossed it on the table.  He got his feet, saying, "I'm going to head out."

The pair looked back at him and Lincoln nudged Octavia to go to her brother.  She came over, laying a conciliatory hand on his arm.  "Look, Bell.  I just want you to be really happy, not in a position where you think you should be happy because it's easier," she tried to explain.

"I get that, O, I really do.  I think I just got lucky," he admitted.  "I stumbled into a job where I could meet Clarke and her family all at once.  I can promise you though, if I had met Clarke in a bar, or out in the world somewhere, I think I would feel the same way.  We're both about helping others, we get along well even if we're arguing about something.  But we don't argue about the big things.  We're on the same page so often it's almost scary."

Octavia watched him carefully as he spoke and something softened in her expression. Maybe it was the way he had been speaking about Clarke.

"Okay then, big brother.  If you're sure, then you should go for it.  Go, be happy."  She mustered a smile.  "Let me know when you're official, so I can show her all those slick-backed hair photos from high school."

Bellamy groaned, but gave her a return smile and a hug.  "Come on, O.  Why would you do that?"

"Because you're my big brother.  It's basically my job to bust your balls."  Octavia pulled back from his arms after a moment.  "And don't go yet.  I bought this amazing pie from the farmers' market and we have some of that great ice cream too.  At least have dessert before you go."

"I...can do that," Bellamy allowed, letting himself be drawn back to the table.

As he sat back down and Octavia went to the kitchen to secure dessert, he mulled over the situation.  With the approval of everyone important in his life - Octavia and the guys - and a fairly good idea of how the kids would take it, he just needed to talk to the most important person of all in this.

Because if Clarke even felt half the way about him that he felt about her, he was pretty fucking sure it would be worth the risk.  
  


 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry! Yes, I know, but I think you'll like the next chapter. Also, because this is me, and that's what I do, here is the house plan for Lincoln's place: http://www.eplans.com/house-plans/epl/styles/craftsman-house-plans-and-homes-and-craftsman-floor-plans/bungalow-house-and-floor-plans/hwepl60275.html.
> 
> Finally, this work has been nominated for the Bellarke Fanfiction Awards 2016 for Best Work in Progress! Thank you to whomever nominated me! Voting is now open but closes on the 28th. I encourage you to take a look at all the nominees at http://bellarkefanfictionawards.tumblr.com/, because if you're looking for something to read, this is a great place to start!


	11. An Ending and A Beginning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which stuff happens.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to @bfl1201, as is now customary. She's been my beta reader and my cheerleader throughout, for which I cannot thank her enough. Thanks also to every commenter, every subscriber. My inbox and my statistics really help me push through when I'm having a bad day writing.
> 
> I hope you like the chapter.

The last week of the summer, for kids and adults alike, was horrible.  Not only did Cassi have to throw herself into the summer work she'd neglected over the past two months, but both Cole and Ethan realized they would no longer be spending most of everyday with each other.  Somehow, that impending tragedy convinced both of them to behave poorly, ignoring directions, sulking at having to pick up the toys they played with, and being loud and obnoxious at all times.

Charlie also brought back a cold with him from his trip to the lake, one that promptly infected everyone in the house in turn, except Clarke.  Bellamy was the last one to come down with the virus, and stoic as he was, actually hid his symptoms until Clarke came home the second day to find him trying to blow his nose into a tissue in the kitchen, looking thoroughly miserable.

Putting her bags on the counter, Clarke took one look at him and prescribed, "Decongestant, antihistamine, and ibuprofen and get to bed."

"I don't take orders from you," Bellamy grumbled, tossing the used tissue into the garbage and then reaching for her bags to pull out the use lunch containers.

"It's sound medical advice, not an order," Clarke denied, rolling her eyes and batting away his hands.  "Go, I can get something to eat, put my containers away, all that, by myself."

Bellamy glowered at her, drawing himself up to his full height and attempting to take a deep breath, one that got caught in his throat and and led to a brief coughing fit.  

Clarke restrained her smile.  "Go to bed," she repeated, voice gentled with sympathy.  "Even if you weren't sick, I'd still probably send you to bed, after dealing with the Hyde Twins and everyone else today."  After the first day of Cole and Ethan's bad behavior, Bellamy had complained that they'd both gone from Jekylls to Hydes, coining a new nickname.

"Speaking of," Bellamy sighed, leaning against the counter in resignation.  "Cole's grounded until school starts and both he and Ethan are on half-day time outs tomorrow."

"What did they do?" Clarke asked in an ominous voice.

"Beyond harassing Cassi who has to finish her work?  And sneaking into Charlie's room and using his computer without permission and almost deleting the notes for the robotics project he was working on?"  Bellamy leaned forward to fish two badly dented pots out of the trash.  "They ruined these."

Clarke's nostrils flared.  "I'm going to kick his ass," she promised.

"It's already been kicked," he replied sourly.  "But some reinforcement wouldn't hurt."

She nodded, then gestured to the stairs.  "After you," she invited, smiling openly when he finally moved.

As they climbed the stairs, she asked, "What does a half-day timeout entail, exactly?"

"I was going to make them sit at the table in the kitchen silently and clip coupons from a couple of Sunday papers until lunch time."

"You're going to Breakfast Club them?"  Clarke grinned delightedly.

"I'm not putting them in the library with no supervision," he denied with a huff.

"You know, I'm so proud of you for knowing the reference," she teased.

"I don't know where you get this idea that I don't know pop culture."

"Probably because I never see you reading any fiction or watching any pop culture on your own.  I mean, I know you've read YA fiction, and you've watched the Marvel movies, and you have Transformers on DVD, but....I guess it just seems like you wouldn't know the reference," Clarke thought it through.  "But you're right, you do know pop culture just fine."

"Thanks," he replied dryly, pausing outside of Cole's bedroom door.

"Uh..and what does grounding for Cole look like?"  She didn't want to walk in blind.

Bellamy looked pleased with himself.  "I took away his chromebook, he's not allowed to use the tablets or any of the computers, he doesn't have a pick on what to watch downstairs, and I took away his Legos."

Clarke blinked.  "He has _tons_ of Legos."

"Yeah, and now all his tubs of plastic bricks are in my apartment," Bellamy agreed.  "I stood over Ethan and him as they packed everything up."

"And you say you're bad at thinking up punishments."  Clarke took a breath.  "Okay, I'm going in."

"Stay strong.  He's going to pull that face on you," Bellamy warned.  She knew exactly what he was talking about, the wide-eyed, innocent look that Cole would wear when he wanted something very badly.

"Right."  She gave him a critical once over.  "Go take the medicine and relax, Bell.  I've got this."

Clarke watched him grumpily head into his apartment, then turned back to Cole's door.  She made her way inside, to find the boy sitting on his bed, red-eyed and sniffling as he read a book.  Cole determinedly did not make eye contact with her as she crossed over and sat on the end of his bed.

"Do you want to tell me what happened today?" she asked, keep her gaze level.

Cole shrugged.  "I got in trouble," he answered sullenly.

"What were you doing that you got in trouble?"

Slowly, in drips, she got the whole story out of him, ending with his and Ethan's decisions to use pots as "dropships" for their action figures as they tossed them from the second floor porch.  "We were just trying to do something fun!  We were bored!"

"Good thing school is starting next week, so you won't be so bored all the time in this house with all the TV shows, and movies, and video games, and toys, and board games, and books, and art supplies, and a playhouse."

Cole blinked, instantly latching onto one thing she said.  "Bellamy says I can't have my Legos to play with!"

"That was only after you damaged the pots, and you know that.  So, no Legos, no laptop, no computers, no tablets, no picking what to watch 'til school starts.  Because if you're not going to respect other people's time and things, then you don't get cool things of your own either."  Clarke tried to keep her tone reasonable even though she was rapidly getting frustrated with his attitude.

He frowned and flopped back on his bed.  "It's not fair!"

"It's very fair."  Clarke shook her head.  "I'm just so...disappointed in you, Cole.  I know you know what you did was wrong, but you don't want to admit it.  You're better than that, and hopefully, this week of grounding, and tomorrow's half-time out will convince you to behave that way."

Tears started leaking from his big, doe-brown eyes and Clarke steeled herself.  "You're so mean," he accused.  "Mom and Dad wouldn't be this mean!"

She took a moment to get a handle on her emotions.  Cole was smart and she half-expected him to try a low blow, in keeping with his behavior of late.  Finally, she decided on an appropriate reply.  "It's okay if you feel that way," she announced in a clipped tone.  "But I'm not changing your punishment."

Clarke rose and headed for the door, ignoring her brother as he began to cry in earnest.  "Good night, Cole," she added definitively, pulling his door closed behind her as she stepped into the hallway.

She found Charlie there, sitting on the top step of the stairs, apparently waiting for her.

"He's a brat.  Want me to beat him up for you?"

Clarke snorted.  "I don't think child abuse is going to help the situation, but thanks for the offer.  Besides, I remember someone being about his age sneaking into my room to play with my stuff too."  She looked him over.  "How are you?  Cold all gone?"

Charlie grimaced at the recollection, but nodded as he got to his feet.  "Yeah, I'm okay.  Tomorrow's your day off, right?"

"Yeah," she confirmed.  "I'm about to get myself some food.  Wanna join me or do I even need to ask?"

He shrugged a shoulder.  "I could eat."

Clarke refrained from making a joke as they went downstairs, but she huffed in annoyance when they found Bellamy in the kitchen, putting together a few plates of food.

"I told you to go to bed."

"I took the medicine," Bellamy retorted.  "Just thought I'd make a cup of tea and since I was here…"  He shrugged.

She shook her head.  "You are so full of it.  Like you can't make a cup of tea upstairs."  But she still took the plate of fish, vegetables and rice he offered her and sat at the table.  Despite Cole's behavior and her general tiredness, they actually had a pleasant meal, and Bellamy didn't protest much when she sent him off. Afterwards, Clarke took some cookies up to Cassi's room for a sisterly gripe session, and then checked in on the sleeping Cam before heading to her own bed.

It was all so domestic and absolutely not where she thought she'd be at this age.  Clarke always imagined by her third year of residency, she'd have settled into a good routine, have enough time to go out more, see more shows or go on trips maybe.  Instead, she lived in a huge home, had four children, and almost no time at all for herself.

She glanced down the hallway at the closed door to Bellamy's apartment.   _This might not be my beautiful life, but I love it._

* * *

Somehow, but likely to due to the fact that he felt like the "victim of Death, destroyer of worlds," Clarke convinced Bellamy to stay in bed in the morning, after giving him another dose of all the medications.

"How come you're not sick?" he accused in a raspy voice, throat sore from post-nasal drip, leaning on one elbow in his bed and taking the glass of water she offered so he could swallow the pills.  With a terrible case of bedhead, eye crusts in his lashes and sporting a red, chapped nose from too many tissues, she just wanted to smooth back his hair and press a kiss to his forehead.  

Fortunately, she managed to control herself and silently thanked him for wearing a t-shirt to bed.

"I work in a petri dish, basically.  Lots of antibodies swimming around inside of me."  Clarke took back the glass and set it on his bedside table.  "Try and get some more rest.  I'll take care of the house today and I'll check on you at lunch."

She wore a pleased little smile as she got Cam dressed for the day and then roused Cole.  "You've got ten minutes to get dressed and come to the kitchen for breakfast.  I haven't forgotten about your timeout," she told him crisply before heading downstairs.  She wasn't about to allow him to sleep away some of that punishment time.

Fortunately, she made it to the foyer in time to hear the knock at the door.  Opening it, she found Murphy and Ethan, the former dressed for work.

"You guys are a little early, aren't you?" Clarke wondered, knowing that the Murphys usually came around eight in the morning.

"Yes, but that's because Ethan has something to say and also so he can sit in every minute of his timeout," Murphy replied, ushering in his son and closing the door behind himself.

Clarke nodded, keeping her expression neutral even though she inwardly chuckled at the similarity of thought.

The little blond looked up and offered her a folded piece of paper.  "I'm sorry for what I did yesterday," he told her, voice small and solemn.

With her free hand, she shook out and read the note penned in what was clearly Ethan's handwriting.  She could easily make out how hard he'd worked from the indentations each letter made in the paper.

_Dear Uncle Bell and Clarke,_

_I am sorry I messed up your pots.  You have always been really nice to me and I should not have played with the pots.  I am also sorry I played with Charlie's computer without permission and annoyed Cassidy while she was working.  I will never do anything bad at your house again._

He signed the letter " _Sincerely, Ethan Forrester Murphy_ " and Clarke resisted the impulse to give him an immediate hug.

"Well, I accept your apology," she told him instead, holding the letter away from Cam's grasping hands.  "Please go sit at the table in the kitchen and I'll be there in a minute."

Ethan turned and Murphy crouched down to look at him eye to eye.  "Remember what I said."

The little boy nodded, throwing his arms around his father's neck.  "Goodbye, Daddy," he said in a small voice, pulling away slowly and then walking towards the kitchen.

As Murphy stood, Clarke told him quietly, "He sounds like you're leaving him forever."

"When he's upset, he sounds like that, like some forlorn, abandoned child," Murphy agreed, an undertone of sadness in his own voice.  But when she looked at him, he still wore that same, stone-faced expression he'd shown his son.

"Mama, juice," Cam whined at her, wiggling in her arms.

"Just a second, little man," she answered, shifting him some on her hip.

Murphy's expression immediately changed to give her an amused look.  "That's what Blake calls him - 'little man.'  Called Ethan that too when he was very little."

Clarke chuckled.  "Yeah, I guess I picked it up from him."

He nodded, then sobered, asking, "And what do I owe you for the pots he destroyed?"

She blinked, having not even thought of that particular issue.  "Uh, honestly, I have no idea what the pots cost.  But don't worry about it.  I'm pretty sure Cole was the instigator on this one and we'll take care of the replacement costs."

"I'll take responsibility for Ethan's actions, like he is," Murphy denied.  "Just let me know what I owe you when Blake figures it out."  He frowned slightly.  "Where is he?  He's usually up by now."

Clarke decided not to press the pot payment issue, replying lightly, "Oh, he caught the cold the kids had.  I put him back to bed so I'll be in charge of the pack today."

"He...let you put him back to bed?" Murphy asked incredulously before a huge smile appeared on his face.  "He got the flu a few years ago, and I think Octavia and I had to strap him to the bed."

"Well," she temporized.  "I'm a doctor, not family.  It's different."

"Pretty sure your degree doesn't have anything to do with it," he answered slyly but she resolutely ignored his tone.  And its implication. Now was most certainly not the time.

"Okay, I'm heading to work.  Let me know if Ethan steps out of line at all today."

"I will, but I think he's going to be pretty subdued based on what I just saw."

"He better be," Murphy replied darkly.  "We had a long talk last night about all of this.  He's going into the third grade and he's going to be the youngest and the smallest.  He can't give his teacher or anyone else a reason to think he doesn't belong."

"Cole's older and did the same thing," Clarke reminded him.  "They're...kids.  They're going to do stupid things, no matter how smart they are."

"Yeah."  Murphy clearly wanted to keep arguing but he cut himself off.  "I'll see you later tonight."

"Right.  Have a good day at work," she responded, unwilling to prod him on what was clearly a sore subject.   Not when she had to preserve her strength for the day ahead.

To her surprise, though, despite having to monitor two kids in punishment, one she supplemented by having them write apology letters to Cassi and Charlie since Murphy had given her the idea, the morning passed relatively quickly.   Cassi helped her make a decent breakfast for everyone, Charlie barely complained when she woke him at eight so he could start easing back into waking for school everyday, and Cole and Ethan only tried to talk to each other three times during their timeout.  They also managed to clip all the coupons that Bellamy left on the kitchen counter.  Once the takeout Clarke ordered for lunch arrived, she had them deliver their apology letters and then released them from their timeout.

Leaving Cam under Charlie's watch, Clarke walked upstairs with a bowl and one of the containers of soup.  She knocked on Bellamy's door, but was surprised when it opened.  

"I thought you'd be in bed," she admonished.

"Then why did you knock?"

"I...didn't want to be rude?"

Bellamy half-chuckled and cracked a smile, opening the door wide.  Although still stuffed up, he sounded worlds better than he had that morning. "Come in.  I was just up to get some more pills, find a new box of tissues and maybe get a cup of tea."

"I brought soup," she reported, glancing down at her hands as she walked inside.  "Though..you can see that."

"Yeah.  Is that hot and sour soup?"

"Yup, to clear out your nasal passages for...a second or so.  I always like hot and sour soup when I'm sick," she explained as she moved into his kitchen to prepare the bowl.  She walked this out to him on the couch, where he'd settled after taking his medicine.

"Here.  I'll go get some more tissues for you.  Just eat, I'll take care of everything."

"How are the kids?"

"Eat," Clarke insisted.  "We'll talk when I get back."  She didn't miss him rolling his eyes at her, but he did pick up the spoon.  When she got back, putting both a new box of tissues and the old, empty box next to it, he'd already finished the bowl and gotten himself another.  She also placed Ethan's letter to them on the table, which he read with a slight smile.

"I wonder how long it took him to write this."

"Awhile, I'm guessing, from what Murphy suggested.  How are you feeling now?"

"I feel better.  A little," he admitted as he set down the bowl for a moment and pulled a tissue from the box.  "Why's this one there?" he asked about the empty box.

"So you have a little trash can for the used tissues handy. Just put them in there, and then you don't have to clean up grody tissues later," she replied as she took a seat on the couch.

Bellamy eyed her briefly.  "That's a good idea."

"I know.  I'd take credit for it, but I read it on the internet years ago.  Still, good idea."

He nodded, taking up his bowl again.  "How are the kids?"

Clarke smiled. "They're okay.  I think Murphy put the fear of God into Ethan, because he's been especially meek today.  Cole's angry, but obedient.  He's not willing to risk more punishment, if only because I think Charlie and Cassi would gleefully enforce it."

"You know, I think I'm feeling better enough to help out.."

"Nope," Clarke replied cheerfully, reaching out with her foot to poke him in the side.  "Just take the day."

Bellamy grimaced, letting himself be gently pushed to one side before straightening.  "You ordered takeout for lunch.  What are you going to do for dinner?"

"Cassi wants to help me cook, so we'll manage something.  The only reason I did takeout for lunch is because I wanted to get that soup for you, and I couldn't order something for you without something for everyone else."  

"I can't imagine how much you had to order with Charlie here."

"He supplemented his lunch with last night's leftovers."

That prompted Bellamy to chuckle.  "Sounds like him.  Anything else I'm missing?"

Clarke pondered, then perked up.  "Oh, yeah, your sister texted me, wanted to see about hanging out, maybe over the weekend.  I guess she doesn't have a lot of female friends and has decided I'm good enough?"  

Octavia's texts had been poorly spelled, didn't seem to even touch the concept of grammar, and were entirely unexpected.  But Clarke warmed to know that Bellamy's sister liked her enough to reach out.

Bellamy coughed on his soup.  "She what?"  He looked as startled as she'd felt when the first seven messages had come in, all in quick succession.

"Well, that's what she told me.  She was thinking of having a crab boil maybe?  Said she could pick up a bushel.  I told her I had to work Labor Day, and I think you're taking the kids to the Kanes anyway, but I thought maybe Sunday would work instead?  I'd want to bring something too, though, but what goes with a crab boil?  Also, I don't think Cassi would go for eating seafood in its original form and I doubt Charlie or Cole has the patience to pick through crab, so maybe we can bring something for them to eat and Cam too."

Bellamy seemed to have recovered from his surprise.  "If she wants to do a boil, we could bring a bunch of shrimp, corn, potatoes, throw it in with the crab in whatever big pot.  But we should do it here, so we're not invading their little house with the whole zoo."

"Sure, I can offer, but if we do that, I want to invite the whole crew.  The Murphys, Wells and Luna, Raven and Bryan and Miller too."  Clarke frowned.  "Is a bushel enough?  Should we chip in for a second?"

"A bushel is six dozen.  Should be enough especially with shrimp, corn and all the rest.  Why aren't you inviting your doctor friends?"

Clarke smiled.  "They're doing a couples' weekend away.  Harper's pretty excited about it.  Jasper is less so, though.  I think his idea of a perfect weekend is hanging out with Maya in his apartment playing video games.  I'm glad she's getting him out of his comfort zone a little."

She'd only felt the mildest of jealousy when Harper had told her the plans.  As much as the idea of going on a romantic weekend away sounded good, Clarke wasn't ready to leave her siblings on an overnight trip.  And not just because that's how they'd lost their parents.  Their family dynamic was still too new for her to feel comfortable leaving them alone with someone else for a few days, especially since the only person she trusted to watch them that long was the person with whom she'd want to share a romantic weekend.

Bellamy's reply pulled her from that thought.  "The only thing that might be a problem is that I don't know if you have a big enough pot for a real boil."

"Oh!  No, we do, in the storeroom.  There's a whole set of stock pots and like, a lobster pot?  We just never use them."  Clarke smiled.  "But that does remind me.  Can you tell me which pots we're now missing, so I can replace them?"

"I'll take care of it.  They got damaged on my watch."

She snorted.  "What is it with you and Murphy?  Cole is my kid, he's almost certainly responsible for the idea, and ultimately, they were my pots.  I will replace them."

"You don't even know what size pots they were.  Or what I cook in them."  Bellamy set down his bowl again and leaned back into the couch cushions.

"I'm not letting either of you buy the replacements," she warned.

"Then I'm not telling you what size pots we need.  I'll just get them." His voice turned resolute.  

"Don't you dare."  Clarke huffed as she unfolded herself.  "I've got to get back to the kids, but I mean it.  It's not your or Murphy's responsibility to replace."

"I'm pretty sure it is."

She felt her temper flare and she restrained herself from stamping her foot.  He could be so obstinate about the silliest things. "Bellamy Bradbury Blake, if you buy those pots with your own money, I will hide the money for them in your apartment."  Clarke couldn't quite believe they were arguing over this.

"You think using my middle name scares me?" he retorted, glowering from his seat.

"I could call you something else, but you're sick, and I'm being nice."  She walked towards the door, throwing over her shoulder, "Keep resting."

Despite her words, she did go back to check on him as she was about to put Cam down for his nap after settling the boys in Cole's room.  They'd become consumed with the idea of making their own Falcon comic book, which she felt was a pretty safe activity.   She found Bellamy half-dozing on his couch, the Discovery Channel on in the background.

"Hey, why don't you go to bed?" she suggested with a smile.

Cam shifted in her grasp, reaching for Bellamy and whining.

"I like this couch.  It's comfortable," he responded, automatically holding out his arms for the toddler.  After a second, Clarke let him take ahold of Cam and settled him in his lap.

"Want to take a nap with me, little man?" Bellamy asked him, smiling a little when the toddler reached out with his small fingers to pat his cheek.

"Nap nap," Cam agreed.

Clarke bit her lip, her old concern for Cam taking naps in places not his crib surfacing for a moment, but then nodded.  "If you guys want to do that, sure.  I'll probably be in laundry room, trying keep an eye on the other two, so call if he needs something."

"Sure thing," Bellamy answered sleepily, laying back with Cam cradled to his chest and one arm securely around him.

After only fifteen minutes, she couldn't resist the urge to check on them.  The sight of them both comfortably asleep, Bellamy's mouth slightly open so he could breathe despite his stuffy nose and his shirt fisted in Cam's little hands, made her fingers itch for her sketchbook.  Following the impulse, she soon found herself curled on the armchair in Bellamy's living room.

As she carefully drew out the image before her, she smiled to herself.  Clarke thought she might have outed her fantasies of having children with Bellamy when they went to the soccer game and she'd babbled on about what they'd probably look like.  But when he did things like this, she couldn't help herself.  

Bellamy had inserted himself irrevocably into her life, into her hopes for the future, all by being himself.  She just had to tell him and hope that she might feature in his plans too.

Clarke could, and probably would, she admitted to herself, point out all the ways they made sense together when she could finally work up the courage to talk about it with him.  Not only did they balance each other out, with complementary skills, they enjoyed each other's company.  They wanted the same things out of life.  They were happy being at home with a bunch of kids.  They kept each other grounded and they took care of each other, not letting the other run themselves into the ground.

But beyond all that, even beyond the pure physical attraction, she knew she loved him.  That he could be to her what her father had been to her mother - a friend, a companion, a partner and a lover all rolled into one.

She just had to tell him.

* * *

When Sunday rolled around, with threatening skies in the morning and thunderstorms predicted for the afternoon and evening, Bellamy immediately let everyone know that they would be boiling and eating inside the house.  While originally annoyed, Clarke soon became grateful to the weather gods, since that meant setting up a disposable tablecloth on the dining room table along with laying down a bunch of newspaper instead of hauling up the tables and extra chairs from the storage room again.

Bellamy directed his crew of helpers in the kitchen like a boss.  He and Charlie were cleaning red-skinned potatoes and digging out the eyes while Cassi, Cole and Ethan shucked corn.  Murphy had come early, to make sure the drinks were well iced by the time folks got there, though he'd left for the bathroom as soon as the actual work began.  Raven, meanwhile, having already spent the night in an attempt to avoid the construction noises coming from Finn's neighbor's apartment this weekend, was in the guestroom doing some work on her laptop.

"Can you get the pots from storage?" Bellamy asked Clarke after she finished setting up the dining room.  "I forgot to grab them this morning."

Clarke glanced at her phone, which had a message from Octavia telling her, " _were on way!!!!_ "  She nodded.  "Sure, I'll rinse them out too.  I'm sure they've got some dust on them.  I can't remember the last time they were used."

"I'm not going to be here when you put the crabs in boiling water!" Cassi insisted for the third time.  "And I don't want any crab stuff in my shrimp!"

"We'll make a separate, smaller pot with the shrimp, okay, Cas?" Bellamy immediately offered, after glancing at Clarke.  She too agreed it wasn't worth the fight.

"Okay, I'll be right back.  I'm going to pull Raven away from her laptop too." Her friend had the tendency to get in a "work daze" and stay there for a bit even after she stopped working. Clarke wanted her out of that before other folks started to arrive.

"We'll be here," Bellamy assured her with a smile.

Clarke walked down the hall to the guest room, giving it a perfunctory knock before entering.  "Hey, Rave, I think that's enough work for now-"  She stopped dead in her tracks as her friend came into view.

And her friend's ass.

As she was half-naked, climbing on top of a fairly nude Murphy, who was sitting on her bed, hands on Raven's hips as he helped steady her over his...

Clarke immediately turned around, before she could get any more intimate details of his anatomy.  "Oh my god!"

"Clarke!  Why didn't you wait for the 'come in' part?" Raven demanded hotly.

She could hear scrambling in the background.  "I..I…"  What could she even say?  That she never thought she'd walk in on Raven about to have sex with Murphy?  "I'm going," she finally decided, practically running out of the room and slamming the door shut behind her.

Heart racing with embarrassment, Clarke clattered downstairs almost blindly and rushed into the relative peace and quiet of the storage room.  Once there, she homed in on the stack of pots on top of one of the huge boxes that contained her mother's old textbooks, which Abby Griffin could never bring herself to either unpack or throw away.  

Reaching out for the biggest pot there, her hand froze on the metal handle as she tried to get a mental grip on her thoughts.  Despite it appearing in so many books and movies, Clarke had never walked in on anyone having sex before, nor even heard of it happening to someone in real life.  It was jarring, and she felt awful about intruding on a private moment.

But she was also confused and upset.  As far as she knew, Raven couldn't say one good thing about Murphy, and now she was okay with sleeping with him?  Since when?  She knew some people were okay with sleeping with folks they didn't particularly like, but she couldn't understand the impulse herself.  Why would you let someone literally inside of you if you didn't like them?  What the hell?

While her mind turned over these thoughts, she dimly registered that someone was coming down the stairs.  Based on the gait, she guessed who it was and resolutely turned to face her friend.

Raven soon appeared in the doorway.  "Hey."

"Hey?" Clarke asked.

"Well, what do you want me to say?  Sorry you saw Murphy's junk?" Raven snapped.

That unleashed something inside of her.  "Why are you having sex in the middle of the day in my house with a guy you don't even like?" she retorted angrily.

"We haven't gotten a chance to get together in a few days, because he's been busy at work and so have I."

"Are you telling me Murphy's your lunch time guy?" Stunned, Clarke actually took a step back.

Raven rolled her eyes.  "Yeah, how many guys do you think I'm sleeping with?"

"I..I don't know, I'm not judging you."

"Oh yeah?  Sounds an awful lot like judging me."

Clarke's cheeks felt like they were burning.  "I'm just surprised is all!  You don't even like him!"

"I like him!  Come on, I wouldn't have been sleeping with him for weeks if I didn't like him!"

That was news to Clarke.  But so was the fact that someone was having sex at the Griffin residence.

"Have you guys been doing it in my house before today?" Clarke demanded to know.  "I haven't even been doing it in my house!"

"That's not my fault!  You've got a guy, just...do it!"  Raven paused before nodding her head.  "But yeah, we've done it in your house before," she admitted.  "Kinda started with doing it in your house, actually."

"What?"

"You know, the Fourth."

"You hated him on the Fourth!  I thought you were going to kill him!"  Clarke couldn't believe what she was hearing.

Raven sucked in a breath, frowning.  "Listen, it's not exactly your business, but after I found out Ethan was his, we kinda did a hate flirting thing and ended up banging in the guest room, okay?  And then a couple of weeks later, we did it in the bathroom and after that, we just sort of started screwing each other."

"Raven."  Clarke's stomach flipped, concern immediately going towards both of the Murphys.  She knew they were both sensitive, no matter what front Murphy might put on.  Ethan wore it on his sleeve, but Murphy was too.  She didn't want either one of them to get hurt by a fling, especially by someone who was her friend and who they couldn't necessarily avoid when it ended.  "You can't...he's got a kid, you can't just fuck around with him."

"Oh my god, I'm not, okay, I'm not.  Maybe it started that way, but I swear, I'm not.  I like the asshole, okay?"  Raven shrugged and put on a wry smile.  "He's my kind of asshole."

Watching her friend's tone and demeanor completely change with that admission, how her body relaxed and warmth entered her voice, sent a jolt of emotion through Clarke - an oily sort of jealousy.  Not for Murphy, but for Raven's ability to be with someone she really wanted.  Unable to maintain her feet under the heaviness of her realization, Clarke stumbled to a seat on a nearby box.

"I..I thought you hated him."

"We had a bad first meeting, yeah.  But we got past it."  Raven's mouth quirked as she awkwardly came to sit beside her.  "I hated his mouth, but he showed me he can use it for other, more interesting things."

"Oh, ugh.  I can't think about Murphy doing it," Clarke denied with a shake of her head, hiding her face in her hands.  

"I know, he's like your boy's brother.  Besides."  Raven straightened.  "I don't want people thinking of him like that.  He's...mine."

Clarke peeked out at her friend.  "You sound surprised."

"I did not expect to like him so much, okay, you're right.  But I do.  And I totally get that he has a kid.  Him having a kid is a big attraction for me, believe it or not.  He's so good with Ethan, and Ethan's the greatest.  It's hot.  I'm not saying I want to _make_ kids with him or anything, but I like him a lot."  Her admission was almost shy, but definitely defensive as she dared Clarke to argue with her.

She wasn't going to get the argument from Clarke, though.  "He's a better person than he seems, yeah, I know that.  But...is Ethan okay with this?" she wondered.  She hadn't heard the boy talking about Raven being around more often.

"We haven't actually told him yet.  Murphy's careful with him.  I think he wanted to make sure we were sort of serious.  I just have to convince him I really am."

Clarke thought about what Bellamy had told her about Murphy's dating history.  "I don't know that he's had a lot of serious dating experience."

"Oh, he hasn't.  That's the issue.  Did you know his baby mama didn't even tell him she was pregnant?  Was just going to have the kid and not even tell him?" Raven sounded incensed and it made Clarke smile to see her friend upset on Murphy's behalf.  "That's not right."

"Yeah, I knew that.  Bellamy and Miller knew her, uh, Anya, I think her name is."

"Yeah.  But he's never said anything bad about her to Ethan, who just thinks of her as this soldier who wanted him so much, who picked out his name and had this nursery all set up for him," Raven described.  "I mean, she sounds like she'd have been a decent mother, treating Murphy like a sperm donor notwithstanding."  

Clarke nodded, looking down at her hands.  "How did you...how did you go from hating him to-"  She blew out a breath, annoyed.  "Screwing him, in a single day?"

Raven actually chuckled.  "I don't know.  We were...trading barbs back and forth and suddenly I just had to know what his tongue tasted like, see if it could do anything more than insult people."

Clarke huffed.  "And that's it?  That's all it took from you to go from arguing with him to fucking him in my house?  I don't know if I could just do that, just kiss someone like that."

Raven looked at her carefully, seeming to understand what she wasn't saying.  "I don't think you've ever been the initiator, right?  I don't know what to say, other than it's awesome, being the one who decides. Sometimes you just have to go for it and see where it leads. If I had thought about what I was doing with Murphy, I wouldn't be with him now."

"So..you're definitely with him?" she ventured.

"Yeah, I am," Raven confirmed with a nod, then nudged her friend's shoulder with her own.  "Why don't you hit on the hot guy who's living in your house?  I know you want to.  I know he would want you to."

"What?" Clarke asked, her face flaming once more.  "Did he say something to Murphy?"  She hated how her voice squeaked, like she was a teenager all over again.

"Murphy would never tell me if he did.  He's just annoyed that you're not together yet, probably because he can't appreciate will-they-or-won't-they tension.  Hell, he's annoyed that Miller and Bryan aren't officially married yet.  He's definitely a shit-or-get-off the pot kind of guy."

Clarke sighed, shaking her head. "That's kind of what I'm afraid of.  The shit, that is, more hitting the fan, though.  What if he doesn't like me that way?"

Raven laughed.  "Yeah, okay, next.  That boy's gone for you."

"Yeah?" she asked, an unstoppable and huge grin appearing on her face while she wrinkled her nose at her friend.

"Oh my god, yes.  And you know it," Raven chuckled.  "So what is it really?"

"The kids," Clarke answered immediately, sobering.  "What if they don't like us that way?"

"Tough?  Look, it's one thing when a kid doesn't like a person, but it's because when you're not around, that person is nasty to the kid or they creep the kid out, or whatever.  But your kids love Bellamy.  And they don't get a say in who you get to be with, other than that person not setting off their creep-radar.  Who you're with is your decision, not theirs.  They'll get used to you two together.  What would even change in their lives?  I can't see either of you two suddenly getting super interested in having crazy date nights all the time."

They both heard as the door to the basement creaked open and someone thundered heavily downstairs.  Charlie came into view soon, frowning.  "What happened to you two?  You were supposed to get the pots."

"We, ah, got distracted.  Girl talk," Raven immediately told him, snorting at his yuck face.  "You're so desperate for the pots, you can help us lug them upstairs."  She pushed herself to her feet and offered him one of the larger ones.  

"It's just we have to wash them and get the water boiling, otherwise it'll be forever 'til we eat."

That made Clarke laugh and she got to her feet as well. "And here's the crux of the problem for him.  Delayed meal is a true nightmare for him."

"Clarke," Charlie whined.  

"Okay, okay, we're going.  After you, mister," she replied, picking up one of the pots.  Before she left, she added, "Rave?  Thanks."

"No problem.  Just, ah, don't mention the Murphy thing?" she asked, pitching her voice low.

"I won't, I get it," Clarke quickly assured her.

As they made their way upstairs, she felt like she was almost ready to finally talk to Bellamy about what she felt about him.  It was like being on the top of the that first steep climb on a rollercoaster, that feeling of excitement, of dread anticipation, wondering if you'd made a mistake.  But just like a rollercoaster, she had a feeling that the ride would definitely be worth it.

* * *

But Clarke didn't have a chance to actually do anything about it that day, or the next, or anytime during the first week of school with the house in chaos.  By the time the week was over and she lugged herself home on Friday, well after Cam was asleep and everyone else in pajamas, she felt like she was never going to have the chance to talk to Bellamy in a calm moment.   She barely had the chance to exchange pleasantries with him that night even, since she needed a shower and sleep so badly.

She opened her eyes suddenly not quite three hours later, startled awake and blinked blearily at her bedside clock, making out the time to be a little before three in the morning.  As she wondered what had woken her up, she heard Cole, then Cam cry out.

Clarke was on her feet before she even thought about it, rushing out into the corridor just as Bellamy's door jerked open.  Normally, she might have gawked to see Bellamy wearing only a waist-sagging pair of blue-plaid pajama pants, but at the moment, all she could really focus on were the kids.

"I'll take the baby, you take Cole," she told him, barely registering his agreement before she was running down the hallway into Cam's room.  

Cam was standing in his crib, his cries stuttering as he wiped at his face with one hand and gripped the horizontal bar with the other one.  Clarke felt an overwhelming sense of relief to find him relatively uninjured and quickly went over to him to pull him into her arms.

"What's wrong, baby?" she asked him, hugging him tightly.  "Bad dream?"  

Cam curled into her arms, hiding his face in her neck and babbling incoherently.  She checked his diaper to find it wet, but not enough that it would've wakened him.  Just as she wondered what got him up, she heard Cole's sob.  Murmuring soothing words into the baby's ear, she toted him across the hall.

She found Cole still crying, Bellamy sitting to one side of him and rubbing his back in soothing circles.  "It hurts," the boy whimpers.

"His legs hurt and I think it gave him nightmares, because he was talking about something hurting him," Bellamy explained to her quickly in a sleep-roughened voice.  "It's okay, buddy.  It was just a dream."

A memory tugged at her.  "Oh, I think maybe it's growing pains," she said, still cuddling Cam, whose eyes were leaking tears but who had stopped yelling.  "Charlie had them around this age, I think.  It happens more with boys than girls, but sometimes it can hurt when they grow at night.  Let's give him some children's motrin, okay?"

Bellamy nodded, telling Cole, "See, buddy?  Everything's okay.  It's all normal.  You just had a bad dream to a normal pain.  We're here with you, okay?"

Cole whimpered and buried his head into his hands.

"I don't know what he dreamed of, but it really scared him.  I'm going to stay with him for awhile."  Bellamy nodded at Cam.  "How's that one?"

"I think he heard Cole yelling and woke up scared is all.  I'm going to change him and put him back to bed.  You okay over here without me?"

He nodded.  "Yeah, we're going to be fine."

Clarke walked back over to Cam's room and changed him into a new diaper, then spent some time rocking him until his eyes were fluttering.  She gently laid him back down in his crib, smoothing a hand over his hair and murmuring reassurances to him when he finally closed his eyes again.  She continued until she heard his breathing ease into sleep, then smiled.  One kid back asleep.  Time to check on the other.

She shut the door behind herself carefully, relieved that Cam had only been reacting to Cole.  Padding over to to the boy's room, she settled near the doorway, watching as Bellamy continued to soothe the eight year-old who curled into his side.  

Cole's eyes were nearly shut as he relaxed and soon enough, Bellamy laid him back down.  He arranged the boy's limbs to make sure he was comfortable and walked towards the door, gesturing for Clarke to hit the lights.

When there were back in the hallway, with Cole's door nearly closed, Clarke stopped him from turning towards his apartment with a hand on his arm.  

"Thank you," she said, acutely aware that she was only wearing some grey sleep shorts and a white tank top.  But at the same time, she knew this might be a moment, because just like everything else, they'd worked effortlessly as a team and it was moments just like this one that had made her fall in love with him in the first place.

And so she infused what she said with every ounce of what she'd been turning over in her head for weeks, trying to articulate the depth of her feelings for him, as if words, and especially, those words, could explain the emotions bubbling up in her.  Because he was there, this man that she loved, helping and nurturing her kids, running as fast as she had to help them when they needed it.  

He never seemed to want to be away from them, or her, now that she thought about. It was in the brief sad flicker that come over him as he sent her off to work in the morning, or the way his face would light up when she got home at night.  The thousand ways he seemed to touch her lately, whether it was a hand on her back as they were walking through a crowd with the kids, or the way he'd nudge her when she made a bad joke.

Bellamy was there for them.  For her.  And she wanted so badly to show him, right now, what that meant for her and what he meant _to_ her.

Clarke watched with a growing sense of certainty as his brow creased and he looked down at her, dark eyes seeming to lock with her own.  He swallowed and answered in a husky voice, "You're welcome."

And she knew.  Now was the time.

Clarke took a breath and closed what little distance remained between them, her grip on his arm tightening for a moment and then relaxing.  "No, Bell.   _Thank you_."  They were the only words she could say, but she hoped he would understand.  

_Thank you for being here._

_Thank you for being you._

_I love you._

_Did he understand?_

She heard him suck in a breath, but her eyes remained on his, which widened for just a moment before his gaze dipped to her lips.  Before she even registered his blown pupils, she decided and surged forward.

Bellamy met her halfway, his mouth crashing down on hers.  The kiss was not gentle, as their tongues practically warred with one another.  Only when her other hand reached up to cup the back of his neck and his hand slid around her to span nearly the whole of her back did they seem to relax into the kiss.  Even though she thought her heart might beat itself right out of her chest in excitement, she slowed her movements, trying to wring every sensation from the moment.

He tasted like warmth and home and earth and Bellamy, and when she gentled her kiss, he responded in kind.  Their tongues danced as the kiss deepened and he pressed his body to hers, hugging her close.  Her fingers flexed of their own accord and she whimpered in pleasure, deep in her throat as her core practically ignited at the feel of him so close to her center.

Clarke finally pulled away after long minutes, and he briefly chased her mouth with his own.  Smiling, she pulled her hand down his arm to tangle their fingers together.

"My room?" she suggested, praying that she sounded more throaty with lust than with nerves.

His answering grin was everything she hoped for and without thought, she threw herself at him again, reveling in the fact that she could finally touch him in every way she'd been dreaming about.  Bellamy eagerly met her mouth, both of his hands coming up to cup her face while she stumbled backwards down the hall to her room.  For her part, Clarke couldn't seem to control her hands as they roamed over his sides, his back, his chest.  

So overwhelmed with the taste, the feel, the smell of him even, she didn't even notice when they made it to her room until she nearly crashed into the doorjamb.  Only Bellamy's quick reaction, breaking their kiss and pulling her sharply to her right, saved her from a nasty bruise.

Clarke bit her lip as she grinned up at him, then took one of his hands in hers before turning and leading him to the bed to avoid any other obstacles.  But once there, she didn't hesitate, gently pushing him down and climbing onto his lap with a knee by each of his hips, so that she could kiss him thoroughly.

Bellamy smiled into her mouth, welcoming her tongue eagerly even as he pulled them back towards the headboard.  She followed, only to press her hands against his chest to urge him to lay back, pulling his hands from her hips and entwining their fingers so she could trap them against the bed.  Smirking, she ducked her head once more to give him another long, demanding kiss even as she settled over him and started to grind herself against the hard length still trapped in his pants.

Even through two layers of clothing, the touch was electric.  He groaned, never breaking the seal of their lips as he bucked beneath her and Clarke took the invitation to move faster, reveling in the friction of him between her legs even as her arousal flooded her.  Only when she needed to pant did she tear herself away from his mouth.

"Clarke," he moaned, jerking one of his hands away from her grip and cupping her cheek, rubbing the roughened pad of his thumb over her kiss-bruised lips.  Her tongue darted out to lick, then suck his thumb into her mouth and he caught his breath beneath her.  She circled the digit with her tongue, keeping her touch gentle before slowly pulling it out.  

Clarke pressed a kiss to the inside of his wrist, pushing his hand away to lean and brush her lips against his shoulder, then his neck.  Her hands trailed over his arms, stuttering over the hairs she found, gliding to his shoulders and his chest, her thumbs out to ghost over his nipples which peaked instantly under her touch and forced another groan from his mouth.  

She brushed her lips against the hollow of his throat while she rolled her hips, desperate for more contact. The heat of him, the salt of his skin, the way his breath caught in his throat any time her tongue touched him, she wanted all of him.  

Slowly, she kissed her way down his body, sliding her hands over his stomach, reveling in the way his muscles clenched under her touch, and stopping just above the waistband of his pajamas.  Clarke glanced up, to see Bellamy watching her every move with lust-darkened eyes and she smirked at him, thrilled that he seemed to be vibrating with anticipation under her.

She kept her eyes on his as she hooked her fingers into the waistband, then began to tug his pants down.  He immediately pulled his hips up so she could remove them completely.  Clarke tossed the thin material aside and made no effort to hide the way she assessed his now naked body as she sat back on her heels.

Bellamy was gorgeous.  There really was no other word for him.  It was all sinewy, defined muscle on display, nearly unblemished skin only marked by a few lighter scars, freckles that she found dusted his shoulders and his thighs, hollows sculpting his abdomen.  She wanted to lick every inch of him, especially the thick cock that stood proudly in between his legs.

Clarke smiled wickedly as he pushed himself onto his elbows.  He seemed to be holding his breath as she eased her hands onto his legs, grazing the hairs as they slipped up the line of him.  She brushed the heels of her palms onto his hips, then slowly, finger by finger, wrapped her hands around them.  Leaning forward, her hair forming a curtain around her face, she placed a tender kiss just below his navel, smiling as his cock jumped in response.

She could hear Bellamy swallow audibly as she moved lower and took a deep breath, to draw in the musky, earthy smell of him.  She turned her head, to touch the tip of her nose to his length, nosing and nuzzling her way to the tip.

"Oh god, Clarke," Bellamy croaked, collapsing back on the bed and reaching for her.  His fingers carded through her hair, pulling the strands back from her face.

Clarke brushed her mouth over his tip, already slick with precum, rubbing the moisture around the head.  She lifted her head, deliberately locked eyes with him, and licked her lips, thrilling at his curse and the surge of desire that went right to her aching cleft.

This small taste of him was not enough and her tongue quickly darted out to swirl around the bulbous head, taking in more of him before she drew him into her mouth.  A quick suck, met with his answering moan, and then she released him, to lick a broad stripe down the prominent vein.  

Bellamy jerked underneath her, fingers tugging at her hair.  Before he could apologize, she murmured, "I like that," and returned to dragging her tongue up his turgid length.  As soon as she touched a particular spot underneath his head, he moaned and she spent several minutes working him up by nibbling and sucking the pebbled surface.  With his every noise, her walls seemed to clench and another wave of arousal rolled through her.

Never had she been so enflamed by giving head, especially to a man.  

When she couldn't take her own teasing anymore, fired up by his desperate panting and the grip of his hands, Clarke once more took him into her mouth.  Bellamy sighed in relief and she rubbed her thighs together as she worked her jaw around him, drawing as much of him inside as she could manage.  As she began to bob her head, she pushed his hips down, to control his thrusting, setting a rhythm that had her sucking in her cheeks as she pulled back before easing back down.  

Bellamy's hands clenched and unclenched repeatedly in her hair as she moved and her hands smoothed down his legs so her thumbs could tease his balls with delicate brushes.  It wasn't long before he warned, "Oh god, Clarke, I'm going to.."

He choked off his words as she took him even deeper into her mouth, feeling the tip of him bump into the back of her throat. Clarke relaxed, letting her throat flutter around him and soon felt the hot spurt of him.  She swallowed greedily, pulling back just enough to get a taste of him on her tongue, then sucked at him to get every last drop.

"Holy shit," he moaned, drawing his hands away from her and rubbing at his own face.  

Satisfied she'd milked him for all he was worth, she let his cock slip from her mouth and pulled herself back up his body.  "Liked that, hmm?" she purred, well-pleased with herself.

His hands grabbed at her arms to pull her closer to him and he kissed, tongue licking into her mouth deeply.  "You're amazing," he breathed, one hand brushing back some of the hair from her face.  "And over dressed," he added, picking at the strap of her tank top.

Clarke smirked, pulling out of his grip to sit up so that she could take it off, but his hands closed over hers quickly.  "Let me," he told her and she nodded, letting her hands fall to her sides.

Bellamy stripped the tank off of her so slowly, so tenderly, she felt like she was being unwrapped.  Carefully, he pulled the cotton from her body, using both hands to make sure it didn't tangle in her hair, then dropped it over the side of her bed.  He looked at her in the half-light of the moon streaming through the windows, eyes raking over her, and she felt herself go hot under his focused regard.

"You're so beautiful," he murmured finally, as if not quite believing that she would bare herself to him.  "Even your breasts seem to be blushing."  

Clarke's nipples pebbled under his praise and she rocked against him, wanting to feel his touch immediately.  His mouth quirked in response and he lifted a hand, only to pause before touching her, asking for permission, now of all times.

"Oh god, yes," she told him.  "Yes to everything."  She didn't know how she could possibly be clearer.

The smile that bloomed on his face was breathtaking, but she soon moaned when he oh-so-gently stroked the skin between her breasts, moving to trace the curve of first one breast and then the other with the back of two fingers.  His touch was so gentle, so reverent, she had to blink away the tears that suddenly welled in her eyes.

He was perfect.

His eyes sought out her own again and he lurched forward, pressing his chest to hers and hungrily seeking her mouth.  Hot and eager, Clarke moaned into him, letting him drive her over and onto the bed, teeth clacking as they rolled.

When Bellamy had all of her pinned to the mattress, rubbing himself between her legs, she had no doubt he could feel how damp she'd made her shorts.  Panting beneath him, she watched as he propped himself up on his hand.

Clarke reached up, to smooth away the curls that hung around his face, lust ceding a moment to love as she stared up at him.

"I like your hair," she whispered, prompting an embarrassed smile.

He took a tendril of her own in his hand.  "I like yours," he murmured as his mouth descended to press a kiss to her hairline, just above the ear.  His tongue darted out to trace the outer shell of her ear, nibbling briefly on the lobe before descending on her neck.

"Your turn," he promised, the heat and promise of his mouth searing her skin.

Bellamy's lips trailed a path of kisses down to her breast, brushing over the swell until his tongue could circle her nipple while his hand reached up to cup the other and smooth the skin around the sensitive nub with a heavy thumb.  When he took her into his mouth, she called out and pushed her breast up into him, her fingers tangling into his hair as she encouraged him to suck and pull at her.  Every lick and nip, every slow caress seemed to stoke the hot spike of need between her legs.

When she thought she couldn't take any more, he merely switched breasts, giving the other the attention he just recently lavished on the first.  Soon, she was moaning, begging him for friction, her legs spreading underneath his body as she desperately tried to pushed her hips up to meet him.

Bellamy just smiled against her skin, placing an open-mouthed kiss to her sternum, letting his tongue flick out and lick up the bead of sweat that had settled there.  He repeated this kiss under her left breast, and again on her middle, his hair dragging slowly against her as he trailed down to her stomach, and then a hip.  With every swipe of his tongue keeping her aroused and aching, she wondered how it would feel against her clit, or in her, and finally she whined.  

"Please, Bellamy…"

He smirked, placing a kiss just below her bellybutton in mimicry of her own, earlier teasing.  "Can't have this," his voice husky as his lips moved lower, to her sleep shorts.  He pressed another kiss, almost chaste, above the waistband, then pulled them down, urging her to lift her hips.  When he tossed the garment away, he rose up to his knees and gazed down at her.

It wasn't just need she saw in his eyes, not simply desire for the body she was wantonly displaying for him.  The way he looked at her, the way he swallowed, the way he gazed at her with open adoration thrilled her.  

Clarke could see that he was already growing hard again, and she grinned as he settled between her legs, coaxing them wider so that he could see all of her.  As her thighs spread wider apart, she lost what little inhibition remained and slid her hand down to tease the tight blonde curls at her apex.  Waiting for him while he watched intently drove her nearly insane with lust and she mewled at him, feeling more moisture gather at her core.

Bellamy smiled, finally touching her again, pushing her one leg further to the side and flipping the other over his shoulder as he lay down, his face mere inches from her.  Completely open to him, she gasped when he unexpectedly blew a puff of air over her clit, then groaned as he  pressed a kiss to her mound.  He took a deep breath, taking in the very scent of her, as she had taken him in, then ran an experimental finger down one of her lips, making her buck beneath him.

"So wet," he murmured, before bowing his head to lick his way up her cleft to her clit with a broad swipe of his tongue, dragging her arousal up and around the sensitive flesh.  Working at her, his tongue curled around her and he drew her into his mouth, sucking fiercely one moment and then teasing her with light licks the next.  

Panting beneath him, Clarke reached out to hold his head down against her, pushing up against his mouth as surge after surge of arousal and desire coursed through her, her muscles beginning to coil deep within her.  Just when she seemed on the verge of climax, his touch gentled and he guided his tongue to her well, lapping at the juices that dripped from her while massaging the inside of her thighs with his hand.

Clarke moaned in pleasure, arching her back as he deftly held her on the edge without pushing her over, drawing out her pleasure so she could wallow in the ever-tightening pull.  When he suddenly thrust his tongue into her, she began to beg him in earnest for her release.

Bellamy took his time, savoring her taste before he finally returned his attention to her clit, circling it with his tongue while one of his large hands neared her throbbing center.  Carefully, a single finger eased inside of her, and she squeezed this tightly, trying to move it deeper.  Instead, he withdrew, only to slide it back and soon found a pace that she tried to speed up by working her hips.  

A second finger joined the first, then he spread them apart, so that each of them stroked her walls as he continued to thrust into her while his mouth kept pressure on her clit.  Clarke clenched down hard on him, seeking that glorious release and she called out as she tightened her grip on his hair.

She could feel it, the impending orgasm, building ever higher, past where she thought she could go, until she floated, almost stuck on that precipice before the fall.  It took a third finger, suddenly plunging into her, stretching her and catching on the perfect spot inside of her to send her into the spiral.  He curled his fingers then and she beared down onto his hand, demanding a harder thrust until she cried out loudly, her walls fluttering then spasming around him.  

Bellamy continued to work her through her orgasm, stroking her with his fingers and replacing his mouth with his thumb, watching her thrash and gasp with heated gaze.  She could feel herself pushing out more wetness and the sound his hand made as he pumped in and out of her sounded loudly in the room, adding to her pleasure.

When Clarke finally began to calm, reveling in the bliss of continued aftershocks, he pulled his hand away from her and looked up to her face.  Both disappointed and relieved, she curled her fingers at him, inviting him closer and then giving him a searing kiss as soon as his lips were near.  Licking at his lips, his teeth, his tongue, she tasted herself on him, but it soon gave way to that unmistakeable sharpness of Bellamy.

As good as the orgasm had been, she wanted more and she slipped a hand between them to grasp his now hardened cock.  She gave him two slow pumps, making Bellamy groan into her mouth, finally pulling back and resting his forehead against hers.  

"I have to get a condom from my room."

Clarke smiled and shook her head.  "Drawer, nightstand," she told him, a little breathless, giggling at his surprised and happy grin.  He ducked his head for another filthy kiss, then pushed himself to the side to fumble for the condom.

In his eagerness, he nearly jerked the drawer completely out.  She laughed, a high, bright sound, and he grinned at her as he managed to grab one of them.  

"It's like you haven't come in almost ten minutes," she teased him, pulling him back to her and kissing his cheek.

Bellamy laughed in return, nuzzling her neck.  "The way you're rubbing against me, you wouldn't know you were coming a minute ago."

They traded light kisses and nips for a minute, but it soon turned heated, as he sucked a mark into her shoulder and she raked his back with her nails.  When he kissed her properly again, she pushed her tongue into his mouth only to break away.  "Please, Bell.  Please," she whined, lifting her hips to feel the length of him against her hot center.

Bellamy nodded unsteadily, pulling back to roll the latex onto his cock as she watched, sucking in deep breaths to calm herself and clutching at the sheets beneath her.  His mouth pulled as he noticed her regard and keeping his eyes on her, he reached down to dip his fingers into her slit, coaxing more of her arousal.  

Clarke hummed happily, thrusting against him then groaned when he took his hand away to coat his length in her wetness.

Just like that, it didn't matter that she'd just come.  Watching him spread her juices over his cock drove her crazy and she inched towards him on the bed.  "Bell, please, inside of me, now," she begged.  

Bellamy smiled at her, smoldering, then guided his cock to her pulsing opening.  Just as he was about to push in, she found her reason through her desire.  Breathily, she warned,  "Just..it's been a long time...since I've been with a man."  As much as she wanted him buried deeply within her immediately, she knew she wouldn't be able to just take someone of his size without some adjustment.

He nodded, expression suddenly serious and he crawled over her carefully, to capture her lips for another desperate kiss. Clarke relaxed under him, even when he laid his length in her hot cleft and slowly rocked against her.  When she gave him a little nod, he slid back and guided his tip to her opening, pushing in until she grasped at his arms.

Bellamy stopped, returning to the kiss and she focused on his tongue and his mouth for long moments until her muscles eased around him.  And that's how it went, him pushing in, inch by torturous inch, slowing when she whimpered, moving forward when she nodded.  

Never did his mouth leave her and she lost herself in the sensation, of kissing him and being kissed, all while he penetrated her slowly.  Clarke flexed her walls around him finally, drawing a heated groan from him.  

"Clarke…"

"Bell," she whispered, brushing her lips against his, until he pushed the last of himself into her.

"Okay?" he asked, voice hushed, eyes trying to meet hers in the darkness.

"Mmm….yes."  She pushed her hips up, as if that could drive him deeper and smiled at the moan of pleasure it forced from him.

Bellamy looked down at her once more and his breath caught.  "Clarke...I...I…"  Just like her in the hallway, he couldn't even seem to put into words what was going through his mind, but she saw his eyes fill and heard how wrecked his voice sounded.

Her hand came up to brush his cheek with her thumb.  "I know, I know.  Me too," she assured him softly.  It was all so much, and not enough, and perfect all at once.  She understood, absolutely, what was running through his head, how much this meant to him, how much she meant to him.

"Me too," she repeated, brushing back his hair and leaning up to capture his mouth.

As their tongues dueled, he relaxed and then slowly pulled out only to thrust back in.  Clarke sighed with relief at the motion, smiling against him and urging him on.  She pushed back against him with every stroke, falling into the rhythm he set easily while her legs wrapped around his hips and her hands roamed greedily along his back.

As he buried his face into the junction of her neck and shoulder, moaning wetly, her hands strayed down to the small of his back, so she could feel the flex and pull of his muscles as he drove into her again and again.  It all felt so overwhelming and wonderful and she never wanted him to stop, until he suddenly changed tempo and started to grind into her pubic bone with each pass.  Gasping at the renewed tug of her core, her muscles seemed to spool ever tighter and tighter, and she couldn't stop herself from urging him on.

"Come for me...come for me please…come for me," she encouraged into his ear, which only made him pump into her harder and faster.  Her breathing hitched and her moan sounded loudly in the room as she raced towards another release, contracting around him.  Her orgasm overcame her in a white flash, sudden and fast and she cried out his name as he continued to pound into her.

She felt more than heard his answering moan as he shuddered, his cock finally beginning to pulse inside of her.  They both continued to push at each other, trying to wring every last spasm from each other's bodies and then seemed to collapse as one onto the bed.

Clarke's heart raced, a twin to the furiously beating muscle she could feel in his chest, slickly pressed to her own.  She smiled as one of her hands slipped up his sweat-coated back to tangle in the hairs at the nape of his neck.  She liked this, this easy, floaty feeling and his weight between her legs and over her, anchoring her to this moment.

Bellamy caught his breath after a minute and he raised his head with obvious difficulty, nuzzling her cheek along the way.  "I should move off you."

"No, no," Clarke denied, squeezing her legs tighter around him, gripping his cock still inside of her with a flex of her hips.  "Stay, you feel good."

"You feel good," he murmured, shifting just enough to give her a kiss.  

Their lips moved slowly, gently over each other, neither demanding anything other than a tender touch.  Clarke's eyes fluttered closed, relaxing under him, hands gliding over his back gently.

All too soon, she felt him soften inside of her and he sighed, reluctantly pulling away from  her grasp, making her whine.

"I gotta clean up, Clarke.  I'll be right back, I promise," he told her, his voice gravelly.  She forced her eyes open, frowning as he slid his cock out of her and whimpered at the sudden sting of loss.  

"Shh," he soothed her, trailing a hand over her hip.  "Rest, relax.  I'll be right back."  

Clarke let her eyes slip closed again and felt rather than saw him leave the bed and walk into the bathroom.  Slowly, like she was moving through water, she pulling her legs closed, but not before her hand drifted down to cup herself, feeling the heat she was still giving off.  She groaned in pleasure, reliving his every lick and suckle and thrust and curled onto her side.

She knew she had to talk to him about this, but she couldn't fight off the langor that settled over her like a blanket.  And, she didn't want to fight it, truth be told.  Satiated and tired, she left herself drift off before she could even form another thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can be yelled at on [Tumblr](https://callmehux.tumblr.com/).
> 
> Also, this is the first time I have ever written smut, so please, feel free to criticize.


	12. All's Not Quite Well

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which the aftermath of stuff happens.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, thank you to @bfl1201, who finds my errors and helps me keep this fic realistic. And to everyone who subscribes, comments, kudos, thank you so much. Helps me write this fic faster and keeps me going when I'm stuck.

Bellamy woke up slowly, drifting to awareness in the pre-dawn light, loose-limbed and comfortable, one of his arms tucked under the pillow cradling his head while the other rested by his side.  Gradually, he became aware of a third hand, much smaller than his own, resting on his chest and he smiled before he even opened his eyes to regard the pale limb draped over his distinctly darker skin.  

Turning his head, he watched as Clarke slumbered on her stomach, head turned towards him and that one arm curled over his body.  She'd already fallen asleep when he got back from the bathroom last night.  Knowing how tired she was, he didn't blame her.  If anything, he felt a sort of pride, since she'd clearly been relaxed enough to conk out like that.  So he had just gotten back into bed, curled himself around her and fallen asleep.

He wasn't even really tempted to wake her now because he knew how much she needed to sleep, despite his morning erection or the powerful urge he had to talk to her.  They really did need to talk, figure out how they were going to tell the kids.  He knew immediately he was going to have to give notice to the agency, though.  He didn't feel right about taking Clarke's money, and with what he made from watching Maddie and Ethan, he knew he'd be able to cover his health insurance premiums and even still contribute to the household budget.  

Bellamy got lost in planning the details of the subtle change in his life, smiling to himself when he realized how minor those details really were.  He'd been agonizing over the most trivial shit, he realized, and he was so thankful that Clarke had just cut through all of that last night.  They might not have said very much, but he understand exactly what had happened.  

For the first time in his life, he could honestly say he'd made love.  Being with someone he loved completely, being with Clarke, had been unlike any other experience.  When she'd kissed him last night, then led him to her bed, he'd thought for a moment that he should pull away and try to stop it.  But he'd given into his urges, had decided that at least he would have that one moment with her, only to find that she shared his feelings.  

_ Me too _ , she had said.  

He reached out to brush some of the hair away from Clarke's face gently, then glanced at her bedside clock.  If he was going to be ready before Cam woke up, he had to get up now.  Slowly, so he didn't wake her, he leaned over to press a kiss to her shoulder, then slid out of bed.  He hopped into his pajama pants, picked up her discarded sleepwear, folded it and put it on one of her chairs and quietly sneaked out of her room.

Within fifteen minutes, showered and dressed for the day, Bellamy was creeping into Cam's room.  The toddler was already awake, pulling himself up to stand in the crib.

"Hey, good morning little man," he greeted.  "How'd you sleep?"

Cam gave him a happy grin and reached out to him.  "Up, up."

"Yeah, it's time to get up," Bellamy agreed, pulling him from the crib and taking him to the changing table.  Cam babbled at him, though he thought he understood, "Maddie" and "apple," then insisted on being put on the floor after getting his new diaper.

"Okay, little man.  What should you wear today?" Bellamy opened the drawer, crouching down to get on Cam's level.  "You've got lots of choices.  We've got red, and green, and yellow, and blue."

The toddler looked over the selection carefully, then put his hand on a blue shirt with a rampaging baby godzilla on it.  "Green!"  

"That's right, Baby Godzilla is green," Bellamy agreed.  He paired it with some tan cargo shorts, asking, "Why do you need tiny pockets?  This makes no sense, Cam."

Cam replied at length, continuing even after being dressed and giving Bellamy time to grab his tiny Crocs so they'd have some footwear handy if he wanted to go outside this morning.  "Shall we check on Cole, see how he's doing?"

"Cole!" Cam said, already rushing for the door.  He reached up, almost grabbing at the handle until Bellamy scooped him up.

"Looks like we're going to have to start using baby gates soon upstairs too."

Cam did an admirable impression of Clarke's nose wrinkle and Bellamy laughed.  "You really do look like your mommy, mister."

Cole was still sleepy when they checked in on him, so Bellamy told him to go back to bed, then took Cam downstairs to get the coffee and breakfast started.   After putting the toddler in his high chair and giving him some Cheerios to snack on while he prepared his actual breakfast, he wondered aloud, "Do you think I should make your mommy breakfast in bed?"

Cam picked up two Cheerios and shoved them in his mouth, making a face.

"Yeah, you're right.  Too cliché.  Besides, how would I time that right?"

He whipped up a bit of scrambled egg for Cam and gave him a cuppie of milk, continuing to talk with him as he prepared enough waffles for the whole family.  Bellamy just finished the last waffle when Cassi wandered downstairs in her pajamas, yawning.  

"Hey, good morning.  We've got waffles.  If you want, you can get the Nutella out of the cabinet and put some on yours," he invited, putting the plate on the table.  

"Awesome," Cassi answered with a grin, immediately getting the chocolate spread while Bellamy retrieved the orange juice from the fridge.  They were both settled into seats at the table, when she asked, "What happened last night?"

Bellamy coughed, setting down his coffee mug with a thump.  "What?"  While both he and Clarke had rather demonstratively enjoyed themselves, he didn't think they were loud enough to be heard through two closets and Cassi's bathroom.  

"There was all this noise last night, in the middle of the night.  Like someone was sick or something.  I think maybe someone was crying?"

"Oh, that," he replied in relief.  "Cole had a bad dream and it woke up Cam too.  That's all."

Cassi accepted that answer and soon, Bellamy was busy helping Cole get his breakfast too, then found himself making another small batch of waffles after Charlie appeared and demolished the stack.  The second waffle was cooking when the kids tried to abandon the table without cleaning up, and after insisting they all rinse their dishes, he spent some time cleaning up, so that Clarke wouldn't walk into a mess.

He was drying the waffle iron while Cam played with his scooter when she finally made her appearance. Wearing a sleeveless t-shirt and some grey shorts, he took a minute to admire her as she padded to the coffee pot as she tied up her hair in a bun, just like any other morning on her day off.  

"Good morning," she said, not making eye contact as she poured herself a cup.  "Did Cam get up okay this morning?"

Bellamy slowed his motions, then set down the iron and the dish towel.  "Just fine, but he'll probably go down hard for a nap this afternoon.  Always does after he's awake in the middle of the night."  There was something off about Clarke's tone.  She didn't sound like a woman who had just consummated a relationship with someone she cared about.  She sounded...clinical.

A knot formed in his stomach but he fought to keep his tone neutral.  "Did you check in with Cole?"

"Yes, he seems okay.  I told you, just growing pains."  Clarke sipped at her coffee, wandering over to pick at the last two waffles.  

He cleared his throat.  "I can get you a fork for that."

"Not terribly hungry, thanks."  She ducked her head over her cup and the silence stretched between them.

This was not the morning conversation he thought they'd be having.

"Listen, Bellamy."  Clarke took a deep breath, the mug in her hand clinking against the counter.  "About last night.  I, um, obviously don't think anything was meant by that, so uh, you know.  And the kids come first and you're so good with them, and honestly, I couldn't do this without you, so if we could just please go back to the way it was, I mean-"

As the panic within him turned instantly to anger, Bellamy interrupted.  "Didn't mean anything," he repeated her words coldly.  Was she lying him?  Or had she really meant what she said last night?  Had she slept with him as a  _ thank you _ ?

Clarke nodded, still not looking at him.  "Right, so, like I said, if we could just go back, I think that would be for the best."

If he'd been holding a glass in his hand, he was fairly certain it'd be shattered by now.  His heartbeat hammered in his ears and he felt the rush of adrenaline when he snarled, "So it was just a thank you?"

Her head jerked as she looked at him, eyes widening as she took in his rigid stance, his clenched fists.  Bellamy knew then that she understood the danger she was in, that his temper was about to get the best of him.

So it shocked the anger right out of him when she rushed forward to take his hand.  She'd heard the stories, she knew what kind of risk that was, to approach him when his anger was about to slip his control.  "Bell, please.  I just..I can't lose you, okay?  And I know you regret what happened, and I don't want you to think I just expect something."

Bellamy shook his head, understanding washing over him in a cool, soothing wave with every word she said.  "So you want to go back to the way it was?" he asked, still amazed that she was holding his hand, standing so close and talking to him when he'd been about to lose it.

"Yes.  You regret it last night, and I'm so sorry for throwing myself at you," Clarke apologized, blue eyes bright with unshed tears.  "I put you in an impossible situation and you have every right to be upset but please, we can fix this."

"That would be fucking toxic, so no," he answered, watching as her expression turned stricken.  

Bellamy swallowed quickly, realizing he was going to have to spell it all out for her.  He couldn't quite believe he had to, not with what they'd shared last night, what they'd gone through.  He thought they'd mastered the art of communicating with each other without words, but apparently they had a long way to go.

He reached out to take her other hand and said, "We have two options here.  Either we call it quits and I go get another job, so that I can help you pay for a nanny who probably won't work for my ridiculously cheap rate, or I quit this job and tell the agency that I'm moving in with my girlfriend to help take care of her kids.  Because, the thing is, I'm pretty sure I'm in love with you."

Clarke actually laughed at this, but there was a hysterical edge to it and two fat tears rolled down her cheeks which he quickly wiped away with a thumb.  "Oh my god," she got out.  "I..oh.  I thought you regretted last night, because you weren't there in the morning and you didn't  _ say _ anything when I came downstairs, just looked at me, and-"  

"Whatever the exact opposite of regret is, that's what I feel about last night."

She closed her eyes for a moment, clearly trying to center herself.  "'Pretty sure?'"

He didn't think he could love her more than in that instant and he grinned down at her.  "I'm pretty sure you haven't said anything close to that," he told her.  "Not that I'm trying to force the issue here-"

"Of course I'm 'pretty sure' I love you too," Clarke blurted out, jerking her hands from his and wrapping him in a hug, putting her chin on his shoulder.  

Bellamy practically vibrated with the happiness that spilled through his body.

He slipped his arms around her, pulling her in tight and closed his eyes, enjoying the moment for all it was worth.  And yet, he couldn't resist trying to damage it.  Because she hadn't actually answered the question.  "So...option one or option two?"

He got a poke in his side as a response.  "Option two, of course."  Clarke eased back from his grasp and smiled up at him.  "I mean, maybe not this second move into my room or anything," she added hastily.

"We need to talk," Bellamy agreed quickly, still riding the wave of relief.  "I'm not saying we set a date or anything," which made her freeze momentarily and he winced.   "How about you take those waffles and we sit and talk like normal people?"

"When have we ever been or done anything normal?" Clarke asked, but her shoulders sagged as the tension fled her and she nodded.  But before she reach for the plate, he put a hand on her shoulder.

"I'd really like to kiss you first.  If you don't mind," he admitted, watching as a large smile lit up her face.  She turned towards him again and he gently curved a hand around her cheek, brushing at her skin before he bent his head.  The moment their lips touched, he opened his mouth to her, allowing her tongue entrance before he explored her mouth.  She tasted like coffee, but underneath that was a taste he already recognized as Clarke: sharp and warm and sweet.

One of her hands came up to grip his wrist lightly while the other grabbed at his shirt, holding him close, making him smile and break the kiss.  "I'm not going anywhere," he murmured, only to have his mouth recaptured quickly by hers.  

Just as he deepened this kiss, pressing himself against her, a voice startled them apart and belatedly, he admitted they probably shouldn't be making out in the kitchen.

Yet.

"You think my sister is pretty?" Cole asked skeptically.

Bellamy whirled to find the boy near the fridge, eyeing them both doubtfully.  He heard Clarke suck in a breath, but he beat her to the punch.

"Cole, what have I told you about this?  I think she's kind and smart and funny, and those are the important things," he admonished him.

Cole rolled his eyes at this.  "I  _ know _ ."

Clarke stepped forward, her cheeks pink, moving to crouch in front of the boy.  "But you're okay with me and Bellamy kissing?"

He shrugged.  "I guess, if you want to…"  He wasn't convinced of the concept, to judge from his tone.  He looked from one to the other.  "Can I have some fruit punch?"

"Are you drinking it here or upstairs?"  Bellamy asked immediately.

"Upstairs.  I'm building a space station, like the Justice League has."   Cole bounced, far more interested in explaining his project than talking about someone kissing his sister.  

As he got out one of the sports bottles from the cabinet, Clarke pressed the issue.  "So if Bellamy was my boyfriend and not the nanny, you'd be okay with that?"

"Would he still be in charge?" Cole wondered.

"Yes, of course he would be, with me, like always."

The boy heaved a sigh.  "I guess that's okay."

Bellamy laughed.  "What was that?  Hoping that I wouldn't be in charge anymore?" he asked as he pulled open the fridge to grab at the fruit punch. 

"I dunno.  Maybe I'm old enough to be in charge of myself," Cole answered smartly.

"No way, buddy," Clarke denied with a laugh of her own, before enveloping her little brother in a hug.  "You're already growing up so fast.  Don't grow up too fast, you hear me?"

Cole tolerated the hug for about three second before squirming out of it.  Bellamy handed him the bottle and he then took off with a shout of, "Thanks!"  He thundered up the stairs at breakneck speed, leaving Clarke shaking her head as she stood.

"Well, at least we know  _ he  _ doesn't mind."

"Pretty sure that Cam doesn't have an objection either," Bellamy noted, walking around the island to check on the toddler who was easing off his scooter. 

"So you think I'm kind and smart and funny?" Clarke asked in a deceptively mild voice as she came to stand by his side.

He grinned, sneaking an arm around her back to hug her close.  "Pretty too." 

She gave him a quick kiss, that promised so much more, and then they settled at the table, arranged themselves so they could both keep an eye on Cam who had abandoned his scooter for the workbench toy and his measuring cups.  In Bellamy's mind, the banging served as good cover if any of the kids should come through the family room or the kitchen. "Maybe he really is a drummer.  Or a construction worker."

Clarke sipped at her coffee again, then gave him a shy smile.  "I'm not sure where to begin."

"Me too," he admitted.  "Hence the drummer comment."

They both chuckled, taking a moment to just gaze at her each with stupid grins on their faces.  

"Okay, stop, I'm going to eat now, and I won't be able to do it if you're just staring at me," Clarke said, ducking her head.

"I can't help it.  I'm just…"  He took a breath.  "I don't remember ever being this happy."

What had been embarrassment was all heat as she glanced up at him and his breath caught.  "I know," she acknowledged.  "Me too."

Bellamy shifted, growing flushed.  "Uh, you keep looking at me like that," he began, trying to keep his arousal in check.  "And I'm going to drag you upstairs."

Clarke bit her lip, then smiled slyly.  "There's always the guestroom...but, uh, we have an audience."  She nodded to the toddler.

"Eat your breakfast," he told her in a half-growl, even though all he really wanted to do was throw her over his shoulder.

She chuckled and cut into her waffle, then sighed happily as she chewed.  "God, you cook so well.  You're fantastic with the kids, but your cooking…"  She sighed.  "How are you just..perfect all the time?" she complained good-naturedly.

"Me?" Bellamy asked in astonishment.  "Did you miss the whole 'I can hulk out' stuff?"

Clarke just shrugged a shoulder.  "I told you how I feel about that.  You didn't hulk out in the kitchen just then, and I know you were about to lose it.  You controlled yourself."

"Uh, more like, I couldn't believe you weren't afraid of me."

She just shook her head.  "Nope, I'm not.  I get afraid  _ for  _ you, not of you.  And when you got really bad, you got help.    I mean, you're human.  You're emotional but you're human."

Bellamy slumped back against his chair, marveling at how he got so lucky as to fall in love with a woman like her who loved him back despite his rather obvious flaws.  "And you say I'm perfect."

"I'm a neurotic control-freak with an over-demanding job and four children, three of whom are mostly comprised of backtalk," she informed him with some amusement.  

"You're caring and devoted to others and you're a problem-solver and you don't care that I'd rather stay in and read than go out and that I have exactly zero ambition."

Clarke smiled at him.  "You make me sound less judgmental than I actually am.  And you're not unambitious.  You're just happy in your job.  You have that novel, but I think you like that it's something you work on in your own time, not something you have to use to pay the bills."

He warmed under her description, but refocused the conversation. "Oh, you're judgemental, but I trust your judgement.  Except about laundry.  You still do it wrong."

She chuckled, shaking her head again, undeterred.  "You know what I like about you?  You don't ever really leave the kids you raise.  You're always there for them.  Like here, how you had that option about getting a job to help to pay for a new nanny.  They're your priority, like they're my priority."

Bellamy cocked his head.  "You're right.  The kids need me.  I would never leave them.  The question for me was me and you.  Specifically, if you wanted me."  Because he knew how he felt about her.

"Yeah, I know what you mean."  Clarke smiled at him, then cut herself another piece of waffle. "Okay, so, it sounds like we like each other just fine.  But that's not really what we need to talk about."  That was Clarke, always wanting to get down to business.  Fun would be for later.

A lot of fun later, he hoped. 

But still, he nodded slightly, glad that they were going to work this out right away.  "Right.  So, uh, I thought I'll give notice to the agency on Monday.  They might think you're poaching, since you won't be hiring someone else so I was thinking I could give them Miller's or Octavia's address, to send my last paystub to," he suggested. 

"That sounds good.  I can tell them that I'll just be using the daycare provider that a family friend uses, since that person's already vetted and I know them."

"I like that; it's not even a lie."

"I know," Clarke grinned.  "But, ah, I wasn't really joking about the not moving in part," she ventured carefully.

Bellamy nodded.  "I get that. I agree.  We're not quite there yet.  We've got to figure out how to spend time with each other without the kids, or even just not in the house."  He smiled slightly.  "But I had fun on our not-date date."

She chuckled, agreeing quickly, "Best date I've had, ever, really.  But yeah, exactly.  I meant, I'm not really worried about it, but with us, it's always been about the kids.  I just want to make sure we're okay, just us."

"I know what you mean," he nodded. "Just think what we could do on a real date," he suggested with a small smile, reaching across the table for her hand.

Clarke took his hand in hers and gave it a squeeze.  "Are you already picturing museum dates?"

"What?  No.  The kids are going with us to the museums.  It's educational.  I was thinking movies that they don't want to see, like those old ones they show in the park on Saturdays."  

"Yeah, it'd be nice to see an old movie without one of the kids complaining 'what's wrong with the picture?'"  She turned as Cam wandered over to her, holding out his arms.  "Hey, baby.  Good morning."

"Mommy," he said as he was picked up and tucked into her lap.  "Juice," he added, reaching for her cup of coffee.

As she deftly kept it out of reach, Bellamy hopped up to get him his cuppie.  "Juice, coming up."

"We have to work on 'juice, please'," Clarke told Cam sternly, then smiled and pressed a kiss on the top of his head.  "Can you say juice, please?"

"Juice!"  There was a pause.  "Peas."

When Bellamy handed him his cuppie, Clarke again prompted the toddler.  "Say 'thank you.'"

"Ank oo!" he said, his mouth already full of the plastic cup.

"We're working on it," Bellamy assured her, giving Cam a grin which was returned.  He nodded to her cup.  "Can I get you a refill?"

"No, sit, we need to talk," Clarke replied, patting the seat beside her.  As he slipped into the seat, she leaned over to give him a quick kiss.  "I like that I get to do that now."

He grinned, then pulled Cam into his own lap so that she could eat in peace.   "I like that you get to do that too."

She took another bite of her waffle, gazing at him thoughtfully.  "What about your health insurance and 401(k)?"  Already back to business.

He blinked.  "Uh, well, I'll just COBRA it for a few months 'til the exchanges open again and see about getting other insurance.  With what the Kanes pay and Murphy, I have more than enough to pay for that.  We do, I guess."

"But your retirement."

Bellamy shrugged.  "Do you really think our generation is going to retire?"

"No, it's important.  I mean, I don't really pay too much attention, but it can be a mess.  My parents', their 401(k) accounts," she shook her head.  "They were so small.  They were spending all their money, basically.  But they still talked about retirement, like it was going to happen, so if we want to retire one day we have to do something about it."

"We?" he asked, all grin as he leaned over to kiss her cheek.  "I'm just saying that's not really a priority right now.  Not like, you know, telling the kids."

Clarke blew out a breath and he saw the worry on her face.  "Could we do it tomorrow?  Maybe after work?"

"I'm pretty sure Cole's going to spill the beans at lunch."

"We can just cancel lunch," she said as she stabbed another piece of waffle with her fork.

"Now there's a plan," he teased her.  But he understood her nervousness.  Neither Charlie nor Cassi had reacted all that well after her date.  And she didn't even know about the talking to Charlie had given him.  He did not relish telling the teenager that he and Clarke were now together, just in the way Charlie had warned him about.

"Look," he began, reaching out to lay a hand on her back.  The fact that he could do so actually gave him pause and he knew he was grinning like an idiot again.  

His distraction gave Cam enough time to drop his cuppie on the table and turn, standing in Bellamy's lap and try to bounce.  "P-ay," he demanded.

"Whoa there, little man."  He hastily grabbed the toddler by his hips.  "You gotta be careful here."  He set the toddler down on the floor, watching as Cam raced back into the family room.  

Clarke chuckled, watching this with a fond expression.  "You were saying?"

"We need to tell them.  Charlie first, I think.  He's going to take the news harder," he explained, getting out of his chair and following the toddler into the family room so he could keep an eye on him.

Bellamy didn't hear as Clarke came up behind him, but he smiled as she wrapped her arms around him and pressed her cheek to his back.  "I think Cassi will be worse."

"No.  Charlie," he replied, putting a hand over the arm wrapped around his mid-section and interlacing their fingers.  

They stood like that for less than a minute before Clarke moved to a spot next to him.  "You know," she began, a small smile on her face.  "It's when he's all super cute like this that I can't wait to have another and then, my brain kicks in and I'm like, yeah, not for years and years."  She sobered quickly, giving him a searching look.  "I don't know if that's not your plan, or what."

He laughed.  "Don't worry.  I'm not looking to breed this minute.  Or next year.  We've got a full house, and I watch two other kids besides.  I'm not lacking for time with kids.  Not to mention we couldn't afford another right now, I don't think."

"It's just, I've never asked about your plans besides wanting kids, some far off 'someday' and you're older than me."

"I'm not ancient, I'm thirty-two.  Plenty of time."  Bellamy shrugged.  "Honestly?  If I never have kids of my own, I'd be okay with it.  I want them, I do want them, but I'm already raising kids and as long as I have that, I'm okay."

"I was thinking, maybe when Cam's about four?" Clarke said.  "I think that'd be a good time.  He should be potty trained by then and Cole will be closer to Cassi's age and-"  She stopped at the look he gave her.

"Clarke," he began gently, both elated at her words and amused.  "I know you're nervous about telling the kids but trying to distract me with talk about our future dark-haired, possibly blue-eyed children isn't going to work."  

She bit her lip, trying to contain her smile.  "You remembered what I said at the game?"

"Oh yeah.  It was...it's been hard to get the image out of my head," he told her.  "But first things first, right?"

Clarke nodded and took a breath.  "Right."  She took a breath, steadying herself in that way of hers, then abruptly hurried over to the stairs.  Once she made a decision, she always just went for it.  "Cassi?  Can you come down here for a bit?"

"I thought we should talk to Charlie first," Bellamy told her, confused.  He wanted to get the worst out of the way.  

"Oh, I want to warm up with Charlie, yeah, but someone's gotta watch Cam while we do it.  I don't want Cam to be around if someone starts yelling."

Bellamy nodded sagely, crouching down when Cam called for his attention to help him at his workbench.  Eventually, Cassi thundered downstairs and Clarke met her at the railing.

"Can you watch Cam for us for a few minutes?  We need to go downstairs and talk to Charlie."

Cassi's expression turned gleeful as she paused on the last step, hanging on the railing.  "Is he in trouble?"

"Oh my god, no.  Why would you be happy about that if he was?" Clarke demanded.  

Cassi just shrugged, easing off the last step and walking into the family room to flop on the couch.  She pulled out her phone and immediately began tapping on it.  "Just 'cause."

"Cas, could you please actually watch Cam?" Bellamy asked.

She gave a long-suffering sigh.  "Let me just finish this text, okay?"  They waited nearly a minute before she finally set down the phone.  "Okay, I'm playing with the baby now," she told him, sliding off the couch to sit on the floor with the toddler.

"Unbelievable," Clarke muttered, heading for the basement door.  

Bellamy trailed after her, but didn't say anything until they were in the playroom downstairs.  "Are you really that surprised?"

"No.  It's mostly unbelievable that we actually expect that kind of behavior, you know?" she groused.

He reached out to take her hand, pulling her to a stop.  "She's about to be a teenager.  And she's got nothing on how O was."

"She's not quite as old as Octavia was, but I take your point."  Clarke turned her hand so to lace their fingers together and looked up at him.

"You know, we're alone right now.  We have a minute," he commented gruffly, gaze straying to her lips, which soon curled.  "And for some reason, we're not kissing."

"Now who's procrastinating?" Clarke asked slyly, tilting her lips up.

He chuckled, swallowing his reply as he leaned down to kiss her thoroughly, hands settling at her hips to hold her against him as he plundered her mouth.  But she gave as good as she got, and soon he was the one practically being devoured.

Clarke regained some semblance of self-control before he did. Gradually, she pushed herself away from him, but her breath was coming quickly and her cheeks were red.

"You really do that well," she complimented.

"I have a partner who really inspires me," he replied, leaning down for another quick kiss.  He didn't think he'd ever get used to being able to do this.  "Okay.  Ready?" he asked her, straightening and glancing at Charlie's door.

Clarke closed her eyes and nodded quickly.  "Yes."

Still holding her hand, he led her to the door and knocked twice in rapid succession.  "Hey, Charlie, can we come in and talk to you a second?"

They heard him moving around inside and a few moments later, the door jerked opened. Bellamy dropped Clarke's hand hastily before the teen noticed. 

"What?" he asked, looking from one to the other with a frown.

"Can we come in?" Clarke repeated for them both.

Charlie huffed and walked away from the doorway to sit on his bed.  "I know what this is about," he told him flatly, crossing his arms.  

Bellamy felt the blood drain from his face as he stepped inside, and a glance at Clarke confirmed that she'd also gone pale.  "You do?" she croaked.  

The teen nodded once.  "I know my birthday is next week but I really don't want to do anything, okay?  I don't need or want a party."

"What do you mean, you don't want anything?" Clarke asked immediately, probably both pleased she could delay the conversation she didn't want and incensed that Charlie appeared to want to ignore his birthday.  

Bellamy cleared his throat.  "Why don't you want to celebrate your birthday?"

Charlie shrugged.  "Just don't feel like it."

"Charlie, look, I know you're-"  Clarke cut herself off.  "I know it's your first birthday without them, but I don't think they'd want you to ignore your birthday because they weren't here for it," she explained more quietly, coming to sit next to him on his bed.

"And it's okay if you don't want a big thing," Bellamy added.  "I'm not someone who likes a big deal on his birthday either.  But we can do something little."  An idea came to him.  "Like go to the go-kart track.  Maybe you, Josh, me.  I know you guys were looking at it the other day."

Charlie eyed Bellamy with interest, though he too noticed the way Clarke tensed up and glared at Bellamy.  "She doesn't seem to agree," he noted pointedly.

"It's safe.  I've done it before," Bellamy assured Clarke.

"He's not even old enough to drive."

"It's a height thing for them, not an age thing.  And while they have little go-karts for smaller drivers like Cole, I'm not suggesting we take the whole family.  They have a closed track, lots of safety panels on the track and padding in the cart, you have a helmet and seat belts and everything," Bellamy described.  "They make you take a safety course first, you have a bit of training.  It's completely fine.  While we're there, you can pick up a cake for him, order his favorite for dinner maybe?  So we'll actually celebrate but not make a big deal out of it.  Sound good?"  He looked from one Griffin to the other.

Clarke was clearly torn.  On one hand, the paranoia her mother had ingrained her was actually against anything like go-karting.  On the other hand, Charlie would probably refuse to celebrate his birthday at all without it, now that Bellamy had suggested it.  After half a minute of visibly fighting with herself, she aimed a glare at Bellamy and nodded.  "If that's what you want to do, we'll do it.  It's your birthday."

Charlie looked pleasantly surprised, a slow smile growing across his face.  "Okay.  I'll tell Josh," he agreed.

Bellamy shrugged slightly at Clarke's continued glower.  "He's celebrating his birthday, right?  He'll be fine.  I'll be with him the whole time."  But he decided to move the conversation along, before Clarke could change her mind.  "But, uh, Charlie, we wanted to talk to you about something else."

That seemed to break Clarke out of her mood and she forced a smile onto her face, nodding once.  "Listen, Charlie.  Bellamy and I, we've made a decision.  We're going to start dating and so he's officially not going to be the nanny anymore.  But he's going to live here still and he's going to be responsible for all the same things he's responsible for now, and I need you to continue to respect that.  Okay?"

Charlie froze in surprise and he was still for a long moment before he leapt to his feet.  "You said you weren't hitting on her!  You said that you wouldn't do that!" he exclaimed, waving an accusatory finger and actually taking a few steps toward him.

"Wait, what?" Clarke demanded, also getting to her feet.

Bellamy crossed his arms in front of him, staring down the younger man.  "I wasn't and I didn't," he replied, keeping his own temper firmly in check.  He understood Charlie's impulse here to protect his sister.

"She is stressed out and busy and you have no right to-"

"Charlie!" Clarke interrupted with a shout, grabbing his arm and forcing him to turn towards her.  "First of all, you are not the arbiter of who I can and cannot date.  Second, Bellamy and I decided this mutually.  We figured out we were both interested and we, uh, had a conversation, and that's why we're here, okay?  He didn't...hit on me in some vulnerable state," she denied.  

But she soon rounded on Bellamy.  "And the next time you talk to my brother about me, you better damned well tell me about it."

"He's just looking out for you," Bellamy explained at the same time as Charlie said, "I'm only making sure he's not creeping on you when he's supposed to be here for us or just because he's here and you're lonely and he's taking advantage of that."

Clarke scoffed.  "This...paternalistic bullshit is going to end, Charlie, I mean it.  I'm an adult, and I can make decisions about who I date and I don't need your input on it," she told him.  "Bellamy is absolutely not taking advantage of me.  I'm not lonely.  How can I be?  I have you guys and a job I love.  And he definitely was not 'creeping' on me.  I made the first move, not that that's any of your business."

"But now he's not the nanny, he's just in your bed?" Charlie spit out.  "I've seen that fucking movie."

That hung in the air for a long moment and Bellamy's jaw tensed.  "You think I'm using your sister?"

"How can you say that?" Clarke demanded.  "He's been with us for almost four months and you've seen how well he takes care of you guys.  That's not going to stop just because we're seeing each other."

"I don't know.  Maybe it's all just an act," Charlie dug into his argument a little more, glaring at Bellamy.

"Are you kidding me?"  Bellamy interjected.  "I think you know how much what you just said is a load of crap.  I spend my days buried in kids, and it's not for the money, or to get your sister.  It's because I like being around kids, raising them.  I didn't volunteer to take you go-karting because that would get your sister to like me.  If anything, she's pissed at me because I suggested it."

Charlie just shrugged, clamping his mouth shut.  After a heartbeat, he retorted, "I don't like it.  It's like, because you live here, she's obligated to like you."

"Are you suggesting that I'm  _ confused _ , that mere proximity to a man who's nice to you guys and lives in my house means I would throw myself at him?" Clarke demanded, beyond furious.  "Okay, that's the end of this conversation.  Because what you just said was so insulting to me, I can't even talk to you.  All you need to know is that I'm the adult, you're the kid, and I'm dating the other adult in this house.  This doesn't give you permission to interfere, or to ignore him or me, by the way.  You think that grounding in May was bad for lying to us?  Just wait until you see what I can come up with for disobeying because you think you know better than I do who I should be dating.  Are we clear?"

The teen glared at her, then Bellamy.  "We're clear."

"Good."  Clarke looked at Bellamy.  "Given how insulting he just was, do you still want to take him go-karting next Saturday?"

"Yeah, I said I would.  I'm not going to go back on my word," Bellamy replied, knowing that wasn't the answer she wanted.  But he felt obligated.  And ultimately, he understood, having done a lot worse over the years to Octavia's boyfriends.  

Charlie didn't think Bellamy was good enough for his sister, and privately, Bellamy agreed.  But he damned well was going to try and Charlie wouldn't be able to stop him.

"Fine then," Clarke answered with a nod.  "Let's go, we've said what we came to say."

Bellamy nodded, still looking at Charlie.

And Charlie looked back, straightening.  "I don't care what she says.  You hurt her, I hurt you."

"Charlie!" Clarke yelled.

But Bellamy just walked over and held out his hand.  "Deal," he agreed.

Surprised, it took Charlie a moment, but he eventually shook Bellamy's hand.  "Deal."

It was only after they were back in the playroom that Clarke rounded on him.  "What the hell was that?  I am not chattel, to be bargained away between two men!"

"Look, he needed to feel like he was doing his job as a brother, okay?  Because I understand.  And honestly, probably better that he's doing this now, with me, than intimidating whoever ends up dating Cassi.  I know he's a teenager and I can take what he says in stride.  What about the guy..or girl, I don't know who Cassi likes, anyway, what about them?  Think they'll have as much self-control?"

"I don't want him thinking that it's okay to threaten people, Bellamy!" Clarke responded.  "Because it's not!"

"I agree, I just don't think that's the lesson we can teach right now.  Let him yell at me for a bit and glare at me for awhile, and when he's used to us, then we talk to him about not being a paternalistic ass.  But you know, I was twenty-six  before I even started to figure that out, so we have to cut him a little slack at almost fifteen."

"I...don't like that answer!" Clarke exclaimed in frustration.  "Even though it makes sense!"

Bellamy tried and failed to hide his smile.  "I know, it sucks, it's not a good attitude, but you don't raise kids and teach them lessons all in one shot.  It's like that thing I talked about with Cole.  I must've told him five or six times about how being kind or funny or smart is the important thing with girls, but he's still fixated on pretty.  Everytime he sees a new pretty girl on TV, I go through the same thing with him."

Clarke huffed, still unmollified, and it was such a good imitation of what Charlie had just done, he laughed.  

"Why are you so good at this?" she asked, annoyed.

"Practice.  Not my first rodeo.  And again, they've got nothing on O.  But I think you did a good job.  You told him what's what, confirmed that you and I are still in charge, and ended the discussion."

Clarke took a moment to compose herself.  "I'm not that thrilled with it, but okay."

"Yeah, and now we just have to tell Cassi and we're home free."

She snorted.  "Are you delusional?  Cassi is going to be worse, not better."

"I don't know about that.  I think Charlotte's been talking to her about us."  At Clarke's dumbfounded expression, he explained, "Cassi told her about our not-date date and Charlotte told me she thought it was a date and we were cute together.  So she'll be more prepared for this."

"Again, we have to talk about you talking to the kids about me," Clarke replied.  "I don't like it."

"Yeah, but they have to feel like they can talk to you about me and to me about you, or else they won't trust us.  Sometime they're going to need to vent to you about me, and to me about you, you know?"

"But this stuff?  Him telling you not to hit on me?"

"I didn't want to make you uncomfortable.  We weren't...us yet," Bellamy admitted.  That he was still technically with Gina at the time and hadn't yet resolved his own feelings about Clarke wasn't something he wanted to talk about exactly.

Clarke blew out a breath, then nodded at him.  "We're going to have to talk to each other more, now, with all this between us."

"Yeah, I imagine we're going to have a lot more conversations now that we're not dancing around the subject of us," he agreed, stepping closer to put his hands on her arms comfortingly.  "We're still figuring us out, but the fact that we can talk about us is going to make things a lot clearer."

She again nodded her head and gave him a small smile.  "This is...harder when you have  kids, huh?"

"A relationship?  Harder in some ways and easier.  I think kids make the real issues clear for you.  But yeah, dealing with those issues can be harder."

"How many women with children have you dated?"  Clarke asked him suspiciously, but still with that smile on her face.

"Including you, one," he told her.  "I'm just wonderful at this stuff."

"So modest," she teased, closing the distance between them for a quick hug.  "Okay, time for Cassi."

"I just don't think it's going to be as bad as with Charlie," Bellamy told her as he followed her up the stairs.

"Wanna bet?"

There was something so sure in her tone.  "Uh, no."

Clarke threw him a quick smirk over her shoulder in response.

They found Cassi in the family room, back on the couch with her phone and Cam on his scooter rolling around.

"Great job watching him, Cas," Bellamy told her dryly, heading over to the toddler.

"He's fine!  He wanted to be on his scooter.  It's not like I can do that with him!" she defended herself.

"But you're on your phone," Clarke pointed out.  "Could you do us a favor and put it down for a moment?  We want to talk to you too."

Cassi's head came up.  "I didn't do anything wrong!"

"We're not saying that you did," Bellamy reassured her.  

Clarke glanced at Bellamy then sat down by her sister, he thought because she'd done the same for her brother.  "We just wanted to tell you that since Bellamy and I have decided to start dating, he's not going to be the official nanny anymore.  But he's still in charge with me.  Nothing's really going to change."

Cassi blinked, then cocked her head, eyes narrowing at Clarke.  "You said you weren't going to be dating."  

"Well, I said that I couldn't really date because it would take me away from you guys, but then I happened to really like Bellamy, who is also all about you guys, so it works for us," Clarke tried to explain.  

For his part, Bellamy took a seat on the floor, near where Cam had gotten off of his scooter.  The toddler practically fell into his lap, insisting that he play with him.  When he tried to get Cam to wait for a moment, the boy threw back his head and reached for Clarke.  "Mommy!"

It seemed to set Cassi off.  She jumped from the couch, accusing Clarke, "You're just trying to play Mom and Dad.  It's not enough that he calls you Mommy, you want him to call Bellamy Daddy too!  You just want to  _ erase _ them!"

"Of course I don't!" Clarke denied.

"No one is encouraging Cam to call me anything but 'Bellamy'," he added.

"Cam already calls her 'mommy'.  And she lives in their room!  And now you're going to live there too and he's going to call you 'daddy' and it'll be like they never existed!  And that's what you want, that's what you want!" Cassi continued as if they hadn't even spoken.

"Absolutely not!" Clarke stood and tried to reach out to her, but the girl pulled away.

"Don't touch me!" she snarled.

Clarke's mouth snapped shut for a moment.  "Watch your tone," she told her sister.  "I am not trying to erase Mom and Dad.  Yes, I moved into their room.  It was the best way to be close to you guys.  And yes, Cam calls me 'mommy,' but he deserves to grow up with someone he knows will be there just as much as any mother, as our mother would have been."

Cassi shook her head.  "No, that's not what you're doing.  You're just trying to  _ be  _ her and you can't!  I won't let you pretend to be them!"

"Hey, that's not what's happening here," Bellamy interjected.

"Look, you said you didn't want me to date because that'd mean I was focusing on someone who wasn't you.  But I happened to fall for someone who cares about you guys just as much.  You four are literally the center of both of our worlds.  Very little is going to change because of this.  We're not living in the same room yet.  We're not going to go out on dates every week.  We're just going to see where this goes, to see if it could be what we think it could be.  I mean, you like Bellamy so I know this isn't about him," Clarke tried a different tactic.

"No!"  Cassi shrugged off Clarke's attempt to touch her again and grabbed her phone from the couch.   "No," she repeated, though Bellamy thought maybe she was losing track of what she was saying no to, exactly.  "You're not my mom," she told Clarke.  "You're not my dad," she told Bellamy.  "I'm not going to let you pretend to be our parents!"

She took off without another word, thundering up the stairs and slamming the door to her room.

Cam began to cry, the yelling having stunned him for awhile but his emotions eventually caught up.  Bellamy enveloped him in a hug, rubbing his back and telling him it would be okay, even as he maintained eye contact with Clarke.  

She sank down onto the couch.  "I knew it would be bad.  I just didn't know it would be this bad," she all but whispered.

"She's upset at change.  It's been a rough year for her," Bellamy noted, moving to a seat next to her on the couch.  Cam wiggled from his grasp to crawl into Clarke's lap and she buried her face in his hair in a gesture he thought was comforting to them both.

Cole hopped back downstairs, a confused expression on his face.  "What's going on?  Cassi's being a bitch," he reported as he came into the family room.

"Whoa!" Bellamy called out, standing and striding over to the eight year-old who took two quick steps back.

He could hear Clarke in the background underneath Cam's crying, "God, I'm raising sexist little monsters."

"You do not call Cassi or anyone else that," Bellamy immediately admonished Cole.  "I don't care what they say or do, do you hear me?"

"But she's being mean and dumb!" Cole defended himself.

"What did I just say?  I don't care what she did, you don't get to use that word.  Go sit at the table.  You've got a ten minute timeout," Bellamy ordered, pointing.

Cole gave Clarke a pleading look, but she just pointed to the table as well.  With a frown, the boy stomped over and sat sideways in a chair, grumbling to himself.  "So unfair!"

Bellamy took a breath, turning to exchange a look with Clarke.  "Hey, at least everyone's unhappy right now," he tried to joke.

"Yeah, that's great," Clarke replied with a snort.  

"Why don't you try to calm the baby down and I'll start the marinade for dinner.  I'm thinking folks aren't going to want lunch and I want to have an early dinner then instead."

She nodded in agreement and then turned her attention to Cam while Bellamy walked into the kitchen.  He kept an eye on Cole, who glared at him the whole time, while he put together the ingredients and then added the chicken he meant to grill that night.  By the time he was finished, the punishment was over and he sent Cole away with another reminder not to use that word again.

Cam had also quieted by this time and he was back to playing with the workbench when Clarke walked into the kitchen.  "I'm already exhausted."

"Yeah, everyone's full-steam today," Bellamy agreed, rubbing her back.  "Listen, I was thinking.  Why don't you take Cam and Cole to the park, let them play around a bit?  I've got a bunch of laundry to do so I can mind the other two."  It would also get Clarke outside a bit on her day off, a fact that wasn't lost on her.

"I'll pack up some snacks and get Cam's diaper bag together," he offered.  "You get the boys ready?"

"Are you sure?  I don't want to leave you to deal with the surly teens by yourself."

"Enjoy something of your day off," he told her.  "At least for a few hours."

Clarke gave him a long look, then reached up to kiss his cheek.  "Okay."

Bellamy went to the laundry room after seeing the trio off, Cole's sour mood entirely lifted by the prospect of running around the monkey bars and swings.  Of course, Cole wasn't really the one he was worried about.  Music blared from Cassi's room and he thought about asking her to turn it down before deciding it wasn't worth the fight right now.

He started another load, tossing in the kids' gym clothes when Charlie appeared in the doorway.

"Something on your mind?" Bellamy asked casually as he added some baking soda to the washer.

"I'm going to go to the movies with Sam and Josh and then spend the night at Sam's," Charlie reported, then seemed to think better of his words even though he was still frowning at Bellamy.  He hadn't forgotten about the whole dating-his-sister thing.  "Well, can I, anyway?"

"What time's the movie?"

"Seven."

"Who's driving?"

"Sam's older sister.  She's twenty but his dad's going to pick us up from the movies."

Bellamy considered, then nodded.  "Yeah, okay.  Just make sure we have Sam's numbers.  We're having dinner around four-thirty today, so you can eat before you go.  Do you need some money for the movie?"

Charlie shook his head.  "No, I have it from my job still."

"Okay, I'll let Clarke know."

The teen paused, then asked, "Where is she?"  

"Took Cole and Cam to the park," Bellamy answered as he closed the washing machine.

"I guess Cole's okay with it?" Charlie asked sourly.

"He doesn't have the issues you and Cassi do, no." 

Bellamy only heard a snort in reply and then Charlie wandered off.  It was a less fraught conversation than he thought it would be.  But then, Charlie was a planner, like Clarke.  He was probably just biding his time.

* * *

That unhappy thought consumed him for much of the next few hours, until Clarke got back with the younger kids.  Cole bounced into the house and ran up into his room, waving to Bellamy cheerfully while Clarke carried a sleepy Cam to his room for his nap.  After he watched her lay the toddler down gently, she crooked her finger at him and led him into the apartment.

Clarke shut the door firmly behind her and then grinned at him.  "Cole has a date."

"What?"

She nodded.  "Yup.  He met a girl about his age at the park named Eloise, or Ellie, and they hit it off immediately, talking about the Avengers and Legos and space, and basically all the things he loves.  So she has the Millenium Falcon and Death Star Lego sets and they asked if Cole could come over to play with them.  Her mother seems very nice, so next Sunday on my day off, I will take Cole over there and we'll spend the afternoon," she reported.

Bellamy shook his head in disbelief.  "How does Cole already have a date booked before we have a date scheduled?"

"His schedule's a little clearer than ours, let's face it," Clarke chuckled, moving closer and beaming up at him.  "Wanna fool around?  I figure we have a half hour before we have to be parental again."

He ducked his head for a kiss.  "Is that even a question?"

"Consent is an important thing," she informed him primly, before trying to lead him towards his bedroom

"Wait," he began, tugging on her hand to get her pause.  "Are we talking condom-needed fooling around?"

Clarke shrugged, a sly smile on her face.  "I don't know.  Let's see where this goes."  But her smile faded quickly.  "Oh, but that reminds me.  We should both get tested soon.  I can do it at the hospital tomorrow quickly, but you should probably go sometime this week when the kids are in school.  Oh, do it on Wednesday on my day off, so I can stay with Maddie and Cam at home," she suggested.  "Then we won't need condoms," she grinned.

He blinked at her rapid-fire words.  "Uh, what about the whole no-babies thing?"

"I'm on the pill, the full pill, not the light versions.  The no-babies thing is taken care of," she promised with an authoritative nod.  

"Is this what you were thinking of while you were at the park?" he wondered, allowing himself to be led now.

"Maybe a little," she admitted before he crowded her against the doorway, grazing her lips with his own and then nuzzling at her neck.  "You're a tease," she complained happily, her hands slipping under his shirt to run up his sides.  

He captured her mouth with his own then, licking at the seam of her lips when two loud thumps sounded from Cole's room, followed by at least a dozen more.  They both froze for a half second, then took off running.  

Bellamy got to the boy's room first to find half the contents of one of his bookcase on the ground and Cole trying to keep the case itself upright.

"Help!"

While he hurried over to keep the case from toppling over, Clarke ran around him to get Cole out of the way.  She quickly ran her hands over his head and down his arms.  "Are you okay?  Did you get hit?  What happened?"

"I'm okay.  A book hit me, but it wasn't a heavy one," he reported, pointing out the spot on his shoulder where  the book had fallen.  He looked a little guilty but also admitted, "I was trying to get one of the books on the higher shelf and it started to fall!"

While she fussed over him, Bellamy carefully pushed the bookcase back against the wall.  It stayed put, though it leaned forward slightly.  With a frown, he noted both that the case was improperly loaded with books at the top and lighter toys on the bottom and that it hadn't been screwed into the wall.

"This thing needs brackets," he announced.  "And we need to reorganize it too."

Bellamy held the bookcase steady as Cole and Clarke emptied it.  He caught eyes with Clarke briefly and they exchanged resigned smiles.  They'd have time to fool around later.  He hoped. 

Once the bookcase was safely cleared, he went to the garage to find the drill, some brackets and some screws.  By the time he'd screwed the bookcase into the wall and they helped Cole put back the books and toys in a more logical manner, they could hear Cam getting up.

"I'll get him," Clarke offered after checking the time.  "If we're going to eat an early dinner, we should get started soon."

"'We?'" Bellamy asked in amusement.  

"I can help.  I'm a good helper in the kitchen, you have to admit that at least," she retorted, sticking out her tongue at him before going into the hallway.

"Let me ask if Cassi wants to help," he chuckled.  "Maybe she's in a better mood now."

Cassi did not, in fact, want to help him make dinner, so that left Clarke as his only assistant in putting together the meal.  While she chopped vegetables for a salad, he prepped the asparagus and mozzarella-topped portobellos to go on the grill as well as some very large pieces of red onion, peppers and zucchini.  

"What's all that for?" Clarke asked, after glancing over to make sure Cam was still pleasantly occupied with scribbling on a picture in crayon in his high chair.

"I saw this interesting vinaigrette idea that you could put on various things so I want to try it out," Bellamy explained.   "If it's any good, Cassi will have something else she can put on rice or fish.  I also want to try this mango salad thing too, but I forgot to pick up mangos at the store this week."

"I like mangos.  Too bad we don't have any," she said, opening the fridge to pull out the lettuce.  "Exactly how many pounds of chicken are you cooking tonight?"

"About five pounds.  I want to have some leftovers for lunches for the week."  He quickly wiped his hands on a towel.  "I'm going to go get the grill started.  When it's warmed up, we'll put on the chicken and then the vegetables last minute before we eat.  I'm thinking we're about forty-five minutes to an hour from dinner."

"Sounds good," she chirped at him happily as she washed the lettuce.

Bellamy looked around, noting that Cole was engrossed with a tablet and that the older two weren't in sight.  He walked up behind her, brushing some of her hair back from her neck and pressed a kiss to her shoulder.   "Thanks for helping me make dinner," he murmured.

"You're welcome," she replied around her own smile.

Once he got the grill lit, he sat down nearby to keep an eye on the coals and pulled out his phone.  He send two texts, the first to his sister and the second to the group text he had with Murphy and Miller, but they both said the same thing.

 

_ FYI, I'm with Clarke now. _

 

His phone buzzed about a minute later.

 

 **Murphy:** _Ok.  FYI, I'm with the woman I was sleeping with.  It's Raven._

 

 **Murphy:** _We're not double-dating._

 

 **Miller:** _I fucking knew it!  Bryan says you're both bringing your ladies for dinner sometime soon._

 

_ It's going to be hard to arrange.  Clarke's schedule is messed up.  Also, congrats Murphy.  E must be very excited. _

 

Bellamy wondered why he wasn't more surprised at the revelation, then recalled the way Raven had gone to dinner with Murphy a few week ago.   And then, at the boil last weekend, how she had sat next to him and they'd only had one, relatively minor argument the whole time.  They being together would certainly explain all that.

 

 **Murphy:** _You guys are my regular babysitters so probably can't._

 

 **Miller:** _Just do it._

 

 **Murphy:** _Ethan's pretty happy, yeah._

 

 **Murphy:** _FML am told we are double-dating_

 

_ Relax, seriously.  Clarke's schedule isn't going to allow her to do all these things.  We haven't even been able to plan a date for ourselves yet. _

 

 **Murphy:** _Good._

 

_ You're an asshole. _

 

 **Miller:** _You're an asshole._

 

Privately, he added in a text just to Murphy,  _ How'd we end up with these amazing women? _

 

 **Murphy:** _Fuck if I know.  Gonna try not to fuck it up._

 

_ Same. _

 

Bellamy's phone lit up a couple of minutes later with an incoming call from his sister and he answered with a wry smile as he checked on the coals.  "Hey, O."

"Congratulations," she told him.  "Gotta tell you now, Cas is not a happy camper about this.  I got all these texts from her complaining about you being with her sister and wanting me to agree with her."

He sucked in a breath, reminded of their own recent argument about the subject.  "What did you say?"

"I said that you guys were adults and that you'd figure it out, but also that Clarke was super lucky to have you, since you're related to me and I'm objectively perfect."

Bellamy could hear Lincoln laugh in the background while he smiled to himself.  "How'd she take that?"

"Not so great.  Apparently no one is sympathetic to her plight here.  Except her brother."

"He's coming at it from a different perspective though.  He's trying to protect Clarke from me, whereas Cassi seems to just hate the idea of Clarke being with anyone."

"Why am I not surprised that you're sympathetic to Charlie's opinion?  Hey, you want to talk to Lincoln about how to deal with shithead brothers of the younger woman you're trying to date?"

Bellamy rolled his eyes.  "No, I'm fine, thanks, O."

"He's got a lot of relevant experience, I'm just saying."

"Can it."  He paused.  "But, seriously, are you okay with this?"

He could hear her shifting the phone in her hand.  "Look, I'm not like, super mega thrilled that you've fallen for someone who has four kids and major grief baggage.  I'm just not, okay?  I wanted you to be with someone fun and happy who can keep you out of your funk issues."

"My funk issues," he repeated flatly.

" _ But _ , Clarke is a good person.  She's dedicated to others and you are too, so that means you definitely have someone looking out for you, which is probably the most important thing for me.  Also, Clarke and Lincoln get along so it won't be awkward at Thanksgiving."

"Glad to see you've made my finding someone all about you, O," he replied dryly, though he was inwardly relieved that she wasn't going to press the issue.  "I gotta go, I'm about to put some chicken on the grill."

"Oh, did you make that marinade I really like?"

"Yup and you can't have any.  I'll talk to you later, okay?"

"You are so mean," she teased him.  "Later, big brother!"

The warm feeling his sister's approval gave him buoyed him through dinner, which involved Cam flipping his plate twice because he thought it was funny, the surly monosyllabic responses of Charlie and Cassi, and Cole's overtaking of the entire conversation as he chatted about his new friend.  Well, her approval and the smiles he was trading with Clarke. 

He was just so in love with her.

They settled in after dinner to watch a movie, with Charlie already gone for the evening and Cam in his crib after a much-needed bath.  Cassi deigned to watch the movie with them, though she still wasn't talking and Cole kept up his prattle nearly the entire time, but Clarke snuggled into his side on the couch and that was enough.  Life wasn't perfect, but it was pretty damned close.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're coming up on the end, just one more chapter and the epilogue, which I'd like to publish at the same time. Because of some other fics I have to work on, we're probably looking at the end of the third week of August for the ending.


	13. But There's More Than A Little Hope for Tomorrow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The final chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, much thanks to everyone who read, commented, left kudos or recommended this fic. This one's for you.
> 
> And thank you especially to my wonderful beta, @bfl1201.

 

Carefully, so as not to disturb the sleeping figure beside her, Clarke eased from her bed.  As quietly as she could manage, she grabbed her phone and crept towards the balcony doors.  A slow creak sounded in the room as she opened one, making her glance in alarm at the bed.  But she didn't see any movement, and with a palpable sense of relief, she shut the door behind her and stole into the night.

Sighing heavily at all the fuss needed, she hurried out of the screened-in porch and jogged around to the front of the house to the smaller door at the very end of the balcony.  Before she could even lift her hand to knock, it opened and Bellamy's arm darted out to pull her inside.

"It's late," he grumbled at her, even as he tucked her into his side and dipped his head to kiss her.

"I'm sorry," Clarke breathed, once she had a chance.  "Cassi took forever to fall asleep."

"You need sleep," he told her sternly, cupping her face gently and rubbing his thumb underneath one of her eyes.

"I will.  Just want to make out with my boyfriend a little first, maybe fool around.  Maybe even go all the way," she replied lightly, kissing the underside of his jaw.  

Bellamy's hands smoothed down her sides and he grinned over her head.  "Makes me feel like I'm in high school again and my girlfriend just snuck out of her house to come over."

Clarke tucked herself into his chest, giggling.  "Did you do that a lot?"

"Nope, not at all.  Too busy caring for O.  Fooled around, but always quickly, somewhere else, watching the clock so I could be home for O.  But it was a fantasy in high school, that some gorgeous cheerleader would come over, wanting to get it on with the guy from the wrong side of town."

The wistful note in his voice struck a chord with Clarke, who pushed back to gaze up at him.  "I wasn't a cheerleader in high school - not nearly athletic enough.  But if you're really into it, I could get an outfit," she offered.  "Might as well lean into this thing, right?"

Bellamy blinked in surprise, a smile curling over his face.  "Are you telling me our sex life is already so boring we have to spice it up?"

She needled his side in response.  "No, given that we've barely had a chance to sleep together since this cock-blocking campaign began.  I just, I don't know, wanted to do something since convincing the kids us being together isn't horrible seems impossible."

"They just need time."  Bellamy gave her a fond smile.  "I appreciate the offer, but honestly?  Just having you, just getting to be with you, that's kind of the fantasy for me."

Clarke flushed, biting her lip at the rush of emotion that washed over her.  "Are you for real?" she asked him, gazing up at him.  "I feel like I need to pinch myself when you say things like that.  You're this smart, kind, incredibly hot man who happily raises my kids while I work myself to death and you're telling me I'm _your_ fantasy."

"You're not so bad yourself," he replied gruffly, clearly embarrassed but flattered.

Unable to resist any longer, she surged up for a kiss, licking into his mouth and swallowing his groan of desire.

When Clarke broke away to catch her breath, she noted with some satisfaction that his pupils had blown.  Encircling his hips with her arms, she grinned up at him mischievously.  "I thought for sure you'd want me to dress up like Athena, as your fantasy," she teased him, eminently pleased as his responding blush.

He cleared his throat, gaze darting to a corner in embarrassment.  "How'd you know?"

"It's the way you describe her when you talk about your novel.  Tactical thinking, no-nonsense, selective in her lovers.  What'd you say about her…"  She paused, trying to recall his words.  "Something about 'getting a smile from Athena was uncommon but to earn a spot in her bed was decidedly rare'?  I don't know, something about that struck me."

Bellamy smiled slowly.  "I can't believe you remember this stuff.  But yeah, for the record, if you want to dress up for me, Athena is way above cheerleader. Way above."

"That's armor, right?  Might be hard to find a breastplate that doesn't squish the boobs too much.  What about Aphrodite?  That's just like a sexy toga, right?"

He suddenly laughed, beaming down at her.  "Um, yeah, but no.  Never going to go for Aphrodite again. I forgot to tell you what happened yesterday when I was out with the guys."  As he spoke, he backed out of her embrace, grabbed one of her hands and began to pull her towards the bedroom.

Clarke followed him willingly, her head tilted in curiosity.

"I forget how it started but Murphy compared himself to a 'male Aphrodite', because long story short, he's slept with way more people than either Miller or I," he continued, turning around and dropping her hand to wrap an arm around her as he backed them into the bedroom. "And I realized that he was kind of right.  Because women are strangely attracted to him, even when they don't want to be, though I think it has a lot to do with E, how he is with E. And it's even better now that he's with Raven, who is basically Hephaestus. Intelligent tinker, injured through no fault of her own, makes her own brace, ends up somehow with an Aphrodite and is just kind of bemused by the whole thing."

She chuckled as he ran into the foot of the bed and sat down heavily.  "Okay, so no Aphrodite then," she agreed, grinning down at him.  "Which, by the way, thanks so much for sharing.  Now that's all I will think of when someone mentions her again."  She shuddered.  

Bellamy smirked.  "Yeah, sorry I brought it up.  That is not the image I want in your head right now."

"You have no idea," she told him, only to laugh.  "Oh, I didn't tell you, did I?  I caught him and Raven having sex in the guestroom a few of weeks ago."

"What?  When?" he demanded, gaping.

"At the boil."

"What?" he repeated, incensed.  "Why were they having sex at our house?"  He huffed in annoyance.  "We weren't even having sex at our house then."

Clarke beamed at him.  "Oh, Bell, that was literally my reaction when I caught them," she admitted, leaning forward to kiss him gently.  "We are so suited for each other."

" _That's_ not the reason we're suited for each other, but yeah, point taken," he grumbled, burying his fingers under her tank top to stroke the skin over her stomach with his hands.  He glanced up at her through his lashes.  "So, I couldn't help but notice you aren't having sex with me right now."

She giggled, charmed despite herself.  "That's a pretty good line."

"Heard it in a movie once.  Was hoping to be able to use it someday in a situation where I wouldn't embarrass myself completely."  

"The night's still young," she quipped, laughing when he tickled her in retaliation.  She danced away from his hands.  "A breastplate or nothing, I guess it is," she teased, pulling her tank off, tossing it aside and giving him a pointed look.  "Fair's fair."

Bellamy wasted no time in dragging his shirt over his head, fluffing his hair in the process.  Then, he did one better, pushing down his pajama bottoms and kicking them away.  When he sat back, leaning on the palms of his hands, she got a full view of his erect cock bobbing in front of his wonderfully sleek abdomen.  Not the slightest bit reserved, he gave her an expectant look.

"Not much for the sexy striptease are you?" she asked, putting her hands on her hips even as she admired him.

He eyed her hungrily, noting, "We have four kids.  Any moment, someone is going to cry, or throw up, or have a bookcase fall on him.  Time is of the essence."

Clarke laughed, marveling at how eager and how practical he could be at the same time.  "Oh, very sexy."

"Yeah, you are," he breathed, and suddenly, just like that, all the humor was gone.  "You really, really are."  She could see him practically buzzing with his love for her and abruptly, the distance between them was something she had to erase completely.

She practically launched herself at him, planting her knees on either side of his hips and draping her arms over his shoulders.  She barely managed a smile at him before she was seeking out his mouth with her own, coaxing his lips open and tasting the tongue that rose up to meet hers.  

They were nearly frenzied, though she dimly registered when his hands griped her waist.  But she outright squeaked when he surged up, neatly flipping them so that she was prone on the bed.  As he started to trail kisses down her neck, towards her breasts, she guessed at his plan.

"No, wait," she panted, even though all of it felt so good.

Bellamy lifted his head, a small frown coming to his face.  "No?" he asked huskily.

"I just want you in me, now."

Clarke thrilled at the feral smile that overtook his face, felt herself grow wet in response.  "Right now," she repeated, hands scrambling to tug off her sleep shorts.

He wasted no time in assisting her, rising to his knees as he pulled them from her.  He flipped the shorts over his shoulder carelessly and then pushed apart her legs.  There he froze, staring down at her while breathing heavily and she could practically read the thoughts on his face.

She lifted a foot to stroke one of his thighs.  "Yeah," she agreed, smiling at the love she could feel between them.  "Come on," she invited as her foot slid up to his hip.  

Bellamy grasped her ankle to gently lay her leg back on the bed, his hand slipping up her skin until his fingers grazed the soft flesh of her thigh and then finally her slit.  He teased the curls he found there with quick, swirled stroke, then parted her folds as she moaned and raised her hips invitingly.

As two of his fingers dipped into her wet heat, then coated her channel, he closed his eyes briefly.  "God, Clarke.  You're perfect," he muttered, voice so distorted by desire she had a hard time making out the words.  

She moaned when he tentatively touched her clit, fingers retreating and teasing her again as he stroked the full length of her cleft.  "You're a tease," she accused.  "I want you.  Right now," she insisted, pushing up against his hand.

He nodded jerkily, withdrawing his fingers and looming over her as he guided his cock to her.  The feeling of his tip, already slick, just nudging her entrance drove her over the edge and she tried to scoot down on the bed to push him into her.

"Patience," he soothed, moving back until she settled once more on the bed with a huff.  

Clarke then smirked as an idea occurred to her.  One of her hands crept over the swell of her hips, down to the tight curls at the juncture of her thighs.  She let two of her fingers dip and brush her clit with light strokes.  "Time is of the essence," she teased him, letting her legs open wider to make it easier for herself.

He ducked his head, laughing lowly.  "I walked into that one," he admitted with a grin that turned sly.  With a quick thrust, he pushed into her completely, groaning when he couldn't go any deeper.

Clarke gasped, luxuriating in the feel of being stretched by him, by the easy slide of his bare cock into her channel.  She flexed around him, mouth quirking when it forced another groan from him.

"God you feel good," he murmured, pressing into her.

"Thank you, Clarke, for insisting we get tested right away," she responded smugly before urging him on, pressing her hips against his even as her fingers continued to tease her clit.

"Thank you, Clarke," he answered mockingly, eyes darting to her active fingers.  "Gonna keep playing with yourself?" he wondered in a tight voice.

She nodded, sighing in pleasure when he immediately set a rough pace, sliding nearly  out of her completely before ramming himself back home again.  Moving her fingers to caress herself in counter-time to him, she smiled up at his dark eyes.  Seeing the love, the lust, the care reflecting back at her never ceased to heighten her pleasure.

"Good," he rumbled, crawling forward without breaking his rhythm to kiss her thoroughly while one of his hands palmed her breast.  As his tongue slipped into her mouth, his hand traced the curve of her, brushing at her nipple until it peaked into a hardened pebble, only to tweak it with two fingers.  

Every move of his hand made her clench around him, even as she relaxed into the kiss, giving as good as she got.  As her core tightened with every pulse of her fingers, every tug of his, every pass as he continued to pound into her, she focused on that feeling, tried wrapping herself up in it even as she began to push back firmly against his hips.

Bellamy pulled his lips from hers when he couldn't do more than pant and they stared at each other when he shortened his strokes, changing the angle to try and hit that part of her just right.  And it was this, this kind of connection that forced her ever closer to the edge, had her keening as she chased her release, applying more pressure to her clit as she listened to his harsh breathing, the wet slide of him into her, the creak of the bed and the slap of his skin against hers.

When Clarke finally arched up into him, crying out as she tumbled over the edge as her walls convulsed around his cock, she felt a warm happiness envelop her.  A feeling made better when she could feel him tighten and then release deep inside of her in one final thrust, his breath stuttering and his eyes closing as he tensed above her.  She pulled her hand from between them to slide it around his body, pulling him close to her as they rode the waves of their orgasms together.

Bellamy's face settled into her shoulder, a gesture that had quickly become a habit.  "Clarke," he sighed, kissing her skin, then licking at the fine mist of sweat on her neck.

"Mmm, for me too," she agreed, nuzzling his ear and wrapping both legs around him.  "I like this part."

"I hope you like all the parts," he teased her, turning his head to nearly whisper the words in her ear.

"With you, of course I do.  But I like feeling as connected to you physically as I am emotionally," she admitted, flushing even as another spasm of her muscles tightened her channel around his softening cock.

He lifted his head to meet her eyes and gaze down at her in wonder.  "I thought I was supposed to be the one with words," he said, voice laced with both pride and affection.

"Aren't women supposed to be more in touch with their emotions?" she quipped.

Bellamy merely raised an eyebrow.  "Of the two of us, who would that be?" he challenged.

She laughed, gaze darting to one side.  "You are definitely more in touch with your emotions," she agreed.  "But you don't fault me either when I do get emotional."

"Of course not.  Show me all the emotions, I love it," he promised, dipping his head for another kiss.

When they came apart, she gave him a wry look.  "Is this where you say we have to get cleaned up?"

"Mmm, better to get it over with, right?" he answered, kissing her forehead before gently disentangling himself from her.  When he lifted his hips to pull himself from her, she sighed, only to find him staring down at her sex.   

"What?"

"Uh...gotta say, seeing you like that, covered in me and you together…"  He shuddered, looking up at her with hooded eyes.

"Mmm, noted for future reference," she promised, pushing herself up by her arms, only to reach out to smooth a hand on his chest.  "You're my first, you know," she told him quietly.

He gave her a bemused look.  "What?"

"Um, the first guy I've had sex with without a condom," she clarified as she sat up.  

She saw that the implication wasn't lost on him.  Neither of them wanted any more children - at least, not right now -  but she'd never relied on just one method of birth control before.  With him, Clarke didn't mind the slight extra risk.

"Thanks for trusting me," he told her, when he could finally find his voice again, reaching for one of her hands.  

"Thanks for loving me," she replied warmly, allowing him to pull her from the bed and guide her into the bathroom.  They spent a few minutes getting cleaned off, using some washcloths on each other, laughing easily and planting kisses on each other when the other wasn't looking.  

When they were clean, she led him back to bed, stretching out and inviting him to lay with her with a curl of her hands.  "I need at least five minutes of cuddling," she declared, matching his responding grin when he eagerly joined her, draping himself over her body so that his head was just below her breasts.

Clarke hummed happily, relaxing on the bed, weaving her fingers through Bellamy's hair as he nuzzled her stomach.

"Do you have any fantasies?" he wondered idly, talking against her skin, his tongue flicking against her delicately with every word.  "Since we talked about mine earlier."

"Mmm...I have this fantasy where I can wake up in a bed in the morning next to my boyfriend," she replied, running her thumb over a tuft of his hair and reveling in the silky feel.   Not meaning for the words to come out as harsh as they sounded, she quickly added, "I know why you got up that morning.  Cam doesn't usually sleep late.  But, this thing with the kids, it's aggravating.  Is it too much to ask to wake up next to you?"

Honestly, Clarke was sure the whole campaign was Charlie's idea, even if it was Cassi who whined her way into Clarke's bed every night, claiming she was having nightmares. The first couple of nights, Clarke had been really worried that something was wrong, but after she saw  her sister leaving a bit of the embroidery floss she used to make friendship bracelets by the doorway to make sure Clarke didn't leave her in the night, she realized what was really going on.  

That's when she'd come up with the plan to use the balcony.  Not every night, of course, just on the nights when she got home at a decent hour so that she could spend an hour alone with Bellamy after Cam and Cole went to bed.  Except then Charlie would need something, or Cassi wanted help on a project, and of course, her sister suddenly couldn't sleep in her own bed.

It was _beyond_ aggravating.

Bellamy lifted his head, laying his chin on her belly and rubbing her side consolingly.  "They will get used to us and we'll get there, sooner than you think.  But I'm serious," he continued, trying to change the subject.  "Any fantasies?"

Clarke sighed, wiggling underneath him.  "Mostly that I wish I'd met you a year ago.  Or met you because the Kanes hired you to be Maddie's nanny and my parents were still alive so you could meet them.  Then we wouldn't have had this whole 'you're my employee' thing, we could've dated as much as our work schedules would have allowed and I could take you back to my old apartment and fuck you senseless without worrying about getting caught by my siblings."

He laughed delightedly at her description.  "Fuck me senseless?  Mmm, sounds good," he agreed, crawling up over her and grinning down at her.  She reached up to caress his cheek, brushing away some of the hair that dangled in front of his eyes when his expression sobered.  "I would've liked to have met them," he agreed quietly.  "And I'm sorry I couldn't have been there for you, for the kids, when they died."

Clarke watched as his eyes went bright as they always did when he spoke with raw emotion and she had to blink away the tears that threatened.  "You are here for us, right now.  It's not like any of us are over it, you know?"

The kiss Bellamy gave her when he leaned down was tender, soft, as much a promise as a gesture of love.  When he pressed himself to her, she slipped her arms around him, opening her mouth to his tongue and just enjoying the moment.  Unhurried, they explored each other's mouths, lips gentle and seeking, until she pulled back just enough to murmur, "I do love you, you know."

"I know.  I love you too."  He always seemed shy when he said this, as if he couldn't believe that she would accept his love.

Clarke smiled at him, tracing the shape of his cheek with a finger.  She knew she was constantly touching him now, now that it was acceptable, now that they were a couple.  Maybe to reassure herself that they were really together, that she didn't have to do this alone.  Maybe because she couldn't quite believe she'd fallen so in love with him.  She did know, though, what she wanted.

"Maybe I could just fall asleep here tonight.  We've both got to be up before they are anyway, so I could just go back in the morning before Cassi gets up," she suggested hopefully.

He immediately frowned, pushing up onto his elbows.  "No, you have to go back tonight.  Right now the door to your bedroom is unlocked.  I know there's no staircase between the upstairs balcony and the ground, but someone could easily use a ladder and it's not safe to leave it open."  

She sighed, seeing that the crease between his brows which signaled his obstinate face.  He wasn't going to let that go, and in truth, she kind of agreed with him.  She just had to try.  "I know," she whined.  "But...I just really want to be with you, normally."

"I know," he agreed, pulling away from her to sit up on his knees and offering his hands to her.

Clarke reluctantly let him help her up, though not without stealing a kiss that got heated quickly.  Only with great effort did she tear herself away from him, putting her hands on his chest and pushing him back.  "If we continue, I'm not going to make it back," she warned him, breathing heavily.

Bellamy closed his lust-darkened eyes, clearly trying to get a handle on himself.  He nodded resolutely, once, then looked at her again.  "Okay.  I'm ready," he announced, sliding from the bed and getting dressed.

When he wasn't looking, she took a moment to admire his ass and reveal in the fact that she was allowed to objectify him. A little bit. In the privacy of their own home.  But then she peeled herself from the bed, pulled on her own discarded clothing and took his hand as they walked towards the balcony door.

"Let me walk you to your door," he offered.

"Yeah, okay," she agreed easily, since it meant another minute or more of hand-holding.

Stepping into the cool night air after the heat of Bellamy's apartment was both a little jarring and refreshing.  Still, she curled into his side and his hand shifted from holding hers to wrapping around her shoulder to pull her closer.

"Next time you have the day off, we should sit out on the balcony the night before with a blanket," he suggested, glancing at the night sky.  "I can tell you all the myths behind the constellations."

Clarke smiled up at him as they rounded the corner.  "That's a great idea," she approved.  "Add a bottle of wine and we've got an actual date."

"That's the idea."  She glanced up at him to see the flash of his teeth as he grinned down at her.

All too soon, they entered the screened-in porch and then were standing at the door to her bedroom.  She quickly wrapped him in a hug and he set his chin in the crook between her neck and shoulder.  

"Soon," he assured.  "Soon we'll be in the same bed, actually sleeping together."

"But not soon enough," she sighed, turning to kiss his cheek.

Bellamy pulled back, then pressed a kiss to her lips.  "But soon," he repeated.  "Come on, get inside and get some sleep.  We both will be up again before you know it."

"I know," she confirmed, trading another kiss with him before slipping inside quietly and then locking the door behind herself.  

As she approached the bed silently, she noted with some relief that Cassi was still fast asleep.  Her sister hardly even moved when Clarke slipped into bed, settling under the covers and trying to relax into slumber herself.  

Tomorrow would be another long day.

* * *

 

The Arkadia Unity Day Festival, celebrated every fall to mark the occasion of the town's founding, had been one of those postcard moments about the town that had drawn the Griffins to move there nearly ten years ago.  Along with the school district.  And the huge house.  And the perfect hospital position for her mother.

But still, one of the things.

Clarke liked it too, because the organizers did a fantastic job every year.  There were always carnival games to play, local art and craft vendors selling their wares, a lot of delicious festival food and live entertainment all leading up to the Unity Day Pageant.  Every year,  conscripted kids in Cole's age range would put on the same little play, a task overseen by the mayor's office.  Townsfolk could sign up their children to participate, but Abby had learned a year after moving there that the Pageant was a nightmare of politicking behind the scenes and refused to sign up any of her children.  The end result was always pretty nice though, and usually immediately followed by a free concert with local bands.

And this year, they would be enjoying it with a lot more folks.  Clarke felt like everyone she knew in town was with them this afternoon.  They had wandered through the festival at a leisurely pace as people arrived in their own time, enjoying the sights.   Now, she was sitting with Raven and Cam on the blankets they'd spread around, saving the group's place on the hill to watch the entertainment while everyone else stood in the concession lines.  

From where she was sitting, she could see the Kanes chatting amiably with Bryan and Miller while in line for Mexican food.  The guys had asked about their adoption experience and both Callie and Marcus were happy to talk about it while Maddie swung from her parents' arms.  Meanwhile, Cassi stood in the Mediterranean food truck line with Luna, hoping to get the vegetarian platter they'd overheard someone rave about, accompanied by Lincoln, Octavia and Wells.  Charlie had disappeared when he found one of his friends from robotics club in the crowd, with Clarke's permission, leaving the rest of the crew - Bellamy, Cole, Murphy, Ethan, Harper, Monty, Jasper and Maya - to get enough food for the rest of them.

"At least it's a nice day," Raven commented, holding up a hand to block the sun from her eyes as she surveyed the stage in the distance, even though she was wearing sunglasses.

"One last burst of summer," Clarke agreed, fishing out Cam's cuppie of juice from his bag for him.  He gave her a thankful grin in response before jamming the green and yellow cup towards his mouth.

"Did you do that matching thing on purpose?" Raven wondered, nodding at Cam's shirt and then waving to Clarke's.

She laughed in response, shaking her head.  "No, total accident."  Once again, somehow everyone in the house had independently decided to wear the same color, this time red.  She'd pulled her red Spiderman t-shirt from the drawer when she found out it was going to be sunny out, only to find that Cassi had decided to wear a ruby red tee with thin white stripes when they met in the hallway.  At breakfast, she'd grinned to find Bellamy wearing his garnet-colored t-shirt that she thought looked fantastic on him, Cole wearing his Iron Man chest shirt, Charlie in his Alabama Crimson Tide football shirt and Cam in an adorable little scarlet t-shirt with a puppy version of Cerberus decorating the front.

"That is an awesome shirt, though," Raven complimented the toddler, holding up a hand for a high-five.

Cam smacked it loudly, pulling his cup from his mouth to grin at Raven and then offer it to her.

"Oh, no thanks, that juice is all for you."  

Clarke smiled at Cam's generosity.  "That was very nice of you though, little man," she complimented.  He paid very little attention to the praise, already distracted by his measuring cups which she set down next to him.

"You seem a little more comfortable around the kids lately.  Ethan's influence?" Clarke asked her friend slyly.

Rolling her eyes, Raven sat back on her hands.  "If all kids were like Ethan, yeah, I'd probably like them all better," she replied.  "That kid is crazy smart and really sweet."

"He's over the moon about you being with his dad."  Clarke snorted.  "It's making Cole completely jealous too."

"All we hear from Ethan is how Cole won't shut up about his new friend Ellie, actually," Raven retorted, though she had a grin on her face.

"Aww, our boys are jealous of each other," she replied, putting a hand over her heart.

Raven laughed, then nodded.  "They're both smart, so of course they both know each other's weaknesses.  I just hope the spat doesn't last too long.  They're such good buddies."

"I'm sure it won't.  Ellie isn't an everyday person in Cole's life; she goes to the Sykes Academy."  She eyed her friend.  "Are you an everyday part of Ethan's life at this point?"

"Wow, way to be subtle."  Raven reached over to pull  bottle of water out of the cooler for herself.  "But no, I don't see them everyday.  Right now, I'm over there a couple of times a week and Murphy's at my place a few times a week, but without Ethan."

Clarke froze mid-stretch as she looked for a water bottle of her own.  "Oh my god, I'm so jealous."

"What?  Why?  You live with your boyfriend."

"Oh, yeah, sure, I do, but the kids, and by kids I mean Charlie and Cassi, hate that we're together, so we have to tiptoe around them, literally.  Not to mention my work schedule is ass.  We haven't even gone on a real date yet and you're getting laid five times a week?"

"I didn't say I was getting laid five times a week," Raven denied, opening her bottle with an annoyed gesture.  "Yes, when Murphy's at my place, we have sex, but we never had sex at his place."

Clarke blinked, suddenly mindful of Cam's presence.  "What?  And let's not use the S-E-X word, I don't want him to repeat it."

Raven rolled her eyes in annoyance but nodded her acknowledgement of the banned word.  "Yeah okay, I won't say it, but he's basically a prude at his own apartment.  He's so worried that Ethan is going to hear or walk in on something, he won't do anything at all.  He barely even kisses me if Ethan's around."

"Well, that's why you wait until Ethan's asleep…"

"Oh, that was the first time I stayed over!  Ethan's already in bed, completely asleep and then we go to bed and he's like, nope, nada, not going to do it, because Ethan _might_ wake up and need something."  

Clarke shook her head.  "But this is the same man who you slept with _twice_ in my house, when it was filled with even more kids, including his son?

"Right?!" Raven agreed, waving a hand.  "I don't know, I guess he figured Ethan was sufficiently distracted then, but whatever, he completely shuts that stuff down around his son."  She snorted.  "It's not like I'm advocating putting on a performance or anything, but come on."

As much as she was having trouble reconciling her image of Murphy with a man who refused to have sex in his own home, Clarke could also somewhat see his reasoning.  She took a sip of her water to give her time to organize her thoughts.  "Okay," she began.  "I hear what you're saying, and I get it.  It doesn't make a whole lot of sense.  But you're also the first real relationship I think he's ever had and he's basically navigating in new territory at the same time he's raising a kid.  I think he just needs time to adjust, to get used to all the different parts of his life colliding, maybe?  And it's not like you're not uh, together in that way, and regularly too, just not at his place, and maybe he could use a break from that, because really, five times a week?"

Clarke figured it was a function of both a demanding job and having four children that having sex five times a week just sounded tiring.

Raven just stared at her in response.  "First, yes, five times a week is not crazy.  Second, don't tell me you're not indulging that often when you live-"

"Oh, I am so not!" Clarke denied.  "Bell and I, well, the kids are waging a campaign against us being together.  So while yes, we've done it a few times, mostly what I want to do with him right now is sleep with him, as in sleep, in a bed with him and wake up with him, and I can't, because Cassi crawls into bed with me each night."

"I think, maybe, they just need time to adjust," Raven responded with her own advice and a smile that was all saintly vindictiveness.

"Yeah, well, I know.  I'm just griping about it," Clarke retorted, sticking out her tongue.  But they both laughed a moment later.

"How'd we get here?"  Raven asked.

"Talking about how to maintain a healthy intimate life when you have kids?  Yeah, not where I saw us last year."

Raven didn't say anything right away, keeping her attention on the stage in the distance.  When she did speak, her voice was soft and low.  "I'm kind of happy though."

Clarke smiled and gave her a reassuring nod.  "Yeah.  Me too," she agreed, stretching to grab Cam before he wandered off.  Just  as she settled him in her lap and started to stack his cups with him, they heard Ethan's voice.  Turning, they saw the boy hurrying over with a large cup of fries, which he offered to Raven immediately when he stopped at the edge of the blanket.  

"These are for you!"

"Hey there, how's my favorite Murphling?" Raven greeted Ethan, taking the fries from him and inviting him to sit with them.  "Thank you for bringing this to me."

"You're welcome!" Ethan enthused as he flopped to a seat next to her.  Clarke exchanged a grin with a friend, then leaned to look around them and see the rest of the group coming to join them.  

Before she quite realized it, Clarke was surrounded by family, friends and food.  Bellamy sat next to her, Cam now in his lap as he tried to coax the toddler to eat some of the batter-dipped vegetables.  With a wrinkle of his nose, he refused the carrot that had been dipped in the sauce, but ate the broccoli without too much fuss.

Murphy and Raven were taking turns trying to steal each other's food, with Ethan happily between them eating some chicken fingers.  Cole had commandeered Maya's attention again, to Jasper's annoyance, until he began talking about the Marvel movies, at which point the pharmacist entered the conversation eagerly.  Callie and Luna were talking about sustainable fish farming while Lincoln and Marcus were listening with interest at Miller's description of the plans for the house he and Bryan had decided to build.  

When Maddie wandered over with a tortilla chip, she offered it to Cam.  He took it eagerly, though he did little more than suck on a corner, and Bellamy was quick to offer her a vegetable in exchange.  She toted this back to her mother, sitting down heavily before tasting the batter covered carrot.  

"I think she likes it," Callie mentioned with a smile.

"Hrm, maybe I'll make something like it in the future," Bellamy offered, watching Cam reach for a zucchini stick.

"You should eat your sandwich before it gets cold," Clarke told him, knocking his shoulder affectionately.

"Hot or cold doesn't really affect the taste of this stuff," he replied with a shrug.  "I want to make sure Cam's full before I eat."

"Hey, the Pageant's gonna start," Cassi pointed out and several heads turned in the direction of the stage.

"I can't believe they still put this on. It's not even remotely true and you can tell most of the kids just don't want to be there," Monty said with a shake of his head.

"I think it's an important tradition, even if it's not historically accurate.  It's talking about the coming together of the town's founders and living together in peace, and those are good themes," Kane disagreed.  "Besides, if you think this is bad, just think of how bad whatever it is someone from the mayor's office would think of to replace it."

Harper laughed and nodded.  "Right.  At least you know what you're getting with this thing."

"I heard good things about the bands," Lincoln offered, picking up the second half of his sandwich.  

"That's at least something to look forward to," Jasper agreed, reaching for some fries on Maya's plate.

Clarke finally managed to get Bellamy to eat something, and when none of the kids were looking, pressed a kiss to his cheek.  "Tired?" she wondered quietly, keeping her mouth close to his ear so he could hear her.

"Yeah," he admitted, glancing at her with a small smile.  "Even though all we did is just walk around a little, I'm wiped out.  I'm just glad that Cam hasn't had a meltdown despite the lack of a real nap."

"I'm sure we're due," Clarke agreed.  "I'm thinking we pack it in after the first band plays?  I want to get Cam and Cole into bed at a decent hour tonight."  As she fished out her phone to text Charlie and let him know what time he had to meet them at the car, she added, "I like that t-shirt on you."

"Oh?" When she peeked up at him, Bellamy was smirking at her.  "Did you realize we're all wearing red?"

"I'll note that I only dressed myself today.  Someone dressed himself and Cam and is far more responsible than I am," she teased.  "I don't remember that Cerberus shirt in his drawer either."

He chuckled, dropping his head.  "Yeah, I saw it on a website about a month ago.  Thought I might be too old to pull it off."

"I'm pretty sure you can pull anything off."

"Wow.  You're just...smitten with me, aren't you?"

Clarke's eyes went wide and she began to reply when he leaned in to give her a kiss, hand curling around the back of her neck to hold her in place.  As if she'd pull back.  His lips were gentle and he tasted a little like the chicken sandwich he'd just eaten, but like all the other kisses they'd given each other, this one made her heart swell.

Mindful they were in public, they kept the kiss short, grinning at each other as they pulled apart.  Clarke cleared her throat and reached for her water, glancing around to see who might've been paying attention when she spied Cassi watch them with a flat, unhappy expression on her face.  

With a sigh, Clarke acknowledged that as nice as the moment had been, there was still a long way to go.  But she caught Bellamy's eye and his understanding nod, along with a soft smile, and his message was clear.

They would get through it.  

* * *

When her next day off rolled around on Thursday, Clarke decided that she wasn't going to spend the morning in bed.  As lovely as it could be, it always threw her day a little off.  Instead, she got up when Cassi did, had breakfast with the kids before they went to school and even greeted Callie at the door when she dropped off Maddie.

"Are you sure you wouldn't rather sleep?" Bellamy asked after making sure Maddie was settled in the family room, playing with the barn set that was a particular favorite.  

"Well, yes, I'd rather, but I shouldn't," Clarke replied, leaning against the arm of the couch.  "I'm going to do some laundry, real laundry, not just a single load to get me through a few days and then I want to make some appointments."

He looked askance at her until she explained.  "We've talked about it before, about what would happen to the kids if something would happen with me, and you said you'd be willing to serve as guardian.  I hoping that's still true," she half-joked.

"Of course it is," he answered soberly, glancing at Cam who was busy talking through his building of ...something with Duplo blocks.  "I'm here for them, you know that."

"Well, I gotta put that in writing, you know?  So I want to make an appointment with Thelonius and also the accountant, since I'm thinking the insurance money would go to the trust but custody would go to you."

Bellamy walked over to lean on the couch next to her.  "Sure.  I don't care about the money, you know that."

"Well, not that you wouldn't have access to it.  I think I want to make you and Marcus and Callie co-trustees, so there's always at least a couple of people looking at it."

He nodded sagely, intertwining their fingers.  "Yeah, I get it.  If the lawyer thinks it's a good idea too, I'm totally on board.  Not that I want to think about it, but, yeah, I get the planning."  

Clarke nodded, taking a deep breath.  "I'll feel better about it, if it's all in writing and official.  Not that I think you'll have a lot of people fighting you for control, but-"

"This way the state doesn't have to get involved," he agreed.  "Yeah, you don't want to have to put them through even a temporary trip in the foster system."   He looked over at the kids, dropping her hand quickly and jerking forward.  "No, Mads, no no no."

She turned to find Maddie curiously poking around where all the wires to the entertainment center were converging on a power strip.  Bellamy caught the little girl in time and crouched down to her level.  "Those aren't toys, Mads.  You've got lots of toys here to play with.  Why don't we see what Cam's doing, huh?  Want to help him build?"

Clarke traded smiles with Bellamy before heading upstairs to get her laundry started.  As much as Charlie and Cassi weren't happy about her dating Bellamy, she knew they wouldn't mind him being their guardian if something happened to her.  They'd both liked him without reservation before they got together romantically and it would give them something that was the same after yet another upheaval.  

She pulled the first load into the laundry room, still musing over the situation, while beginning the process of sorting and checking all the pockets of the clothes so she didn't accidentally wash her ID badge again.  On the third pair of pants, she pulled out a folded piece of paper which was Cole's latest letter to their parents.  

Pausing in her sorting, Clarke eyed the letter dolefully.  Although her older siblings appeared more affected by their parents' death, she knew that Cole felt their absence just as keenly.  He just wasn't taking it out on Clarke or Bellamy.  

Blinking as the thought occurred to her, she turned the note in her hand.  Maybe that was the way to get through to her siblings.

As soon as the first load was in the washer, she hurried downstairs to find Bellamy on the floor of the family room, reading to Maddie and Cam.  She was hanging over his one arm, watching with interest as he pointed out each word as he said it while Cam pretended to read one of the hard books on his own, flipping the pages quickly.

Bellamy looked up as soon as she walked into the room.  "Something wrong?" he asked her.

"No.  Just thinking.  You said you had to go grocery shopping, right?"

"Yeah," he confirmed.

"Belly, read, please," Maddie whined, trying to turn his head and attention back to the book.

"Just a sec, Mads," he assured with a smile.  It seemed to have the same devastating effect on the three year-old as it did grown women, because she twittered and settled down.

"So," Clarke continued, around the huge grin that had bloomed on her face.  "Why don't you go when we put them down for their nap?  By the time you're done, you can swing by to pick up Ethan at his school and you won't have to run home, because I'll still be here with them to receive the other two."

"It's Thursday.  Charlie shouldn't be back 'til later, he's got Robotics."

"No, he said something at breakfast.  No Robotics this week."

"Huh, must've missed it."

"I think that's when you were cleaning up Cam's creative reinterpretation of cream of wheat with strawberries," she conceded with a chuckle.  The first attempt at feeding the toddler had ended up on the floor.

"Okay."  Bellamy smiled.  "I'll take your word for it.  Are you sure?  I mean, it won't take me as long if I don't have the littles with me, so it'd be a big help."

"Yep, I'm sure.  Won't be a problem." Clarke chuckled again when Maddie lost patience in waiting and demanded he begin reading once more.  "I won't interrupt again," she promised with a twinkle in her eye as she headed for the stairs.

"Sorry, Clarke, Mads is clearly the priority here," he called after her around a laugh of his own.

Which is how she ended up greeting the kids when they get home from school and asking Cole if he can keep an eye on Maddie and Cam in the family room, where they were watching an episode of Sesame Street.  Surprised at being asked, he quickly agreed, promising to take good care of them while Clarke led the older two into the living room.

Both of them sat on the couch there with nearly identical expressions of annoyance, dropping their book bags by their feet.  "Hey, you know, if this is about Bellamy," Charlie began, trying to cut her off.

"This is, and this is also where I talk and you two listen.  There will be time for you talking later," Clarke informed him crisply as she stood in front of them

Cassi huffed and crossed her arms in front of her while Charlie rolled his eyes but they stayed quiet.

"I want you both to know that I'm arranging for my will to be drawn up and some guardianship papers to be drawn up that is going to name Bellamy your guardian if something happens to me.  I don't think anything will," she quickly added when she saw both of them begin to react in alarm.  "But we all know bad things happen and it's important to have a plan just in case."

"That's it?  You're so into him you're going to give him us?" Charlie spit out.

"No, I'm not giving you to him.  I'm naming him the designated guardian if something happens to me because you're not going to get custody of anyone until you're eighteen, minimum," she retorted, that answer already at the ready.

Cassi's eyes filled with tears.  "But-"

"No," Clarke cut her off.  "This isn't a discussion.  I'm just letting you know what would happen.  Now, before I told you both that I was going to start seeing Bellamy, you two were perfectly happy with him here.  You eat like kings, he takes care of everything you guys need, and he's way more permissive with you than I would be, so I know your protests are _not_ about Bellamy, they're about me and they're about Mom and Dad.  But Mom and Dad...they're why I love him."

"This isn't about Mom and Dad," Charlie denied.  "I think he's just using you-"

"I'm not done," she told him before continuing.

"I understand why you guys aren't happy that I'm with Bellamy.  But I need you to understand why I'm with him, in the hopes that you'll understand that I love him.  He came here originally for you guys.  You need him and I need him to take care of you.  I can't quit my job, because I'm not trained to do anything else, but my job takes a lot of time.

"But over time, I realized that apart from needing him, I wanted him too, like a boyfriend.  And the reason why is because I don't feel like the weight of everything and everyone is on me when I'm with him. Because there's someone else out there who cares about you guys as much as I care about you. Because he would do anything for you, like I would.  He's the only person I trust in this whole world with you guys.

"And even apart from all that, I still like things about him that are just about me.  We have interesting conversations.  When I'm with him, I feel like me again, like the me I was before our parents died."

Cassi's eyes started leaking tears, which she wiped away with an angry jerk of her hand.  Charlie, meanwhile, had slumped back into the couch, nearly glaring at Clarke while she spoke.  But she didn't let any of that deter her.

"He knows how and why I'm trying to raise you like Mom and Dad would and together, we're trying hard to make sure what Mom and Dad wanted for you guys stays true.  To be in this house, in this school district.  Where you weren't worried about things like after school jobs, or a lot of chores so you can focus on school and just being kids.  They gave me that kind of life too, and that's what I want for you too.  I'm working so hard to give that to you, and Bellamy is too, because he wants to honor them.  We're not trying to replace them, just do what we think they would do.  The fact that we fell in love is just..well, that's something for us."

She turned to her sister.  "And yeah, maybe we look like we're mimicking what Mom and Dad had, with Dad working at home and Mom at the hospital all the time.  But you know, what Mom and Dad had really was love, and a partnership that worked, and over all of it, they had this love for us and so yeah, maybe we are doing what they did, but it's the best thing.  For us and for you guys.  But we're not trying to _be_ them.  We're just trying to be there for you like they were and be there for each other like they were."

Clarke sat on the armchair, sighing, letting out all the tension she'd been holding in her frame.  "Honestly, that's all Mom and Dad wanted for me, you know.  I was already out of school and a success as a doctor and the only thing left they hoped for me was to find someone I could love and who loved me like they loved each other.  So can you give me that?  Can you both give me that?" she asked, looking from one to the other.  "You can feel any way you want to about this, but please, stop making me feel bad because I love someone who is good to you and is good for you and for me.  Okay?"

Charlie's expression remained shuttered, but he nodded in response to her question.  "Yeah, okay," he muttered.  "I...if he ever…"

"You're still my brother and you're still going to be protective of me," Clarke agreed with a small smile, reaching out to touch his arm.  "I get that.  He gets that too."

"Okay," he answered gruffly before getting to his feet, grabbing his bag and fleeing.  Clarke turned her attention to Cassi, who was sniffling and crying.  Grabbing the box of tissues from behind the couch, she moved to sit next to her little sister and put an arm around her.

"How about you?  Do you get it now?  We're not trying to replace them.  We're just trying to do everything they would for you and in the course of doing that, fell in love.  That's all, I promise."

Cassi took one of the tissues, wiping at her eyes.  "Are you...are you going to go away on trips, just the two of you?" she asked, sounding so small, so like the six year-old version of    herself that Clarke just had to hug her.

Nor was it lost on Clarke what, exactly, Cassi was asking.  Their parents had died on just such a trip.  Even before she admitted her feelings for Bellamy, she knew she wouldn't be able to leave them on any kind of trip for quite possibly years, if only to spare them the anxiety of it all.

"No, we're not, not for a long time.  I am not comfortable leaving you guys yet.  I hate going on overnights, but the only reason I can even do that is because I know Bellamy is here with you.  There's no one I trust with you guys except him."  She rubbed the girl's arm comfortingly.  

"And you're not going to have your own kids?" Cassi continued, looking at her with tear-reddened eyes.

She carefully wiped one last tear off of her sister's cheek.  "Not for a long time," she repeated.   "Bellamy and I aren't getting married yet.  We just started seeing each other, that's it.  All we have right now is that we love each other and we'd like to spend more time together.  We've got our hands full with all of you guys.  You totally have all our of attention, I promise."

"What about Cam?  What if Cam calls him Daddy?" Cassi whispered tensely.

Clarke sighed.  "I don't know, sweetie.  We're not trying to get him to do that.  How about we cross that bridge when we come to it?"

Cassi bit her lip, her brown eyes searching Clarke's face, but she nodded.  "Okay."

With a palpable sense of relief, Clarke hugged her again.  "You know, you can always talk to me about how you're feeling.  About me, about Bellamy, about anything.  We're never going to yell at you for your feelings," she promised.  

They sat there, hugging and talking quietly, for a short time, until they heard the garage door open.  

"That'll be Bellamy with Ethan and the groceries.  Why don't you get started on your homework while I help him get everything else settled?" Clarke suggested, pressing a kiss to the top of her sister's head and then watching her face carefully.

Cassi just nodded a little and got up, pulling her bookbag over her shoulder.  "What's for dinner?" she wondered.

"Um, brisket's in the crockpot, but I know he's making something else for you that you'll like," Clarke replied, getting to her feet.  "We'll call you when everything's ready."

As Cassi disappeared upstairs and Clarke walked back into the family room, she felt like she had reached a new, real understanding with the kids.  As Cole bounced up to tell her everything the little ones had done in her absence, she smiled.

"Thanks Cole, you've been a big help today.  Do you have any homework you need to get started on?"

Soon, she was supervising both Ethan and Cole at the kitchen table as they worked on school assignments, while keeping an eye on Maddie and Cam in the family room until Marcus came by to pick her up.  Bellamy kept busy, first putting away groceries and then preparing the rest of the dinner.  As usual, he made a ton of food, so much so that Clarke tried to invite Murphy and Ethan to stay for dinner.  They declined, with Murphy admitting that Raven was expecting them at home and so it was just the six of them at the dinner table.

While everyone was busy helping themselves to the brisket, roast potatoes and carrots, salad and biscuits, Clarke took a moment to appreciate what they had. To her right sat Cam in his high chair, beginning to figure out how to use his blunt plastic fork to get his food to his mouth.  To her left sat Charlie, who had put at least a quarter of the meat on his plate.  Across from her sat Cassi, who was politely thanking Bellamy for making her a separate tuna steak.

"I don't know if I can finish all of this though," she complained.

"I figure you can eat half.  Whatever you don't eat, I can put in a salad for your lunch tomorrow," Bellamy offered from his place next to her as he spooned some of the roasted vegetables onto Cole's plate for him at the head of the table.

"I don't want any carrots," the eight year-old complained.

"Eat a couple for me, please?" Clarke asked, taking a biscuit for herself.  "Carrots have really important vitamins in them."

Cole sighed the long-suffering sigh of the young and held up two fingers.  "Two," he told her.  "I will eat _two_."

Clarke's eyes met Bellamy's for a second and she nodded, cheeks almost hurting with the effort of restraining her smile.  "Okay, two," she agreed.

Charlie spoke up.  "Sam, Josh and Mackenzie and I are thinking of getting together this weekend.  Can they all come here?"

"What are you going to do?" Bellamy wondered.  "And which day?"

"Saturday.  Just like watch movies, hang out," he replied, shrugging.  "No big deal."

When Bellamy looked at Clarke for her thoughts, she shook her head.  "Up to you.  I'm going to be at work until seven at least, so it's your call."

"What about you, Cas?  You want to do anything on Saturday?"

"I dunno.  Hadn't thought about it yet," Cassi replied before stuffing some salad in her mouth.

Bellamy turned back to Charlie and nodded.  "I don't think it'll be a problem.  Just let me know what time they're going to be here and what kind of food to get you guys."

"We'll be fine with a couple of pizzas," Charlie promised.

The rest of dinner passed like this and before she knew it, she and Bellamy were going through the bedtime routine.  When she closed the door to Cole's room after wishing him a good night, she smiled at Bellamy as he handed Cassi some clean towels for her bathroom.

The girl look from one to the other and then said politely, "Thank you.  Uh, good night."  With no other fuss, she disappeared into her room, shutting the door behind her.

Clarke blinked, then a slow smile spread across her face.  "I think she just gave us her...well, not blessing, but I think the campaign might be over."

Bellamy gave her a grin in return, then came over to hug her from behind.  "See?  Just needed a little time."

"Yeah," she agreed, smiling to herself.  She tilted her up towards him.  "So, think maybe you'd like to sleep in my bed tonight?" she asked, putting her hands on the arms he'd wrapped around her.   "And I mean sleep.  I'm _beat_."  The day had been emotionally taxing, if satisfying.

"Well, of course you are.  You didn't try to catch up on your sleep this morning like normal," he teased, kissing her temple.  "But yes, I would like to sleep in your bed."

She chuckled, head hanging forward before she pulled away.  "Meet you there in ten minutes?"

Bellamy nodded, looking at her with bright eyes.  "Yeah, meet you there."

She curled herself around him shortly thereafter in her comfortable bed, the baby monitor beside them.  "Been dreaming about this," she breathed happily.

"Yeah, me too."  She felt the kiss he pressed to her temple and smiled again.  

"Thank you.  I don't think I could do all this without you," she told him, squeezing him.

"Sure you could," he denied, voice gruff.  "But we can handle it better together."

The feeling of being in his arms, safe and warm in bed, knowing each of the kids was safe, healthy and relatively happy, was better than she imagined it could be.

"Together," she echoed before she drifted off to sleep.

 


	14. Epilogue

 

Clarke opened her eyes, then blinked sleepily as she turned to look at the clock which told her it was not yet seven in the morning.  When she glanced over at Bellamy, she saw him looking around blearily himself.  

"Did you hear something?" he asked, voice foggy with sleep.  His hair was sticking up in a few different directions, a look that she couldn't help but find endearing and, despite the few months they had been together, she still wasn't quite used to. 

Just last week, he had moved into the bedroom with her, ironically making the huge room seem more like hers. But he'd already been spending every night in her bed and it didn't make sense for him to keep his clothes and everything else down the hallway.

Now, though, he looked confused as he glanced at the baby monitor by his side of the bed.  Pushing herself up on an elbow, she eyed the device but nothing sounded over the speaker.  

"I don't know," she admitted, flopping back on the bed with a sigh.  After coming in from work very late the night before, she'd crept into bed, only to find an amorous Bellamy waiting for her and she fell asleep with a smile on her face.  But that was only about four and a half hours earlier and she was still quite tired.

"Go back to sleep," Bellamy coaxed, wrapping an arm around her and curling around her side.  He placed a gentle kiss on her temple, adding, "You should sleep in a while today.  I did a lot of the prep work last night, so I don't even really need a hand to help.  And if I do, I'll ask one of the kids."

"Sounds good," she was quick to agree, closing her eyes and turning onto her side to face him.  "You staying in bed with me sounds better," she added, lifting a leg to hook over his hips.  

"We've got a lot of people coming over.  Don't want to keep them waiting while I'm still cooking," he told her, stroking her back comfortingly.  

"They can wait," she grumped happily.  Clarke always enjoyed these quiet moments in the morning.  Waking up with Bellamy was even better, somehow more comforting than going to sleep with him by her side.  Even when they had to get up, she always liked to steal a few more minutes with him alone together before they had to deal with the day.

Especially a day like today - Thanksgiving.   It had been her mother's favorite holiday, a chance to get the family together, to celebrate and enjoy each other's company without the stress and expense of gifts.  She knew the kids would be on edge today, even though a huge meal was sure to make Charlie happy and Cassi was excited to show off the fancy dress Callie had purchased for her on her birthday.  

"Oh yeah?" Bellamy eased himself closer to her, kissing her nose.  "I should just lay here with you until you decide it's okay for me to get up?"

"Mmm-hmm," she agreed, smiling.  When she opened her eyes, he was grinning back at her.  "Screw 'em.  So what if dinner is late?  No one's starving."

"You are an excellent hostess," he teased.  "Gracious and considerate of her guests."

Before she could reply, the door to the bedroom began to creak as someone opened it slowly.  While Bellamy quickly propped himself up on his elbow to see who it was, Clarke rolled onto her other side.

To her surprise, Cam strode into sight, having somehow climbed out of his crib, opened the door to his room and walked down the hall to their room.  He wore a bright smile and nothing else.  In the past few weeks, he'd made a habit of getting out of his crib and pulling off his diaper in the morning before one of them could get to him and he looked supremely proud of himself at having made it to their room.

She was thankful that they'd put up the new metal baby-gates so he couldn't accidentally fall down the stairs.  Bellamy had done that a couple of months ago, when he noticed that the toddler was beginning to reach the door handles.  That kind of thinking made it easier for her to quiet the fear that might have shot through her at the thought of Cam wandering the upstairs alone. 

So it was easy to comment, "Oh look.  You're wearing matching outfits." 

Bellamy snorted in reply.  "That's my bad?  You wore me out last night, and I fell asleep before I could find wherever you'd thrown my pajamas," he teased.

"Me?  You didn't let me get my t-shirt off," she scoffed.  

Cam ran over to their bed and Clarke scooted over to the side so that she could help him climb in with them.  He crawled into the space between them, snuggling into Clarke.

"I think you have a volunteer for sleeping in with you, so I can get ready for the day," Bellamy replied, leaning over the toddler in an attempt to give her a kiss.

An attempt thwarted by the toddler, who pressed against Bellamy's chest with a hand.  "No, Daddy," he whined.  "My Mommy," he admonished before curling around Clarke's arm.

They exchanged startled looks before both laughing lowly.  "Wow, little man.  You're pretty selfish," Bellamy told him, tickling his side and setting the kid to squirming happily.

As Cam's giggles filled the air, Clarke's smile faded into something more brittle. Typical of Bellamy, he noticed right away.

This was the third time Cam had called him "Daddy."  They in no way encouraged the toddler to call him anything other than "Bell," but he'd decided sometime in the past week that Bellamy was to him what Marcus was to Maddie.  Both of them were reluctant to correct him, just like Clarke had been reluctant to correct him when he'd first called her "Mommy."  Cam deserved to have two people in his life he could trust and rely on like his parents and she knew that Bellamy would happily take on the role of father.  It was just the reaction of the other kids she was worried about.

So far, they'd been lucky, with both previous times also coming when none of the other children were nearby.  But Clarke was petrified of Charlie and especially Cassi's reaction when they heard it for the first time.  And if he did it today, on their first Thanksgiving without their parents, in front of all the guests they had coming, she was sure it would be a disaster.

As she tensed up, Bellamy gave her an understanding look.  "It's okay," he assured her, sitting up.  "So far, he's only said it when he's trying to tell me 'no'.  I'll just do everything he wants today so we can deal with it another day," he offered a weak joke, which was something he did when he was worried but just trying to make her feel better.

"You can't promise me that."

"I can promise you I'll be here if and when he says it and if...okay, when Charlie and Cassi get angry about it.  We'll deal with it together, like we do everything else." 

"Together," she agreed, smiling slightly.  As weak as the reassurance was, since they knew the moment was coming, she still felt better to hear it.

Bellamy nodded and leaned over his side of the bed to grab at his pajama pants.  He pulled them on, then threw back the covers to get to his feet.   Turning around, he held out his arms to Cam.  "Come on, little man.  Let's let Mommy sleep and we can start getting ready for Thanksgiving.  Something tells me you're going to love the turkey."  The toddler had recently become more of a fan of chicken than beef.  

Cam looked from one to the other, then scampered across the bed to Bellamy, who scooped him up.  "First things first though.  Diaper, pants, maybe even a shirt," he told the boy before smacking a kiss to his cheek.  

Clarke watched them both fondly as Bellamy walked around the bed and headed for the door.  This was exactly the kind of life she'd dreamed for herself, an "eventually" she'd wanted since she first got into medical school - a wonderful, caring partner, children, and a place that felt like home.  She might not have gotten it the way she wanted, but she had it and she was going to hold onto it with both hands.

Just as Bellamy reached the doorway, she called out to him, making him pause and turn towards her.

"Hey.  I'm pretty sure I love you," Clarke told him.

He chuckled ruefully, that flush she'd become so familiar with staining his cheeks.  "Never going to let me live that down, huh?"

She shook her head, in love and content.  "I'm pretty sure we're just going to live up to it - together."

Bellamy gave her a wide smile in return.  "Together."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we are at the end. Thank you thank you thank you for taking the time to read this. And especially, super grateful thanks to all who left comments and kudos and bookmarks. You completely helped me get through writing this thing.
> 
> Of course, this wouldn't be here without the faithful work and encouragement of my beta reader, @bfl1201. Thank you so much!
> 
> As you can see, and if you'd like to read more about these guys, this is the first work in a planned series. The next story is how Murphy and Raven got together, which I will begin in September. I also have planned a holiday oneshot featuring Bellarke, as well as follow-up Bellarke story.
> 
> Questions, comments, just want to bug me? Find me on [Tumblr](https://callmehux.tumblr.com/).


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